Fact Check

Apparently, facebook flagged this:

 as false and decided to shame me by labeling it so. This. A post a few people liked about a custom of women...wearing (1920s) bathing suits...eating pizza to annoy men. I mean I may not don a bathing suit* but eating pizza and as a bonus annoying men? YES. YES PLEASE. But this, this isn't factual? How disappointing. And also, I'm calling bullshit.

*restrictive clothing, duh, no thank you. Also how am I going to control men to not rape in a bathing suit? 

It's not like, a post on the popular custom of, say, racism. 
Or a post on a nonexistent pedophilia ring in a basement (also nonexistent) of a pizza parlor and a white male shot a gun into said pizza parlor. 

Or that the 2020 election was rigged. 

Or something from f*x news that always tells, informs yells, screams the truth vitriol, lies, misogyny, lies, animated, hateful rhetoric, lies, opinions of the fragile white privileged males people. Nothing that harmed or killed people.

No. A post about women eating pizza to annoy men must be fact checked and deemed as false. Because that is the real danger here.

But I suppose if these giant companies are now going to make a valiant effort hold everyone* accountable for their posts they have to start somewhere. 

*Except males, especially the old white powerful *ones. Males will never be accountable for anything.

*Especially them.  

Shame shame on me for not fact checking something that supports my ever growing desire to fuck the patriarchy.

Ren Fest

Y'all I went to my first Renaissance Festival 2 weeks ago, and I was ridiculously exited about it. I mean, epic people watching, all kinds of food on sticks, , crap crafts and jousting?! What's not to like? We had a buy one get one free admission ticket, so I figured what the hell, lets go check it out.  And I'm glad we had the coupon because $44 for 2 people to drive a half hour to pretty much people watch is a bit much for my preferences, but $22 for the both of us to do the same thing and call each other wench in public is more justifiable. You pretty much have to pay if you want to actually do anything. I expected to pay for food and any sort of artisan crap you want to buy, but $3-$5 to toss an axe at a target, shoot a cross bow with no fabulous prizes or for your kid ride the barfing boat? Nah.

But it was fun walking around outside and people watching. We skipped most of the food since it was a pretty hot afternoon and a flask of hot cider or gnawing a roasted turkey leg didn't have the same appeal as fair food usually does for me. There was way too much incense wafting from every artisan booth for my olfactory sense, but if we're being honest, pretty much any incense is too much for my tastes. And when did pirates become a Ren-Fest thing? I figured there would be a lot of corsets and leather wearing for those die hard fans, but Johnny Depp style pirates are not one of the first things that come to mind when I hear ren fest. But I guess with all the bawdy jokes, the amount of cleavage on display and the possibility of a nip slip at every turn, the pirates figured they wouldn't raise too many eyebrows. 

I would go back with friends to judge people, and only if we had a coupon. But all in all, it was a fun time. Huzzah!

Nothing Kinda

coworker: Oh, we kinda match.
me: What? We're both wearing blue?
coworker: No, our hands, our rings.
me: Umm, sure, ok...

me in my head: No our rings definitely don't match. they don't even kinda match. Why? Because my rings are my wedding band and engagement ring from my 32 year old husband, and your ring, is a promise/class ring you wear on your ring finger from your 21 year old boyfriend of 2 months.
Soooo, no. Our rings don't match.

Plain Jane

me: (reading the title of an "article") can 'plain' women have a chance with guys? --snort-- of course they do. Guys will eventually marry them, but they just won't date them.
mike: What?
me: It's just along the same lines as guys date blonds, but marry brunettes
mike: What?
me: Yeah, when you men folk are dating, you don't want anything serious. So you go for the blonds because they're prettier aren't serious have more fun. Then when you want to get married and settle down, you go for the brunettes who are boring and clearly not as pretty, but stable. Better for the long term.
mike: I see.
me: I don't know where redheads fit into that though. They get left out of everything I guess.     

