Linked

Hey, whats with my ex boyfriends wanting me to join their professional network on Linked In?   

Yeah, I have a profile on Linked In.  I use the term profile loosely though.  I have something like half a profile with my name, my most recent library job, and my two schools, but that's it.  Not even a picture.  I updated my profession as recent grad shortly after I graduated, but that's about it.  I don't even know if I changed my city.

But every now and again I get those so-and-so would like to add you to their professional network emails.  After I get a few I log in, accept the request and that's about it.  But the last two were sent within a few days of each other and they were both from ex-boyfriends.  Which struck me as a funny coincidence, considering about a month ago the ex-fiance sent me a request. (Right around the time dr soc and I started ring shopping. Yeah, little awkward).  That was the one request I took care of in a professional time frame though.  I was going to wait a while but then I didn't want to keep getting reminders from him/Linked In, so I logged in rejected his request in a timely fashion. 

Anyway, I just thought it was weird that some of my ex's think I'm worth some sort link on a professional level.

Crazy Girlfriend

You know what's a dangerous rabbit hole to fall down? The bubble of tulle. You know what I kept drifting towards when I missed my boyfriend at the start of our long distance? The bubble of tulle.

Remember may or may not? Tip of the iceberg. I fell down that rabbit hole and didn't even try to get out. Even though I knew it was too soon to be sucked into the tulle vortex, I researched venues, started planning the guest list and thought about my registry.

I admit it was a lapse in sane girlfriend land. I knew perfectly well that even if I was in sane girlfriend territory I'm not any closer to getting a sparkly. And fortunately, I had enough self awareness to know I was doing this because I missed him and stopped cold turkey. I also knew that I was fresh off my dad's diagnosis and wedding planning was a happy distraction. (And also school started so I had other methods of distraction then too)

I did tell dr soc I had gotten a little internet research happy and that I found a venue that I liked. Fortunately he loves me and didn't think I was too insane (I think). Then again, I didn't exactly tell him how far down the crazy path I went either... But even more fortunately, he's a guy and really just has no idea how soul consuming the BOT is (or what the BOT is for that matter, nor does he know what tulle is). Though it may be prudent to check that he hasn't run away screaming and changed the locks after he reads this...

Talky McTalky

I talk. Pretty much all the time too. I have famously said if I am not taking I am only one of two options: extremely tired (not asleep, mind you. I talk there too) or mad as hell.

Granted, I don't know/remember what I even talk about half the time, I just know that I was talking. But believe it or not, I can reach a point where I have nothing left to say. It is entirely possible for me to become "all talked out."

Seriously. And dr soc can attest to this. The first time he met my parents was shortly after I met his. We had had driven close to 6 hours that day and I had been on my A-game all weekend with his parents. Since we were with my parents at the time, I felt that I could relax a little and I was tired. (Plus, I couldn't very well over analyze and rehash every single detail of the parents weekend with him right there anyway)

So. I ran out of things to say.

I realize this, looked over at dr soc and said: "I think I'm all talked out"
His response? "Well sh*t."

Don't worry, I rallied. I wasn't about to hang my boyfriend out to dry leaving him with nothing to talk about except how awesome and accomplished he is. (which probably would have been ok though now that I think about it, because who doesn't want to hear how awesome their daughter's boyfriend is?)

Choke on Cute!

Dr soc and I went to the fair last night and judged people. (Yep. And I scored super high on fair bingo, so that was fun too. In fairness it was my game sheet so I knew what to look for)

But as we were walking up to the entrance gate, he took my hand and then kissed it.
I of course, turn to him and smile hugely because this move without fail makes me melt. We lean in to kiss each other and it was quite the romantic moment.

And then our teeth bumped the others' and we both said "ow!", ruining the romantic.

However, it did add to the levity of the situation, so it was still a win.

Razor Sharp

For our 3rd date, dr soc offered to cook me dinner at his place before we went out that night.

Of course I accepted, but when I did so at the same time I made a mental note: I better shave my legs....

