Fact Check

Apparently, facebook flagged this:

 as false and decided to shame me by labeling it so. This. A post a few people liked about a custom of women...wearing (1920s) bathing suits...eating pizza to annoy men. I mean I may not don a bathing suit* but eating pizza and as a bonus annoying men? YES. YES PLEASE. But this, this isn't factual? How disappointing. And also, I'm calling bullshit.

*restrictive clothing, duh, no thank you. Also how am I going to control men to not rape in a bathing suit? 

It's not like, a post on the popular custom of, say, racism. 
Or a post on a nonexistent pedophilia ring in a basement (also nonexistent) of a pizza parlor and a white male shot a gun into said pizza parlor. 

Or that the 2020 election was rigged. 

Or something from f*x news that always tells, informs yells, screams the truth vitriol, lies, misogyny, lies, animated, hateful rhetoric, lies, opinions of the fragile white privileged males people. Nothing that harmed or killed people.

No. A post about women eating pizza to annoy men must be fact checked and deemed as false. Because that is the real danger here.

But I suppose if these giant companies are now going to make a valiant effort hold everyone* accountable for their posts they have to start somewhere. 

*Except males, especially the old white powerful *ones. Males will never be accountable for anything.

*Especially them.  

Shame shame on me for not fact checking something that supports my ever growing desire to fuck the patriarchy.

Mother Russia

I went viral in my own way with the last blog post telling Facebook (and the world in general) to fuck off with the diet ads/products body shaming on my feed.

I checked my feed an hour or so later (because I'm on social media all the time and always close to my phone) and the targeted body shaming ads were (almost)* gone! Now the targeted ads were how to organize/take charge/fail less at my messy/chaotic family life. Body shaming ads to mom shaming ads.

*lets face it, there will always be a degree of body shaming even after the ashes of the patriarchy are scattered across the desert of men's tears

So hey, even though we know that Russia is totally messing around with us (though the chumps Russia fooled typically staunchly refuse to believe that) at least they are paying attention!
 

Grey or Gray? Either Way, It's Not My Favorite Color

Apparently being too terrified to get the mail and doing nothing but worrying about getting into grad school was too much for Mike to handle.  So he made me call the grad school for my admission status this morning since classes start in a month.

I was right to be worried.

Someone in the grad school office looked up my name and the reason the decision was taking so long.  And then I talked to her supervisor to explain things. I was told that a decision has been made, but there are still some questions about my gpa.  So my application has been forwarded to the department head's attention.  Who is in Dallas the rest of this week and not looking at my application. So as of this moment, my admission status is still in a "gray area."

That? Is not a yes. It's not a no either, but... it's not a yes.

This has to be based on my uc gpa. Because my uk cumulative gpa was a 2.9.  I have nothing to show for my 6 years at uc except a low gpa.  And there is nothing I can do to change that.  So now I'm just wishing and hoping and praying that cincinnati hasn't kept me from something I want once again.  Last year when I walked at my graduation, I believed I had finally triumphed over that school.  I had nothing to be embarrassed about anymore. I could hold my head high and say I earned this, and cinci couldn't take anything away from me anymore.  I should have known better.

Needless to say, I'm even more anxious now.  I've said that I would apply again and look into other programs if it didn't happen this year.  But if my gpa is the reason for their hesitancy, there's nothing I can do to change that and this is just going to keep coming up, no matter what school I apply to.  I'm still at the mercy of other people's acceptance.  

Gray sucks.

Stick out

Saturday crowds at work are a grab bag sort. We have regulars, but most of the people we just don't remember because we see so many that day. But every now and again, people stick out.

No one out of the ordinary. A middle age mom with her two kids, who were probably around 5 and 3. Also with her was her elderly father, and he was being led into the department on the tightly held hand of his little granddaughter. The mom guided her dad to a chair and told him to sit there for a while while she and the kids looked for books. Which he did, he looked at few things the kids brought over to him, but he sat there with the same content but glazed confused look that my father has most of the time.

