Pick your battles

Dr soc has been on this eating healthy salad kick so ultimately I don't have to kill him for dying on me. Seeing as we've been together* for 11 years as of today I need him to stick around as my partner in crime, parenting hijinks coconspirator but mostly someone I can occasionally talk shit about when I'm deflecting from my own shortcomings. 

*as well as put a ring on it and let him get me pregnant twice 

Anyway, back to the salads, he eats a lot and prefers a larger bowl for his rabbit food. The largest bowls that we have are the mixing bowls, but I have a hard line that you do not eat from the mixing bowls. See I almost killed someone for always eating out of the mixing bowls and I could never use them for cooking when I needed* them. To save my future relationships and myself from heartbreak, I drew that line and decreed it a rule. Dr soc is awesome and obeys and I tweeted how glad I am for that because divorce is a lot of paperwork.  

*that same someone never did the dishes either 

I'm explaining the origins of that rule and a coworker who's been married for longer than I've been alive, and they decide to impart the following wisdom about marriage: pick your battles.

My response: I have! This is one. DO. NOT. EAT. FROM. THE. MIXING. BOWLS! 

Love you honey! Thanks for not making die on that* hill!

*I'm sure there will be others. I just don't have to die on that particular one.

A Lot - or - my 2020 Election Thoughts

In 2016 I wrote how horrified aka scared shitless I was with the presidential election results.  I knew then my husband and I would be okay the next few years.  And we have been.  We've been incredibly fortunate to not only have kept our jobs but also received our paychecks through this pandemic, and neither us or our kids have gotten sick (knock on wood).  Seven weeks ago right after RBG died my visceral reaction was fear.  And then anger immediately after that I was fearful in the first place, and do not regret an iota telling 2020 trump voters to fuck off and choke on their fox news bullshit.

You would be right to assume how relieved I am with the 2020 presidential results.  As of Saturday I feel that I and a lot of others can breathe a little easier. A lot of 2020 people still voted for him because they agree with his vitriol. Because they embrace and/or accept his racism and misogamy.  So it wasn't an easy win. We're still in a dumpster fire. There are still 10 weeks left of the orange asshole and his ass kissing cronies will absolutely aide and abet him. 

So I'm not about to nudge an olive branch to the 2020 trump voters. You don't get to say please be gentle with my hurty feewings after continuously abusing you the past 4 years. "Be kind" is well meant, but understand that it is said from a place of privilege. As much as I want to gloat that Biden won and dance with joy and scream neener neener neener at the top of my lungs...I won't...mostly because I'm afraid I could get hurt. There's still a lot of work to be done, and a lot of damage to undo. There's a lot of a lots. The chance for civility will be a nice change of pace though. 

But still, always: fuck the patriarchy. 

THOUGHTS

So. We have Disney + now. Which means we are watching a lot of the stuff from the vault. As an adult I have THOUGHTS and then tweet them:

While watching Little Mermaid:
-Thought 1: give up your voice and change everything about yourself for a boy.
.
Not a message I want to encourage at all
            |
-Thought 2: Ursula has the best villain song. This is fact
|
-Thought 3: Arial is a complete simpleton on land with Eric and he finds that endearing?
|
-Thought 4: hold on, Flounder got the life size stone stone statue to her treasure grotto, but he’s struggling now to get Arial, an experienced swimmer btw, to the wedding boat
|
-Thought 5: she signed a contract Triton, if you really want her to learn her lesson this might be the way
|
-Thought 6: how did Eric see them, let alone find them under the sea? Is the water that clear? Must have been before we polluted the world
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-Thought 7: wait isn’t she 16? And getting MARRIED? And her dad is okay with this?? WTF. King Triton is a dolt.
|
-And finally- Thought 8: 4yo: why did she (Ursula) get power now? What made her so mean mommy? .
Me: the patriarchy

While we were watching Lady in the Tramp:
Watching the 1955 version of Lady and the Tramp.
.
SO. RACIST.
|
Though I will say all of (dog) Lady‘s troubles started due to an old white (human) lady’s fragility
            |
Lady was running around following a boy and she’s the one caught and tossed in the pound.
.
I turned that into a life lesson for my girl

And most recently while watching Frozen: 
Watching Frozen 4yo: why did Hans put Elsa in jail?? Me: because he is afraid of a powerful woman.
4yo: why is he afraid? Me: the patriarchy

Word Fun (but not really)

One of the two mass shooters* in the past 24 hours had the gall to post online their own racist manifesto before his killing spree. As if his diatribe is important. As if he is important.***

***Nope, not even. Fragile f*cking insignificance is more like it.

You know who else had a manifesto? Hitler. And there was a whole world war declaring that nazis are bad and they lost. The WHOLE WORLD.

