Friday, April 30, 2010

Strays

I know helping people is a good thing, the same goes for charity. And I believe that empathy is the lost art of human nature at times. But...

A lot of homeless gather in the park right next to my work, which is smack dab in the middle of downtown. And the city wants to move them to a less conspicuous part of town, so as not to give the wrong impression to the fancy Europeans when the WEG start. They want to hide the underbelly of society like every other city wants to hide its' underbelly.

But you know what might make them stop gathering in such droves in that park? If you didn't feed them there. They're just like stray cats you know? You feed them once and they never leave. And then they bring their friends with them the next time too.

Just saying...

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Stage Fright

As talkative as I am and as sociable as I am, it's a huge surprise that I hate public speaking. I'm downright terrified of it. My hands shake, my heart pounds, and I can project my voice just fine, but it's all shaky too. This is also why I'll probably never do karaoke either, I get stage fright.

I did drama my senior year of high school and I did not have this problem. I could perform well enough, memorize my lines (for the most part) and have a good time while doing so. But lets admit that theater is just a grown up way of playing pretend.

Because when I get to daap and try the interior design thing, that kind of presentation is a different zone. It's your work pined up on that wall, and it's you trying to defend it. Yes it's a critique and I understand it's not a ticker tape parade. But it's essentially a verbal smack down if you will. At least it was for me, I don't ever remember having a good crit. I had plenty of bad ones, and I guess the rest of them were ok enough that I don't remember them being bad.

So now, I'm terrified of public speaking. I don't even like reading aloud in class at times. And I have 2 end of the semester presentations this semester. I did the first one this morning. I bet you're wondering how it went. I tried to keep my hands on the desk so the shaking wouldn't be obvious, but that's hard for me to continue since I talk with my hands. My voice shook from start to finish. And because I was nervous I talked even faster then I normally do. So my 8-10 minute presentation was done in 6 minutes. Six minutes of shaky rapid fire god knows what coming from my mouth.

Yeah. 'Eff you daap.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Future Talk

Dr Soc talks long term. Not in a years long term sense, but yeah, future talk. Like what to get me for my birthday which is in a few months. How we'll make up for lost time from this semester over the summer. The possibility of a little summer vacation together. Saying he'll drive on trips so he can control the radio (apparently, my music taste is still an undesirable trait, no matter what guy I date). The dogs' future play dates. Or telling me how it's not a good idea to make out during his office hours next semester (what?).

You know, stuff like that. So somewhat far away but not too far, but still, in the future.

I'd say things are good between us. Squeee!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Blended Family

On nights that I spend with dr soc, as much fun as I have with him and his dog, part of me misses my Bailey. I can play with his dog Jules and she's a great little thing, but she's not my doggie. So dr soc and I decided it was time for our dogs/girls to meet each other.

I was nervous about it, and I think he was too. I voiced my nerves a little bit when I said "I hope they get along..." and I caught a hint of apprehension in his voice when he agreed with my thought. Because we both knew how tough things could get for us in the long run if our dogs didn't get along. But if they did like each other, then I could bring Bailey with me when I sleep over, the dogs/girls get a play date of the 4 legged variety and everyone's happy.

And they got along! It took a little while for them to establish dominance (my dog won, she's got 30 lbs on Jules) and learn how the other played, but once they figured that out, they played! And played and played and played some more. They only stopped to mark a few spots in the backyard and then continued on with their rough and tumble swat frolicking good time. Even thought they were exhausted and panting, they still would not stop. It was exhausting just watching them. We tried to get them to calm down, I ended up holding Jules and dr soc was holding Bailey and we were all sitting on the couch like one big happy family. But they were bound and determined to play. It wasn't until we decided to go to bed and put them in their crates that they calmed down and settled in for the night. And then this morning, when they were let out of their respective crates, Bailey wanted to start the whole thing over again. But we had to leave since her mommy had to get her morning coffee, and dr soc is a grown up and had to go to work. She's all bummed right now because we left her buddy, and she's napping to recharge.

But phew, I'm really really glad they like each other.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Run Sarah Run!

So. I completed my 2nd half marathon (4th overall) of the season yesterday!

