Friday, November 3, 2017

Fall Game

So we upped our fall game this year.
We took the kid to a pumpkin patch:
Yeah, I leashed her. She loves the monkey backpack
and oh yeah she's my kid so your opinion is invalid
We did a group costume including the dog for Halloween:
Our Peanuts Gang from L to R: Snoopy, Peppermint Patty,
Charlie Brown, Lucy and Linus (Jules!) VanPelt trick-or-treating
And the pumpkin from the pumpkin patch was carved in the group costume theme:
Totally squelched a F-bomb when the head fell in.
Next year I'm just carving a face.
Or whatever the almost 3 year old tells me
But what really upped the fall game from last year: it was all documented on Instagram, so it really happened.
Happy Autumn!

Thursday, November 2, 2017

#MeToo

Of course I've been sexually harassed.
I mean, I did things like going for runs in shorts and a tank top since it was 90-billion degrees. I've walked from point A to point B and my "gorgeous ass!" got a shout out. (which it is, but that's not the point.) I've been as brazen as to stand still and my backside got brushed. And let's not forget I was a bartender, a flirty, super cute young 20 something with a great figure at that. Of course I was there for (mostly older, mostly white) males to ogle and comment on. For goodness sake, what did I expect?

Wait. Hold on-

Oh but I also know to never leave my drink unattended at a party. And to not wear my headphones, be on (or even have out) my phone and to be aware of my surroundings at all times when walking alone - which you should never do in the first place. It's also not smart to wear my hair in a ponytail, or have any sort of strap across or on my body so you are harder to grab and assault. And -

Wait! Wait! Seriously, hold on. 

What did I expect? What are the preventive actions I'm supposed to do to not get raped? What am I supposed to wear? To not wear? Who's going to believe me if I ever am assaulted? Why is it my responsibility when my female body is regulated by men in the first place? 

So yeah. #MeToo. I bet everyone, and I mean everyone, has some sort of #MeToo story of their own. And by all means yes, shed some light on this and show how ubiquitous this all is. Hell, use a floodlight and keep it on this issue. But could we also: #BelieveTheVictim, #Don'tRape and #StopRapeCulture too? 
  

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Tooth and Nail

My daughter is overall pretty easy going, but if she doesn't want to do something, she can be stubborn as hell. And because she's a toddler her stubborn is getting more and more epic. I'm talking full force fight mode, screaming, wailing, sobbing, thrashing, kicking, temper tantrum throwing. However, mommy has been able to out-stubborn, cajole and/or bribe her to do, enough so that I count it as a mommy win.

But there are two things I absolutely cannot out-stubborn, cajole or bribe my daughter to do, no matter what. No reasoning, no pleading, and bribes of stickers, M&Ms and the biggest, most powerful bribe of them all: an Elmo video, nothing gets her to accept her fate and we go to battle.

The two things my daughter fights me tooth and nail on?
Her teeth. And nails.
Yeah. The irony is not lost on me.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Why didn't she...?

In the past year alone these are the powerful men who have been accused of sexual assault:
The Hollywood squad:
  1. Harvey Weinstein -Hollywood power producer sexually harasses/assaults/rapes women for 30 years
  2. Bill Cosby - America's favorite dad serially drugged and raped for (again) years
  3. Nate Parker - Upcoming film maker acquitted of rape 
  4. Casey Afflect - *sexual harassment settlement from 2010 won the oscar this year  
The Fox "News" (or rapist news network) crowd:
  1. Bill O'Reilly - Fox news anchor 
  2. Roger Ailes - Fox news founder and CEO (may he rot in hell)
  3. Eric Bolling - Fox news host 
The CEO bros:
  1. Travis Kalanick - Uber founder and CEO (was forced to resign after fostering toxic work culture) 
  2. Antonio Marquis "LA" Reid - Epic Records CEO
  3. Bikram Choudhury - famous style yoga guru
The tech industry dudes:
  1. Chris Sacca - early investor of Twitter, Uber & Instagram
  2. David McClure founder/manager venture capital firm 500 Startups
  3. Jason Caldbeck - co-founder/manager of venture capital Binary Capital
  4. Mike Cagney Sofi CEO 
And politicians
  1. Anthony Weiner - sexting a minor next to his own child, the FBI tossed a red herring so the next slimeball on this list:   
  2. Trump - grabbed women by their p*ssy and became president. 
And this is just a list of rich and/or famous douche bags that have been called out, after multiple victims have come forward each time with more and more egregious corroborating stories. This doesn't stop dick pics. Catcalling "should be considered a compliment." About 60% of sexual assaults are even reported, let alone someone being held accountable for a crime. A victim is a victim, no matter the sex, gender identity, race, age, relationship to someone, etc.
So why didn't she tell anyone? What were you wearing? Why are you only now coming forward? Why didn't
Stop.
It's not why didn't they....fill in the blank.
It should be:
Why did the assaulter feel it was their right in the first place?     