one mind

me: Last night in my dream I had a dream.  It was so weird.  But at some point in there, I don't know if it was the dream or the dream within the dream, I dreamed that your ex was trying to get you back.
mike: That's actually funny, because last night I dreamed that your ex was trying to get you back.
me: Whoa. We had the same dream?
mike: Guess so.
me: Cool yet very odd. In my dream your ex showed up to my parents house and claimed you had finish something with work with her.  You actually did have to finish this project so you did, but both of us knew what she was doing.  So I just stood there on the landing shooting you glares to finish up the project as fast as you could and get her out of there.
mike: Ha! Well, there's a negative 90% chance that would ever happen. So you have nothing to worry about.
me: That's good. Oh, and you have nothing to worry about from your dream either.
mike: Yeah? Your ex won't ever try to get you back?
me -snorts- No, he's too lazy!
--mike snicker-- 

Not exactly to plan

Last night Mike and I had a loose plan: go to a support group, get dinner after, then head home.  But things didn't exactly go as planned.  Not that things went completely awry, just, not as planned.  First, the Alzheimer's support group that I just started attending was canceled due to an emergency the group leader had.  So there went the first part of our evening.  But that was fine, these things happen. So we decided to go find dinner.

We tried a place close by that I found on urban spoon. (It's one of my new favorite websites. I like it so much I made Mike get the app for his iphone. (What? His phone is very handy for me.  And the app is free)) Dinner was ok. Cheep, but the food wasn't anything to write home about.   But that wasn't the interesting part (clearly).  What was interesting was the working cigarette vending machine the place had.  (We saw someone use it which is how we knew it worked)  I didn't know these things still existed, let alone, were even legal.  But that wasn't the only code maybe violation sort of thing.  Another customer, brought their dog into the bar.  Not a service dog, just a regular family pet.  Really?  I understand dogs on dog-friendly patios, but inside the restaurant?

Our dining experience being mildly interesting yet simultaneously sub par, we decide to go try one of those hot trend of the moment pay by the weight frozen yogurt places on the way home.  One just opened up near our gym a few months ago so we decided to check it out.  It's not until we're getting our fro-yo rung up that I notice that the frog in Sweet Frog is an acronym.  Turns out frog stands for fully rely on god.  Which....ok.  Mike and I are not exactly religious people.  We're not going to go bashing religion and those who are.  But, well, it just having it presented like that isn't our style.  

So, yeah, interesting night. Support group canceled, a working cigarette machine and a dog at dinner, and then religious themed frozen yogurt.

RSVP

I'm partying it up at a my APX chapter's birthday bash right now. We're 10 baby! (Well, I'm trying to enjoy myself at least, I'm still in a constant state of worry)

Anyway, being the big shindig that it is, the chapter sent out invites and rsvp cards as well. And me, knowing a few things about etiquette, filled out my rsvp, wrote a check, put them both in the pre-addressed envelope included in the invite, and put it in the mail. I did this all in a timely manner.

I also mailed it without a return address or any postage. Yep.

Once I realized I had done so, I emailed the brother in charge and asked him to keep an eye out for it, just in case it got there. He (rightly so) laughed at me, but fortunately, the chapter got it anyway. Hence, the partying it up now with my brothers. I just owe one of them a stamp!

Personal Space

What's with the lack of respect for personal space?

I was waiting in line at the pharmacy and I was standing way behind this one girl because she was coughing every 10 seconds and looked like hell hung out to dry. Whatever she had, I didn't want. So I kept my distance and respected her personal space.

The girl behind me, not so much.

Way not so much. She's all up in my bubble. And I have a huge backpack and my gym bag slung over one shoulder, so my personal area is already crowded.

Of all places, you think people would try to get as much space between each other when you are in line for meds. medicine = reason for it = germs= contagious = respect the personal area.

God I hate college kids sometimes.

Finger Prints

Before I could get all cleared to work in maternity, I had to get the special maternity badge (it was a different color that said I was allowed to be around the babies, and my last name was left off as well) and get security clearance.