My time was 2:12:58. Phew, just under 2:13 (I don't like 13), and better than I anticipated, because I was thinking I finished about 2:15.

While that's not my personal best, I'm happy with everything overall. The weather was great while I raced (the marathoners and half marathoners who were still running 40 minutes after I finished... there was a tornado warning and they had to finish in the pouring rain). Not going to lie, it was a hard course for me. I didn't train for rolling hills, (that's a my bad) and it was a packed race so I had to do a lot more bobbing and weaving when I had to get around people.

But the crowd support was amazing! The volunteers who passed out water/cyto-max (Gatorade wanna-be) were every 2 miles or so and they cheered the entire time for everyone. There were gels at mile 11 (I passed since I already had one at mile 7 and I didn't want to have stomach issues the rest of the day), a fruit stand passing out bananas, apples and oranges around mile 5, medics handing out gobs of Vaseline and other stuff (I was so happy for them, my arms were chafing), cheerleaders from the local high schools at different parts of the course, music stands about every 3 miles (it's music city, makes sense really) tons of "go so-and-so" signs, and plenty of local spectators who just came to watch, cheer and give a random high fives without anyone in particular to cheer for. I don't think there was a quite portion of the course.

So it was a ton a fun, even if my time wasn't my best. I'm pretty happy with everything.
Wow, I just completed my 4th half marathon! God, who would have thunk?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Hi, Pot? It's Kettle!

Fake Blond 1: ohmygod, can you, like, concentrate when there are other people talking around you?
Fake Blond 2: No! Like when I go to the library and there are people there just, hanging out and stuff. Omg, there were these two girls in the cubby behind me like totally planning their cruise together! Ech, I was like, god, go somewhere else you know?
FB 1: Oh I know, it's so rude!

This was the conversation going on behind me in my social theory class while were were breaking into small discussion groups. Apparently, it totally bugs them and they can't concentrate when someone around them is having a completely different conversation.

So then what do these two girls proceed to do? Talk the rest of class about everything else except social theory. (you know, the class we're in)

FB 1: Yeah, I used to go to ASU. There's a pool like every other house, even the dorms have them (um, duh, it's Arizona). And you know, I'm from Wisconsin, so I was like whoa! when I saw how small everyone's clothes were.
FB 2: God, I could not go there then, I would have such a bad body image!
FB 1: It's not that bad really. It's a different type of pretty there. It's sorta skanky actually. It's like a fake kind of pretty (says the girl with an inch of roots in her blond hair).

At that point I stopped trying to ignore them and just gave in to my annoyance. I was going to be of no use to my discussion group at that rate. It seems that I can't concentrate either when there's a set of cast iron behind me.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Well Now What?

So last night, I told dr soc I was falling in love with him.
At least I think I did. I don't know if I actually said it see. Huh? What do I mean?

Well, I was really tired first off. Long trip home, up all night writing a (terrible) paper, stressed with school, feeling not ready for this half...you know, normal stress out stuff. Add to the tiredness a bath so I'm really relaxed. Add a glass of wine to that too. A big glass of good wine from Napa. (yes, wine in the tub. We're still in that romantic stage and I like it) So I'm a little drunk too.

So being tired, relaxed and a little drunk, I'm very content with life at that particular moment and decided it that was share time.

Right before I fall asleep, I tell him I'm falling in love with him. And then I did my "sleepy noise" and the next thing I knew it was morning.

So, I think I told him, because well, I just said it was right before I fell asleep. So I may have said it, I may have not. I could have been thinking about it and not said it. I could have been dreaming as well.

I mean, I'm pretty sure I said it. But I also don't know that for sure, or if I was just dreaming in the first place.
But whatever I did or didn't do, I do know he didn't say it back.

So....yeah...

Monday, April 19, 2010

Spider Monkey

I was cleaning my inbox and found this conversation between my girlfriends from back in the summer and came across this little gem:

M: We're going camping and we're sleeping in bunk beds! Though I'm not sure if I want the top or bottom bed because I'm afraid of getting crushed by the top if I'm on the bottom, but also scared of falling off if I'm on the top bunk.

