The united states of misogyny

We don't need to beat this to death. I don't need CNN, Fox Faux news, NPR or anyone else to mansplain to me why, once again, a petulant convicted felon rapist spewing vitriol, beat the vastly overqualified and educated, this time Black/Asian, female candidate. AGAIN.  

We live in a systemically racist patriarchy. America has always oppressed non-white cis-males. Women, and above all a woman of color have always been expendable. THAT is why. Yes, the economy was a factor, but just like 'not all men' are rapist, jackasses, douche canoes etc, the economy was a portion of the problem, not the overall problem.      

Look, I know Madame President Kamala Harris couldn't have fixed everything for everyone. Big issues take BIG time, but she would have started fixing things. Because women, back women especially, get shit done because they have to. Meanwhile, the orange conman flings shit because no one will tell him no.

So, yeah, I'm scared. I'm angry. And I don't want to be kind to the asshats who voted for him. Once again, any "others" have to justify their existence in a country that has never seen them as equal. When he does exactly what he says he will do, no mater how outlandish, cruel, nonsensical it was, don't be surprised. I swear to god if you clutch your pearls I may choke you with them.   

White privilege

So. Yesterday.

• White people took selfies while they terrorized the capital to keep the incompetent authoritarian regime in place. 
• Black Lives Mater supporters were told to leave their phones at home so info could not be used to be arrested later while they asked for people of color to not be killed for being black.
• An orange con man used his global platform to incite violence and encourage a riot.
• A black football player used his platform to direct attention to systemic injustices and was fired.

In general white people can:  

• go jogging (#AmaudArbery).
• relax in the comfort of my own home (#BothemSean and #AtatianaJefferson).
• ask for help after being in a car crash (#JonathanFerrell and #RenishaMcBride).
• have a cellphone (#StephonClark).
• leave a party to get to safety (#JordanEdwards).
• play loud music (#JordanDavis).
• sell CD's (#AltonSterling).
• sleep (#AiyanaJones)
• walk from the corner store (#MikeBrown).
• play cops and robbers (#TamirRice).
• go to church (#Charleston9).
• walk home with Skittles (#TrayvonMartin).
• hold a hair brush while leaving my own bachelor party (#SeanBell).
• party on New Years (#OscarGrant).
• get a normal traffic ticket (#SandraBland).
• lawfully carry a weapon (#PhilandoCastile).
• break down on a public road with car problems (#CoreyJones).
• shop at Walmart (#JohnCrawford) .
• have a disabled vehicle (#TerrenceCrutcher).
• read a book in my own car (#KeithScott).
• be a 10yr old walking with our grandfather (#CliffordGlover).
• decorate for a party (#ClaudeReese).
• ask a cop a question (#RandyEvans).
• cash a check in peace (#YvonneSmallwood).
• take out my wallet (#AmadouDiallo).
• run (#WalterScott).
• breathe (#EricGarner).
• live (#FreddieGray).
• ask someone to put a required leash on their dog in the public park we are in (#ChristianCooper).
• BE ARRESTED WITHOUT THE FEAR OF BEING MURDERED. (#GeorgeFloyd)

White people don't become hashtags. And if you refuse to see the issue with this... Look, I'm not calling you a racist. But after yesterday's failed coup d'état and you still won't admit to your own white privilege and accept and/or support ingrained racist policies that villainize a black person's existence... Well, your racism is showing. 

2020 Ire

November 9 2016 I was scared shit-less at the election results. 

Now? In the wake of RGB's death? FUCKING TERRIFIED.

And I'm FURIOUS I'm even scared in the first place. I am not okay! I am actually on the verge of a panic attack I'm so indescribably upset. This is not good. The world is not okay. We are in an orange bully garbage fire while his shrew cronies pour gasoline. And I will not accept this is the world I'm leaving for my children.     

 

You 2016 trump voters: Fuck you.

And you 2020 voters for him? FUCK YOU.  

If you are ashamed to vote for him but do so anyway: fuck your cowardliness.

If you vote for a 3rd party for whatever reason: fuck your narcissism.

If you don't vote at all: fuck your white male privilege. 