So I am breaking down the word manifesto. Ahem. man - i - fest - o

• man: young white male
• i: self-important = hubris
• fest: fester
• o: cutesy sanitizing ending

So in conclusion - a "manifesto" is: a white young male's festering hubris. 

Choke on that.

* I. AM. FURIOUS.**
**for so many reasons

1. that this is another mass shooting and it won't be the last.
2. the inaction of thoughts and prayers.
3. the senate doing nothing. 
4. fragile masculinity and the patriarchy continuing to get away with actual murder. 
5. the NRA's propaganda. 
6. fill-in-another-abhorrent-reason here. 

Chips

Over Thanksgiving I said that while the show Friends is funny, it's very homophobic and hasn't aged well. The religious side of the family didn't know what homophobic meant (it means you're an ass btw), which then brought up their shock and dismay at the same sex kiss the Macy's parade broadcasted. Their opinion didn't surprise me, but I do not agree with them and didn't want them to think I did, especially in my own home. So I stared them dead in the eye and said: SO?
They start trying to back pedal a little bit, saying it's a sign of the times, they're a different generation, excuses/justifications for their general homophobia.
And once again I said: So what?

Someone else quickly redirected the confrontation and shut down the conversation. I understand why, hot button issue, black and white opinions, lots of people and small impressionable children around. But later I was chafing a bit that my small impressionable kids even heard excuses for homophobia initially.

It was pointed out to me that one conversation isn't "going to change hearts and minds"
Which is true. BUT.
Later that night the same family used a term I find derogatory and outdated. I had one of my kids in my lap, and without much thought I blurted "that's not a nice word." And when they tried to sweep it away I simply said "it's not a nice word" again and it was done.

And then I thought, what if...what if the way to dismantle systemic injustices was to simply call out the microaggressions and behaviors with an undertone of misogyny, racism, homophobia, unkindness, etc, that bolster them? Rather than wait for the acceptance light to go on whilst scrapping in opposite corners, you keep chipping away at the roots that have allowed them to go on for so long in the first place? Make those accepted microaggressions unacceptable, would we see how deep the problem is and make strides to change?

I think it's at the very least, it's worth a shot.

Go Viral

It's a not so secret dream of mine to have one of my social media posts go viral. Or make it onto the huffington post funniest parents and/or women lists. However nowadays people go viral for the wrong reasons (major embarrassment, social gaffe, racist/sexist/idiotic/etc behavior followed by (hopefully) public outrage), so "going viral" probably shouldn't be on my life's accomplishment's list.
  
Anyway, I'm on my social media a lot right now (I'm on leave, newborns are pretty boring, the toddler is every bit a 2.5 year old so I have to vent and daytime tv sucks). All of those platforms have ads which I normally gloss over and dismiss. But this time I noticed all the ads were for diet products, workout routines, waist trainers, supplements etc, all these...things in an effort to motivate me to become an even "better" me.

And I'm like, I just had a baby. She's not even a week old, we're talking days. I housed a tiny human in me and literally pushed them out of my lady parts. Some might even consider that the epitome of what a lady's body can do. Here I am, sleep deprived, mentally exhausted, sore everywhere, ice packs on my raw nipples, wearing diapers (postpartum life is disgusting y'all), super hormonal, in addition to raising two very needy small humans to not be assholes and I'm supposed to be pretty too? WTF?
   
So I posted this on facebook: 

All the diet ads/products on my feed imply I should be getting back to societal set beauty standards and be ashamed of my current body for producing a healthy baby. 

Guess what world? Fuck off!

