SURPRISE!

For my parents' 10 year anniversary, my dad gave my mom a pearl necklace and showed it to my sister and I beforehand and told us "don't tell mommy."

My sister just flat out snitched, "it's a necklace." 
But I did not tell. I just dropped very subtle hints. Like, "you're gonna like it!" "It's really pretty!" And the most cryptic clue of them all "you wear it here," and patted my collarbone. 

Somehow my mom figured something was up. *shrugs* 

In my defense, this was 1987 and I was five (a young one at that). And, my mom didn't know it was a pearl necklace, so she was still surprised. And then 25 years later she let me borrow that necklace for my wedding, so it all worked out.  

Now lets fast forward to 2022, and my 10 year anniversary with dr soc was coming up. As you can see from yesterday's post he got me some bling bling* and I loves it. Beforehand he enlisted girl 1's help and she took her duty incredibly serious and as enthusiastically as she could. Girl 1 is 6. 

*yes I know I'm dating myself with that vernacular term

And so, the 2022 scene played like this:   

dr soc: yeah, my (wedding) ring is a bit tight and I may get it resized, but I don't remember what size I am

6: mommy, I need a tracing of your hand. 

me: yeah I had to get remeasured when I got my (wedding) ring resized last year. 

dr soc: ah-

6: mommy, what I really need a tracing of the finger you wear your rings 

dr soc: -

me: oh okay after dinner-

6: no lets do it now, here let me get a piece of paper and a pen for you. 

--7 seconds later ---

6: here, put your hand here (points to the paper she had slapped in front of me), and trace like this (starts tracing my hand) no spread your fingers out .

dr soc: rubs the bridge of his nose

6: okay that looks good I'm just going to cut this out. 

me: that's great honey -

6: now I can always have a high five from you! 

dr soc: sigh

me: That makes perfect sense kiddo.

--- 3 minutes later ---

6: daddy! -whispers- I got it! (slips him the cutout of my hand in front of me and giggles hard core* proud of the mission accomplished)

*also dating myself with this term and I don't care  

Somehow I figured something was up. *shrugs* But hey, at least she didn't flat out snitch!   

 

 

Pause

Last month my mom went to Paris. Oo La La! Before she left:

Her response: 😆

Because if there was anyone who would end up in a French prison, it would be my mom.

Anyway. She goes to France. She texts her daily adventure pictures at 3 am (which is the most she has kept in contact with me since I lived with my parents in Kentucky) to my sister and I. One of them was this exchange:

I find it hysterical that my sister and I both pause at the possibility of mom winding up in jail.  

I Curse You

My daughter is not good at waking up. She's groggy and fussy and usually a little hangry when she does. Any one of those isn't a preferable state for anyone, but a combo, in a 2.5 year old none the less, just sucks. When she was a baby the post sleep fussiness could usually be soothed with some snuggles and a snack of sorts. But now that she's a full blown toddler and can talk (a lot. My kid talks A LOT)... That groggy/fussy/hangry combo is incessant whining and an overall miserable disposition.

It doesn't matter what it is, where we are, or what we are doing, she is having none of it. Wake up in the morning and it starts with not wanting to get dressed. But she also wants clothes and out of jammies (if she still has them on). But no getting dressed. Yes dressed. Doesn't want to pick them out. But not what mommy picks out. She needs to pick them out. But she doesn't want to. Not mommy. Her. Not her. Not mommy. At some point I force clothes someone selected through kicks and tears and then battle again a few moments later with breakfast/shoes/going to the baby sitters/whatever the day entails all over again. It's gas-lighting at it's finest.

Recently I've been trying to take her out on my own and expand her world more. And I really want to enjoy these times with my darling girl, especially since we only have about 2-3 more weeks left of her being an only child. But god she can make that really hard. Because when we go on these mommy and me adventures, we typically have some sort of drive to the said adventure (suburbia, for all it's niceties severely lacks in walk-able and public transport accessible adventures). So she tends to fall asleep in the car, so when we get to the adventure she was so excited for...she is miserable and bloody hates it. 

Seriously, whatever it is. This girl will throw a fit. And want nothing to do with this and everything to do with this simultaneously and express that sentiment several times over with def-con 10 whining. It doesn't matter if it was a fleet of unicorns with ice cream covered in chocolate sauce and sprinkles in a bounce castle in Disney World. With a puppy because why the fuck not. It's a NO.

