Salty Bedtime

The past month bedtime with the girls has been...challenging. Bedtime routine is supposed to go:
- 7pm -

- Nighttime potty (Girl 1) /nighttime diaper* change (Girl 2)
- Vitamin
- Brush teeth
- Stories
- Kisses/hugs, go to rooms
- Sleep: around 7:30pm 

*We** are also trying to potty train at this time

**mom and dad are, Girl 2 is nope.    

Here's how bedtime routine actually goes:
- 7pm-7:30ish Shit it's bedtime -

- Nighttime potty (Girl 1) /nighttime diaper change (Girl 2)

1: Cajole into performing basic body function of going to the bathroom 

- Vitamin
- Brush teeth

fight over step stool, put toothpastes on tooth brushes. 1: whine/cry "I need help" because bodily function. 2: run giggling with the toothbrush in mouth  

- Stories
- Kisses/hugs, go to rooms

1: You need to go to your bed in your room. No you do not get another story. No it's not time to play with us. What do you want to show me? Yes you can play/listen to your music in your room but do so quietly. Shhh! Shhhh! (nothing is louder than girl 1 trying to be quiet)

- This part has been ALL ME the past month -  

2: Snuggle/rock. Exhaust. Lullaby. Put in bed. Put in bed. Put in bed... Eventually lay down in bed with mommy is snuggling.* Freak out/cry run if mommy inches** away.***  

*uncomfortably laying on the floor and toddler bed

**lay on floor next to bed trying to work out neck kink.

***literally scoot inch by inch towards the door while fighting all the lingering mommy exhaustion from the past month

- Sleep: 10pm or later

Tuesdays I get home from work around 8:30 so it's 100% dr soc/daddy bedtime. Last night went like:  

- 7pm

- Nighttime potty/diaper change

- Vitamin

- Brush teeth

- Stories

- Kisses/hugs, go to rooms

1: Plays fairly quietly in room until I come home and check on her. Thump. Thump. Thump. Honey, you need to whisper and and be still to be quiet. Thump. Thump. Thump. Repeat 17 times (give or take)

2: put in bed and fall asleep in 5 fucking minutes!!!!  

- Sleep: 1 no idea, late and mommy shushed as usual: 2: 7:fucking 30pm. 

I am thrilled all my work and rigmarole got girl 2 to sleep in 5 fucking minutes. But I am also salty as hell she fell asleep in 5 fucking minutes for dr soc.  So glad I made that part of parenting easier for my husband.  So yes, happy overall. But also incredibly salty because fucking hell 5 minutes with no snuggling, rocking, exhausting, parental yoga moves, inching away! What the hell kid?!

Arms Reason

What the ever loving fuck?
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/21/health/florida-legislature-porn-dangerous-but-not-weapons/index.html
Assault riffles are military weapons whose soul purpose is to cause maximum harm and kill. KILL. Bullets fired from these weapons are designed to kill and they mutilate and destroy everything in their proximity. So why the ever loving fuck are these not dangerous according to lawmakers?

Why does anyone need an assault riffle? Honest to god, someone tell me a reason other than it's the 2nd amendment of in the constitution. A lot of things have changed in the past few hundred years since those amendments were created by a rich white male slave owners. And there was an amendment that didn't work either. Remember that whole alcohol was illegal thing? That was the 18th amendment of the Constitution. There were 2 more amendments added (#19: women get to vote! #20: the presidential term starts January 20 at noon) before #21 when white lawmakers said take backsies! on #18 because society was pretty much just a big 'ol mess. So it is possible to make and repeal amendments that reflect the times. Like #13 - lets make this slavery/owning people thing illegal. Or #22 - no one can be elected president more than twice so the same person doesn't stay in power indefinitely (looking at you FDR).

Once again, please give me a reason your right to own an assault riffle usurps the safety of the general public. Why must humanity suffer again and again from the fragility of masculine insecurity? (yes I know there are women who love guns and shooting too, but these mass murderers have been mostly white males) Even if you don't kill people with your assault riffle, does having that tool to kill innocents make you feel better? Does the ability to destroy countless others' sense of safety secure your own? Do you sleep better knowing your right to own a weapon will never replace all of the other lives destroyed by gun violence?

Give me a reason. Give the world a reason. We are owed a fucking reason.

SHOUTING WILL SOLVE THIS

Apparently the assault riffle used in the most recent (fuck, most recent. Let that sink in) school shooting was bought legally. But legal or illegal, why does anyone have an assault riffle in the first place? And why do NRA paid politicians give those same objects assault weapons more rights and protections than humans women and children?