Problem Solved

My driver's side mirror is broken. It has been for a while now, something close to almost 2 years. (Yes. I know that is bad.) The mirror is still there, it's just really cracked. I can still see some stuff with it and I check my blind spot 9 out of 10 times, so it's fine.

So I've made do, and it doesn't bother me. It does however, bother dr soc.

Occasionally I drive (I suspect he drives most of the time so he never has to relinquish control over the music), so when I do, he's in the passenger seat. But he see's my broken mirror and asks "can you see out of that?"
me: yeah. enough.
dr soc: really?
me: yeah. why does it bother you?
dr soc: a little...
me: oh, well, look at that one then. (pointing to passenger mirror) ::snort:: See? Problem solved.

Weight Limit

Dr soc has a cute (and much better behaved than mine) dog. Jules (his) is sweet, friendly and playful, and I really like her. She's black and white and about 20 lbs which is small, but she's a beefy 20 lbs.

Small but beefy. And adorable

Also? She's gassy. That dog can clear a room. I was cat napping through a movie and woke up due to the smell when Jules let one in my lap. In fairness to Jules, not all of them are toxic, but like humans, the quieter they are, the worse they smell. However, the noisier they are, the funnier they are. The other day she was climbing all over me and a long whoopee cushion sound comes out of her butt. Being the mature people that we are, dr soc and I double over and continue to laugh until tears fall from our eyes. Meanwhile, Jules looks between us and smiles, completely unabashed.

So when I say she's 20 lbs, she really is. But I'm pretty sure that at least one of those pounds is gas.

Ode to Coffee

As much as some people love coffee (myself included), just as many others loathe it. And there are plenty of others who have no opinion either way and live without it somehow. Dr soc falls into the last group. He doesn't drink it himself but he doesn't really have an opinion about it either. So he doesn't keep coffee or a way of making it in his house. And why would he really? A girlfriend of mine suggested I get a coffeemaker and the accoutrement for his place. Perhaps he should get me that for my birthday... Though this flies directly in the face of my appliance/practical gift veto...

However, in the morning, I need a cup of coffee. I get a lack of caffeine headache if I don't have any within a few hours of waking up. So when I spend the night over there, I usually have to leave fairly soon after I wake up. Not only so we can both get ready for our days in peace, but also because I'm going to need caffeine soon enough.

He knows this and it's no big deal. He's never once tried to tell me coffee is evil (no it's not, it's actually good for you), that caffeine is a monster (I love that monster. I pet and love and feed that monster) or that it smells great but tastes awful (which is not true because it both smells and tastes like heaven). But once I was just about to leave and I could feel the beginnings of a headache starting to form. Knowing that a headached Sarah is not a happy Sarah, he mentions that he may have some instant stuff if I really need it.

And while it was very sweet of him to try to attend to my plight, the second he mentioned instant I responded with a: "Oh god no!

Hoarders

Dudes, have you watched the show hoarders? That sh*t is f*cked up.

My friends told me about it but I didn't start watching it until recently until one night * with dr soc. We were fascinated, disgusted and drawn in like a moth to a flame. It's now our Monday night date.

The only small caveat is that now dr soc has this little tiny fear that yours truly has the potential of being a hoarder. That is, once he discovered the true nature of my housekeeping. The first time he came over I cleaned for company like you do. But since we always stay at his place, well, I haven't been as meticulous you could say. We were going out of town but before we left I needed to grab something from my room. Not wanting to be left alone with his girlfriend's dad, he followed me upstairs. I quickly warned him he would see the true nature of my room...and now, little scared of the potential hoarding.

Needless to say, my clutter/scatter tendencies are something he teases me about now. So every now and again if the subject of cleaning comes up he'll mention how non-hoarding is a good thing too.
And my mature response is: I do no hoard! I just have a lot of keepsakes. And a need to clutter every sq inch of horizontal surface.

* that same night there was a sneak peak of the show Obsessed which is about OCD, which was equally as horrifying/fascinating. At some point I looked over at him and said" this is the most romantic tv we have ever watched.

Meds

Another reason I like dr soc: he trusts me.