What I'm saying is: If you don't vote for anyone except Biden/Harris: FUCK YOU. 

Yeah. I know who you are. I don't care if you have hurty fweeling the same way you don't care about the ramifications of your vote. Go choke on your conservative fox news bullshit.

Word Fun (but not really)

One of the two mass shooters* in the past 24 hours had the gall to post online their own racist manifesto before his killing spree. As if his diatribe is important. As if he is important.***

***Nope, not even. Fragile f*cking insignificance is more like it.

You know who else had a manifesto? Hitler. And there was a whole world war declaring that nazis are bad and they lost. The WHOLE WORLD.

So I am breaking down the word manifesto. Ahem. man - i - fest - o

• man: young white male
• i: self-important = hubris
• fest: fester
• o: cutesy sanitizing ending

So in conclusion - a "manifesto" is: a white young male's festering hubris. 

Choke on that.

* I. AM. FURIOUS.**
**for so many reasons

1. that this is another mass shooting and it won't be the last.
2. the inaction of thoughts and prayers.
3. the senate doing nothing. 
4. fragile masculinity and the patriarchy continuing to get away with actual murder. 
5. the NRA's propaganda. 
6. fill-in-another-abhorrent-reason here. 

Arms Reason

What the ever loving fuck?
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/21/health/florida-legislature-porn-dangerous-but-not-weapons/index.html
Assault riffles are military weapons whose soul purpose is to cause maximum harm and kill. KILL. Bullets fired from these weapons are designed to kill and they mutilate and destroy everything in their proximity. So why the ever loving fuck are these not dangerous according to lawmakers?

Why does anyone need an assault riffle? Honest to god, someone tell me a reason other than it's the 2nd amendment of in the constitution. A lot of things have changed in the past few hundred years since those amendments were created by a rich white male slave owners. And there was an amendment that didn't work either. Remember that whole alcohol was illegal thing? That was the 18th amendment of the Constitution. There were 2 more amendments added (#19: women get to vote! #20: the presidential term starts January 20 at noon) before #21 when white lawmakers said take backsies! on #18 because society was pretty much just a big 'ol mess. So it is possible to make and repeal amendments that reflect the times. Like #13 - lets make this slavery/owning people thing illegal. Or #22 - no one can be elected president more than twice so the same person doesn't stay in power indefinitely (looking at you FDR).

Once again, please give me a reason your right to own an assault riffle usurps the safety of the general public. Why must humanity suffer again and again from the fragility of masculine insecurity? (yes I know there are women who love guns and shooting too, but these mass murderers have been mostly white males) Even if you don't kill people with your assault riffle, does having that tool to kill innocents make you feel better? Does the ability to destroy countless others' sense of safety secure your own? Do you sleep better knowing your right to own a weapon will never replace all of the other lives destroyed by gun violence?

Give me a reason. Give the world a reason. We are owed a fucking reason.

#MeToo

Of course I've been sexually harassed.
I mean, I did things like going for runs in shorts and a tank top since it was 90-billion degrees. I've walked from point A to point B and my "gorgeous ass!" got a shout out. (which it is, but that's not the point.) I've been as brazen as to stand still and my backside got brushed. And let's not forget I was a bartender, a flirty, super cute young 20 something with a great figure at that. Of course I was there for (mostly older, mostly white) males to ogle and comment on. For goodness sake, what did I expect?

Wait. Hold on-

Oh but I also know to never leave my drink unattended at a party. And to not wear my headphones, be on (or even have out) my phone and to be aware of my surroundings at all times when walking alone - which you should never do in the first place. It's also not smart to wear my hair in a ponytail, or have any sort of strap across or on my body so you are harder to grab and assault. And -

Wait! Wait! Seriously, hold on. 

What did I expect? What are the preventive actions I'm supposed to do to not get raped? What am I supposed to wear? To not wear? Who's going to believe me if I ever am assaulted? Why is it my responsibility when my female body is regulated by men in the first place? 

So yeah. #MeToo. I bet everyone, and I mean everyone, has some sort of #MeToo story of their own. And by all means yes, shed some light on this and show how ubiquitous this all is. Hell, use a floodlight and keep it on this issue. But could we also: #BelieveTheVictim, #Don'tRape and #StopRapeCulture too? 

