Truths

 Welp. As of today I'm 40. (FUCK). I mean, it's great I'm here. My 20s were fun, and I married the love of my life. My 30's I had my children and those two are...my greatest joys and my greatest annoyances. So my 40s...let's see what this decade brings! 

But what kind of milestone birthday blog would this be if I didn't do some sort of soapbox reflection? So I will present you some truths I stand by my 40 trips around the sun

• A good pen will make or break your day.
• A person's use of spell check is a determining factor in friendship levels.
• I loathe text talk.  
• Pandas are assholes.
• The patriarchy sucks.
• There is nothing redeemable about a Tuesday. 
• Glitter is the herpes of crafts
• Never trust a girl without girlfriends.
• Or squirrels.
• Always, always smell the milk first
• Generic applesauce and oatmeal taste like cardboard
• There is no such thing as a "quick trip to Ikea."
• Don't buy generic toilet paper. Ever
• Tupperware is unable to be organized and is my nemesis.
• You can never have too many coats.
• Or chairs.
• Or books! (don't you say a thing dr soc!)
• Removing that stay hair bothering the crap out of you from your clothes is one of life's greatest victories.
• With small children it's best not to ask what a stain is.
• Wearing a dress or skirt with pockets automatically defaults to a good day.
• I cannot please everybody. I am not a taco.
• A taco can fix almost everything.
• I'm very likeable.

Fact Check

Apparently, facebook flagged this:

 as false and decided to shame me by labeling it so. This. A post a few people liked about a custom of women...wearing (1920s) bathing suits...eating pizza to annoy men. I mean I may not don a bathing suit* but eating pizza and as a bonus annoying men? YES. YES PLEASE. But this, this isn't factual? How disappointing. And also, I'm calling bullshit.

*restrictive clothing, duh, no thank you. Also how am I going to control men to not rape in a bathing suit? 

It's not like, a post on the popular custom of, say, racism. 
Or a post on a nonexistent pedophilia ring in a basement (also nonexistent) of a pizza parlor and a white male shot a gun into said pizza parlor. 

Or that the 2020 election was rigged. 

Or something from f*x news that always tells, informs yells, screams the truth vitriol, lies, misogyny, lies, animated, hateful rhetoric, lies, opinions of the fragile white privileged males people. Nothing that harmed or killed people.

No. A post about women eating pizza to annoy men must be fact checked and deemed as false. Because that is the real danger here.

But I suppose if these giant companies are now going to make a valiant effort hold everyone* accountable for their posts they have to start somewhere. 

*Except males, especially the old white powerful *ones. Males will never be accountable for anything.

*Especially them.  

Shame shame on me for not fact checking something that supports my ever growing desire to fuck the patriarchy.

Talk Bubbles

To the surprise of no one, my girls are talkers. Ironically when they were born they both were so quiet the medical staff was concerned, even though they were perfectly healthy. Yeah, it was odd...

But after that, as soon as they figured out they could vocalize in some way they did. Girl 1 makes articulate affirmations (e.g. mischief, actually, memorized all said clear as a bell and used correctly) and Girl 2 has entire conversations and spouts platitudes in babble. 

And they are both savage AF. 

4.5: Mommy have you shrunk yet?

me: umm, no. I'm not that old* just yet.

4.5: Has daddy? Because he's kind old.*

*Chinese ladies are ageless forever and -poof- look 120 and start shrinking. True fact.

*He turned 40 in February and hehehehe. 

And also:

-sees pregnant mannequin at the store and says very loudly-

4.5: Mommy! That belly is really big - like yours!

me: no honey, there's supposed to be a baby i-

4.5: just like yours!  

SAVAGE.

As for girl 2, I don't know what my 2 year old was actually trying to say, but that had to be the cutest little "bitch bitch bitch" I've ever heard!

 

Girl Math

When the baby wakes up in the middle of the night I nurse her back to sleep. Being the middle of the night, I end up falling asleep in the chair in the nursery with her. So I don't get the best night's rest.

The dog has been having stomach issues recently and will whine to go out in the middle of the night, and with me sleeping in aforementioned nursery chair, dr soc has to be the one to get out of bed and let her out. So he doesn't get the best night's rest either.