So I curse you car seat nap. Curse you with the fire of a 1000 suns and may the flames of hell consume you. You turn my darling girl into a total jerk which brings her waddling pregnant mommy to tears. Curse you.

Tooth and Nail

My daughter is overall pretty easy going, but if she doesn't want to do something, she can be stubborn as hell. And because she's a toddler her stubborn is getting more and more epic. I'm talking full force fight mode, screaming, wailing, sobbing, thrashing, kicking, temper tantrum throwing. However, mommy has been able to out-stubborn, cajole and/or bribe her to do, enough so that I count it as a mommy win.

But there are two things I absolutely cannot out-stubborn, cajole or bribe my daughter to do, no matter what. No reasoning, no pleading, and bribes of stickers, M&Ms and the biggest, most powerful bribe of them all: an Elmo video, nothing gets her to accept her fate and we go to battle.

The two things my daughter fights me tooth and nail on?
Her teeth. And nails.
Yeah. The irony is not lost on me.

Surprise!

When I worked retail I had to write down my schedule from week to week. If I needed time off for anything, a haircut, a weekend trip, getting married, etc, I had to ask off for it way in advance or try to schedule around my haphazard work life since there was always a chance I would be scheduled to make minimum wage and get berated by my boss. It made it pretty hard to plan much in advance, but that's just the crappy way being in retail is.

But the same time I started grad school I also got my two library jobs. My schedule became super busy, but between the two jobs hours and set class times, my schedule became fairly regular. Even my weekends were on a regular, rotating schedule (every other weekend). So even though my schedule was busy, it was fairly easy to keep track of.

For me at least.

Ever since I started graduate school I've had a class on Monday nights. The time changes here and there, but since August 2012, my Monday night is either class or working. So for all intents and purposes the past year and a half, Monday nights, I'm busy. Yet every time my husband suggests something for Monday night, and I tell him I can't (due to me being in class), he is always surprised. Sigh.

Sign of the Times

When I woke up yesterday morning, the left side of my neck and shoulder were really bothering me. My run the day before hadn't been the easiest, but it was just this one spot and the rest of me didn't hurt, I figured I had just slept on it wrong and that it would work itself out on it's own as the day progressed.

Except, it didn't.

Later in the afternoon my shoulder/neck was still bothering me and I didn't have my full range of motion, despite using a heating pad and taking an ibuprofen.  And then I remembered. I am 31, and things hurt for longer now. It's still bothering me this morning too actually. Sigh, to be the nubile young thing that could wrench her shoulder out of its socket and to be able to brush it of as nothing like in my days of yore. (ok, that never happened, that sounds incredibly painful no matter what age, but you get my point.) There will be no more "work itself out 'on it's own'," and even the working it out part requires some assistance.

Home Improvements

So as a way of trying to distract myself from the factory of sadness stress and woe that is my life, I want to do something. (Or take a trip to escape for a while. But that involves time and extra money, two things that are lacking so not going to happen.) So by "something," I mean I want to make improvements and add character to my suburbia hoa-nazi regulated house. And I actually have the mindset and skills to do this due to my half degree in interior design. I can visualize and imagine and figure out how things will look and make it work.

Part of the not doing anything (but paint) is that I can't decide what I actually want to do. Yellow walls? Red walls? Subway tile? Pressed tin back splash? Bead board? With dark brown walls? Subway tile? Glass tile? Glass subway tile? With yellow walls? So. Many. Options. But one thing I've been wanting to do is since moving to Charlotte is have a kitchen back splash. So the other day we went to Home Depot and Lowes to see if they had any tile that we liked, and their selection is pretty limited. Once again, see: half degree in interior design. So I know that what they have on the shelves is not even remotely close to a wide tile selection. So to get the look that I'm thinking (for the moment), we'll probably have to special order. At the very least I need a sample just so I can get a better idea of what I'm dealing with. Which is fine.

My husband however, did not go to design school and lacks the skill to visualize a space and the skill of seeing a small sample (or picture. Or drawing. Seriously, I sketched an area of our house to get a basic idea of where I wanted a color and he couldn't visualize it. And this has nothing to do with my drawing skills either.) and figuring out how it will look in a larger scale. But that's ok because not everyone has that particular skill and if they did then there would be no need for designers in the first place. And I know that if he sees all the options he'll get really overwhelmed  just quit. (Which is why with wedding planning I did a lot of research on my own he had no idea about and then would present him with 3-4 choices.) In theory he's fine with going along with my ideas, he even likes most of them. But not before he asks a lot of questions in trying to do something outside his skill set. (Research, his skill set. Diy, my skill set) And he's very hesitant to do anything to the house without knowing what the finished product will look like and that he's sure he'll like it. Because you really don't want to redo something, I get it. But he can't really visualize something so he won't know if he'll like it until he sees the finished project...