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Age is Only a Number

A few months after I got married, my sister mentioned I had just done so, and the person she was talking to asked how old I was. I had turned 30 in July and that person said "Ha! I bet she got married in May so she would still be 29."
My sister, bless her heart, said no, she didn't think my age was a factor on my wedding date.
But when she relayed this conversation to me my response was:

me:  No she's right. That was totally a reason we picked May.
Amy: really?
me: Yup. I mean if it (getting married) didn't happen before 30 I wasn't going to stress it, but since it could happen while still in my 20's...well why not? And I got to be dr soc's wife sooner and all that other romantic stuff. 
Amy: well. okay then.

Yeah. I own it though. I totally own it.
 

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Another

Another mass shooting domestic terrorism.
Another lone wolf  white male.
Another toxic masculinity mental health status question
Another assault riffle weapon of mass destruction.
Another "senseless" tragedy easy access to guns partial explanation.
Another cry for fruitless attempt at stronger gun laws.
Another "but not all/good gun owners" defense absolving responsibility.
Another minuscule blip in the NRA's rhetoric set of victims.
Another suspiciously quiet restrategizing from NRA lobbyists 
Another round of thoughts and prayers inaction.
Another round of finger pointing.
Another search for a silver bullet.
Another heartbreak.
Another family destroyed.
Another. Another. Another.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Smoking Kills

me texting my girlfriends:

me: god I am so tired today. A stupid spider set off a smoke alarm which triggered the rest of the alarms. It was AWFUL. But somehow the baby slept through the whole thing. So she got a good night's rest.
lb: don't spider's know not to smoke?
me: apparently not
michele: smoking kills
jeanne: spiders are stupid
lb: seriously though, explain the smoking spider

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Call Me!

These are the phone numbers that I can rattle off no problem:

  • mine
  • dr soc
  • my parents' house
  • work's public line if i think about it for a second  

And:

  • my ex fiancé's

And here's why. A friend had left her cell in my pool bag and neither one of us realized it until she and my ex were at work. She couldn't call her fiancé to get it from me because she didn't know his number. (I ended up dropping it off at work-which was not on the way- before I went out of town. ie: I'm a good friend) My ex was astounded she didn't know her fiancé's number, but I came to her defense. Ever since cell phones became the norm no one's really had to memorize a phone number since it's stored in your contact list. After all I didn't know his number off the top of my head.

He was gobsmacked (and pissed). How could I not know his number? After all, he knew my number! (but not the exact date of my birthday) And his phone number was so easy too! It was one number different than the area code and then 2 other numbers! How could his fiancé not know his number!?

Well I once heard you have to repeat something (at least) 21 times before it's committed to memory. Being the mature young 20-something I was at the time to shut him up I started reciting his phone number. Twenty-one times.

me: 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx...
::while following him around the apartment:: After the 10th time or so-
ex: okay, okay, I get it!
me: nope, it's gotta be 21 times before I remember. Great now I've lost count and have to start over.
me:-sigh-: 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx....

Yup. But, hey, I learned his phone number. Which came in handy when I drunk texted him the holidays after we broke up.  




Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Puppet Master

Whenever my daughter learned a new skill/noise/life doing/etc, dr soc and I were super excited to show it off. So of course when we encouraged her to show off the new whatever to someone (i.e. show Grandma your new tooth! Can you make your new noise? Can you tell mommy you're all done!) she would just glare at us, stone faced, clearly communicating "hell no."
So then my quip to the stare down was "I am not your monkey mommy!"  Everyone laughed, we all move on with life.

Anyway, now that the girl is a toddler she's learning new skills/noises/words/life doing/etc at a rapid rate. But this time she's the one super excited to show-and-tell them. So now all the adults mimic her and pretty much obey her every command. She says "jump!" and we ask how high.

So she was never my monkey, but she sure figured out puppet master pretty quick.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Natural Disaster

So Texas drowned, and Florida isn't far behind them.
The Pacific Northwest is on fire, while the North Great Plains are in a drought.

Is there like, a big hose available to connect those places? Send all the extra water from one place to the another place that needs it. Simple right? And if you want an even crazier idea about a natural disasters, maybe we could find a way to harness the hurricane winds for energy and reduce our utter dependence on fossil fuels. Or is humanity just a silly lady idea?

I guess I could just pray* for everything and not actually do anything. And deny**** climate change.****** Because that's what's really helpful.