Me: I always claimed the top bunk when I went to camp. (yes, it was middle school. My aversion to outdoorsy stuff hadn't developed yet)

M: Why? Was the fear of being crushed or to stay as far away from critters?

Me: I think it's because I just like to climb things.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

10 years

My 10 year high school reunion is going on right now. I graduated high school 10 years ago. Well, shit.

I'm not at the reunion. I'm in Napa with my bestest friends for their joint 30th birthday celebration. And the way I figure it, the people I wanted to stay in touch with, I have. It wasn't a tough call really, lots of wine with my bestest friends, or cash bar and small talk with a bunch of people I haven't seen in 10 years.

Plus, I don't have a lot to brag about. In the past ten years, I've accumulated about a thousand college credits that mean nothing, a failed engagement, no children, and I've moved 19 times only to end up back in my hometown. Really, the only thing notable that happened to me in the past ten years is that I got hotter. Don't get me wrong, I was still pretty cute in high school. But I know I look better now then I did in high school (default crush told a mutual friend that, before he was default crush and before I was even engaged. (we were drinking) So mutual friend promptly turned around and told me that. Of course she did.)

But I have nothing to put on paper. And well, I don't want to show my hot self until I do.

There's always the 20 year right?

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

What am I? Chopped Liver?

Being a bartender ups your hot points. But when I bartended at a restaurant in town, I wasn't in the running of viable crushable girls. It was common knowledge that I had an out of town boyfriend (though many coworkers thought he didn't exist because he never came to visit me. I-75 only ran one way didn't you know?), so I was more buddy-buddy then evil-woman-threat at this job. Which was a nice change of pace from my last bartending job (I was a pretty girl behind the bar, clearly I was going to steal everyone's husband/boyfriend). Well anyway, our black polyester shirts and non-slip shoes weren't the most becoming outfits. And I'm off the market anyway, so why did it matter if anyway? I barely gave it a thought. Until my sister came to visit me at work.

I was in the back getting something when she first showed up, and my manager happened to see her first at the bar through the crowds of people. Being a sucker for pretty girls, he approached her (of course) and asked if he could do anything for her. And when she said she was waiting for someone, he knew immediately that it was me, and this was my sister. And being the gossip that he is, soon the whole restaurant staff knew my sister was visiting, and she's HOT!

Suddenly, every male coworker had a drink order or needed something from the bar. Some even just came to say "hi." Uh huh. I got more hellos in a half hour then I had the entire month we had all been working there it seemed. Yes my sister is hot. She knows this. She looks great because we were blessed with the same type metabolism, but she also has a ridiculous work ethic and takes a lot of pride in her athletic capabilities. After she left to do some Christmas shopping, the adoration really started flowing. And I was jealous. Very, very jealous.

I agreed with the first "hey Sarah, hot sister." I agreed with the 2nd. And 3rd, and 4th. But by the 5th in a 10 minute time frame, I was annoyed. So when the manager told me the 800th same thing, I reacted like a very jealous female (much like my former coworkers actually) and snapped out: she's underage!

Which promptly shut everyone up.

It wasn't true, and they called my bluff when they realized I had been serving her at the bar. I sighed and admitted she's 21. "But she's almost engaged, lives in DC and off limits. Besides, she's out of your league anyway." And with that I stalked off and finished my shift.

Sigh, I know I was a coworker which maybe made me even more off limits than my sister, but I guess how many people stopped by to say hi after she left? Yeah. Thanks guys. Lot of good my bartender hot points got me.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Physics

Me: "wait, is this physics?"
Guy: "well, kinda..."
Me: "oh, well then I don't care anymore."

Someone was trying to explain baseball stats or something to me, but well, ya know. Once I realized I was getting a physic's discussion I knew I wouldn't understand. I've never really understood physics, nor do I have any intention to try to do so.

So here's my personal physics conundrum: once I start falling in love (the rare times that I do), I can't stop. Object in motion will remain in motion sorta thing right?

I am falling in love with Dr Soc. Yep. I knew I was before he even told me about the interview of the far far away job. And when presented with the fear of him leaving, I told myself to slow down and don't fall as a mode of self preservation.

So what do I do? I start falling harder and faster.