The other morning he watched me take my birth control pill. It's part of my morning routine and he knows that I'm on it, so whatever. He may have good naturally said something along the lines of "phew" or "please don't forget that," but it didn't phase me.

So how does that relate to a trust issue?

Because I then said to him: "can I tell you how nice it is that you don't ask me "did you take your pill" every day?"
He responded with "oh, well, I'm sure I can find something else annoying to ask you about."
Which I'm sure is true and I'll find out eventually what that is. But in seriousness, I told him some of my boyfriends had asked me that question almost every day. And I whenever they did, I thought: give me some credit here.

Think about it dudes, if I'm going to be responsible and proactive about my reproductive rights, what makes you think I'm not going to take it correctly? And on top of that, they only knew the half of it. Sure they knew I had to take it everyday, but they had no idea you need to take it w/in the same time frame every day as well. So if they asked me before the right time and I would say that I hadn't taken it yet, they would flip the fck out. Believe me, I'm going to take the pill correctly because I didn't want to get pregnant either, a lot more so than you.

So when these boyfriends asked me "did you take your pill," to me it meant: I don't trust you.

Found: One Set of Big Girl Pants

I told him I love you. ::eep::
He said them back!
Squee!

There wasn't candle light or a 1000 tulips and neither of us were wearing anything remarkable or memorable. The moment was there, it was right and it was easy.

Though after he said them back, he said he "already knew though."

Waaaaait a second, if he already knew and felt the same way back, why the hell didn't he say anything first?
Eh, semantics. I love him. He loves me.
Life's good.

Blood Sweat and Tears

What an odd day so far.

First, remember when my wallet was stolen? I filed a uk police report so there would be a record of the theft, even though I figured I would never see the wallet or it's contents again. But the other day I received an email saying it had been found and returned to the Johnson Center (the scene of the crime). So I went to the gym today and picked it up, and everything was still in there. Everything as in my driver's license, my school id, all my credit cards, my kroger plus and blockbuster card (even I didn't know I still had one of those) a few old receipts and my bus pass was still taped exactly how I left it. Everything except the bus pass was canceled, invalid or no longer usable, so my bet is that this girl used that for the remainder of the semester because my wallet was "found" *returned* right after the bus pass expired.

Well, anyway I go work out and have a good run. My ipod is on it's last legs but that's another blog. I decided to do the plyo-boxes, and I was on my 3rd or 4th jump of the really tall one when I missed. BAD. My shins hit the edge of the box then slid down the lip of the it. I cried out, caught and held myself up with my arms and then tossed myself into a seated position on the lowest box. I looked at my throbbing, bleeding shins and desperately tried to hold back tears. Blood, sweat and tears never seemed more appropriate.

Other than my pride being mortally wounded, I'll heal soon enough. So I ease my way to the bus stop and figure I have about 10 minutes before it comes. I then proceed to wait 50 minutes in the blazing sun for it. A lady bug tried to crawl up my shorts, and I really really needed lunch too. I'm bleeding and in pain, I'm tired and hot, hungry and not in the mood to bug swat my pelvic region. So I texted/vented my frustration to dr soc that I couldn't decide if I was going to stab or cry.

Shortly after receiving that, he called to check up on me and make sure I was ok. Which really helped defuse my frustration and made me feel a lot better. And even though my legs and pride have seen better days, I'm pretty touched and happy that I have a boyfriend who cares.

Three Little Words

I really want to say those 3 little words. But what if I don't hear them back?
So I'm waiting for him to say them first.

Part of me is saying: wait it out, don't make yourself that vulnerable.

And the other part is saying put on the big girl pants and just tell him. I know he cares, trusts me, likes me a whole lot and is falling too. Maybe he's in the exact same place as me and is waiting for me to say it.

But then there's the whole issue of when is the right time to say them? They certainly don't count before, during or after sx. But how far before and how long after? And it doesn't count if both or either of us are drunk. But what about a glass of wine to lower the inhibitions? (a glass of wine makes me tipsy people. Yes. I know) And it doesn't have to be this huge declaration for the whole world to hear or a big production elaborately set up with candle light and rose petals (though I would like to be looking pretty if it happens). But it's still a moment you know?