*and/or claim this is god's punishment for the "gay agenda**" ***
**existing
***devastate everyone for the "sins" of a few? Way to be an asshole there God.  
****at least the human involvement part*****
*****all of it
******it's legit according to science


Thursday, August 31, 2017

Wrong

What the ever loving hell is WRONG with the president? That man-child is:

  • Stupid
  • Ignorant
  • Ugly (auto-disqualification for women-attack on looks) 
  • Fat (another auto disqualification)
  • Has absolutely zero empathy
  • Insensitive
  • Unaware
  • Entitled
  • Notoriously thin skinned
  • An aggressive bully
  • Xenophobe (that's a big word for racist so he might understand)
  • Misogynist (another big word for women-hating*)  
  • A sexual assaulter**
  • A total creepster***
  • Narcissistic
  • Impulsive 
  • Reckless
  • Shallow
  • A hypocrite

That cheeto is bat. shit. crazy. and has the nuclear codes. We're so fucked.

*except the daughter he'd date****
**but only models
***he called his daughter a piece of ass and would date her. 
****fucking creepster

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Politicaly Correct

It irks me if I hear someone blame political correctness for inaction or judgement lapse. And it really bothers me when not being politically correct is considered something "refreshing."
Because here are a few synonyms for "politically correct:"

  • Unoffensive
  • Nondiscriminatory
  • Unbiased
  • Neutral
  • Appropriate
  • Nonpartisan

Think about it, something politically incorrect falls into one or more of these catagories:

  • Offensive
  • Discriminatory 
  • Biased
  • Charged
  • Inappropriate
  • Partisan

So you are politically correct by not using derogatory terms from antiquated times. You are also politically correct when you don't discriminate based on a person's protected class(es). Actually, just don't discriminate in general, that's even better. So being politically correct isn't really about politics. It's just correct.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Love and Hate

The other day baby girl climbed on top of a laundry basket, theatrically threw her head back and sighed "oh goodness!" Her dramatics were so over the top dr soc and I burst out laughing.
So she did it again. And again. And again, all with a huge smile on her face because we laughed each time.
And she knows how to kiss now too! If we ask for a kiss (and she says yes- no means no!) she'll run over and place her puckered little mouth on our cheek and we squeal with delight because it's one of the sweetest actions and our hearts melt.
She does this because it makes mommy and daddy happy, because she loves us. Love, something we didn't teach her. It didn't have to be taught either, we love her and she knows it so she naturally loves us back. So love, is natural.
My 21 month old loves without ever learning it was something to do. She just does.
So you what's not natural? Hate. Racism. Those are taught.
And I will be damned if I let her learn that.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Unfair Comparison

I have a toddler. She is actually learning the world right now. Words, emotions, boundaries, even how her own body works (thought she doesn't have any rights to it ← not infuriating AT ALL btw). And she's going to make mistakes, she's going to drop a fook every now and again and tell you to shit down. (it's hilarious) She's going to violate a social norm here and there, throw a tantrum in public and even be a bit of an asshole at times, but that's because she really doesn't know any better.

So it is a HUGE insult to toddlers everywhere when you compare asshole-in-chief  to them. And don't excuse his behavior on being new to government either. Trump, four of his children, and all the cronies surrounding him are grown adults. They should know better. They should know social norms and not violate them. They should understand how the world around them works. They should not throw temper tantrums. People in general should not be assholes as a whole. They should know better. Because, once again, They. Are. ADULTS.

So please, stop comparing toddlers to the president. Because it's not a fair comparison at all.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Religious Freedom

I get religion is a big part of people's lives. I know it can offer explanations, be a guiding factor, a convenience and a comfort to a lot of people. Churches can provide support and a sense of community, and that's a good thing. I understand that, and you have the freedom and right to believe that. But for me...I just can't.

Seriously, don't bring your religion into my realm. It can infuriate me when religion is given credit or blamed for something. I prickle when anyone tells me to have a blessed day. I know it's supposed to be an innocuous thing to say, but it really bothers me to have you wish your religious beliefs on my life in general. I appreciate being in your thoughts during a hard time, but I don't want your prayers. Please don't tell me how a baby is a little miracle, because it's science. Why are so many wars and heinous actions done in any god's name? And please don't explain horrible things to me as god's will.  

I know this is not going to be a popular opinion. But it is mine. It is just as much my right to believe as it is yours to not. This will offend someone, somewhere, and there is nothing I can (or will) do about it. And I don't care either, and really you shouldn't either.      

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Color Privilege

My daughter was handing me crayons and I was naming the colors for her along with my own little adages for context. For example:
Pink: this is mommy's favorite color.
Green: you're sitting on your green chair.
White: the color of privilege

Yup.
Because white people, white men, rich white men in particular, can be some stupid ass fools and do whatever they want (especially racist, sexist and ignorant what they want) and the rest of get to suffer the consequences. Because you know the white men aren't going to.