This is the 18th school shooting for 2018. EIGHTEENTH. THIRTY-FIVE DAYS INTO THE YEAR.
I know once you start shouting you have lost your argument, but I don't know what else to do at this moment. This is becoming normal and IT SHOULDN'T BE NORMAL.

Selfishly I think: how do I protect my children? I can save my girl from a ladybug on the playground, but a bullet at school where I'm not? Maybe I should home school the kids so they don't have to be a victim of another (because there will be another) school shooting. Or buy them bullet proof vests with the rest of their school supplies. Do they make those in size 5T? (my girl is tiny-she may be that size by kindergarten) WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THIS?

Why does ANYONE WORRY ABOUT THIS? FIX THIS BULLSHIT.

Why didn't she...?

In the past year alone these are the powerful men who have been accused of sexual assault:
The Hollywood squad:

1. Harvey Weinstein -Hollywood power producer sexually harasses/assaults/rapes women for 30 years
2. Bill Cosby - America's favorite dad serially drugged and raped for (again) years
3. Nate Parker - Upcoming film maker acquitted of rape 
4. Casey Afflect - *sexual harassment settlement from 2010 won the oscar this year  

The Fox "News" (or rapist news network) crowd:

1. Bill O'Reilly - Fox news anchor 
2. Roger Ailes - Fox news founder and CEO (may he rot in hell)
3. Eric Bolling - Fox news host 

The CEO bros:

1. Travis Kalanick - Uber founder and CEO (was forced to resign after fostering toxic work culture) 
2. Antonio Marquis "LA" Reid - Epic Records CEO
3. Bikram Choudhury - famous style yoga guru

The tech industry dudes:

1. Chris Sacca - early investor of Twitter, Uber & Instagram
2. David McClure founder/manager venture capital firm 500 Startups
3. Jason Caldbeck - co-founder/manager of venture capital Binary Capital
4. Mike Cagney Sofi CEO 

And politicians

1. Anthony Weiner - sexting a minor next to his own child, the FBI tossed a red herring so the next slimeball on this list:   
2. Trump - grabbed women by their p*ssy and became president. 

And this is just a list of rich and/or famous douche bags that have been called out, after multiple victims have come forward each time with more and more egregious corroborating stories. This doesn't stop dick pics. Catcalling "should be considered a compliment." About 60% of sexual assaults are even reported, let alone someone being held accountable for a crime. A victim is a victim, no matter the sex, gender identity, race, age, relationship to someone, etc.
So why didn't she tell anyone? What were you wearing? Why are you only now coming forward? Why didn't
Stop.
It's not why didn't they....fill in the blank.
It should be:
Why did the assaulter feel it was their right in the first place?     

Natural Disaster

So Texas drowned, and Florida isn't far behind them.
The Pacific Northwest is on fire, while the North Great Plains are in a drought.

Is there like, a big hose available to connect those places? Send all the extra water from one place to the another place that needs it. Simple right? And if you want an even crazier idea about a natural disasters, maybe we could find a way to harness the hurricane winds for energy and reduce our utter dependence on fossil fuels. Or is humanity just a silly lady idea?

I guess I could just pray* for everything and not actually do anything. And deny**** climate change.****** Because that's what's really helpful.

*and/or claim this is god's punishment for the "gay agenda**" ***
**existing
***devastate everyone for the "sins" of a few? Way to be an asshole there God.  
****at least the human involvement part*****
*****all of it
******it's legit according to science

Wrong

What the ever loving hell is WRONG with the president? That man-child is:

• Stupid
• Ignorant
• Ugly (auto-disqualification for women-attack on looks) 
• Fat (another auto disqualification)
• Has absolutely zero empathy
• Insensitive
• Unaware
• Entitled
• Notoriously thin skinned
• An aggressive bully
• Xenophobe (that's a big word for racist so he might understand)
• Misogynist (another big word for women-hating*)  
• A sexual assaulter**
• A total creepster***
• Narcissistic
• Impulsive 
• Reckless
• Shallow
• A hypocrite

That cheeto is bat. shit. crazy. and has the nuclear codes. We're so fucked.

*except the daughter he'd date****
**but only models
***he called his daughter a piece of ass and would date her. 
****fucking creepster

Not Surprised

I'm not surprised at the tragedy of Charlottesville. 

Angry about it? Yes. 

Disgusted with all things white supremacists? Absolutely. 