And it broke my heart, right there at work as I sorted. It just struck too close to home as I watched the old man smile without recognition. And I fiercely thought to myself, the only thing I want is for people to be nice to my dad. To not ignore him and be kind to another human being.

And then 2 days later, my impatience, frustration and anger got the better of me and I yelled at my dad for eating all the Christmas cookies in the house. Yelling doesn't help anything. Of all the places in the world, home, should be the one place that people are nice to him. Here I am asking the world to be nice to my dad, and I couldn't do it myself. And I hung my head in shame when I realized this.

Walking

Yesterday I walked across the stage at UK's December graduation and received my (long-awaited) BA.

Wait, my BA? How many of you are confused because you thought I had a degree? Well, here's what happened. Despite the years, the work and mental breakdowns, my cumulative gpa (from the years of work) was just a smidgen to low to actually receive the interiors degree. I walked at uc's graduation and found out 2 weeks later I didn't. By then I didn't have the strength to fight for it, mostly due to all the years, the hard work and mental breakdowns in addition to loosing 95% of my work 2 weeks before everything was due.

So if I told you I graduated, I was flat out lying to you. (I never lied on job applications though) I usually said I finished uc. Because I was finished. I was finished with that school, finished with all the courses and ridiculous demands, the design under the threat of death, the city, the constant feeling of inadequacy and the power that school held over me for a stupid fancy piece of paper. Finished. Done. I had been humiliated enough over the years. I could not go back to that school for anything, and I certainly was not going to grovel for something they didn't want to give me anyway.

It has undoubtedly been the most shameful thing in my life. But I went back to school. A new school, a school where I fit in and fit me a whole lot better. And I did ok. I may even say I did more than ok overall one day.

But as far as commencement went, UK only offered on ceremony in May. They never offered a December graduation until this year, and when presented with the opportunity I was really unsure if I wanted to walk. Because I have walked before. Sent the announcements. Had the pictures taken. And then....failure and shame. Despite my family's wishes, I still wasn't sure, because they will never understand how awful this could be for me. I know my mom wants her pictures, but I prefer to not have my humiliation frozen there on the mantel.

I mulled it over in my head for a while and decided to walk, even though I knew it would bring up bad and unsettling memories. I knew I wouldn't be able to enjoy the ceremony fully, knowing that it can and has been taken away. And that I'm still uneasy about it and I'll feel a lot better about the whole thing when I get the transcript or coveted fancy paper. But I also walked because I knew I'd regret it later if I didn't. Also to get my mother and sister off my case. I walked for the other students who didn't get this ceremony. And I wasn't going to shun the university who will award me a degree and let the one that didn't think I was good enough win. If I didn't walk, uc still wins over me.

So fuck you uc. You don't get to tell me I'm not good enough anymore. And I'm not letting you bite any more of my moments. I walked. I win.

**12/20/10 All my grades have been posted, my semester gpa is a 3.1 and my cumulative a 2.9. I really did it!

School Night

So for our 2nd date, I suggested trivia because it's super fun and I would get fed at the same time. Win win situation, and we won best team name thanks to my creative (over opinionated) self, so, rock. We laugh and talk and hold hands across the table (when not writing answers obviously) and we know the chemistry is there. It was a fun night all around. But the night comes to a close and we must leave. We're about to head in different directions towards our cars but before we part we kiss goodnight. I had a bit to drink that night (I could still drive home), so I was way into the kiss goodnight. Hands-through-hair-lip-locked-leave-you-breathless-kind-of-kiss into it. And he like any red blooded male, responded just as enthusiastically.

It's only the second date and we don't even know each others' last names by this point, so we both knew we were not going to go home with each other that night (well, to his place, seeing as going to my place would be all sorts of icky). But it's not like the thought isn't crossing both our minds. So as we break apart one of us has to say something and
he says: too bad it's late...
and my response: yeah...and it's a school night.

Yep. I did. That just all sorts of dorky.
(hey, but he asked me out again, so woo hoo!)