I've had to catch myself a few times and bit my tongue as well. I think he knows I'm doing that too because we all know I chatter like a monkey. I have a feeling it's just going to slip out and I'm going to turn bright red when I realize what I did. And still, what if he doesn't say it back? I don't want another now what? moment with him.

I'm All Ears

So get this: dr soc listens. And not only does he listen to all the babble that spills out of my mouth, he remembers it too.

I mean really? Who does that? Certainly not any other guy I've ever dated. (I could say the same thing 100 times and it never sunk in. Which was a blessing and a curse because I could pull the "I told you this already card" and guilt would take over from there, but also I was disappointed when I hinted I wanted someone to throw me a birthday party and instead they scheduled an extra band practice)

But when I realized dr soc listened, I told him that really only about 30% of what I say is actually important. Everything else is just fluff (or judging which he does not find endearing).

And to prove my point, the other night we're out with my friends, and one of my girlfriends tells her husband that "he isn't married to Sarah so he can't pretend to listen (like he did to her)."

And I pipe in with a "he listens!" and point to dr soc.

To which dr soc says: "didn't you say though that only 30% is important?"

See what I mean? Crap, I'm going to have to find more things to talk about now!

Stages

There are apparently 5 to 7 different stages of dating, depending on which google search link you choose. But I happen to know of only a few different stages, because I have reached these w/dr soc:

1. The airport stage: yep, he was going to pick me up from the airport when I got back from Napa. Except that my connecting flight was late and I missed my flight home by 20 minutes, so I ended up catching the first flight out the next morning and my mom picked me up from that plane ride foiling our first airport pick up stage. Airport stage: check!
2. The holiday stage: we had a Sunday night date and it happened to be Easter evening. When he said it was an Easter date I said "hey look at that, we're already spending the holiday's together!" And we'll be spending the 4th of July together as well, which the best holiday ever. So holidays, check!
3. The meeting friend/family stage: he has met my sister and few of my closest friends all who approve. I've met some of his friends/coworkers (no idea if they approve of me but maybe those things don't mater to him). And oh yeah, we've met each other's parents. (remember my big girl pants search 2 weeks ago?) I'm meeting more of his family in another month at a family wedding. Meeting friends and family stage: check-ish!
4. And the appliance stage: while an indicator of how solid the relationship is, I do not approve of the appliance/practical gift stage until the 2nd gift giving opportunity after 2 full years of marriage. There was talk of getting me a collapsible crate for Bailey for my birthday, but I sorta already bought that and keep it at his place.... So we'll see when July rolls around what gift he presents (it better not be heart shaped jewelry either. I'm not 15). Appliance stage: no check (yet/maybe/we'll see).

The Widom of Age

At 17, I knew my boyfriend wasn't forever.

Pretty mature for a 17 year old if I do say so for myself. I knew college was my chance to leave Lexington and come hell or high water, I was going and I wasn't staying in town for anyone. Not even a boyfriend. (Eventually I came home and I'm happy about that. But I had to choose to live here as an adult for it to be the best decision for me.)

However, a few months later when I was 18 and had a new boyfriend in college, clearly, that was totally forever. Cause you know, I had the wisdom of age on my side.

Snort.

Lets just say that didn't work out either.

Parent's Weekend

As we know, I visited dr soc's parent's this weekend. And I figured that since I was meeting his parents, then he should meet mine when we get back in town. Tit for tit and all that (Jim: thaaaat's not how the saying goes... Dwight K Shrute: Well it should. That's an Office bit for those of you who think I've got my adages wrong). Also, since we were going to be in the same area as Life In Cleveland, we arranged to meet up with them for a bit as well.

All went well. Frankly I'm too tired right now to give that many details. A lot of being on my a-game and best behavior. A lot of getting to know you conversations and some long drives and heavy food. I think everyone's just worn a bit out.

But his parent's like me. (they told him so) My parent's like him. (they told me so when we talked about him as soon as he went to the bathroom) My friends think he seems nice. And all of this makes me happy. Because he makes me really happy.

