Threenager take 2

Aaaaaand Girl 2 is 3!

Happy birthday my 

Snacky

Smiling (so so so smiley!)

Sketchy (wait-)

Snuggly! (omg her cuddles are fierce) 

little one! 

Sometimes (lots-times) you drive me insane, all-the times you are loud, but that is you, and you are who you are and we will always love you exactly like that.   

- Love mommy, daddy and big sis  

Introducing...

Ryder!

His full name is Ryder, Sir Snuggles of Our Silly Named St, The House Sociology, First of his Name, Protector of Small Loud Humans, Sweeper of the Crumbs and All Around Good Boy.

 

Also known as our 11 month Boston Terrier/lab mix (mutt!) from the Boston Terrier Rescue Group of NC (link below).

All of us with full vocabularies got some part of what we wanted:

Girl 1 wanted another Boston: 

Boston (mix aka mutt) ✔

Dr Soc wanted a puppy:

11 months < year = puppy ✔

And I was adamant* we rescue or adopt

 * I was also adamant I would never get another puppy yet here we are so... 

I loves him! Thanks BTRNC ✔

89% of me loves him so so much

1% will always miss the girls over the rainbow bridge  

and 10% of me can't believe I got suckered into another puppy! 

Oh well! Welcome to the family Ryder!

Face your fears

God I hate that trope. Because my 5 year old is fearful of pretty much everything and will face absolutely nothing. It's not this cute little aww she's just shy sort of thing. It's a full force whiney cry and inability to function fear of...whatever it is. In the blink of an eye she has gone from 0 to 100 and once she's in that state there isn't a damn thing anyone can do to get her off that ledge.

The worst panic tantrums are always health/body related. Brushing her teeth. Trimming her talons nails. Performing basic body functions of going to the bathroom. When I start looking for Neosporin and or a band aid for her. Any medicine. Telling her we have to remove a splinter that she has said "it hurts!"      

Yes these are real fears to her and I want to respect that so she can work through them. I do. But sometimes we don't have time (or energy) to work through something, or there aren't any other options to give. It's very frustrating when whatever fear has been carrying on for a while and absolutely no effort has been made, especially if there isn't an alternative. And tbh once she's on that ledge her only option is complete obstinance so any amount of time or alternative is a moot point. 

For example, she'd rather let a gaping wound heal 'on it's own' but down the road that gaping wound leaves a scar she's distraught over that. And yes we told her she could have a scar but that won't change her mind in her fear tantrum. Or when she had an ear infection and she had to take medicine, and because there are no other options we had to force her to take it which we know isn't the right way but it had to be the way at that moment because we are not going to let your ear rot and fall off simple because she is too chicken shit to take the yummy medicine.

Yeah a part of me feels not great talking smack about my kid, but when she's being a jerk can we call a spade a spade here? But also I don't want her to miss out on things because she was to scared to even try. At a birthday party everyone ran across the room for something and she refused for some reason. So the rest of the party moved on without her, and she broke down in tears because she was hurt. And yeah it sucked to see her upset, but at the same time she has to learn sometimes the world is not going to wait.  

What it comes down to is that I'm just frustrated and I wish I knew the answer like before I had children.   

Jules

Jules crossed the rainbow bridge yesterday. She turned 13 in April but had started limping the beginning of the year and was starting to show her age. Last week she stopped eating and then suddenly it was time to let her go. When Bailey died she hadn’t been with us for several years, plus I wasn't the one who had to make the end of life decision. With 2 very noisy kids and their stuff everywhere you might not think our small quiet dog being gone would have such an effect, but wow, does it. I mean, we have crumbs now. Innocuous right? But no, all those seemingly innocuous things...hits hard. Without Jules now it feels...lonely. 

But what a good girl she was! Some of the best moments:

her blog debut

laser eyes

wow could these 2 mayhem!

though she did eat some of my best pregnancy snacks

She was so good with the human babies:

will snarf for foods

Jules: nothing to see here human. Jules got this 

girl 2: mommy! we have a dog!?!
Jules: drop those cheerios bald puppy

and by far the best broom we've ever had

whatever you have I want

strolling through her neighborhood

Sun on my belly, 'dis the life!

yard✔ sunshine✔ toy✔

you no dad lap...but you only lap here...so...