We're a really cute couple that checks in with each other throughout the day with a text here and there. Stuff like: how's it going? dinner ideas? the status of the girls' potty doings, with some of our most recent check ins being trying to one up each other on who is more tired.

me: 90% of parenting is finding reasons to claim you are more tired

dr soc: truth. And busy

me: 76% is talking about poop

dr soc: 24% is for talking about the other 24%

me (not be outdone): 7% is scheduling sanctimommy activities, 93% is rearranging the schedule to accommodate those activities, and 78% of that is attempting to find a way out of it completely. And 100% of this math will be questioned due to my sex.

dr soc: math is HARD

  

Waiting on my Book Deal

All library workers are writing the Next Great American novel as we sit around and read all day. True fact. Now, I have no disillusions my book will be the Next Great American Novel, but I do have over-inflated sense of importance that the world needs to hear my musings so I am absolutely deserving of a book deal. For these 2 reasons:

Reason 1: I have a blog. And I started my blog at the tail end of men everyone with a blog gets a book deal. And this blog has many, many components of a book deal. Such as:

1. It is about my real life exploits and I am an extremely relatable heroine/protagonist.
2. I express my opinions in snarky hilarious ways, because I write like I talk and I make people laugh All. The. Time. rehashing the aforementioned real life exploits. Whimsical loquacious bloggers get book deals.
3. It has a built in story arc of a book deal. (broken engagement→dating→meeting dr soc→ marrying dr soc→best/worst wife ever→pregnancy→mommy)
4. The built-in story arc from my real life exploits have made whyeverythingshouldbepink several 'types' of blogs that get book deals. While mostly a 'lifestyle' blog it also a 'dating' blog, a running 'fitness' blog, a dog 'pet' blog, a bubble of tulle 'bride' blog, a  married, pregnant lady 'personal' blog, and it's currently 64% hilarious/heartwarming/jerky adventures of my children (and the stockpile of drafts to prove it) 'mommy/parenting' blog.  And mommy/parenting blogs always get a book deal. 

But like I said, I started at the tail end of the blog = book deal. By the time I had the content and story arc of a book deal, that ship had mostly sailed. Maybe. Sigh. But!

Reason 2: Twitter. I mastered the art of eloquently voicing my thoughts in 140 characters or less without using text talk like an uncultured swine. I have been (and continue to do so frequently) tweeting well before everyone with a slightly amusing/witty/prolific twitter feed also receives a book deal. Plus now that Twitter allows 280 characters and I finally figured out how to put returns in my tweets, it's like I've been writing nothing but mini novels. Maybe the Next Great American Novel even.

So. With those 2 reasons I really can't help to wonder: Where is my book deal?

Mommy Wars

I know the mommy wars have been around* forever, but social media made them hyper competitive and omnipresent. If you aren't humble bragging about being super mom with a #trope on social media, then why even bother? Which is total bullshit by the way. But whether you like it or not, the mommy wars have a way of finding you. Though the good news is even when they do find you, you don't actually have to compete (even though most people do because it's a vicious, vicious trap).

Me? I'm a just-enough mom. Just enough that you can't** mom shame me, while simultaneously setting expectations just low enough no one asks me to do anything either. Just enough. And then, when I am inevitably in charge of some class party/treat bag/bake sale/nonsense, I will absolutely rock it because I am an awesome hostess and will celebrate the shit out of whatever it is, and blow people's minds.

Just enough FTW

*My dad has a cousin one month older and one month younger than him because their moms (3 sisters) were in fierce competition with each other, over everything, and all the time.
**well you can, but not without being petty as fuck which then completely nullifies the superiority high of mom shaming. 

My Little Pony

So girl 1 is all about My Little Pony at the moment. In the spirit of full disclosure I totally love watching it with her and we sing the whole theme song together. Plus Pinkie Pie is my spirit pony - true fact. Anyway. I was zipping her into her purple jacket and asked:

me: Honey do you want to be Twilight Sparkle for Halloween this year?
girl 1: YES!!!!!
me: Okay sweetie, mommy will make your costume.
girl 1: Oh thank you mommy! You will be Pinkie Pie. And Daddy Apple Jack!
me:  Okay darling.
--I think of the baby's wardrobe and know we have all white for her--
me: Your sister can be Rarity. 
girl 1: Okay! And Jules can be Rainbow Dash!

So it was decreed. Halloween 2018 we were My Little Ponies. I made the costumes while on leave and while the kids were at the sitter, and girl 1 was SO EXCITED she wanted to wear and show her costume off the whole week before Halloween.

Twilight Sparkle (pre-princess w/wings mainly because I didn't feel like it), Pinkie Pie carrying Rarity, & Apple Jack walking Rainbow Dash (our Fluttershy was sick) 

And you want to know who got the most attention trick or treating? The dog!😆