Dammit. Suck it Sir Issac Newton, explain that to me.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

What I Learned from Cosmo

  • The only way I will ever get a man is with my vag.
  • But don't show him the cookie right away or else he'll think you're easy. Which you are because you read cosmo.
  • No seriously, vag, only way.
  • By all means, use your feminine wiles to initially lure him, and your charm to get him to buy you a drink.
  • But then, do dirty sex tricks because you are a cosmo girl and that's what a cosmo girl does!
  • And it's the only reason he likes you in the first place too.
Seriously, for a woman's magazine, the entire thing is about men. Where to meet him, what to wear to attract his attention, how to snare him, how to keep him interested (w/your hoo, duh, we've been over this), how to balance your friends and your new guy time evenly, and eventually how to get over him because you ran out of dirty sex tricks. (btw, I do not consider crossing your ankles to one side a dirty sex trick, and crossing them to the other side a completely different one. It's an either or, not 2 separate things.)

Thanks cosmo! I'm a fun fearless female now!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Narrow It Down


K: You remember Russ, from climb time?
me: umm, not really. What did he look like?
K: dark hair, glasses, climber build.
Me: nope, still not ringing a bell. I'd have to see a picture, do we have a yearbook?
K: oh he didn't go to high school with us, he was older.
Me: ah, well, still no.
K: he told us to not talk to boys. Surely you remember him, you flirted with him.
Me: I flirted with everyone! Like that narrows it down.
Everyone else: *snort* good point.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Laugh or Cry?

You know those situations when you don't know whether to laugh or cry? You know, when something happens like you hurt yourself and the pain is excruciating so you start cracking up because you need a release, any release. That's how I reacted when I skied into a lamp post. I started laughing hysterically becasue it hurt like seven shades of hell. (I ended up going to the hospital that night, and when my boyfriend called to break up with me that same night, he chickened out. Then a week later he still didn't have the kahunas to do so, so I ended up calling him so he could break up with me. Yeah.)

This morning there was a situation that was really frustrating for all of us, and all I did was watch helplessly. The whole conversation seemed so over the top, bigger than life and grotesquely comical that I wanted to laugh. At the absurdity of the situation. So I'm trying to hold back a giggle, because in reality the situation is the furthest thing from funny, and I know that. I didn't know if I was going to laugh or cry.

And then I felt sick for wanting to laugh, so then I wanted to cry for being a horrible person. Which left me holding back inappropriate giggles as well as tears that were starting to sting. And I thought to myself: hey look at that. You know those situations when you don't know whether to laugh or cry? Crying ultimately ends up winning.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Optimist...Yeah....

Dr Soc is interviewing for a job far far away. I am not happy about this.

I understand the situation. I've even somewhat been in a similar type of thing myself. Like I said, I understand. But do I like it? Not one bit.

I'm falling for him (it seems incredibly soon I know). But now I don't know if I tell him because it seems selfish to do so.

I know I'm jumping the gun. It's just an interview. It's not an offer or an acceptance. And what's the worst that could happen? He gets an offer and accepts, yay for him. Then he moves and I never see him again, boo for us. Yeah that sucks for us, but for a few months we both got to date someone pretty great. I've survived much worse (see first few months of the blog if you need further clarification).

So it will turn out ok somehow. But I'm the furthest thing from a super fan that the situation exists in the first place.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Baby Fat

me: Hey, you want to go to yoga with me and P?
D: Sure. But I won't be the only fatty in the room right?
me: You are not a fatty, you had a 10 lb baby 6 weeks ago. Pregnancy weight is not fat. (Though the class is full of 20 year old toothpick sorority girls fyi...)

Apparently, when you have a baby, you gain weight. Go figure. And it's not the baby alone that packs on the pounds, you gain weight everywhere and in addition to the baby. And we live in a culture where getting old and fat are unforgivable beauty sins, so pregnancy is no excuse to not look your best either (because the impending pressure of raising another person isn't enough, you have to look amazing at the same time). So this weight gain thing that happens when you get knocked up, really isn't the best morale booster.

Pregnancy weight is NOT fat.

That is unless I don't like you* and think you're a bitch, then yeah, your pregnancy is fat.