At this rate and with the amount of extra money we have it looks like I'm not distracting myself with too much home improvement either. Sigh. Maybe I'll just read a book.

Series

me: I finished 50 Shades. Took me about 2 days.
mike: Ok. And you thought....?
me: Meh. It's pretty ridiculous. Never been kissed virgin to wanton sex goddess in 2 times or less? I don't think so. But whatever, it's a dirty book so I get the why behind the hype.
mike: Meh? What do you mean meh? 
me: Oh are you asking me do I hate myself for reading it like I did Twilight?
mike: yeah, I guess.
me: Oh, no. It's basically just, whatever, I read it. My life didn't change one way or the other. I may or may not read the rest of the series, I just don't care one way or the other.
mike: Didn't you read the whole twilight series though?
me: --sigh-- Yes. That's part of the reason I hate myself.

Overwhelmed

I don't know how and even if I'm handling everything. Between the two jobs (almost full time work), and full time grad school, I'm tired. A lot. And I'm just getting more and more tired as the semester continues.

First let me say I love what I'm doing. I love both my library jobs. I can even get a little bit (I do mean little) of reading done for school at one of them, which is awesome. I mean, I'm getting paid while doing my school work, not to mention I just like being in the library in general. I love what I'm going to grad school, and the career that I'll have. I like my classes, everything is really applicable so I understand things, and part of me wishes I could be in classes forever if it meant that I would always be learning. (minus the debt and no free time thing)

But it's still a balancing act.  Keeping up with my reading and due dates. Trying (and quite honestly failing) to fit a run in (god this half* is going to hurt). Walking the dogs so they loose the extra weight (the good news though is that Jules is down almost a full lb, so the walks are working). I've realized that there is always something to be done, some reading, some project, and I'm just going to have to push past the tiredness and work my ass off for the next 2 years.

But the overwhelmed feeling comes pretty quickly. An upcoming deadline and getting little work done before it stresses me out. Knowing I have to work ahead when I'm already behind. And what used to be a simple task, such as starting a load of laundry before I head off to work, or even what to make for dinner, throws me into a complete tail spin of stress and woe. And whenever someone mentions anything fun that I want to do, my first thought is sadly, I won't have the time for that. But oh well, that's life for me this moment. I just have to get over being overwhelmed and just soldier through like every other person trying to make it through life.

*I dropped to the half marathon in Savannah instead of the full marathon since I wasn't getting in the runs for a full.  But I still have to train for the half regardless.

Pants Always Beats No Pants

I need new pants for work. I have a decent amount of dress pants, but I don't really need to go that formal for my jobs. (both of which I cannot wait to start) I have 2 pairs of khaki/twill pants that I could wear, but that's it, I have 2 pairs and I need to wear them throughout the week. I have some capris that work in the summer, but it's not summer anymore. Not to mention I'm still searching for comfortable yet professional shoes and not old lady shoes that don't pinch.

But I don't have the funds to fortify my wardrobe. And even if I did have them, trying to find pants that fit is a whole 'nother mater. Because I wear a 0-2, sometimes a 4, depending on the brand. And do you know hard that is to find that size in women's clothing? Yeah you can find them in the juniors section, but I am 30, and I am not shopping in the teenage section.

I know, the skinny girl can't find pants that fit her, boo-fcking-hoo. I'm sure there are many people who would love to be at my end of the spectrum. But all I'm saying is skinny people can have problems finding clothes that fit too.     

Shocked

One night on our honeymoon before dinner Mike and I were at the bar pre-gaming and practicing our spanish. (not really. well, we were pre-gaming, but not so much the 'practicing' as it was butchering, but that's neither here nor there)  The bartender asked me how old I was and I had to think about it for a second before I remembered: Oh, I just turned 30.

He was shocked by my youthful face. Whereas I was shocked that I'm now at the age that I have to remember how old I am.

