Friday, December 31, 2010

Year In Review

2010 had it's ups and downs. Overall it's been a busy, jamb packed and at times super stressful year.

The big bummer and heartbreak of 2010 was my dad's official diagnosis. Add to that 48 total credit hours, 18 of which were taken this last semester. Bailey got 2 tickets this semester and I've been stressing over that and her ever since.

But, a lot of good has happened too. I met dr soc in February. I ran 2 half marathons this spring and I ran them well. I decided that I want to be a librarian and started looking into grad school. A couple of my friends got married. And those 48 back-to-back stressful credit hours earned me my bachelors. Which, not going to lie, highlight of my year.

So, yeah, like I said, ups and downs. But overall, it was pretty balanced. I told 2010 to bring it, which it did, and life goes on, good or bad. 2011 has some stuff in store for me, I'm moving to North Carolina and moving in with my boyfriend, I'm applying to grad school, I'm running more races, one friend is having a baby, another is getting married, (not to mention I'm hoping to get engaged myself). So I'd like 2011 to bring it as well, at or around the same level as 2010.


Thursday, December 30, 2010

Top Post 2010

In no particular order, my favorite posts and their companions/runner ups from 2010!
  1. Quarters. 2/16/10 Because anything said with my dr friend is hysterical. Runners up are: Appearances Can Be Deceiving and This is why we're friends. 10/5
  2. It's Not a Party Until Someone Looses Their Pants. 1/4 also anything that includes pants (or lack there of) is funny.
  3. Found: One Set of Big Girl Pants, 6/21 (see! pants! funny!) Runners up: check! 5/29 and Upgrade 8/6 since I'm going with a dr soc theme
  4. Hi Pot? It's Kettle! 4/22
  5. Unicorn vs Dragon 10/17 Runner up: My Own Sophie's Choice. Sorta. 6/19
  6. And the results... 3/28 and Run Sarah Run!
  7. Simon Says. 2/28 Simply because it's awesome.
  8. Urban Planning 10/15 snarky.
  9. Compatible 7/11 Just another how awesome we are
  10. Dear Mother Nature 3/23 Snarky and too the point
  11. The Reveal 8/1 Runners up include What if... 5/31 and Future Talk 4/28
  12. Walking 12/19 Go me!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Ho Ho Ho!

I became one of those people who dresses my dog.
Santa dog!

But seriously, can you blame me? Look how cute she is!
totally freaking adorable
Merry Christmas everyone!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Double Dipper

Want to hear what an awesomely good person I am? Cause I am.
I was able to give blood today so woohoo! The last time I tried to give blood, my iron was high enough but my veins wouldn't cooperate. I think I clotted too soon and the blood center couldn't get a usable donation from me. I was pretty miffed after all that.

Well, anyway, today got my butt to the blood center and my iron high enough to give. And the whole drive over to the blood center, I'm saying to myself, I will give blood today! I will give blood today! I will give blood today! Little engine that could style. And it worked because not only was my iron super high enough, my veins were cooperative and the vampire had no problems finding, sticking and getting a donation from me.

Being super please with myself, in that I was able to donate and that I didn't get dizzy, I also decided to forgo the t-shirt you get when donating. Those proceeds (or whatever) from the shirt goes towards the Salvation Army. With the move happening in 2 weeks (eep!), I don't need another t-shirt that I won't wear that often. And it was the nice thing to do too. I also had the option of movie passes, but they are only good at one theater and had to be used within the next week, so I didn't really want those either. So I donated twice today. I'm an awesomely good person.

Then I spent the next hour traipsing down the aisles of Liquor Barn and bought a case of wine*. So much for that avoid strenuous activities and no booze for 12 hours!
*Yep. Twelve bottles of wine.** Heavy stuff yo.
**Though in fairness, they are all gifts.***
***Three of them just happen to be for me.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Cookie Monster

I've never had to be one that watches my weight. I pretty much keep track of it just to know it. Yes, yes, I am aware of the evil glares I am receiving. Well, this Christmas, it seems to be that I am on a no cookie diet. Not because I'm worried about the extra pounds or in order to fit in my new years eve dress. I'm on a no cookie diet because my dad eats every single thing in the house, such as (especially) snack foods, entire bags of candy and every single Christmas cookie so that I don't get to have any.