Us ladies giving a middle finger to that mindset
I also like the prominence of my double chin and how I don't give a rat's ass 

I tagged my husband (because when it involves the kids that's pretty much what we do), and got a respectable amount of likes and comments applauding my fuck off. In fact, one of dr soc's friends copied and pasted my status and gave me credit on her own wall and she got lots of likes too! So in my own way, I'm going to count that as going viral.

Achievement unlocked!

Two Ways

It bothers me a lot when someone says their first amendment right is being stifled if people are offended by their words/actions/beliefs. Because it's not. You can still have those words/actions/beliefs and you won't be thrown in prison for expressing those (at least 90% of the time- threatening a white person may get you in some trouble). And I also find it incredibly irksome when those same people who said/did/believe something vile are offended when their particular stance is deemed not politically correct.

Because if you are going to take offense at something being politically correct, you can't take offense when you are called exactly what you are: racist/sexist/asshole etc.

It's a two way street people.

SHOUTING WILL SOLVE THIS

Apparently the assault riffle used in the most recent (fuck, most recent. Let that sink in) school shooting was bought legally. But legal or illegal, why does anyone have an assault riffle in the first place? And why do NRA paid politicians give those same objects assault weapons more rights and protections than humans women and children?

This is the 18th school shooting for 2018. EIGHTEENTH. THIRTY-FIVE DAYS INTO THE YEAR.
I know once you start shouting you have lost your argument, but I don't know what else to do at this moment. This is becoming normal and IT SHOULDN'T BE NORMAL.

Selfishly I think: how do I protect my children? I can save my girl from a ladybug on the playground, but a bullet at school where I'm not? Maybe I should home school the kids so they don't have to be a victim of another (because there will be another) school shooting. Or buy them bullet proof vests with the rest of their school supplies. Do they make those in size 5T? (my girl is tiny-she may be that size by kindergarten) WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THIS?

Why does ANYONE WORRY ABOUT THIS? FIX THIS BULLSHIT.

Tooth and Nail

My daughter is overall pretty easy going, but if she doesn't want to do something, she can be stubborn as hell. And because she's a toddler her stubborn is getting more and more epic. I'm talking full force fight mode, screaming, wailing, sobbing, thrashing, kicking, temper tantrum throwing. However, mommy has been able to out-stubborn, cajole and/or bribe her to do, enough so that I count it as a mommy win.

But there are two things I absolutely cannot out-stubborn, cajole or bribe my daughter to do, no matter what. No reasoning, no pleading, and bribes of stickers, M&Ms and the biggest, most powerful bribe of them all: an Elmo video, nothing gets her to accept her fate and we go to battle.

The two things my daughter fights me tooth and nail on?
Her teeth. And nails.
Yeah. The irony is not lost on me.

Why didn't she...?

In the past year alone these are the powerful men who have been accused of sexual assault:
The Hollywood squad:

1. Harvey Weinstein -Hollywood power producer sexually harasses/assaults/rapes women for 30 years
2. Bill Cosby - America's favorite dad serially drugged and raped for (again) years
3. Nate Parker - Upcoming film maker acquitted of rape 
4. Casey Afflect - *sexual harassment settlement from 2010 won the oscar this year  

The Fox "News" (or rapist news network) crowd:

1. Bill O'Reilly - Fox news anchor 
2. Roger Ailes - Fox news founder and CEO (may he rot in hell)
3. Eric Bolling - Fox news host 

The CEO bros:

1. Travis Kalanick - Uber founder and CEO (was forced to resign after fostering toxic work culture) 
2. Antonio Marquis "LA" Reid - Epic Records CEO
3. Bikram Choudhury - famous style yoga guru

The tech industry dudes:

1. Chris Sacca - early investor of Twitter, Uber & Instagram
2. David McClure founder/manager venture capital firm 500 Startups
3. Jason Caldbeck - co-founder/manager of venture capital Binary Capital
4. Mike Cagney Sofi CEO 

And politicians

1. Anthony Weiner - sexting a minor next to his own child, the FBI tossed a red herring so the next slimeball on this list:   
2. Trump - grabbed women by their p*ssy and became president. 