So I go to security, fill out the paper work and answer the barrage of questions. Having passed all those clearance, I find out that I have to get fingerprinted. Apparently to work with children and criminals, (what the hell kind of connection is that?) your fingerprints must be on file in Ohio. (There was a little drama that my legal residence was (still is) in Kentucky but I worked in Ohio, so my fingerprints were sent to the national level I think)

Anyway, security dude brings out the ink pad and finger print sheet and looks at me expectantly. I'm about to put my thumb in the ink but I'm not doing it right I guess, because he stops me and asks:

Security dude: "Have you ever done this before?"
me: "NO! You're not supposed to have done this before!"
Security dude: "Oh, right. Good point."

Nineteen

I hear through the grapevine (aka, over drinks and some loose lips), that a former co-worker of mine (who is only a year or two older than me I believe), is dating a 19-year old (that's a 9-10 year age gap). Eyebrows were raised, knowing glances were shot around, and tongues wagged a bit. And then someone in the grapevine also said she was a dirty girl.

First I thought, "yeah, I don't care." But I though about it a second more and said "well, what else can you really be at 19 except dirty?"

Hey, think about it. At 19, you can't (legally) get into bars or buy alcohol, so you can't really hang out with your older boyfriend.* So what else can you legally do except be a dirty girl?

*unless you have a fake id.**

** (Side note to my footnote) I think I'm the only person in who never had a fake id. Why bother? I already look younger than I am, I knew I couldn't pass for anything older then actually was.

Addiction

I admit I'm addicted to caffeine. I get headaches if I don't have a cup of coffee in the morning. But it's legal and fairly harmless. And it's not like I need a steady stream of it to function throughout the day. Well I did when I was in studio senior year, but those were extenuating circumstances. When you loose almost all (about 88%) of your work two weeks before it's due, other classes/eating/resting/sleep is no longer an option. My 30 minute full blown panic attack was the only time luxury I had.

But besides then (and other project weeks, though none were ever as stressful as that), my caffeine intake is one cup of coffee every morning. Regular drip, full caff (because decaf is for sissies and preggos). Sometimes I have a coke or another type of pop (I hate diet pop btw) a few times a week, and maybe twice a month I indulge in a foamy decadent fancy coffee in the afternoon (though I prefer it iced and not foamy in the summer).

So really, this isn't that big of a deal. When I want to have children I may have to reevaluate, but that's a few years off. And I don't drink enough to for it to be a huge concern (the general consensus of an acceptable level during pregnancy is 200 mg a day. That's just under 3 cans of coke. Course it really just depend on what your obgyn says). And if I do have to give it up completely because my doctor makes me, I will forever guilt my child. (What? I want to be a mom, but I never said I'd be an altruistic one). My ex and I had a conversation about my caffeine intake. He informed me I was giving coffee up completely for the sake of our unborn children. I said: No. ::pause::sigh:: Fine, I'll consider switching to decaf if the doctor tells me too, and only when the time comes. But you will never speak such evils to me ever again.

Why is it though that my non-coffee drinker boyfriends want me to get of the stuff though? I don't have a problem with a non coffee drinker, because that means more of it's heavenly elixir for me. But getting me off the stuff, that I don't want to be off in the first place, is a fail plan. I mean seriously, don't they understand that me with out caffeine is far scarier than me on a caffeine overload jitter high?

Oh Dear

I'm taking Bailey for a late evening walk because she just just had to go. So we're going around the block, and there's a dog not on a leash wandering around. My friend's dog was just viciously attacked by a dog not on a leash, so I was immediately wary. But lucky for us, this dog was just curious and it's owners (I assumed) were standing across the street.

I let Bailey and stranger dog approach each other and sniff. They stick their noses in inappropriate places, because they're dogs, that's what they do. I begin to lead Bailey away, but she started to crouch like she had to number two, so I wait a few moments. Then I realize stranger dog is a boy dog and he's starting to walk behind Bailey...

Omigod! flashes through my head. Out of my mouth comes "Hey! Don't do that to my dog!"

Even though she's spayed, I still don't want any of that going on. She's on her leash for goodness sake so I'm only 6' away from her for starters. Eww. As far as I know, Bailey hasn't had her cherry popped. And I'm more than fine with it staying that way.