  

Color Privilege

My daughter was handing me crayons and I was naming the colors for her along with my own little adages for context. For example:
Pink: this is mommy's favorite color.
Green: you're sitting on your green chair.
White: the color of privilege

Yup.
Because white people, white men, rich white men in particular, can be some stupid ass fools and do whatever they want (especially racist, sexist and ignorant what they want) and the rest of get to suffer the consequences. Because you know the white men aren't going to.

Yes, I know. Not all white people. Not all men. But lets review a few recent instances when white male privilege was totally a thing:

• Brock Turner (one of the whitest names I've ever heard btw) rapes an unconscious woman. Judge worries about the harm jail will have on him and not the victim of the crime he did. 
• Timothy McVeigh, Dylan Roof, and James Holmes are American terrorists, but lets talk about the mental help they should have received and not the victims they killed.
• The asshole in chief takes a "break" from his 18 day vacation from his own golf club to do part of the job he holds that he will never be qualified for. And he's going to start a nuclear war with N. Korea safe in his tacky gold leaf bunker while the rest of us grow radiation tails as we die a slow painful death in nuclear winter. 

But please, tell me again how white privilege isn't a thing.

High Road / Low Road

When they go low, we go high. Yes, yes, lovely sentiment.
I get that there is dignity in the high road...

But who's getting elected for the most part?
Who's writing healthcare laws for everyone behind the no girls allowed secret clubhouse Senate doors? (hint: no one suffering from the pre-existing condition "women" or "not-white")

And look who's in the Oval Office. That ass did not get there via the high road. He didn't even try a nicety shortcut here and there. He frolicked on the low road and is now lapping up the flattery of the deplorables.      

So yeah, the low road won, and took out most of the high road too. The low road gang gets the chance to do something, anything, because they are the majority.  A lot of good dignity does when you aren't even allowed on the playing field.

So f*ck going high. Go low. Fight dirty. Be UGLY. And stop time going backwards.

Double Standard

I am so fcking annoyed of the douche bag president.

I'm so fcking sick at the excuses everyone makes for him.

But I'm really SO. FUCKING. ENRAGED with the double standards.

President Obama: Faithfully married 20+ years to the lovely woman he raises 2 daughters with.

Cheeto-in-Chief Trump: Unfaithfully married to 3 different women with 5 children he doesn't bother to raise.   

Secretary Clinton: Faithfully married 40+ years to an unfaithful man she raised 1 strong daughter with- and said daughter is faithfully married and has two children herself.

And that's just their personal lives.

As far as political lives....

OMG the emails. Twitter had storm after storm about those mother fcking emails.   

Trump blabs classified information to the Russians because he's boasting about his super awesome intell like the stupid 5 year old he is. Radio Silence.

   

   All the internal screaming. 

Words Matter

You know that part of the first amendment that "Congress shall make no law ... abridging the freedom of speech..." part?
FYI: Freedom of speech ≠ Freedom from ramifications of that speech.

It is not an excuse to spew vitriol and be indignant when someone calls you out on it. It doesn't mean you can say whatever you want and then not be held accountable for that.

It bugs the hell out of me when anyone claim their freedom of speech right is being "threatened" whenever there is backlash over something they've said. Like when the the fcking president commits sexual assault and brushes off the bragging as "locker room talk." Then acts indignant when he's held accountable for those crude words and despicable actions. His mouthpiece Conway makes up the Bowling Green Massacre and acts like the wounded party for her "honest mistake" when she was being made fun of. It took condoning pedophilia to finally make that Milo troll shut up for a while (he'll be back, roaches like him are hard to keep down). And that racist Georgia couple had the nerve to bawl in court after being handed a well deserved prison sentence for threatening a child's birthday party.  
All of them, along with countless others behaving like insolent children when their right to speak freely didn't protect them from any consequences those hurtful words may have caused.

I'm frankly sick of it. Just SHUT THE FUCK UP. Because words matter.