And this is just a list of rich and/or famous douche bags that have been called out, after multiple victims have come forward each time with more and more egregious corroborating stories. This doesn't stop dick pics. Catcalling "should be considered a compliment." About 60% of sexual assaults are even reported, let alone someone being held accountable for a crime. A victim is a victim, no matter the sex, gender identity, race, age, relationship to someone, etc.
So why didn't she tell anyone? What were you wearing? Why are you only now coming forward? Why didn't
Stop.
It's not why didn't they....fill in the blank.
It should be:
Why did the assaulter feel it was their right in the first place?     

Wrong

What the ever loving hell is WRONG with the president? That man-child is:

• Stupid
• Ignorant
• Ugly (auto-disqualification for women-attack on looks) 
• Fat (another auto disqualification)
• Has absolutely zero empathy
• Insensitive
• Unaware
• Entitled
• Notoriously thin skinned
• An aggressive bully
• Xenophobe (that's a big word for racist so he might understand)
• Misogynist (another big word for women-hating*)  
• A sexual assaulter**
• A total creepster***
• Narcissistic
• Impulsive 
• Reckless
• Shallow
• A hypocrite

That cheeto is bat. shit. crazy. and has the nuclear codes. We're so fucked.

*except the daughter he'd date****
**but only models
***he called his daughter a piece of ass and would date her. 
****fucking creepster

Politicaly Correct

It irks me if I hear someone blame political correctness for inaction or judgement lapse. And it really bothers me when not being politically correct is considered something "refreshing."
Because here are a few synonyms for "politically correct:"

• Unoffensive
• Nondiscriminatory
• Unbiased
• Neutral
• Appropriate
• Nonpartisan

Think about it, something politically incorrect falls into one or more of these catagories:

• Offensive
• Discriminatory 
• Biased
• Charged
• Inappropriate
• Partisan

So you are politically correct by not using derogatory terms from antiquated times. You are also politically correct when you don't discriminate based on a person's protected class(es). Actually, just don't discriminate in general, that's even better. So being politically correct isn't really about politics. It's just correct.

Not Surprised

I'm not surprised at the tragedy of Charlottesville. 

Angry about it? Yes. 

Disgusted with all things white supremacists? Absolutely. 

Frustratingly sad and overall appalled? You better believe it. 

But surprised? No. 

This powder keg has been on a slow burn since king deplorable announced his candidacy. And I don't think Charlottesville is going to change a thing. There's going to be another rally. There's going to be more injuries. There will probably be more deaths. The orange asshole will condone by refusing to condemn. There will be public outrage. There will definitely be twitter shaming. But change? Probably not. 

That's fucking terrifying 

High Road / Low Road

When they go low, we go high. Yes, yes, lovely sentiment.
I get that there is dignity in the high road...

But who's getting elected for the most part?
Who's writing healthcare laws for everyone behind the no girls allowed secret clubhouse Senate doors? (hint: no one suffering from the pre-existing condition "women" or "not-white")

And look who's in the Oval Office. That ass did not get there via the high road. He didn't even try a nicety shortcut here and there. He frolicked on the low road and is now lapping up the flattery of the deplorables.      

So yeah, the low road won, and took out most of the high road too. The low road gang gets the chance to do something, anything, because they are the majority.  A lot of good dignity does when you aren't even allowed on the playing field.

So f*ck going high. Go low. Fight dirty. Be UGLY. And stop time going backwards.

Dirty Words

My toddler mimics everything she hears. The words, the inflection, any sound effects (and we do a lot of sound effects), everything. All it takes is for one dirty word to slip out and next thing you know the kid's dropping F-bombs and calling people assholes (but if I'm being honest I will probably lose it because that would be hilarious). In other words, we have to watch our language now.  

You know what isn't a dirty word though? Compromise.

I'm tired of this zero sum game politics have become and scared the omnipresent vitriol will continue to hurt more and more people like yesterday. One of these days the people hurt could be me, my loved ones, even you. You honestly never, ever know.  When did everything become so black and white? How did disagreement become the insurmountable divide?

And one more thing sorta related to sides: when you don't say anything because you know it's not politically correct. That? Is not correct. "It" is politically correct now because at some point "it" was racist, or sexist, or any other outdated way of speech. Stop those dirty words too.  

Double Standard

I am so fcking annoyed of the douche bag president.