Is it wrong I want my dog to remain a virgin?

Idiot Girl

So I'm thinking about entering an essay contest about being an idiot girl. And I thought, well, I have a decent amount of blogs, so I could use one of those. Which led to the thought of, hey my gay boyfriends story is ha-lar-ious, that would be a great one to submit. What's more idiot girl than knowingly dating a gay guy who refused to come out? The essay cannot be over 450 words, and I know Proof That I Am Funny (my 2nd blog, I'm not linking to my own site this time. Frankly because I'm not in the mood) is a bit long. But I can trim some stuff and I'm sure it'll work.

Out of curiosity (and to get a starting point too), I copied and pasted to a word document and found out the word count: 1,292. Oops, little bigger than I thought there (that's what she said!). Hmm, trimming might not be the best option, seeing as I would crop more than half the story. And then, what's the point if I'm loosing most of it?

So now I need a different idea/essay. So, if you have a favorite blog or a damming story on me, feel free to share. But you don't have to get too damming. After all, it's my blog and I can edit if I want to. You would edit too if it happend to you.

Cravings

Being a woman of a certain age, if you ever utter the phrase "I'm craving such and such," people's typical response is a snarky "maybe you're pregnant." (and by the way, that sh*t started in high school. Wrong on many levels, because A) I didn't loose the Vcard until college, and B) we know my stance on unwed pregnancy now, you think I would be get pregnant as a teenager?!?)

Today I was having a craving as I am wont to do (and will indulge myself as I am also wont to do). (Plus with the patience 5 year old, I do not do delayed gratification well). But I didn't say anything about having any sort of craving because I didn't want the preggo speculation comments. But if they knew what I was craving then I think it would pretty obvious I'm not in the family way. Because you know what I really wanted more than anything a few hours ago?

Bourbon.
(Woodford Reserve on the rocks thanksyouverymuch. I may have the tolerance of a newly pledged sorority girl, but dammit, I drink like a grownup. (actual tweet from me))

Careful what you say

On my way to a friend's house, I decided I needed an iced coffee from Starbucks (because caffeine would totally help my irritability.) But there's an older guy in there, somewhere around my dad's age probably. He was with his daughter, who was probably close to my age, maybe a little younger, and her boyfriend. For some reason he starts a conversation with me and ask where I'm from, and then asked have I traveled any.

"Where's the furthest you've been?"

"Australia."

He continues with traveling is amazing, and "the best thing is to travel to far away places. You want to know what the secret is for that? Don't get married."

Slightly taken aback, I shake my head and say, "you picked the wrong girl to say that to. God, so the wrong girl."

"Why, you married? Getting married?"

"Um, I was getting married this up coming Saturday. At the church literally up the road. I had the dress and everything"

He starts trying to back peddle and joke a little, but I'm clearly sending the please leave me alone vibe. Before he left though, he apologized and he felt bad enough that he bought my coffee. And I'm pretty sure his daughter was reaming him when they left.

I'm ok now, but it was odd. And a little unnerving.

Sigh, I just need to make it through this week.

Nerd Alert

Yesterday while in algebra class, my teacher starts talking about a way to solve a problem. I started thinking of other ways too, and thought to myself:

"Hmm, could we use the substitution method? Oh I love the substitution method!
WHOA.
Oh wow, I'm a dork. No, wait. This is beyond dorky.

Oh my God. I'm a NERD."

Not willing to accept my nerd status fully, later that afternoon I decided to do my math home work while sunbathing. Because nothing thwarts nerdy like a tiny bikini.

Eww

I got out of class a few minutes early today (btw, math teachers in general, amuse me) so I was flip-flopping as fast as I could to the bus stop, hoping I could catch it. Yesterday I literally missed it by seconds, I was on the wrong side of the street and saw it go by. Obviously, I have to cross the street, and I need to cross 2 to get to this particular stop (UK steps for those of you that know campus). These are not streets you mosey across, you wait at the cross walk or risk being hit. There were 2 guys, one of them much older than me, in a golf cart right next to crosswalk button. Since I didn't see the been-pressed-light on, I assumed I had to press the button**. But in order to do so, I had to stand about 12" from the older guy.