So now... with the parents milestone passed, I guess we just keep being happy. And we're doing so holding hands.

Check!

I have 21 things on my husband checklist. Sixteen on the boyfriend checklist in addition to the husband checklist.

Dr Soc has 19 of the husband. All 16 of the boyfriend. Seriously.

So he's doesn't make the most fabulous pancakes (they are by no means bad, they just aren't the most fabulous). Having his PhD greatly outranks my "college degree highly encouraged." And he can't parallel park very well (neither can I). So we'll pay for valet in the direst of circumstances.

And you know, I created those checklists in the midst of grieving over my broken engagement. The husband one for sure. I just wanted someone who was not my ex, and I wanted an upgrade along with it. So while the lists were originally in fun and cathartic, they should be taken with a grain of salt.

But hey, 35 out of a total of 37? And he exceeds expectations in other areas. Is this too good to be true? No. Because I believe that I'm worth it. And he is too. Perhaps I shouldn't be too boastful, because pride comes before the fall. But I have a good thing. And I'm really, really happy about that.

Boyfriend

I have a boyfriend!

Yeah, I think of dr soc* as my boyfriend. I don't know if we're using the titles per say, like this is my boyfriend/girlfriend, and I don't know if he thinks of me actually as his girlfriend. (plus I don't know if I think of myself as a girlfriend yet. Wait, why is it not reciprocal?) But I know he intends to see me for at least the next few months because we've made plans through the summer, and he doesn't want to see anyone else but me for that matter either. (He did say "I love you" the other night, but it was during sex, so clearly, that doesn't count) But he does like me, and I know that because he told me so, without promoting or in response or during ya know. So... that works.

You know, I haven't had a boyfriend in..... almost 3 years. My fiancé was my last boyfriend, that is until he became the fiancé. Eventually after him I started seeing the library guy, but he and I were never anything serious. I don't even know what to call us. Oh. Wait. Yes I do. ::snort:: yeah. Not a boyfriend. And then there was the default crush, but obviously nothing panned out there (being that he wigged) Which was an odd blessing in disguise, because now I have a boyfriend who I just think is so squee and smart and funny and hot and just freaking awesome.

While I really like saying/thinking I have a boyfriend, doesn't it sound a just a little young? But what else can I really say with the same status? Significant other? Manfriend? The guy I'm seeing exclusively? Yeah, those all sound... stupid.

So: I have a boyfriend!

* I will probably still refer to him as dr soc rather than boyfriend in blog-speak. Because that's easier and I think the name is funny and cute and unmistakeably him.

added 5/9/10: yep, he's definitely my boyfriend. Just as I'm definitely his girlfriend. We had this talk last night. There's no ambiguity there, we had the talk and used the titles and everything now.

Bluuuue Christmas Without You

I get why they say it's tough being single during the holidays.

Ever since I started dating, I've always managed to have a boyfriend (or someone I was seeing regularly) around the holidays. (I always seemed to be dating them over their birthday too, but no one was ever around my birthday it seemed) Since I never seemed to be in the single position at Christmas, I never fully grasped how difficult the holidays can be for some.

Even the one Christmas I didn't have a boyfriend, the year before my ex wasn't that bad. It was a sort of reprieve. After years of racking my brain for the just right gift that says everything but at the same time not too much, only to break up a few months later, well, that was a welcome break.

But that was a different single, I knew it was a blip. Now it's oh crap is this status quo? Do I have to give X amount of single holiday's to make up for the coupled ones? That doesn't seem fair. (such is life though) What about the people that have had single Christmases for years, is it their turn now? Are there even turns?

I'll be frank, last year's Christmas sucked. Beyond all sorts of reason, it sucked. Because I was single and two months out of breaking the engagement. So while this year's single isn't nearly as bad (or raw and gaping and painful), it isn't exactly doing anything to bolster my holiday spirit either.

So as much as rolled my eyes, racked my brain for the right gift and carped about the whole ordeal in general, I miss it. I miss it a lot. And I want it back.

I wish Santa was working on that boyfriend from my wish list.