Get Used To It - Not Anymore

You know the saying s/he's seems like an asshole at first but not once you get to know them?
That's total bullshit. Because what it actually means is: s/he's is a total asshole and you just get used to it.

Which is how I feel about the president-elect. Trump's an asshole. And this isn't a case of  "seems like one at first." Throughout his entire campaign he bullied every opponent, boasted about committing sexual assault, spewed hateful and divisive rhetoric, and then sulked and demanded apologies for his thin orange skin like the man-baby he is if called out on any of it. That. Is. An. ASSHOLE. Those weren't "campaign promises" or dismissed "locker room talk" (also bullshit). He's always been this way and he's going to continue to be that way because being an asshole got him the presidency. And he's proving himself to be one over and over again with the twitter diatribes about the recount and each cabinet member he appoints. With an "alt-right" adviser here and a no experience there. Here an asshole, there an asshole, everywhere an asshole! Ripping away our civil rights, e-i-e-i-o!

But even after a recount, if #ImStillWithHer accepts the results, I begrudgingly will too. Even though the knot in my stomach grows tighter whenever the schmuck opens his mouth/tweets. Ugh, an asshole will be our president. But I refuse to "get used to it" or accept his behavior as a human being. And I hope the nation doesn't either.

A Vote For Marriage. FOR EVERYONE

So I promise to recap the derby and bridal shower here soon enough and tell everyone that it was a perfect weekend and I'm so happy that I have friends and family who love me to and to do that for me.

But today is election day in North Carolina and there is a more pressing mater Amendment 1, which would define marriage as one man and one woman and it will be the only recognized legal union.
Vote AGAINST it.

Not just because it blatantly makes discrimination ok.
Not just because I want to see my friends Tiffany and Jill get married if only to see my friend Tiffany in a big poofy dress.
Because this constitutional ban is not designed to protect families, seniors and all women at all. It actually harms them.
And who is to define "family" in the first place?  How is a kid raised by 2 committed adults not a family?  If the goal is to have all children raised in a 2 parent household, that makes single parents not a family.  What about the guy who gets 3 women pregnant around the same time?  He can't marry all 3, so which one does he choose to define as his family? (probably the one that doesn't kick his slutty ass to the curb).
I could continue about the harms the amendment would do, but I'll let the other websites who say it better than me do so.
But laws like this make me indignant, and frankly, ashamed that they are even brought to the table in the first place.  And while my blog and soap box may be little in the grand scheme of life, it needs to be said that this is NOT OK.

The devil of bras

I primarily work in the intimates and accessories area of my store since I am the area supervisor. In layman's terms: I work in the bras and purses area.  Now, knowing me like you do, this is a good fit, since I like both underwear and (if in the mood that is) purses.  And I know the area really well. I know all the brands we carry, the general look and target market those brands, which bras come in which sizes (also related to target market), which ones have under wire and which ones don't, which ones have lots of padding and which ones have none, and occasionally I remember a few of the colors too. So I think it's fair to say that I'm pretty helpful in the area because I know my merchandise. 

But what I don't do, is actually make the bras. And if you are an odd size, I know it can be difficult to find something that fits because I've been there too.  However, I am willing to compromise on some things, like trying on a different color, or giving the under wire a shot. (Oh who am I kidding? I haven't forgone the under wire since college. Gravity won that war a long time ago with me).  I really can't help you find what you need if you aren't willing to give somewhere.

It's not my fault that i can't find the 42B wireless with no padding whatsoever in black the customer wants if no one makes that. (well, no one in my store makes that).  And merely suggesting trying on the white version of the bra they want just to see how it fits seems to be a declaration of war. And when you want a bra that had no shape to itself, it's typically not the prettiest of things either.  So I'm sorry that I can't find the cute shapeless wireless miracle black weird size to hold your average boobs and broad back up bra because it doesn't exist for you to try on at the moment.  But I'm not the devil of bras you make me out to be either. Just saying.

Friendship

I know it's supposed to be a joke when people say: "you have friends?" But it's not a good one. It's actually kinda hurtful. Because then you start to wonder, why do you think I have no friends? Do I seem that unlikeable? That no one wants to hang out with me socially? But I'm charming and nice and thoughtful and funny ('eff modesty though). Why wouldn't I have friends? Because I hear that "joke" a lot more often then you'd imagine. Seriously.