'dis my human! (both with more hair but less gray ones) 

beach please!

teenager Jules: ugh, go away human and leave me with my toy 

I batman bitch

Dear Jules, you are missed. Thank you for loving us silly humans and tolerating the little loud ones we brought in your house. Frolic happy spunky girl. And rest in peace sweet pup. 

Scar tissue

 My dad died 6 years ago today. 

I’m sad today like always, but this is the first year I think the break in my heart he left has scarred over enough and I’m going to be okay.

Yeah. I’m okay. Still miss you dad. Always love you daddy. But I’m okay. I’m okay. 

Salty Bedtime

The past month bedtime with the girls has been...challenging. Bedtime routine is supposed to go:
- 7pm -

- Nighttime potty (Girl 1) /nighttime diaper* change (Girl 2)
- Vitamin
- Brush teeth
- Stories
- Kisses/hugs, go to rooms
- Sleep: around 7:30pm 

*We** are also trying to potty train at this time

**mom and dad are, Girl 2 is nope.    

Here's how bedtime routine actually goes:
- 7pm-7:30ish Shit it's bedtime -

- Nighttime potty (Girl 1) /nighttime diaper change (Girl 2)

1: Cajole into performing basic body function of going to the bathroom 

- Vitamin
- Brush teeth

fight over step stool, put toothpastes on tooth brushes. 1: whine/cry "I need help" because bodily function. 2: run giggling with the toothbrush in mouth  

- Stories
- Kisses/hugs, go to rooms

1: You need to go to your bed in your room. No you do not get another story. No it's not time to play with us. What do you want to show me? Yes you can play/listen to your music in your room but do so quietly. Shhh! Shhhh! (nothing is louder than girl 1 trying to be quiet)

- This part has been ALL ME the past month -  

2: Snuggle/rock. Exhaust. Lullaby. Put in bed. Put in bed. Put in bed... Eventually lay down in bed with mommy is snuggling.* Freak out/cry run if mommy inches** away.***  

*uncomfortably laying on the floor and toddler bed

**lay on floor next to bed trying to work out neck kink.

***literally scoot inch by inch towards the door while fighting all the lingering mommy exhaustion from the past month

- Sleep: 10pm or later

Tuesdays I get home from work around 8:30 so it's 100% dr soc/daddy bedtime. Last night went like:  

- 7pm

- Nighttime potty/diaper change

- Vitamin

- Brush teeth

- Stories

- Kisses/hugs, go to rooms

1: Plays fairly quietly in room until I come home and check on her. Thump. Thump. Thump. Honey, you need to whisper and and be still to be quiet. Thump. Thump. Thump. Repeat 17 times (give or take)

2: put in bed and fall asleep in 5 fucking minutes!!!!  

- Sleep: 1 no idea, late and mommy shushed as usual: 2: 7:fucking 30pm. 

I am thrilled all my work and rigmarole got girl 2 to sleep in 5 fucking minutes. But I am also salty as hell she fell asleep in 5 fucking minutes for dr soc.  So glad I made that part of parenting easier for my husband.  So yes, happy overall. But also incredibly salty because fucking hell 5 minutes with no snuggling, rocking, exhausting, parental yoga moves, inching away! What the hell kid?!

Cap and Gown

Childless-20-something-year-old me: yeah little kids are cute in those graduation caps but the gown seems a bit extra for a preschool/kindergarten graduation. But whatever, to each their (overkill) own I suppose.

Two kids 38-year-old me with her first kid graduating preschool: OMG look how fucking cute she is in that pint sized cap and gown! I'm taking a vacation day, we're going to go out for lunch after the ceremony and she gets to pick dinner that night. Maybe we should get a cake and balloons and invite the grandparents and lets do...

Kindergarten bound! One extra mom right here!

   

Yup, that's ________

dr soc: I was trying to leave and girl 2 peed in the pull-up. Now is naked and playing in waterless tub

me: Yup that's girl 2

dr soc: Girl 1 partially being helpful and partially driving me crazy

me: Yup that's girl 1

dr soc: Tug of war match over toy

me: Yup that's sisters

dr soc: Just look for me later rocking in a chair hugging myself all day

me: Yup that's parenting! 