This is mainly due to his dementia. He becomes fixated on something, like reading a book, fox news or anything food, and he has to finish it somehow. So he'll read 100 pages in a book, watch fox news for hours* or finish whatever food is out. Some examples would be all 4 servings of a family size ravioli for lunch one day. Six single serving applesauces in an hour. A bag of M&M's in a day. Three-quarters of a a family size bag of animal crackers in 4 hours. A half gallon of iced tea every afternoon. Eight carrot sticks in addition to soup and sandwich at lunch. A cookie sheet of rocky-road bark (homemade candy). Sixteen candy cane cookies in 4 hours. And today every last gingerbread cookie I had made in 20 minutes after lunch.

I made over 6 dozen gingerbread cookies. We (mom and I) froze at least 4 dozen of them to save them for ourselves and as possible oh-sh*t-you-got-me-something-so-here's-something-homemade-for-you-gifts (but mostly for eating ourselves). I took the box out today to give some to dr soc for his Christmas in Charlotte (he was here for graduation-squee!), and left the box out to thaw so I could have some later tonight. I didn't hide the cookies, dad took them when I wasn't in the kitchen, and now I have no gingerbread.

I like to bake and I don't mind making Christmas cookies. But I make them so me and other people can have them too god dammit!

*I do not approve of the fox news thing whatsoever and raise quite the fuss when it's on. However, we have taken away his driving* and nag him about everything else, we figure we can let him have his fake news source.
* He drove yesterday and I had a panic attack when I discovered he was gone. We have since hidden his car keys and refuse to let him know where they are.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Stick out

Saturday crowds at work are a grab bag sort. We have regulars, but most of the people we just don't remember because we see so many that day. But every now and again, people stick out.

No one out of the ordinary. A middle age mom with her two kids, who were probably around 5 and 3. Also with her was her elderly father, and he was being led into the department on the tightly held hand of his little granddaughter. The mom guided her dad to a chair and told him to sit there for a while while she and the kids looked for books. Which he did, he looked at few things the kids brought over to him, but he sat there with the same content but glazed confused look that my father has most of the time.

And it broke my heart, right there at work as I sorted. It just struck too close to home as I watched the old man smile without recognition. And I fiercely thought to myself, the only thing I want is for people to be nice to my dad. To not ignore him and be kind to another human being.

And then 2 days later, my impatience, frustration and anger got the better of me and I yelled at my dad for eating all the Christmas cookies in the house. Yelling doesn't help anything. Of all the places in the world, home, should be the one place that people are nice to him. Here I am asking the world to be nice to my dad, and I couldn't do it myself. And I hung my head in shame when I realized this.

Saturday, December 18, 2010


Yesterday I walked across the stage at UK's December graduation and received my (long-awaited) BA.

Wait, my BA? How many of you are confused because you thought I had a degree? Well, here's what happened. Despite the years, the work and mental breakdowns, my cumulative gpa (from the years of work) was just a smidgen to low to actually receive the interiors degree. I walked at uc's graduation and found out 2 weeks later I didn't. By then I didn't have the strength to fight for it, mostly due to all the years, the hard work and mental breakdowns in addition to loosing 95% of my work 2 weeks before everything was due.

So if I told you I graduated, I was flat out lying to you. (I never lied on job applications though) I usually said I finished uc. Because I was finished. I was finished with that school, finished with all the courses and ridiculous demands, the design under the threat of death, the city, the constant feeling of inadequacy and the power that school held over me for a stupid fancy piece of paper. Finished. Done. I had been humiliated enough over the years. I could not go back to that school for anything, and I certainly was not going to grovel for something they didn't want to give me anyway.

It has undoubtedly been the most shameful thing in my life. But I went back to school. A new school, a school where I fit in and fit me a whole lot better. And I did ok. I may even say I did more than ok overall one day.

But as far as commencement went, UK only offered on ceremony in May. They never offered a December graduation until this year, and when presented with the opportunity I was really unsure if I wanted to walk. Because I have walked before. Sent the announcements. Had the pictures taken. And then....failure and shame. Despite my family's wishes, I still wasn't sure, because they will never understand how awful this could be for me. I know my mom wants her pictures, but I prefer to not have my humiliation frozen there on the mantel.

I mulled it over in my head for a while and decided to walk, even though I knew it would bring up bad and unsettling memories. I knew I wouldn't be able to enjoy the ceremony fully, knowing that it can and has been taken away. And that I'm still uneasy about it and I'll feel a lot better about the whole thing when I get the transcript or coveted fancy paper. But I also walked because I knew I'd regret it later if I didn't. Also to get my mother and sister off my case. I walked for the other students who didn't get this ceremony. And I wasn't going to shun the university who will award me a degree and let the one that didn't think I was good enough win. If I didn't walk, uc still wins over me.