I'm so fcking sick at the excuses everyone makes for him.

But I'm really SO. FUCKING. ENRAGED with the double standards.

President Obama: Faithfully married 20+ years to the lovely woman he raises 2 daughters with.

Cheeto-in-Chief Trump: Unfaithfully married to 3 different women with 5 children he doesn't bother to raise.   

Secretary Clinton: Faithfully married 40+ years to an unfaithful man she raised 1 strong daughter with- and said daughter is faithfully married and has two children herself.

And that's just their personal lives.

As far as political lives....

OMG the emails. Twitter had storm after storm about those mother fcking emails.   

Trump blabs classified information to the Russians because he's boasting about his super awesome intell like the stupid 5 year old he is. Radio Silence.

   

   All the internal screaming. 

Birthday Dog

Who has four paws and turns 9 today?  This dog! Happy birthday Jules!

#bostonterriersofinstagram

Also? This dog also had cancer. Two different kinds with two different probabilities of spreading at the same time. Yeah. That blows.

But! Neither one spread internally. We caught them early enough and have removed all of it so far. So she has a relatively clean bill of health right now. Which is the best possible news we could have gotten for this. No chemo or radiation treatment needed.  

But even if they were treatment options, we're not going to take it. It may not work, it's hella expensive, but most importantly Jules wouldn't understand what she would be going through.  We're going to do what's best for her, and that means keeping her comfortable.     

I have a feeling Jules will be with us for a few more years, if for no other reason the bounty of table scraps the baby drops. And Jules is a fighter, all heart. So even if this is what eventually takes her out, I know she won't go without a fight. 

ASSterisk

Asterisk: noun

noun: asterisk; plural noun: asterisks

1. a symbol (*) used to mark printed or written text, typically as a reference to an annotation or to stand for omitted matter.

ASSterisk: noun

1. exceptions, most likely cherry picked to justify asshole behavior

This is first amendment with Cheeto-in-chief's ASStrericks

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion*, *except the TV ratings gods
or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;* except Islam, Muslims are bad hombres
or abridging the freedom of speech,* *unless you don't agree with Cheeto in chief's "alternative facts."  
or of the press*; *except Twitter. No fake news like CNN, The Washington Post and New York Times allowed either
or the right of the people* *white men and very pretty women 
peaceably to assemble,* *but not in groups larger than inauguration crowds
and to petition* *but not peacefully protest en mass 
the government* *the patriarchy 
for a redress of grievances* *not discrimination in the workplace, sexual assault, unpaid family leave, unequal pay, autonomy of our own bodies.... real issues like hurting Cheeto's feelings

Now onto Amendment 2...

The Patriarchy!

So if the past election and current president have anything to show it it that sexism is alive and well and the patriarchy isn't going anywhere for a while.

The (white, female) SNL writer who tweeted once about the president's youngest son was called out multiple times by multiple people. She:

• Acknowledged it was out of line.
• Apologized for the tweet.
• Deleted the tweet and her account.
• Was indefinitely suspended from her job.
• And people are still demanding her head.

A (rich, orange) businessman tweets "flaming hot piles of brain vomit" since June 2015 insulting 305 different people/places/things NOUNS (including: revered civil rights leader John Lewis, entire countries, the Associated Press, mainstream media (which made him famous in the first place) and Major League Baseball (possibly the most American thing there is)). He:

• Became the 45th POTUS.

So yeah, the patriarchy ⚑⚐⚑*waves flag*⚑⚐⚑

Lady Math

So something like 200 buses applied for parking permits for the inauguration and 1200 applied for the for the women's march the day after. That's  three times as many people protesting the patriarchy.
Heh.
But where the hell were those numbers on election day?!?!

Now there's probably a pretty good chance those of us angry enough to get involved to march in DC and across the country were probably involved enough to vote. (Like me, I'm angry, I'm marching, and I sure as hell voted) why didn't those same mass numbers elect HRC?

I bet this has something to do with lady math. Maybe all the angry marching numbers were concentrated in the angry liberal small states that have small electoral college numbers. Oh, oh I know! I bet all us angry marchers are women so our lady votes only counted as 3/4!  

Lady Math sucks.