I Curse You

My daughter is not good at waking up. She's groggy and fussy and usually a little hangry when she does. Any one of those isn't a preferable state for anyone, but a combo, in a 2.5 year old none the less, just sucks. When she was a baby the post sleep fussiness could usually be soothed with some snuggles and a snack of sorts. But now that she's a full blown toddler and can talk (a lot. My kid talks A LOT)... That groggy/fussy/hangry combo is incessant whining and an overall miserable disposition.

It doesn't matter what it is, where we are, or what we are doing, she is having none of it. Wake up in the morning and it starts with not wanting to get dressed. But she also wants clothes and out of jammies (if she still has them on). But no getting dressed. Yes dressed. Doesn't want to pick them out. But not what mommy picks out. She needs to pick them out. But she doesn't want to. Not mommy. Her. Not her. Not mommy. At some point I force clothes someone selected through kicks and tears and then battle again a few moments later with breakfast/shoes/going to the baby sitters/whatever the day entails all over again. It's gas-lighting at it's finest.

Recently I've been trying to take her out on my own and expand her world more. And I really want to enjoy these times with my darling girl, especially since we only have about 2-3 more weeks left of her being an only child. But god she can make that really hard. Because when we go on these mommy and me adventures, we typically have some sort of drive to the said adventure (suburbia, for all it's niceties severely lacks in walk-able and public transport accessible adventures). So she tends to fall asleep in the car, so when we get to the adventure she was so excited for...she is miserable and bloody hates it. 

Seriously, whatever it is. This girl will throw a fit. And want nothing to do with this and everything to do with this simultaneously and express that sentiment several times over with def-con 10 whining. It doesn't matter if it was a fleet of unicorns with ice cream covered in chocolate sauce and sprinkles in a bounce castle in Disney World. With a puppy because why the fuck not. It's a NO.

So I curse you car seat nap. Curse you with the fire of a 1000 suns and may the flames of hell consume you. You turn my darling girl into a total jerk which brings her waddling pregnant mommy to tears. Curse you.

Black Friday

When you have a job in retail, you accept that you will have to work on black Friday.  It's just the nature of the beast.  You deal with the crazies and crowds of shoppers for a few hours and you just do it.

I requested to work the early shift on black Friday since I have lots of family coming in for the weekend.  At the time I requested this, my store opened at 3 am.  So I figured I could be at work by 2 am, finished by 10 am at the latest, giving me the rest of the day to spend with my family.  Except now, we open at midnight. So I go to work at 11:45pm thanksgiving day, and work until 8:30 the next morning.  Yeah. 

I considered pulling an all nighter like my daap years. Staying up until I start work, then powering through the rest of my Friday along with everyone else in their right mind who slept through the night. But I know better.  Just because I have done many all nighters, doesn't mean I did any of them well.  Plus I'm 29 years old and I'm too old to be pulling that kind of college kid sh*t.  I'll be cranky and snippy if I don't sleep, and I don't want to ruin anyone's time here just because I didn't get some rest.

So now I plan to have dinner a little earlier, and split my sleep time.  I'll rest a few hours before I leave for work, and then again when I get back home.  I'll get breakfast started and then head back up to bed for a few more hours.  Yeah it's my house and I want to be the one hostessing, but in the milieu of family here are 2 moms and 3 domesticated men to take care of things.  It's the best plan for less than ideal time line.

Retail is a business and I understand that they are just trying to be competitive with each other.  And yeah, I'm going to grumble a little bit, but it's one day.  Like I said, black friday is just part of the nature of the beast.  But the beast didn't have to be a meanie either.

Pattern Sizes

When I first started bartending, one of the female servers thought I was "the most spoiled person in the world," and if she saw an opportunity to pop my "sheltered bubble," she took it.  Eventually I left that job and everyone else at that place behind and it doesn't really matter anymore.  But at the time she was a thorn in my side and if I got to put her in place so to speak I enjoyed it.

Like when I went wedding dress shopping.  Since bitchy co-worker (bcw) had gotten married a year ago, she was telling me all the "ins" of dress shopping.  And she warns me that I'll have to buy a bigger size and I shouldn't get upset about that.  I knew this already.  For several reasons:

1. I have been planning my wedding since I was 6.
2. Every bridal magazine you ever read tells you this. 
3. My sister and a few friends who have bought their wedding dresses told me the same thing, and I may have even been the person to tell them that in the first place.  And,
4. I spent 6 years in design school and have friends in fashion who have told me about pattern sizes. 

 Anyway, I get the dress, and it's the bcw restaurant gossip queen's front page news.  Not only does she want to know what the dress looks like so she can describe it to others, she also wants to know how shell shocked I was to be a bigger size.  The conversation goes something like this:

bcw: So what's it look like?
me: Beautiful.
bcw: no, really, what's it look like?
me: I'm not telling you anything and I want it to be a surprise.
bcw: Who would I tell?
me: Um everyone. I'm not giving anyone, any details.
bcw: --Sulky-- Fine, a surprise.  Did you at least have to order a bigger size like I told you?
me: A little, yeah, but I expected that.
bcw:  How much bigger?
me: Just a little.
bcw: What size? 
me--exasperated sigh--: Fine.  I ordered a four.
bcw: A four?
me: Yep.
bcw: A four. Wow, you....you skinny thing.
me: Yeah, and the only reason we really went up to that size is because my bust is too big to fit in the 2. 

