Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Camping is Gross

I present a classic Spazella:
Reasons I _________ list:
So here is: Reasons I don't camp.
  1. I have no survival skills. I would probably die.
  2. I'm not going to sleep on the ground. Rocks digging into whatever body part they want and dirt? No thank you. 
  3. I don't want to pee in the woods either. (I might feel differently about that if I was a boy and I could write my name in the snow.)
  4. I pretty much hate nature. 
  5. It's too quiet. That scares me.
  6. It's too loud and full of nature noises. That also scares me.
  7. Also, bears live in the woods. Bears will kill you.
  8. No internets? Pass.
  9. I have AAA for hotels. And even if I didn't - I would still hotel.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Context is Key

When my kid says fork she does so w/out the R, so it sounds like f*ck with an accent of sort. Kinda like "fook." I'm totally encouraging it because I'm not about to discourage her language development, but mostly because it's hilarious.
But she's not using fook as a cuss word, she is actually referring to a fork. So she isn't cussing on purpose. Though when she does start cussing in the correct context I will die laughing, because omg the funny.

Anyway, poor baby just had a rough Sunday.
First she slipped on the cutting board she was playing with on the floor while I cleaned the cabinet it was in. Her little feet flew out from under her, landed flat on her back onto the kitchen floor and burst into tears. About an hour later she shut a drawer on her fingers and started screaming. And 20 minutes after that she ran face first into a door frame.

She could have really used some forks.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Beggars can't be Choosers

I was in the bathroom at work and the person in the stall next to me sighed heavily and made a comment about how nice it would be to have toilet seat covers.
I did not respond because:
  1. I don't want to talk when I am in a public restroom.
  2. I don't want to hear anyone else's commentary in the bathroom either.   
And my response to the comment wouldn't have been much help. See there are 20 branches in the system I work for, but my branch is one of the smallest and not affluent.  So if I had commented, which I wouldn't have because I don't want to talk or listen to anyone when using the bathroom, I would have said:

You want toilet seat covers? We don't even have a plunger 75% of the time.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Life truths

In honor of my 35th birthday, I present the life truths I stand by.

  • A good pen will make or break your day.
  • There is no such thing as a "quick trip to Ikea."
  • You can never have too many coats.
  • Never trust a female without female friends.
  • Generic applesauce and oatmeal taste exactly like cardboard.
  • Don't buy generic toilet paper. Ever.
  • Always smell the milk first.
  • Removing that stay hair bothering the crap out of you from your clothes is one of life's greatest victories.
  • A person's use of spell check is a determining factor in friendship levels.
  • Don't trust someone who doesn't have nice shoes.
  • Pandas are assholes.
  • White clothes are the ultimate stain magnet.
  • Tupperware cannot be organized.
  • Socks the dryer eats reincarnate as random Tupperware pieces.
  • Wearing a dress or skirt with pockets automatically defaults to a good day.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Character Driven

Dr soc and I have watched football, the news, special events and such while the baby was in the room. We made an effort to not put the tv on for her though, so her not being interested in the tv/iPad when it was on gave me a tiny bit of mommy smugness, like that effort had paid off.

But she is noticing it now. Which, I knew was inevitable. At least right now she's more into Sesame Street characters than Disney characters. Which I know is also inevitable. And don't get me wrong, I love Disney. I'm just not ready to bemoan Cinderella Ate My Daughter (great read btw).

My girl already knows Sesame Street characters names (probably from the same 12 books we read her 83 time a day), about loses her damn mind when any Sesame Street song plays on toddler radio (yeah, that's a thing) and locks in on any video (but not enough to let me trim her talons nails). But I can't blame her on that last one - to be honest I've probably watched this video more times than my daughter...