Frustratingly sad and overall appalled? You better believe it. 

But surprised? No. 

This powder keg has been on a slow burn since king deplorable announced his candidacy. And I don't think Charlottesville is going to change a thing. There's going to be another rally. There's going to be more injuries. There will probably be more deaths. The orange asshole will condone by refusing to condemn. There will be public outrage. There will definitely be twitter shaming. But change? Probably not. 

That's fucking terrifying 

ASSterisk

Asterisk: noun

noun: asterisk; plural noun: asterisks

1. a symbol (*) used to mark printed or written text, typically as a reference to an annotation or to stand for omitted matter.

ASSterisk: noun

1. exceptions, most likely cherry picked to justify asshole behavior

This is first amendment with Cheeto-in-chief's ASStrericks

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion*, *except the TV ratings gods
or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;* except Islam, Muslims are bad hombres
or abridging the freedom of speech,* *unless you don't agree with Cheeto in chief's "alternative facts."  
or of the press*; *except Twitter. No fake news like CNN, The Washington Post and New York Times allowed either
or the right of the people* *white men and very pretty women 
peaceably to assemble,* *but not in groups larger than inauguration crowds
and to petition* *but not peacefully protest en mass 
the government* *the patriarchy 
for a redress of grievances* *not discrimination in the workplace, sexual assault, unpaid family leave, unequal pay, autonomy of our own bodies.... real issues like hurting Cheeto's feelings

Now onto Amendment 2...

2016 Election Thoughts

I am pretty horrified by the 2016 election results. Actually, scared shit-less is a better description.
I know my husband and I will be okay. We're a white/Asian heterosexual legally recognized married college educated couple. We both have careers and insurance through our employers. But what about my LGBTQ friends? What about my extended family who is uninsured? What about the disabled and all the other same groups of people I don't know? What about my daughter? What the hell kind of world are we leaving her?

A demagogue. A racist. A xenophobe. A misogynist. That. That scares the hell out of me. And it should scare the hell out you too.

And I'm angry. I get that people just hate Clinton, whether it's she's establishment, not your party, don't agree with her record, etc. But you couldn't accept this devil you know is far better (and safer choice) than the devil you don't? And though I vehemently disagree with you, I accept that you have a reason for your choice. But don't defend the demagogue president-elect's rhetoric and behavior. Defending is accepting and allows the stance that anyone who isn't a rich-white-man is less than and doesn't matter as much. And that should be unacceptable behavior for a human being.

And to those of you who assuaged your conscious and voted for a 3rd party or write-in I hope you feel at least some sort of shame too. Because even though you may be happy you didn't didn't vote for either evil, your protest vote was not a vote for Clinton and she needed numbers. And while I know her supporters needed to show up at the polls too, splitting the vote is simple math and helped put that orange asshole into power.  

I proudly voted for Clinton, so I'm dismayed at the election results. And for a small bit of levity for this terrified post, I'm also pretty disappointed there won't be a taco truck on every corner either.  

Cat House

I try to run a tight leash when it comes to the dog. I watched enough dog whisperer pre-Bailey to know my dog had to respect me if I wanted to have any type of control over it. Then we paid a hefty penny for hard core training when Bailey and Jules were fighting, and the respect thing was highly enforced. So when I go on a walk with the dog I keep her on a short leash and don't let her lead or mark along the way. Except for one place, the lawn that belongs to the cat that attacked her.
Yeah. You read that right.  My leashed dog got attacked by a cat.

Back when the baby was about a month old the four of us (me pushing the stroller, Mike walking the dog) were taking a w-a-l-k when out of nowhere this streak of orange comes from behind and animal fight noises start. The baby starts to wail so I snap into mama bear mode and run a few steps to protect her. Meanwhile Mike has managed to pick up the dog by her leash while kicking at the streak of orange attacking her, which then retreats to a tree trunk and hisses at us. While in fight mode something has bled on mike's pants and the dog nipped or scratched him along the jaw so he's bleeding too and all we can do for a moment is stare in disbelief at this hissing streak of orange that we have just realized is a cat. But it gets even more ridiculous.

All the commotion brought the cat's owner outside who asks what just happened. The dog is still wriggling so we have no idea if she's okay but we know at least one animal is bleeding, my husband is bleeding, the baby's crying and this cat is hissing at us. So still in a bit of shock we tell them this cat just attacked our dog. And their response? "But he doesn't even have claws!"