Yes, I know. Not all white people. Not all men. But lets review a few recent instances when white male privilege was totally a thing:

  • Brock Turner (one of the whitest names I've ever heard btw) rapes an unconscious woman. Judge worries about the harm jail will have on him and not the victim of the crime he did
  • Timothy McVeigh, Dylan Roof, and James Holmes are American terrorists, but lets talk about the mental help they should have received and not the victims they killed.
  • The asshole in chief takes a "break" from his 18 day vacation from his own golf club to do part of the job he holds that he will never be qualified for. And he's going to start a nuclear war with N. Korea safe in his tacky gold leaf bunker while the rest of us grow radiation tails as we die a slow painful death in nuclear winter. 

But please, tell me again how white privilege isn't a thing.

Monday, August 14, 2017

Not Surprised

I'm not surprised at the tragedy of Charlottesville. 
Angry about it? Yes. 
Disgusted with all things white supremacists? Absolutely. 
Frustratingly sad and overall appalled? You better believe it. 
But surprised? No. 

This powder keg has been on a slow burn since king deplorable announced his candidacy. And I don't think Charlottesville is going to change a thing. There's going to be another rally. There's going to be more injuries. There will probably be more deaths. The orange asshole will condone by refusing to condemn. There will be public outrage. There will definitely be twitter shaming. But change? Probably not. 
That's fucking terrifying 

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Camping is Gross

I present a classic Spazella:
Reasons I _________ list:
So here is: Reasons I don't camp.
  1. I have no survival skills. I would probably die.
  2. I'm not going to sleep on the ground. Rocks digging into whatever body part they want and dirt? No thank you. 
  3. I don't want to pee in the woods either. (I might feel differently about that if I was a boy and I could write my name in the snow.)
  4. I pretty much hate nature. 
  5. It's too quiet. That scares me.
  6. It's too loud and full of nature noises. That also scares me.
  7. Also, bears live in the woods. Bears will kill you.
  8. No internets? Pass.
  9. I have AAA for hotels. And even if I didn't - I would still hotel.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Context is Key

When my kid says fork she does so w/out the R, so it sounds like f*ck with an accent of sort. Kinda like "fook." I'm totally encouraging it because I'm not about to discourage her language development, but mostly because it's hilarious.
But she's not using fook as a cuss word, she is actually referring to a fork. So she isn't cussing on purpose. Though when she does start cussing in the correct context I will die laughing, because omg the funny.

Anyway, poor baby just had a rough Sunday.
First she slipped on the cutting board she was playing with on the floor while I cleaned the cabinet it was in. Her little feet flew out from under her, landed flat on her back onto the kitchen floor and burst into tears. About an hour later she shut a drawer on her fingers and started screaming. And 20 minutes after that she ran face first into a door frame.

She could have really used some forks.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Beggars can't be Choosers

I was in the bathroom at work and the person in the stall next to me sighed heavily and made a comment about how nice it would be to have toilet seat covers.
I did not respond because:
  1. I don't want to talk when I am in a public restroom.
  2. I don't want to hear anyone else's commentary in the bathroom either.   
And my response to the comment wouldn't have been much help. See there are 20 branches in the system I work for, but my branch is one of the smallest and not affluent.  So if I had commented, which I wouldn't have because I don't want to talk or listen to anyone when using the bathroom, I would have said:

You want toilet seat covers? We don't even have a plunger 75% of the time.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Life truths

In honor of my 35th birthday, I present the life truths I stand by.

  • A good pen will make or break your day.
  • There is no such thing as a "quick trip to Ikea."
  • You can never have too many coats.
  • Never trust a female without female friends.
  • Generic applesauce and oatmeal taste exactly like cardboard.
  • Don't buy generic toilet paper. Ever.
  • Always smell the milk first.
  • Removing that stay hair bothering the crap out of you from your clothes is one of life's greatest victories.
  • A person's use of spell check is a determining factor in friendship levels.
  • Don't trust someone who doesn't have nice shoes.
  • Pandas are assholes.
  • White clothes are the ultimate stain magnet.
  • Tupperware cannot be organized.
  • Socks the dryer eats reincarnate as random Tupperware pieces.
  • Wearing a dress or skirt with pockets automatically defaults to a good day.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Character Driven

Dr soc and I have watched football, the news, special events and such while the baby was in the room. We made an effort to not put the tv on for her though, so her not being interested in the tv/iPad when it was on gave me a tiny bit of mommy smugness, like that effort had paid off.

But she is noticing it now. Which, I knew was inevitable. At least right now she's more into Sesame Street characters than Disney characters. Which I know is also inevitable. And don't get me wrong, I love Disney. I'm just not ready to bemoan Cinderella Ate My Daughter (great read btw).