Once over the summer I was at a coffee shop with some friends (See! See! I do have them! And that's plural too!) and a classmate of one of us stopped over to say hi. After introductions were made, he cracked the "you have (other) friends?" line to her. And before I could help it, I wailed (to a person I had just met) and very very loud and high pitched: "why do people think we have no friends?"

Because it turns out, I have great friends. Amazing friends. Friends that I consider family and who you keep forever. You're lucky to develop that type of friendship with anyone and I have several of them. (so there! nanny nanny boo boo!) And in cases of friendship, quality over quantity wins every time.

So I don't have 3 different party invites every weekend to rub elbows with people I don't care about. But I will rearrange my work schedule to meet my friend's new baby or see them graduate med school. I can call people at 1 am bawling because my heart is breaking. I will drive 5 hours for fantasy football and see people I only see a few times a year. And the only thing we do that weekend is couch and cook.

So I don't have a 1000 friends. But it's not like I don't have any friends either. So bad jokes aside, I'm happy and thankful for what I have. Because it's worth a hell of a lot more.

Corn hole

I. HATE. Corn hole. Reasons why:

1. It sounds dirty
2. It's boring with a capital Ugh.
   
3. I don't play sports with balls or teams. This has teams (balls/bags, whatever, something you toss)
   
4. When you live smack in the center of 4 frat houses and all you hear is thwap, thwap thawp routinely perforated with that quasi-drunk frat boy yell/cheer/growl/groan (it's yell with a gargle mixed in there somehow) for a solid week from all directions known as rush week, you get really annoyed, really fast.
5. It takes for-ev-er to play one (one!) game. It sounds simple enough, 21 points wins. Point for getting a bag on the board, 3 for in the hole, something like that. But noooo, it's not get to 21 points first, it's a 21 point deferential. So in other words, bull sh*t. You score 2 for getting two bags on the board, but your opponent gets a bag in the hole. So instead of you getting 2 points and your opponent getting 3, opponent (who btw, apparently has better skills then you), gets 1 point of their rightful 3 because your bags take away two of their points and you score a huge fat zero that round anyway. For -f*cking- ever.
   

I went to the Woodland Arts Fair last weekend and there was a corn hole game going on. I briefly ran through the above explanations to my friend and she agreed with me. It's stupid. Right after I mentioned the frat guy growl/yell/war cry, someone playing the game kindly demonstrated it for me. So I had a total ah ha! moment and proceeded to point and screech at the game as if to say: see! see! That's what I'm talking about!

Seriously, I hate corn hole.

Stupid questions

You know that saying there is no such thing as a stupid question? That's a LIE. There are totally stupid questions, and a lot of them too.

I've mentioned I get math. Yay me. But there are a lot of people who do not get it quite as inherently as I do, and need to ask questions. That's fine, ask if you don't understand. Those questions are not stupid. What is though, is that these people who ask, 9 times out of 10 it's because they were too busy texting during class to pay attention. So the question's usually something the teacher just went over.

If you need to learn this stuff, pay 'effing attention! You should try to do that anyway, but even more so if you have a hard time with the concept to begin with. And honestly, how important can you be 19-year-old that your bff cant wait another hour for your response to their "what r u doing 2nite" text (I've mentioned I hate text speak too, yes?). You are wasting my class time with your personal life. And that is not what my tuition covers.

PS people, putting your phone on vibrate sometimes is even more annoying then a ring. It's not exactly silent either when it vibrates and thumps everything around it. Plus the clicky clacky noises coming from the keypad, people can hear that too. So it's not even like you're doing anything on the sly.

Women are bitches

There was a conversation going on around me between 3 women about their weight. The topic of ideal weight came up, but how it's not truly realistic because idea weight doesn't account for frame shape. I was keeping my mouth shut all the same. And then they segue-wayed into their problem areas. One woman started talking about some of the exercises her trainer had her do for her triceps, and that they were a somewhat weird position. I piped in here with a: I do a couple of these (and then demonstrated) to tone mine up a little bit.