 

Ok, I know being catty doesn't put me in in the most shining light.  And it was several years ago and I should just let it go.  But when someone who thinks that poorly of you tries to jab at you just because, tell me you wouldn't act similarly if you could.

Ode to Coffee

As much as some people love coffee (myself included), just as many others loathe it. And there are plenty of others who have no opinion either way and live without it somehow. Dr soc falls into the last group. He doesn't drink it himself but he doesn't really have an opinion about it either. So he doesn't keep coffee or a way of making it in his house. And why would he really? A girlfriend of mine suggested I get a coffeemaker and the accoutrement for his place. Perhaps he should get me that for my birthday... Though this flies directly in the face of my appliance/practical gift veto...

However, in the morning, I need a cup of coffee. I get a lack of caffeine headache if I don't have any within a few hours of waking up. So when I spend the night over there, I usually have to leave fairly soon after I wake up. Not only so we can both get ready for our days in peace, but also because I'm going to need caffeine soon enough.

He knows this and it's no big deal. He's never once tried to tell me coffee is evil (no it's not, it's actually good for you), that caffeine is a monster (I love that monster. I pet and love and feed that monster) or that it smells great but tastes awful (which is not true because it both smells and tastes like heaven). But once I was just about to leave and I could feel the beginnings of a headache starting to form. Knowing that a headached Sarah is not a happy Sarah, he mentions that he may have some instant stuff if I really need it.

And while it was very sweet of him to try to attend to my plight, the second he mentioned instant I responded with a: "Oh god no!

Baby Fat

me: Hey, you want to go to yoga with me and P?
D: Sure. But I won't be the only fatty in the room right?
me: You are not a fatty, you had a 10 lb baby 6 weeks ago. Pregnancy weight is not fat. (Though the class is full of 20 year old toothpick sorority girls fyi...)

Apparently, when you have a baby, you gain weight. Go figure. And it's not the baby alone that packs on the pounds, you gain weight everywhere and in addition to the baby. And we live in a culture where getting old and fat are unforgivable beauty sins, so pregnancy is no excuse to not look your best either (because the impending pressure of raising another person isn't enough, you have to look amazing at the same time). So this weight gain thing that happens when you get knocked up, really isn't the best morale booster.

Pregnancy weight is NOT fat.

That is unless I don't like you* and think you're a bitch, then yeah, your pregnancy is fat.

* former co-worker. Nosy bitch wanted to know what my (wedding) dress looked like so she could tell everyone else about it. Because that's her surprise to ruin. And also, since I was engaged, clearly, I was already pregnant or soon on my way to being so according to her. We then had the following conversation in front of several other co workers:
me: I'm not going to be fat in my wedding gown.
fcw: pregnancy is not fat! I was 8 months pregnant my wedding day.
me: I know. Whatever makes you feel better about that I guess.
Other co worker: (hushed voices) did Sarah just call her fat in her wedding gown?

So moral of the story: Friend pregnancy = not fat and congratulations on the baby.
Nemesis pregnancy = you're just fat
And yes, I'm a bitch. I'm ok with that.

Dear Mother Nature

Please bring back the warmer temperatures now that it's spring. It significantly reduces my stabby tendencies.

Best!
Sarah

Big Green Monster

Has anyone ever told you they "never get jealous?" Or they aren't the type to be threatened, and they say it all smug like, "you can't phase me."

That is a bold faced lie. They might not realize it yet, but no one is immune to it. Because I have dated the "I never get jealous" guy, and it is UG.LY when it happens. And the worst part, he typically takes it out on you. Mainly because he's being confronted with an emotion he doesn't understand, and he reacts to it by basically being an ass. (oh yes, this is unfortunately a first hand experience.)

I'm not immune to, oh hell no. Perfect example, I was bartending a banquet and there was a new server. She was pretty, laid back, kind of a guys girl, and was trying to get a music career happening. She was my boyfriend's dream girl and I knew it. I immediately didn't like her. It didn't matter I knew he would never cheat on me. I also don't know what her opinion on my boyfriend was in the first place. Didn't matter, not one bit. I saw her as a threat, didn't like her, did not want to get to know her, and I didn't want him around her either. When she moved to NY, I was not one bit sorry to see her go. My boyfriend had no idea this was going on, it wasn't until she came up in a conversation months later I told him I didn't like her. He was shocked because I'm actually a pretty cool girlfriend and don't care if my guy has some female friends. But I'm human, and jealousy is a very human emotion.

And sometimes, I think a little jealousy can be a good thing, because it makes you aware of what you have. I have used it before as a means of getting attention and gauging interest. It's worked on occasion, but it is very, very tricky. It is playing with fire, and I've gotten burned before. It's also an immature way to go, and it really never works the way you originally intended.

I will admit to being jealous, even if it doesn't happen that often. If there's a threat, you will react to it somehow. So when someone (ok, a guy) tells me they aren't a jealous type, I snort and think sure buddy. You've just never had anything worth to be jealous over