Happy Mother's day!

Fact Check

Apparently, facebook flagged this:

 as false and decided to shame me by labeling it so. This. A post a few people liked about a custom of women...wearing (1920s) bathing suits...eating pizza to annoy men. I mean I may not don a bathing suit* but eating pizza and as a bonus annoying men? YES. YES PLEASE. But this, this isn't factual? How disappointing. And also, I'm calling bullshit.

*restrictive clothing, duh, no thank you. Also how am I going to control men to not rape in a bathing suit? 

It's not like, a post on the popular custom of, say, racism. 
Or a post on a nonexistent pedophilia ring in a basement (also nonexistent) of a pizza parlor and a white male shot a gun into said pizza parlor. 

Or that the 2020 election was rigged. 

Or something from f*x news that always tells, informs yells, screams the truth vitriol, lies, misogyny, lies, animated, hateful rhetoric, lies, opinions of the fragile white privileged males people. Nothing that harmed or killed people.

No. A post about women eating pizza to annoy men must be fact checked and deemed as false. Because that is the real danger here.

But I suppose if these giant companies are now going to make a valiant effort hold everyone* accountable for their posts they have to start somewhere. 

*Except males, especially the old white powerful *ones. Males will never be accountable for anything.

*Especially them.  

Shame shame on me for not fact checking something that supports my ever growing desire to fuck the patriarchy.

Mom worry

 

This one’s peanut allergy has gone down!! Girl 2 is still allergic, but her reaction was significantly less than the last time we tested her. Such wonderful news, but even more so after yesterday’s diagnosis.

There will always be part of me that that worries about my kids. It’s impossible to turn off the mom worry. But not having to worry as much about her allergy is a relief. Getting the test was no picnic, she threw a massive tantrum when getting tested. Not that I blame her, your back got all pricked up and it itches like hell and the only thing you want to do is put your princess shirt back on but you can’t figure it out yourself and mommy isn’t helping that bitch. I totally get it. And as far as her speech delay goes, even though she’s not saying * as many words as she should at this age, I know she knows things. She can count 1 - 10, but she can recognize some of those the numbers* and point them out. 

*how’s me, the most talkative person in the world, having a speech delayed kid for irony? 

*she just correctly pointed to ‘for fucks’ on a number puzzle. Four frogs in the number four. See? She knows!

Oh darling girl, you are who you are and mommy loves you so much no matter what. 

Process

Girl 2 is speech delayed. We’ll be starting speech therapy for her in the near future and work on getting her caught up.  So what does that mean exactly? 

It means...I’m processing it.  I mean...it’s not a bad thing. She’s healthy and happy and a joyful little girl. But it’s unexpected, so it still hurts a little you know? And no parent wants this, an additional difficulty. Kids are who they are and you love them fiercely regardless. But being a parent is hard and worrisome enough on it's own, so another challenge, no matter how manageable, is something to deal with.

I think deep down she’s going to be fine.  Being able to socialize safely again and being around kids her own age will probably help her development as well. Parenting is just...a loooooooong game and here’s something else to wrestle.

So. I’m processing. 

Pick your battles

Dr soc has been on this eating healthy salad kick so ultimately I don't have to kill him for dying on me. Seeing as we've been together* for 11 years as of today I need him to stick around as my partner in crime, parenting hijinks coconspirator but mostly someone I can occasionally talk shit about when I'm deflecting from my own shortcomings. 

*as well as put a ring on it and let him get me pregnant twice 

Anyway, back to the salads, he eats a lot and prefers a larger bowl for his rabbit food. The largest bowls that we have are the mixing bowls, but I have a hard line that you do not eat from the mixing bowls. See I almost killed someone for always eating out of the mixing bowls and I could never use them for cooking when I needed* them. To save my future relationships and myself from heartbreak, I drew that line and decreed it a rule. Dr soc is awesome and obeys and I tweeted how glad I am for that because divorce is a lot of paperwork.  