* former co-worker. Nosy bitch wanted to know what my (wedding) dress looked like so she could tell everyone else about it. Because that's her surprise to ruin. And also, since I was engaged, clearly, I was already pregnant or soon on my way to being so according to her. We then had the following conversation in front of several other co workers:
me: I'm not going to be fat in my wedding gown.
fcw: pregnancy is not fat! I was 8 months pregnant my wedding day.

me: I know. Whatever makes you feel better about that I guess.
Other co worker: (hushed voices) did Sarah just call her fat in her wedding gown?


So moral of the story: Friend pregnancy = not fat and congratulations on the baby.
Nemesis pregnancy = you're just fat
And yes, I'm a bitch. I'm ok with that.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Knocked Up

When I got engaged, a lot people asked if I was pregnant. I'm serious. Well, let me rephrase that. None of my friends asked that, but most of my ex's did. Our coworkers asked (we worked together at the time) as well, but I group those people as "his people."

But yeah, they (coworkers) were all excited and asked to see the ring, but then they pulled my ex aside and asked him in hushed tones, so... is Sarah pregnant? Because 1st, that's their business. And 2nd, the only reason anyone gets married nowadays is because of a pregnancy, clearly.

And that's bull shit by the way, what's the stat/percentage of single motherhood? High. Harley anyone does the antiquated honorable thing and gets married before the baby is born. (I do know of some couples that do marry after the child is born, therefore unbastadizing the child. Better late then never I suppose?)

Everyone figured out I wasn't pregnant because I was still a skinny bitch and drinking like a fish. But since we were having a somewhat long engagement, (it would have been close to 18 months) there was still plenty of time for me to get pregnant. I mean what? How does wearing a ring suddenly make me an idiot about my birth control? But it wasn't that I wasn't pregnant and nowhere near on the verge of announcing it that threw them the most off. Nope, what threw people for a loop was that I wanted to (gasp!) be married for a few years (years!) before starting a family. WHAT?? I was planning on kids? In a few years? And they were going to be legitimate? What the hell kind of person was I?

An old fashioned one. No wonder I called these people "those people."

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Summer Clothes

Mother Nature got my letter and brought back spring. Yay! So what do Kentucky kids do at the first sight of raising temperature gauges? Break out the tiny clothes.

Don't get me wrong, it was (and will be for a while) HOT. And heavy clothes are uncomfortable. So everyone's (girls) walking around campus in short shorts, boob tops, tiny skirts and cute summer dresses. And because I am older and have some sense of decency, (fashion rule: show one, not all patches of skins tartlets) I may as well be walking around in a nun's habit.

And it irks me. I could wear a skirt with my ass hanging out. I could show off my legs (I don't like them but that's another story) and wear shorts that if you move the right (or wrong) way you can see my hoo. I can wear a tank top like the best of them. But I don't process my hair or wear 5 inches of pancake make-up or spray tan myself orange either. (Who decided this look was hot in the first place? I want to shoot them.) I am just as thin, and have just as good a figure as these girls. Even better in a lot of cases. And I don't bat an eye let alone turn a head.

Even though I have no interest in college boys and most of them annoy me anyways, it still stings being ignored.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Just Suppose

For 3 years at uc, I lived in a huge college house with 8-11 bedrooms (on occasion we rented 3 as a separate apartment), and I had a lot of different roommates as a result of that. This house was co-ed and it was usually pretty evenly split between male/female roommates.

One year my boyfriend at the time decided to open a can of worms and asked if I were going to sleep with any of my current roommates, who would I pick?

First I snorted because you never cross the roommate line. It's just a bad idea. But since I had his v-card I guess he took that a license to ask inappropriate/inexperience questions as a form of leveling the playing field? I don't know, whatever, he asked, and he actually wanted an answer.

So if I was going to sleep with any of my roommates, who would it be? He's expecting me to say Matt or Mike or Jason, you know along those lines.

But I thought about it for a second and said: Alison.
His mouth dropped and eyes lit up. "Why?"
"Because she would rock my world."

The best part of this whole story is that later when I told my roommates about the conversation, everyone, including Alison herself thought it was hysterical. Alison actually said: "that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me!"