Sigh

Waiting Game

So. After all the waiting, nerves, tears and frustration of just getting into grad school, I finally received my acceptance letter.  I applied for in-state residency, seeing as that's what I am, and I will have been here for 12 months by the time spring semester started.

But because I can't document that, I was classified as out of state.  And the tuition for that is roughly 3 times higher.  Even with loans, it's still a lot of money.  Dr soc's extra income is paying for my dream wedding.  That leaves my part time retail job, which is mainly being used to slowly pay off my credit card. (Spare the lectures y'all. I had no income for almost 9 months and a stupid high interest rate. And contrary to some people's beliefs, I'm not an idiot when it comes to money).  But the point is that there's not a lot of extra money floating around as it is, and especially not enough to cover out of state.

Fortunately, getting my mrs to a North Carolina resident in May should be enough to qualify me for in state tuition by the fall semester.  So I'm deferring until then. Which does bum me out, waiting even longer to get my career started. But, it is what it is. And honestly, with all the stress and freaking out about getting into school, I really didn't process or prepare for starting grad school. So in a way it's a good thing.

Still. These little stepping stones are annoying me.

Smart Appliances

me: Let's take the dogs for a w-a-l-k.
mike: Sure. But let me stop the dryer before we go.
me: Why?
mike: You should never run the dryer when you aren't in the house.
me: What? I've never heard that before.
mike: It can start a fire when you're not home.
me: Well, here's my question. How does the dryer know if we're home or not?
mike: --sigh--

Subject Matter

I don't have anything to talk about except my wedding.

I don't have a job so I can't talk about that.  I could talk about my job search, but there's not much there either.  And it's depressing.  It's the same thing every day. Check the sites, check the job postings, and apply for a few if you are somewhat qualified for.  I'm getting an interview here and there, enough to get my hopes up but then nothing ever comes of it.  And that really hurts because I am so personable, a hard worker and I'm a team player, but I can't get hired.

I have to retake the gre, and I need to study for it.  But...what's there to talk about that?  Want to know what I learned today? Math problems and vocabulary.  Did you know the root arch means principal, chief, ruller?  (no wonder architects can be such assholes (none of my friends are though, of course!))  Yeah, like anyone wants to hear about that.   

I don't even have cute puppy stories to share.  Now that they've gotten use to each other all they do is sleep and fart.  Nothing talking worthey.
 
But the wedding....the wedding, I can talk about.  That is where the details are.  That is where I can go on and on and on about the differences between silk shaunting and dutchess satin and why I need some larger tables here and smaller tables there and why Katie is at table 4 and Laura is at table 15 across the room and how we need to have escort cards becasue we're doing meal choice and not a big seating chart posted somewhere and  how big the grooms cake can be big but not too big so that it's difficult to work with and what songs we want played during the cocktail hour and I want certain family pictures but not others and how I don't care about the flowers as long as they come in on budget and what the guys will be wearing and I can't decided if I like a white tux jacket for my groom because of how it could look with my dress, and I need to find a seemstress here to get my dress altered but first I have get it here, but I have to figure out when to run a marathon so I don't have a rapid figure change between fittings and how long do I want my hair to so I can put it up so when do I need to cut it and......

Yeah.....

I really wish I had something else to talk about.

Tied in "Knots"

Planning a wedding is daunting for some. Me, not so much. (I have been dreaming of my wedding since I was 6 (yes, I am that girl.  And no, you are probably not surprised by that)). As soon as I was in sight of the tulle vortex, I took off squealing like a kid in a candy store and didn't look back.  (nope, didn't even pretend to hold it back)

There was one place though, that I didn't dare venture to: The knot.  The knot terrifies me.  I was on the knot for my first wedding and it scared me then too. (Though that could have been due to my apprehensions towards the marriage and that wedding planning was a chore.)  I got about 2 step into it before I realized brides be crazy.  In a bride's defense, it's very easy to get caught up in all the hoopla, glamor and romance of it all.  The wedding industry is a 4 million dollar industry for a reason.  The knot saw the market and capitalized on it, it's good business.  But still, the site slightly terrifies me.  Because I don't want to drink the kool-aid and turn into one of those caricatures who think that the big day is doomed by not having the perfect shade of pink silk hand embroidered by blind nuns.