My girl already knows Sesame Street characters names (probably from the same 12 books we read her 83 time a day), about loses her damn mind when any Sesame Street song plays on toddler radio (yeah, that's a thing) and locks in on any video (but not enough to let me trim her talons nails). But I can't blame her on that last one - to be honest I've probably watched this video more times than my daughter...
  

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Pampers Points

On occasion my toddler will say "poop-poop" after she has done just that. (Other times she'll say it and grunt with a huge grin because it's hilarious.)
So the fist time she legit (not the bullsh*t-pun intended-version) did this, my mom-sense immediately recognized this as a sign she's could be ready to potty train. Mommy however, is not ready.  Nope.
Do I want my kid to be in diapers forever? No, of course not. Diapers are expensive and environmentally toxic and gross in general. But...I'm just not mentally there.
She's only 19 months old, still a baby. My small helpless baby is a legit toddler and she's growing into a strong, chatty opinionated little girl right on schedule. But she's still a tiny little girl - the 1st percentile. She would fall in! The stool to reach the potty and sink would probably be bigger and heavier than her. I mean... how could such a tiny little girl be ready?
At least she's not really showing any other signs. So the mom-guilt isn't flaring up at this particular moment over this. I'm sure it will soon enough over something just as developmentally important, but meh, for now I'll change my baby's diapers.      

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

High Road / Low Road

When they go low, we go high. Yes, yes, lovely sentiment.
I get that there is dignity in the high road...

But who's getting elected for the most part?
Who's writing healthcare laws for everyone behind the no girls allowed secret clubhouse Senate doors? (hint: no one suffering from the pre-existing condition "women" or "not-white")
And look who's in the Oval Office. That ass did not get there via the high road. He didn't even try a nicety shortcut here and there. He frolicked on the low road and is now lapping up the flattery of the deplorables.      

So yeah, the low road won, and took out most of the high road too. The low road gang gets the chance to do something, anything, because they are the majority.  A lot of good dignity does when you aren't even allowed on the playing field.

So f*ck going high. Go low. Fight dirty. Be UGLY. And stop time going backwards.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Dirty Words

My toddler mimics everything she hears. The words, the inflection, any sound effects (and we do a lot of sound effects), everything. All it takes is for one dirty word to slip out and next thing you know the kid's dropping F-bombs and calling people assholes (but if I'm being honest I will probably lose it because that would be hilarious). In other words, we have to watch our language now.  

You know what isn't a dirty word though? Compromise.

I'm tired of this zero sum game politics have become and scared the omnipresent vitriol will continue to hurt more and more people like yesterday. One of these days the people hurt could be me, my loved ones, even you. You honestly never, ever know.  When did everything become so black and white? How did disagreement become the insurmountable divide?

And one more thing sorta related to sides: when you don't say anything because you know it's not politically correct. That? Is not correct. "It" is politically correct now because at some point "it" was racist, or sexist, or any other outdated way of speech. Stop those dirty words too.  

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Hair Trigger

Republican senators and their staff were shot at with a semi-automatic weapon.
Across the country - literally across the country- in San Francisco two victims and the gunman are dead from a shooting at the same time.
And in Georgia there's a man hunt has been going on for over 24 hours for two inmates who escaped by shooting their correction officers with the officers' own weapons.

HOW.
MANY.
MORE.
SHOOTINGS.
UNTIL.
REAL.
GUN.
CONTROL?  

Monday, June 12, 2017

Bills, Bills, Bills

While the asshole president is throwing his ritual twitter tantrums, the Senate and/or House is quietly passing their deathbed healthcare bill. I'm sure they're all hoping while the president sulks we won't notice the damage they are eliciting. I will say I am so confused. I just don't get the whens, whats, whys, whos and hows the government and bills should do.

Because church and state are separate entities, and corporations need to be left alone to regulate themselves. Fortune 500 companies may rightfully impose the CEO's personal religions beliefs on their employees. Denying abusers access to firearms is unconstitutional, but denying healthcare (or help to the victims of those firearms) is totally kosher. Speaking of Judaism, it's okay to practice whatever religion as long as it's not Islam, or you're brown, and you don't take the jobs white American is too good for. A poppy seed sized embryo is a person with all of it's rights and those rights take precedence over and at the expense of the female host, but only while being hosted. Females in general should not make health decisions about their own life/bodies but are held fully responsible when they were recklessly female and assaulted.

And then there's the enabling the poor people with entitlements. Don't feed the poor kids at school or have a safe place to go after school. Their parents need to work harder, get a job with a living wage and move to a better part of town. But don't mandate a living wage for heavens sake! Where would that money come from? Those rich tax breaks don't go very far.

Seriously, I don't get it. Can I get this mansplained?