Excuse me? This cat we have seen around the neighborhood before that just attacked our dog is declawed?  WHAT? And the owner, who didn't see a damn thing and leaves the garage door open a crack so this declawed cat can roam around, keeps insisting the cat doesn't have claws and doesn't believe us, and they don't even ask if anyone, human or animal is okay.

By this point the hissing cat has run back into the open garage, Jules has stopped wriggling enough that we can tell at the very least she's and dr soc's jaw isn't gushing blood, but the baby is still wailing at the top of her lungs, our nerves are on edge and the cat owner keeps reiterating the cat doesn't have claws. We need first aid and we're going to get absolutely nowhere with this person, so we curtly restate the cat attacked our dog, and we are leaving to take care of ourselves and hightail it home.

The whole walk home we're making sure we're not crazy and that we both saw/heard the same thing. A streak of orange that roams around the neighborhood whenever it wants because the garage is left open is a motherf*cking declawed cat and it attacked our dog. That sounds made up but it totally happened! At home we clean the shallow scratches on Jules' legs and the nip along dr soc's jaw, but thankfully everyone is okay enough. In disbelief, but okay.

A motherf*cking declawed cat attacked my dog. Mark all you want at that cat house Jules. Mark all you motherf*cking want.

Weird

Today a patron walked into my work today and asked me if I worked there. When I asked how I could help them, they said they had 2 things. The first one was that they had found a (used) disposable razor on the curb outside and wanted to know where they could throw it away.

OK, a little weird. And eww. I offered the book I was holding as a sort of temporary table where they placed it. Why they didn't just leave it there on the curb I don't know, but fine, whatever.
The second thing was another thing they had found outside. In their had they had a blue napkin with a...wait for it...

A dead bird.  

I was in great shape and it wasn't even cold yet (which they knew because they kept touching it), so they wondering if we had a children's program that would have any use for it.

My response: "For a dead bird? NO."
OMFG. NO. 

That has to be the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me at work. When you work at the public library, some element of weirdness just comes with the job. But this... this...this was just weird. And I have seen some weird sh*t!  

Some Rules Are Meant to be Broken

I don't pretend to have a green thumb, but I thought about trying my hand at a small little vegetable garden this spring. Just a little 3'x6' raised bed garden to grow peppers and a few herbs, and maybe a zucchini plant if I'm feeling particularly daring. Just so I don't have to spend a small fortune on fresh produce all the time (basil is expensive yo!).  I looked at a few gardening websites, learned the basic how-to's, and mentioned the idea to Mike. He was down for it. But then, recalling how bitchy the HOA was about the position our non-existent basketball hoop, he figured we should check the guidelines of the neighborhood just in case.

Section 2.12 Additional landscaping:
"Additional landscaping must be approved in writing by the MC (management company) using the application of exterior modification prior to the change unless it is within a 3 foot radius on the home. Gardens are not permitted."

However, I can totally have a trampoline as long as I apply for the application of exterior modification and place it in the center rear of the back yard. Which I learned from section 2.2 Backyard Play Equipment, Trampolines and Basketball Goals (the same place with the rules we so blatantly ignored with our non existent basketball hoop).

I'm so mad at the ridiculousness of it all I could spit. I can't have a small garden to grow food, but I can have a death trap (albeit, a super fun one) as long as I get the right papers in? I mean, really? WTF? Of course, now that I can't have one I want one really bad if only to piss the HOA off. I can do this one of several ways.

1. Carry on with my original plan which was to build and plant the thing, and see how long it takes to get another nasty-gram. (If they are going to send another nasty-gram we better as hell deserve it this time.)
2. Plant the garden along the entire back side of my house but only extend it 2'-9" from the house as to not violate the 3' radius clause. Of course, shade from the house isn't optimal for growing, but it's for the principle of it!
3. Painstakingly detail the garden plans to the point of absurdity (for example: will be so many feet by feet, which is so many centimeters by centimeters and will be placed x feet and y centimeters from the house, top soil consisting of 10% this, 20% that and 70% so-and-so will raise no higher than 24" off the ground, etc.) Then apply for the exterior modification permit and have them approve the ridiculous. 
4. Plant everything in flower pots and containers and cover my entire yard with those. Just don't move more than 2 to the front yard if they are dead. No ugly and/or dead plants in the front yard per hoa orders.
5. Or, forget the garden and just bitch.

Options 2, 3 and 4 are more work that I intend to actually do. Option 1 is a viable possibility because I don't think any neighbors would actually complain over a vegetable garden, especially if we give them some of the results from it. And we could always go with a mea culpa and apply for the exterior modification after the nasty-gram. But it will more than likely be option 5, because it's just a small garden. But that doesn't make the situation any less ridiculous and me less bitchy about it.