While I didn't shy away from planning this wedding in the slightest, I still need ideas.  I'm very visual and sometimes, you just have to see things to know if it'll work or not.  And the knot, has lots and lots of images.  Believe me, I wanted to avoid that crazy if at all possible.  I google searched and tried to circumnavigate around it (and bing is bullshit, I don't care), but 80% of what I wanted more details on is somehow knot related.  You only have to join the site and log in to see anything.  So I caved and joined.  I put in my email (a new one since dr soc and I have an account for all wedding stuff.  Not to mention I can't use my email because it's still linked to my first wedding and ex's name since you can't delete your account. (The knot does not think anyone will calling off a wedding. How could anyone want to do that?))  But I as I hit submit with my info, I grasped for that last strand of defiance and thought: FINE!! I will join the knot. ::stomps off::

Career Girl

After a night at work where I spent more time kid wrangling than book wrangling:

me: I've changed my mind, I don't want children. Ever.

Co-worker: sure ok.

Me: yep. I've decided that my life long dream of being a mother is a silly endeavor. I will now be a career woman.

--pause--

Crap! Now I have to want a career...

There's a Reason You Failed 7th Grade

This was a conversation I had with a tween at work once.

tween: I hate chinese people
me: I'm half chinese.
tween: oh.
me: Hows that foot taste?
tw: I don't eat feet! Well, I don't hate all chineese people. Just this one chinese girl in my class. ::pause:: She failed me.
me: Wait, so you don't like your teacher?
tw: Yeah. She said I didn't have the accent.
me: For what class?
tw: Chinese.
me: That's because the entire language is the inflection. An accent can one word make 3 completely different words. You have to get the accent to speak the language.
tw: Yeah, well, she didn't have to fail me...
me: did you even try?
tw: uuuuh
me: So, you hate all Chinese people because your chinese teacher who teaches her language failed you for not doing your work?
tw: umm, yeah?
me: Ai-ya!

Single Ladies

My second cousin is getting married and we received the save the date in the mail. We're not in touch so I had no idea she was even seeing anyone, let alone engaged. But I'm happy for her and her parents (my mother's cousin). The save the date is addressed to Mr and Mrs my parents and Sara (don't get me started how much it annoys me when people misspell my name). My sister and her husband got their own save the date. Like grown ups.

Sigh. I think I can say I've never felt more unmarried than right then.

And no, I am not going to assume I can bring dr soc nor will I even ask if I can. I'm not going to be that asshole who brings a date when not invited with one (does the invite say "and guest?" No? Then just you buttercup), and I'm also not on comfortable enough terms with the bride to ask if I can bring a date. Like I said, I haven't been in touch and the only reason I'm invited is because I'm family. I may not even be able to go either, so this could be a moot point. But still, little ouch.

Not in my happy place

Dr Soc left this morning to move to Charlotte. I won't see him for another 3 weeks. Add to that bummer of a morning the bad news I got on Thursday.

Yeah. Not in my happy place to say the least.

I Have the Bad Dog

When dr soc's dog and mine get together, they immediately start attacking each other with play. It's pretty chaotic. Now, we are glad it's chaotic on the play end of the scale and not the fighting/aggressive end, but we really needed peace between the two of them for our sake. (he's rarely in the mood to mess around on nights I bring Bailey over because it's stressful.)

Bailey and Jules have similar personalities, which is part of the pandemonium. Bailey's a full grown spaz and it takes little to get her riled up and in full spaz mode. All it takes is a swat/kiss from Jules and they take off barreling through the house. And Jules only needs about 10 seconds to recharge, so no sooner has Bailey tired out, Jules instigates and the rough and tumble continues.

Jules: I will swat your bottom and/or face in 10 seconds.
Bailey: that little one is relentless!

This couldn't go on. They met 3 months ago and they were no where close to calming down around each other. So after talking to my vet, she said a (dog) trainer was the way to go and gave me a card. So I swallowed my pride and signed us up for a private dog training lesson to get our girls under control.

I have the bad dog.

Ok, so the trainer didn't actually say that, but Bailey was the one who got all the obedience lessons. Subsequently, she got all the treats too because she was the one getting all the lessons. Bailey gets inconstant training/treatment between myself and my parents which is part of her obedience issues. However, I was informed that dogs don't generalize well, so we can train her to know dr soc's place is a place to be calm and good. And dr soc and I are on the same page with Bailey and Jules, so it's a start.

Jules: she took both toys again!Bailey: whatever, I'm the one who got all the hot dogs.
Jules: damn. good point.

But still. I have the bad dog. Ouch.