Monday, June 5, 2017

Love

Two years ago today my father passed away in the morning.
It's something I'll never forget. Even though he had been sick for years and it wasn't unexpected, I was still gobsmacked that this was the moment to truly say goodbye. I wanted to sob and have Dad comfort me like always, but I knew comforter was my role now. So I held it together, just enough. I called my sister so she was able to say goodbye. Mom, Mike and I sat beside him and told him over and over how much we love him. Mom and I each held his hands as he slipped away, and then he was gone. And I'll never forget that.

But something else I won't forget is that evening when so many dear friends came over. They all brought food so we wouldn't have to cook the next few days. We were laughing, remembering, looked through years of pictures, they just keept us company. Every light in the house was on, was it was loud, and it felt alive, surrounded and filled with love. So even though there was a huge hole in my heart with my dad gone, my heart still felt very full.

Life still feels that way at times. Like something is missing at times, or something has changed in some way, but my heart still feels full.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Flashback Friday


MARRIED!!!!!
Want more pictures and all the feels? Click on the link above ⬆ and prepare to be amazed (I certainly was, but I admit I may have something of a bias).

Anyway, five years on one hand feels like a long time. And on the other hand five years doesn't seem long at all. Look at all we've done! Either way, Happy anniversary my love!


Friday, May 19, 2017

Double Standard

I am so fcking annoyed of the douche bag president.
I'm so fcking sick at the excuses everyone makes for him.
But I'm really SO. FUCKING. ENRAGED with the double standards.

President Obama: Faithfully married 20+ years to the lovely woman he raises 2 daughters with.
Cheeto-in-Chief Trump: Unfaithfully married to 3 different women with 5 children he doesn't bother to raise.   
Secretary Clinton: Faithfully married 40+ years to an unfaithful man she raised 1 strong daughter with- and said daughter is faithfully married and has two children herself.

And that's just their personal lives.
As far as political lives....
OMG the emails. Twitter had storm after storm about those mother fcking emails.   
Trump blabs classified information to the Russians because he's boasting about his super awesome intell like the stupid 5 year old he is. Radio Silence.



   
   All the internal screaming. 


Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Ode to the Baby Wipe

I suppose the Ode to the Baby Wipe is a right of passage of sorts, since once anyone starts using them they realize what wonderful and useful things they are. So I present:

The Baby Wipes Ode
You wipe much more than baby's bottom,
Though that is your main MO.
The truth is you clean so many things,  
Messes in general, are your foe.
 
You've touched every surface in my house,
Leaving no streaks or residue fog.
You don't grab crumbs from the floor however,
But that's because we have a dog.

I do admit, I have brand preferences,
To me some have more clout.
But I love you wipes enough in general,
to ever go without.

I buy in bulk and keep stashes on hand,
Diaper bags aren't complete without you.
I keep you in my purse and car,
Plus gym bag, stroller and highchair too.

At some point my kids will be potty trained,
So I won't need you quiet as often.
But baby wipes I'll never give you up completely,
I love you so, you're awesome!


Saturday, April 1, 2017

Birthday Dog

Who has four paws and turns 9 today?  This dog! Happy birthday Jules!
#bostonterriersofinstagram
Also? This dog also had cancer. Two different kinds with two different probabilities of spreading at the same time. Yeah. That blows.
But! Neither one spread internally. We caught them early enough and have removed all of it so far. So she has a relatively clean bill of health right now. Which is the best possible news we could have gotten for this. No chemo or radiation treatment needed.  
But even if they were treatment options, we're not going to take it. It may not work, it's hella expensive, but most importantly Jules wouldn't understand what she would be going through.  We're going to do what's best for her, and that means keeping her comfortable.     
I have a feeling Jules will be with us for a few more years, if for no other reason the bounty of table scraps the baby drops. And Jules is a fighter, all heart. So even if this is what eventually takes her out, I know she won't go without a fight. 

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Music to My Ears

For valentines day dr soc gave me tickets to for "Music of the Beatles with the Charlotte Symphony." The event was on Saint Patrick's Day and it was amazing! It was so much fun, so entertaining, people were dancing in their seats (and waving their phones like lighters) and so many songs gave me the feels/goosebumps. I spent the entire song "Good Night" clutching my heart knowing I need to learn that for the baby (and her hopefully one day sibling).  If this amazing group comes back in the area I would buy tickets in a heartbeat

You know, I'd forgotten how much I love live music. I've said before I'm not really a "music person," but that's not really true. I was in choir from fifth grade until high school graduation. I was in color guard/marching band for 3 years of high school, and in elementary school I played the (bigger than me) cello and the clarinet (that was also too big for me since my hands weren't big enough to reach the bottom holes) a year each. I could sight read sheet music. I loved going to the philharmonic with my parents and have a true appreciation for the skill and dedication professional musicians have. I recognize classical pieces and can sometimes give you the name of the composer. I mostly listen to NPR in my car now, but I sing along to the radio if I know the song.