Happy Hore-o-ween

I think the following disclaimer should be on all slutty (ie: woman's) costumes:
This is a "costume." Not a miracle worker.

Because really?

a sexy plumber. including crack.

or this:

a sexy remote control. Sigh.

Hey why are they all blond btw? Because brunettes don't get told enough they aren't enough fun or anything.

But this:

sexy sesame street. Gee, perv much?

crosses a line.
Sesame Street? Whore up your own wardrobe one night of the year fine, but keep iconic children's figures out of it.

So. Happy Halloween!

2 + 2 = Oh Right, You're a Bitch

Person X: And you are doing pharmacy?
Me: ah, well, I wanted to, but turns out chemistry was just too hard for me.
Person X: yeah, when your mom told me that's what you wanted to do, I thought: "but she's not good in math!"
Me: (defensively) actually, I'm quite good in math. I like math even. It's science I'm not great in and had a hard time with.
Person X: Oh that's right. Well, I knew it was something you weren't good at. But you're doing something much better suited for you now.
Me: yes, sociology is a lot easier for me, a better fit. And I'm doing well this semester. Thanks.

Still me in my head: wow, what a backhanded compliment? You shrew, I know you think I'm stupid. Not good at math my ass. I know this: if a = b and a = you're a bitch, then b = it's no wonder your husband cheated on you for 10 years and still left you.

Low of me? Yes.

But stupid? No.

Simon Says

me: I do whatever Jeanne tells me.
x: Really?
me: Yes.
x: What if she told you to jump off a cliff? Would you do it?
me: Yes. But why is she telling me to do that?
x: But you'd do it?
me: Yes. But once again, why is she asking me to jump off a cliff?
x: It doesn't matter. You'd do it anyway.
me: It does too matter. Why is she asking me to jump off a cliff?
x: I can't believe you're such a sheep.
me: Yes, but you didn't answer me. Why is she asking me?
x: I don't know.
me: Right. See? And besides she wouldn't ask me to do that in the first place either.
x: You sure about that?
me: Yes, and you still haven't answered why is she asking me? I'm sure she has a very good reason for doing so if she did.
x: Sigh
me: Seriously? Why is she asking me to jump off a cliff?
x: I'm done.
me: No, hey come back here! Why is Jeanne asking me to do that?
x: Never mind. You do whatever Jeanne tells you.
me: Yes! (snort) And you think I'm the stupid one. That's the point I was trying to get across the entire time.

I Dreamed a Dream

Last night, here is what I dreamed:

I dreamed that I eloped with Tim Tebow (the Florida quarterback-though this Tim Tebow had blond hair and a beard. Whatever, he was definitely Tim Tebow in my dream), and then I pushed a blond girl in the face when she hit on him. I then flashed her my wedding band with a smug stay away from my husband.

And then later he passed me a note in in my high school chemistry class but I woke up before I got to read it becasue I was busy taking notes. So I don't know what the note said, but it had little hearts drawn on it. He had very girly handwriting.

Yep. I shit you not.

False Sense of Security

I would say around 80% of my tank tops have one of those built-in bra things. But let's be honest here, they don't so squat for me. Since I've had roommates, (w/the exception of my fiance), I usually don't leave my bedroom without some sort of support, even if I'm wearing something with a built-in.

But this morning before I even fixed my coffee, Bailey decided she had to go out rightthisveryinstant, and was ringing the bell while blatantly staring at me. (I have her bell trained. Even if she doesn't listen to anything else I say, at least I have that. Admit it, that's cool) Unfortunately for her, I was still in my pj top with only a built-in. Unfortunately for me, I know when she paws the bells with that much gusto, she really has to go and we don't have that kind of time for me to get ready.

Fortunately, it's one of my tighter tanks so there was a false sense of security with it. And I was wearing a few layers over it (my house is cold) so there wasn't much to be seen. So I set my jaw, threw on my coat and thought, here goes.

Not a complete fail, but definitely not a win.

It's Not a Party Until Somone Looses Their Pants

Five years ago I was a bridesmaid in my friends' wedding and I kissed her brother (who was a groomsman) at the reception. So after calling dibs on him (on the aisle pairing), flirting with him the past 2 nights and then some drunken kisses, a hookup seemed like the logical next step. Except that night I was sharing a room with 3 girlfriends, my dress was so tight it made me light headed (that may have been the open bar though), my dyed shoes hurt like a mthr fcker, and I was tired from the mass amounts of running around that being a bridesmaid entails. A hook up wasn't on the front of my mind.