So fuck you uc. You don't get to tell me I'm not good enough anymore. And I'm not letting you bite any more of my moments. I walked. I win.

**12/20/10 All my grades have been posted, my semester gpa is a 3.1 and my cumulative a 2.9. I really did it!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Hear What You Want to Hear

me: I'm going shopping and returning today.
what dr soc heard: I'm going shopping in maternity today.

Oh yeah, he freaked out a little bit. But once I started laughing at him he started to breath again.

Me (laughing): Honey, don't you think you would be the first person I would tell?
dr soc: I certainly hope so! I don't want find out by reading it on your blog!

Silly boys, so sensitive about these things. ;) <--did I really just put an emoticon?

Thursday, December 9, 2010


My dad has dementia, which many of you may already know or have guessed by now (due to my recent cryptic blogs). It's been far from easy in dealing with it, and it's a day in day out kind of deal. Things are stressful to say the least. Everything takes longer to do, thoughts don't get completed, frustrations and tensions are running high and our patience with one another is non existent.

I try, I really try to account for this, but my fuse is short. Patience is something I've never been that good at. He was helping me cut out Christmas cookies and it was a painstakingly slow process. Cut the dough with the cookie cutter. Take a knife and separate the shape. Inch by inch slide the spatula under the cookie, then handing the scrunched cookie to me so I could put it on the sheet. Wait until it was on the sheet before picking up the cookie cutter and starting the process over again. And I can tell he's concentrating and trying so hard, because he's sticking out his tongue. He's always done that when he was concentrating. He's enjoying himself and I wanted to snatch the cookie cutter away and take over. I danced goofily to Christmas music instead, but it's difficult.

But a friend of dr soc (and mine) buried her father yesterday and it put things in perspective. Because even though my dad worries and exasperates me on daily basis, at least he's still here. He isn't the same, but he's here. And I'm thankful for that.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,
I've been a pretty good girl this year (I think) and I promise I'll leave out my bestest cookies for you on Christmas Eve.
So for Christmas this year I would like a cure for all dementia and Alzheimer's diseases very, very, very much please. And then I would like you to make it available for everyone so no one else in the world ever has to go through this again.

Thank you!

PS. I would also like a pony.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

I SO Want to be a Top Chef

Can I just say how excited I am that Top Chef All Stars is on? Cause I'm totally happy about it.
Sure, I only started watching Top Chef last season (DC) so I only know 2 of the contestants and I'm completely biased towards Tiffany Derry, but all in all, all of these chefs are BAMFs in the kitchen! (I also think Tre, is fiiiiine, despite the stupid spelling of his name) I have no idea whatsoever what 80% of the ingredients and techniques are, and I can't smell or taste anything they make, but I am hooked.

I tried to watch Top Chef Just Deserts, but it was a horrible spin off. In theory it works. Deserts! Cooking skill! Deserts! But on screen, seeing someone get their panties in a wad and bawling over red hots just doesn't make me care. (oh yeah, Seth, I'm talking about you)

My only small disappointment is that I want to hate Padma, but I can't. If I could be her for one day, I would take over the world. So as much as I want to hate her and her all over perfectness, I'm too busy coveting to do so.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


I'm graduating in less than 3 weeks. I'm moving to Charlotte (and in w/dr soc) in 5 or 6 weeks.

I understand why people are asking me if I'm excited. I'd be asking the same thing. But I'm not excited.

I'm scared. I'm too scared that it won't happen. I'm too scared to get my hopes up. I'm too scared to enjoy myself and I'm too scared to be even a little bit excited.

So no, I'm not excited. And for the first time in many people's lives, I fail to have a response or anything to say.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Vote For Me!

I'm the process of compiling my fave posts of 2010.

I could just pick and choose my favorites like I did last time, so I've been culling through the past 11 months. Thing is, as I'm going through I'm noticing some of them link together pretty well and have running themes. (not to mention dr soc has been bulk of it the past 9 months which I know isn't annoying at all). So do I do a top ten flat out? Or maybe pick a few themes and then the favorite ones of those? Decisions, decisions.

So, here's your chance to throw in your 2 cents and tell me which ones are you faves and how I should organize them. Aren't you excited? I bet you are. I would like to know what you guys think, even it is only for my own ego boosting. Just leave a comment (you don't have to tell me why you like what you like if you don't want to) and we'll see how the votes unfold.

So the polls are open, let the tally begin! Woot!