But my music education fell by the wayside in college and "music" at that time became more along the lines of going to a rock concert. And I pretty much only went and to John Mayer before-he-became-a-total-douche concerts. In my 20's I stopped singing along with the radio because my ex would always ask if I was singing about him no matter the song or was an ass and changed the station in my car. (after I very pointedly said I didn't touch his radio he stopped that). And the only live shows we went to were in smokey bars where his heavy metal band was playing. So because I didn't like his music, I probably said I wasn't a "music person" to get him off my case at some point and believed that after a while. So I didn't go to any type of concert for a while and turns out I missed it.

So I'm so glad we went to this concert. We had babysitters so dr soc and I had date night and it was wonderful. We went to dinner, heard some of the best music ever written live and I remembered how much I enjoy live music. What a great night!    

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Words Matter 2.0

Last week Cheeto-in-Chief read from a teleprompter and acted like an adult for about an hour.  He quickly received pats on the back, praise from the media (which he has previously vilified), stayed remarkable quiet on Twitter for the next 24 hours and the republican party was tickled pink red that he gave an unremarkable politician-type speech. Yay!

Really? You want to give him a sticker for that?  Don't "yay" him for acting presidential- that's his job. Which he has had for over a month now and flooded the swamp with dimwits just like himself btw. Don't praise him for reading the teleprompter and simply not yelling. Don't laud him for not being an asshole for a moment in time. He's still the tiny-handed puppet for the aforementioned replenished swamp of über rich racist sexist ignorant fools that is his administration.

So he didn't yell gave a stump speech. In it he said he condemns the hate crimes flourishing under his tenure, and judge him on what he said. But he also judge him on what he doesn't say. His tolerance and downplaying the sheer volume of hate crimes matters too. The lack of those words matter just as much, maybe even more.  

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Words Matter

You know that part of the first amendment that "Congress shall make no law ... abridging the freedom of speech..." part?
FYI: Freedom of speech Freedom from ramifications of that speech.

It is not an excuse to spew vitriol and be indignant when someone calls you out on it. It doesn't mean you can say whatever you want and then not be held accountable for that.

It bugs the hell out of me when anyone claim their freedom of speech right is being "threatened" whenever there is backlash over something they've said. Like when the the fcking president commits sexual assault and brushes off the bragging as "locker room talk." Then acts indignant when he's held accountable for those crude words and despicable actions. His mouthpiece Conway makes up the Bowling Green Massacre and acts like the wounded party for her "honest mistake" when she was being made fun of. It took condoning pedophilia to finally make that Milo troll shut up for a while (he'll be back, roaches like him are hard to keep down). And that racist Georgia couple had the nerve to bawl in court after being handed a well deserved prison sentence for threatening a child's birthday party.  
All of them, along with countless others behaving like insolent children when their right to speak freely didn't protect them from any consequences those hurtful words may have caused.

I'm frankly sick of it. Just SHUT THE FUCK UP. Because words matter.

Saturday, February 4, 2017

ASStricked Second Amendment

The Second Amendment with today's asstricks
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.*

*nothing, not even the health and safety of the public,* can get in the way of everyone and anyone having a firearm. Everyone, even proven crazies that might be flagged (but not stopped, let's be honest) can get their unstable and hateful trigger happy hands on a gun. Not mildly alarming at all.
*us peions who don't have people surrounding us whose job is to take a bullet for you.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

ASSterisk

Asterisk: noun
noun: asterisk; plural noun: asterisks
  1. a symbol (*) used to mark printed or written text, typically as a reference to an annotation or to stand for omitted matter.
ASSterisk: noun

  1. exceptions, most likely cherry picked to justify asshole behavior

This is first amendment with Cheeto-in-chief's ASStrericks

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion*, *except the TV ratings gods
or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;* except Islam, Muslims are bad hombres
or abridging the freedom of speech,* *unless you don't agree with Cheeto in chief's "alternative facts."  
or of the press*; *except Twitter. No fake news like CNN, The Washington Post and New York Times allowed either
or the right of the people* *white men and very pretty women 
peaceably to assemble,* *but not in groups larger than inauguration crowds
and to petition* *but not peacefully protest en mass 
the government* *the patriarchy 
for a redress of grievances* *not discrimination in the workplace, sexual assault, unpaid family leave, unequal pay, autonomy of our own bodies.... real issues like hurting Cheeto's feelings

Now onto Amendment 2...

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Feel the burn

As someone who has completed a full marathon (and couldn't walk to prove it) and enough half marathons to loose count on occasion (7. I think 7), I know a few things about working out. I love yoga, dancing like a fool is so fun and runners high are great. Achieving fitness goals and working out are things to be proud of. I'm totally for being active, taking care of oneself and having a healthy lifestyle, especially now that I am a parent.

But god people, I so. don't. care. about your workouts.