A bunch of us hit the after party, and groomsman and I separated to hang out with our respective people. Somehow I ended up with is bag because he was planning on changing or crashing in my room. But I really just wanted to go to bed, so I decided to return to my room and do just that. But knowing I had his stuff, a roommate and I made an attempt to find him for 10 minutes. One of his friends told me was was looking for me (I'm assuming it was to get his stuff), and wandering around the hotel and he may or may not have lost his pants.*

*it was actually his shoes he has lost. But we thought it was pants at the time and pants are about a billion times funnier

This information, and being a little drunk and very tired, was too much for my metal threshold. My friend and I went back to our room and went to bed. But as I entered the room, the other two girls who were in there asked me: Where's A?

Me: "Apparently, he's wandering around with no pants looking for me.
As I turn out the light and fall into bed:
"I just can't deal with a boy with no pants."

Replacement

I don't like my exs' new girlfriends. Anyone else? Even though he's an ex, and there's no going back, I still don't like the new ones. Well, not all of them, but the fiance's in particular. It doesn't matter who she is, what she is or when she happened. She may be the gutteriest of the gutter sluts, queen of the groupies or perfect McPerfectison. It doesn't matter how terrible or how awesome she is. Because the only thing I'll ever see her as, is my replacement. And I just hate the idea of her.

Its not that I don't want him to be happy ever again, I just don't want him to be happy before me. I don't know what he would think of my life now, or if he even thinks of me. Obviously, by talking about it, I'm still thinking about it. Not in a did I make the right choice way, but still, just thinking. And while he's not a pressing concern of my life anymore, I still want to be a concern of his. I know that's selfish and unreasonable. Logically I know he's moved on, just like I'm doing. But there's still this stupid little twinge I feel, that I need to know I meant something. And when I'm replaced, she just... smudges me out.

I know everyone has said "s/he'll never do better then me" to sooth their breakup wounds. But don't you wish that was true? Don't you wish you really were the best that a person was ever was going to get and that they know it?

(You're probably wondering where the hell this thought process came from. I dreamed he had a baby and the Norman Rockwell style life I wanted for us with someone else. I woke up miserable. So not the greatest way to start my day)

Biology is GROSS

It happened. The lab I was dreading since this semester started. Ladies and gentleman, I had to dissect a fetal pig. When I saw the atlas and guide to the fetal pig's anatomy in my required textbook list, I was just hoping it was a joke. A sick joke, but a joke. And when the professor said we had to buy a dissection kit, I knew I would never see bacon the same way.

Yesterday was the day. And I was absolutely freaking the f*ck out. I whimpered as I walked into lab. The place smelled like cleaner and formaldehyde. Then bio-lab stockroom guy brings in the bin with all the piggies in their formaldehyde sealed bags. Two to a pack, how exciting! My stomach flipped (I thought it incredibly prudent to skip my between lecture and lab snack that day).

It was two people per pig, so at least I had a person with me. My poor lab partner had to deal with me squealing and borderline hyperventilating. But it was a team effort, and I eventually sucked it up once I got over touching the thing in the first place. I tried to console myself, rationalizing, I cook, I handle raw meat, I can do this. Umm, except that nothing I've ever cooked still had it's organs. And hair. Ok, why does a pig have hair? No seriously, don't tell me, I don't actually want to know.

But I calmed down enough, took a deep breath, gagged, tied the little guy (we had a boy pig) to the tray and cut. I even got to play with a scalpel. But there were moments I didn't do to good. I'll spare you the details of what set me off, because it's gross, but mainly because I don't want to remember it myself.

We played the what organ is this game (I think we cut off the gall bladder. Meh, like it has any use for it now) and get to clean up, but apparently we're not done poking/learning from the thing. The little oinker is in a bag with my name on it (no, seriously, we wrote our names on it), being kept for another week or 2. I have to do this again. OH. MY. GOD.

And just to add insult to injury, the dissection was only the first hour of the lab. We had to do a completely different lab the remaining 2 hours, one that did not involve cracking Piglet's ribs (too far?). In the midst of a place that smells of formaldehyde.

But hey, I didn't throw up like I had feared. And I didn't faint either, so thumbs up! And while I already knew this about myself, the lab made me 100%, completly, no if and or buts, sure, that I cannot be a doctor.