*that same someone never did the dishes either 

I'm explaining the origins of that rule and a coworker who's been married for longer than I've been alive, and they decide to impart the following wisdom about marriage: pick your battles.

My response: I have! This is one. DO. NOT. EAT. FROM. THE. MIXING. BOWLS! 

Love you honey! Thanks for not making die on that* hill!

*I'm sure there will be others. I just don't have to die on that particular one.

Irony 2.0

The irony of  Girl 1 fighting me tooth and nail on her teeth* and nails is not lost on me.

*you may recall the teeth fight of 2020. Currently that war is at a lull but her checkup in December involved crying so her upcoming June appointment I don't know.

Now that she is a mature 5 year old the irony is this: The hill my child will die on is anything health related. 

• She will not take medicine, topical or internal. 
• She will not listen to her body for the bathroom.
• She will not blow her nose despite being unable to breath due to snot blockage or a river flowing from her nose 
• Refuses band aids and screams about any blood getting on anything and everything from refusing to cover it
• When she found out she had to go to the doctor because she mentioned to daddy her ear hurt, she said "I wish I hadn't said anything."*
• *This one actually worries me because I know she had to be hurting long and hard enough for her to even mentioned it. I don't want her to be afraid to say anything, ever. 
• Going to the doctor or dentist with her requires an iron will, Olympic sized bribes that never ever work which result to physically restraining her*
• *because that doesn't traumatize her at all and won't lead directly to the aforementioned fear of her being afraid to tell me anything.*
• *and that leads me to sobbing into my drink because OMG I hate that struggle so much and I do not know what to do so I cope by drinking and sobbing and questioning my entire ability of being a mom.

Uhhh, yeah. The irony here is that my child is willing to literally die on the health hill. Yeah.      

White privilege

So. Yesterday.

• White people took selfies while they terrorized the capital to keep the incompetent authoritarian regime in place. 
• Black Lives Mater supporters were told to leave their phones at home so info could not be used to be arrested later while they asked for people of color to not be killed for being black.
• An orange con man used his global platform to incite violence and encourage a riot.
• A black football player used his platform to direct attention to systemic injustices and was fired.

In general white people can:  

• go jogging (#AmaudArbery).
• relax in the comfort of my own home (#BothemSean and #AtatianaJefferson).
• ask for help after being in a car crash (#JonathanFerrell and #RenishaMcBride).
• have a cellphone (#StephonClark).
• leave a party to get to safety (#JordanEdwards).
• play loud music (#JordanDavis).
• sell CD's (#AltonSterling).
• sleep (#AiyanaJones)
• walk from the corner store (#MikeBrown).
• play cops and robbers (#TamirRice).
• go to church (#Charleston9).
• walk home with Skittles (#TrayvonMartin).
• hold a hair brush while leaving my own bachelor party (#SeanBell).
• party on New Years (#OscarGrant).
• get a normal traffic ticket (#SandraBland).
• lawfully carry a weapon (#PhilandoCastile).
• break down on a public road with car problems (#CoreyJones).
• shop at Walmart (#JohnCrawford) .
• have a disabled vehicle (#TerrenceCrutcher).
• read a book in my own car (#KeithScott).
• be a 10yr old walking with our grandfather (#CliffordGlover).
• decorate for a party (#ClaudeReese).
• ask a cop a question (#RandyEvans).
• cash a check in peace (#YvonneSmallwood).
• take out my wallet (#AmadouDiallo).
• run (#WalterScott).
• breathe (#EricGarner).
• live (#FreddieGray).
• ask someone to put a required leash on their dog in the public park we are in (#ChristianCooper).
• BE ARRESTED WITHOUT THE FEAR OF BEING MURDERED. (#GeorgeFloyd)

White people don't become hashtags. And if you refuse to see the issue with this... Look, I'm not calling you a racist. But after yesterday's failed coup d'état and you still won't admit to your own white privilege and accept and/or support ingrained racist policies that villainize a black person's existence... Well, your racism is showing. 

A documentary

Living with a little turkey and lion, it was only a matter of time before we found ourselves in a nature documentary. Presenting:

The toddler stalks her prey...

Successful attack! ‘YUMMY!’ is screamed in victory

The toddler enjoys her spoils