You signed up for a race? Awesome! You can fit into a smaller size after working on that for months? Wonderful! Quit smoking 3 years ago? Rock on! Hell, even I've posted about getting stuck in my sports bra, because flailing around like a T-rex is hilarious.

But: Mention you got up at 4 am again to use your favorite treadmill at the gym? Ran 4.13 miles on run keeper? Announce you're 17 days into your wheat grass/acacia berries/organic unicorn hair-diet lunch? Instagramed the kettle bells that were "torture but OMG soooo worth it?" And posted some little workout quip along the lines of sweat is fat crying leaving your body- all within 12 hours?

STFU.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

The Patriarchy!

So if the past election and current president have anything to show it it that sexism is alive and well and the patriarchy isn't going anywhere for a while.

The (white, female) SNL writer who tweeted once about the president's youngest son was called out multiple times by multiple people. She:

  • Acknowledged it was out of line.
  • Apologized for the tweet.
  • Deleted the tweet and her account.
  • Was indefinitely suspended from her job.
  • And people are still demanding her head.

A (rich, orange) businessman tweets "flaming hot piles of brain vomit" since June 2015 insulting 305 different people/places/things NOUNS (including: revered civil rights leader John Lewis, entire countries, the Associated Press, mainstream media (which made him famous in the first place) and Major League Baseball (possibly the most American thing there is)). He:

  • Became the 45th POTUS.

So yeah, the patriarchy ⚑⚐*waves flag*⚑⚐


Saturday, January 21, 2017

Lady Math


So something like 200 buses applied for parking permits for the inauguration and 1200 applied for the for the women's march the day after. That's  three times as many people protesting the patriarchy.
Heh.
But where the hell were those numbers on election day?!?!

Now there's probably a pretty good chance those of us angry enough to get involved to march in DC and across the country were probably involved enough to vote. (Like me, I'm angry, I'm marching, and I sure as hell voted) why didn't those same mass numbers elect HRC?

I bet this has something to do with lady math. Maybe all the angry marching numbers were concentrated in the angry liberal small states that have small electoral college numbers. Oh, oh I know! I bet all us angry marchers are women so our lady votes only counted as 3/4!  

Lady Math sucks.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Buckle up

Doomsday. The apocalypse. Tribunal of penance.
Inauguration day is here. GULP.

Okay, so, as much as I want to see that misogynistic asshole fail spectacularly, that would mean the country we all live in would suffer the same fate. Okay, fine, don't fail spectacularly.
But if he's removed from office, we get villain-face Pence...and that's pretty scary. Scarier than the inexperienced clown in office, because this guy has experience and it pretty much anti-everything. So no villain face in power either.
Which leaves us the Speaker of the House: Ryan. Also scary, but in a prettier/younger package to make him more palatable for the general public.

Well these options suck. I guess the best thing I can hope is Congress stays on the obstructionist path and nothing gets done the next 4 years (please, please, please 4 years).  So while we're no better off-at least we're not back in 1954.  

God help us all.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Source Materials

So since multiple intelligence sources have reported on Russian hacking but this most recent one's claims of pres-elect being in collusion with Russia are unsubstantiated, it's to be dismissed as "fake" and ignored and we're on the cusp of him taking office. (***cries*** so many CRIES). And while the details and level of collusion may very well end up being over inflated, there's still enough evidence that Russia hacking our election isn't fake.

However, one redit thread with the pizzagate conspiracy a week before the election and has actually been proven to be fake and should have been dismissed, was enough that a shooting an assault riffle into an occupied public space was considered acceptable enough behavior. One source, no evidence and vigilante justice.

This does not bode well to me. The next 4 years (please, please please only 4 years) are going to be tough.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

It's What I Do

For the longest time dr soc wanted a bench for shoe storage in our foyer-ish area for the 4 times a year people use the front door, and for the longest time I resisted. But with 16 people coming for Thanksgiving I finally acquiesced to it, but since I can be very particular when it comes to furniture, it was on me to find one we both liked.
So I found one on Amazon I liked and two days later (love Prime) it was on our doorstep. Dr soc assembled it, we put it in place and...it didn't look right.
Dr soc was indifferent on it but I liked it just enough to think about keeping it. So dr soc found another spot for it in the house because he loves me. But that spot made me indifferent on the bench. And then this conversation happened:

me: I'm fine with where that bench is. But you know that it's just going to become another spot I put stuff* on and clutter.
dr soc: But you don't have to put stuff there...
me: Yeah but I will. It's what I do.
dr soc: Yeah but you don't ...
me: It's what I do.
dr soc::sigh of resignation:: Can we send the bench back?
me: Yes. (once again, love Prime)
dr soc: Ok. Do it.

* he loves me decidedly less when the sprawl gets extra sprawly.