Mommy Wars

I know the mommy wars have been around* forever, but social media made them hyper competitive and omnipresent. If you aren't humble bragging about being super mom with a #trope on social media, then why even bother? Which is total bullshit by the way. But whether you like it or not, the mommy wars have a way of finding you. Though the good news is even when they do find you, you don't actually have to compete (even though most people do because it's a vicious, vicious trap).

Me? I'm a just-enough mom. Just enough that you can't** mom shame me, while simultaneously setting expectations just low enough no one asks me to do anything either. Just enough. And then, when I am inevitably in charge of some class party/treat bag/bake sale/nonsense, I will absolutely rock it because I am an awesome hostess and will celebrate the shit out of whatever it is, and blow people's minds.

Just enough FTW

*My dad has a cousin one month older and one month younger than him because their moms (3 sisters) were in fierce competition with each other, over everything, and all the time.
**well you can, but not without being petty as fuck which then completely nullifies the superiority high of mom shaming. 

Call Me!

These are the phone numbers that I can rattle off no problem:

• mine
• dr soc
• my parents' house
• work's public line if i think about it for a second  

And:

• my ex fiancé's

And here's why. A friend had left her cell in my pool bag and neither one of us realized it until she and my ex were at work. She couldn't call her fiancé to get it from me because she didn't know his number. (I ended up dropping it off at work-which was not on the way- before I went out of town. ie: I'm a good friend) My ex was astounded she didn't know her fiancé's number, but I came to her defense. Ever since cell phones became the norm no one's really had to memorize a phone number since it's stored in your contact list. After all I didn't know his number off the top of my head.

He was gobsmacked (and pissed). How could I not know his number? After all, he knew my number! (but not the exact date of my birthday) And his phone number was so easy too! It was one number different than the area code and then 2 other numbers! How could his fiancé not know his number!?

Well I once heard you have to repeat something (at least) 21 times before it's committed to memory. Being the mature young 20-something I was at the time to shut him up I started reciting his phone number. Twenty-one times.

me: 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx...
::while following him around the apartment:: After the 10th time or so-
ex: okay, okay, I get it!
me: nope, it's gotta be 21 times before I remember. Great now I've lost count and have to start over.
me:-sigh-: 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx....

Yup. But, hey, I learned his phone number. Which came in handy when I drunk texted him the holidays after we broke up.