Before I finished the word tone, she cut me off and said I wasn't allowed to be a part of this conversation (being the skinny person that I am was heavily implied). It was said with a joking tone, but I think we all know it wasn't. And what's worse, is that even before I opened my mouth, I knew I should have clamped it shut. I blushed and looked down, embarrassed for being thin (and curvy in the right areas too). But then I started to silently seethe. Because here's what I wish I had snapped back at her:

I look this way because I have earned every pound I've lost. Physically and mentally I earned it. You want to train for a half marathon, then go for it. You want to break your engagement and stop eating, then go ahead. When you are so depressed you consider ending your life, (December was a bad month for me) and then decide that living, and doing it healthily is a better option, go for it.

I get to be skinny because I fcking earned it.

Family Planning

I know I am going to ruffle a lot of feathers here, but I don't care

I don't "get" accidental pregnancies. As easy as it is to get pregnant, it's just as easy to not get pregnant. We're not in '60's when you had to be married to get a prescription for birth control. And even if you don't have a doctor to write you one, there's always the drugstore/pharmacy to get other prevention methods. And if that doesn't happen (sheesh, precaution people) there's Plan B.

I know accident's happen. And I know that nothing is 100% effective (except abstinence and we all know those programs are worthless). But if you use things correctly, and that includes paying attention to the possible weakeners (like smoking while on the pill, or listening to your Dr when they say use a back up method while on an antibiotic), there's a 98%-99% chance of effectiveness. Those are really good odds don't you think? And it's not exactly rocket science to use things properly.

So when I hear of someone accidentally getting pregnant (usually out of wedlock), my first thought is not: oh congratulations! No, my reaction is: oops for you. Sometimes it does work out and kids get un-bastardized when mommy and daddy make the legal commitment because, apparently, having a child isn't a big enough commitment for some people. But most times, it's single parenthood during the kids most developmental years. And I also don't feel that sorry for them when I hear how hard single parenthood is. Because you know what? It's a choice you willing made. You could have prevented this to begin with, and even after those 2 pink lines appeared, you still had a choice. Yes I'm pro-choice. And pro-choice does not mean pro-abortion, it means choice.

Now I know I'm not invincible, and this could very well happen to me. It has happened to a few people I know too. I will always advocate the choice option, no matter what. But in 10 years (when I'm in my upper 30's) who knows where I'll be with my own family planning. And if I don't have the husband, 2.5 kids, dog and white picket fence, I might start looking into single parenthood somehow. And an oops could happen, because well, there is always that chance. But I'm not going to feel that sorry for myself or anyone else for that matter.

Umm, no

I'm calling bull sh*t on her/this. I'm not denying that she's unfairly gorgeous now. But having braces and head gear for 3 years does not count as an "ugly duckling phase." Was there bad skin involved? How about baby fat that refused to come off? An ill advised haircut? And you know she was always tall and skinny and then one summer got boobs.

Because braces for 3 years? Does not make you an ugly duckling. It makes you a middle schooler. No one looked good in middle school. (and if you were one of those freaks who was, I hope you peaked in high school and you look like hell now. I am VERY bitter about my middle school looks)

Arrrgh

It's like he finally understands. For Christ sake, now he starts to understand! Not two months ago when we were at the make it or break it point. Not while I was looking at apartments, or packing my things. Not before I quit my job and uprooted my life. Not even giving back the ring made him understand the gravity of the situation.

No, it has to be now, when I was starting to think I was moving forward. Too little too late like always. No, it's now he's realizing what a fool he is. Maybe one day he'll truly want the same things I want. Maybe he'll even want them with me. He might be a real husband and a devoted dad one of these days. He's going to be all the things I want for somebody else. And the only reason he ever got there in the first place is because I was the practice. And that sucks. It's not fair it's not fair it's not fair! Some days I want to wring his neck and pop off his over inflated head. Other days I want him to come flying back to me and starting over. I want him to see every single dream fall apart in front of him. But most days I just want to not feel anything.

I'm a firm believer in karma. And I can't remember doing anything that particularly naughty. So I better be in for the most wonderful time of my life. Because nothing is worth this much conflict. Nothing.