Guy does a full body check of me. How do I know? Because he moved his entire head, and then stared at my chest (full coverage tshirt today people). Oh, and dude, I'm the one w/the sunglasses on, I can still see where your eyes are going.

I curled my lip in my snotty way and stepped away (there may have been a dismissive snort in there too). And there's the saying boys will be boys, and I know people will always laugh at dirty old men. But you know what? It's still gross and disrespectful.

**side note: pressing the button over and over does not make the light change any faster you ass clowns. The only thing it does is annoy the fck out of me and makes you look like a douche.

Scaredy Cat (that would be me)

We (ok, mom and dad) got an invisible fence for Bailey. There's mini dvd how to train her and it's basically show the border, temp to border, try to get her to stay inside borders ("the center of the yard is a happy playful place"). And you do this process over the course of a month, in 2 stages. Both with the zap collar on, but the first stage w/something covering the zap thingys. So it just beeps and doesn't zap yet.

Well today, we're outside doing our lesson, all is going well. I'm tossing a ball around trying to get her to chase it, but she's not going to the border/flag line because she knows I'll pull her away like I'm supposed to do. I'm reaching down to pick up the ball, but to the horror of all horrors, I saw a snake in the grass too. It only takes me a nanno-second to shriek at the top of my lungs and then bolt clear out of the yard, (and way past the invisible fence) practically dragging Bailey with me on her leash. Thank god we're still in the beeping phase. Because in my blind panic caused by what was probably a small garden snake, as I was crossing the flag line, I thought "f*ck the border! Snake! Must run for our lives!!" While she was thinking: oh mommy wants to sprint yay! (which I didn't, I already ran today and am not in the mood to go again)

Have I mentioned I'm terrified of snakes? TERRIFIED. Because if you hadn't figure that out by my above reaction, um yeah, terrified.

Word Play

Have you notice that if you double a word, it alters the meaning or creates emphasis? For example:

like=enjoy something vs like-like=totally have a crush on
job=something you do while in school vs job-job=what you went to school for
home=where you currently live vs home-home=where you grew up
baby=someone under 2 vs baby-baby=fresh new one
cute=squee!, like babies and puppies vs cute-cute=in reference to a boy you like-like

Of all the 171,476 words in the Oxford English Dictionary, and I (we?) double words becasue I don't want to think of a synonym. Methinks someone needs a thesaurus.

Warped Reality

Some of you may remember this, but back in high school (man, I need more recent stories), the movie Grease was re-released in theaters. Being the group of musical lovers that we are, (seriously) we had to see this together. But the real story isn't how we sang along in the theater (becasue we did, possibly in harmony), it's this:

Like all movies, there were previews. And I was sitting next to my frienemy because she needed as much distance as possible between her and her bff''s boyfriend. She hated him for the reason every girl hates another girl's boyfriend: he took away my friend. Plus she was desperately single (and remained that way through most of high school) as salt in the wound. Well, during one of the previews, she starts tearing up becasue the character on screen had twirled romantically into her Prince Charming's arms. And while dabbing her eyes, she says bitterly, "see, even they have someone."

It was preview for a cartoon movie. A cartoon. A story that someone made up. And then took the time to draw the story that was made up (or embellished for storytelling purposes). She was jealous over a 5 second romantic clip of a cartoon character. Just imagine the face I'm making right now. It's probably close to the same one you're doing.

Well, maybe I shouldn't roll my eyes that much. Because there are times now I find myself unable to watch cute couple romance crap on screen without my eyes welling up (Sex and the City Movie while depressed=baaaad idea, very bad idea). In my defense, I am currently a 26-year-old dealing w/a broken engagement, not a 16-year-old who hadn't had a boyfriend yet. But even then, I raised my eyebrows over this. At least I'm not crying over a cartoon romance. (The Little Mermaid is a different story though, that wedding gets me every time).