Group Costume

Since Girl 1 could partake in trick-or-treating (i.e. walk on her own because I am not carrying her throughout the neighborhood*) we have themed the Halloween costumes. So the kids don't know anything else and dr soc and I will never tell them otherwise. 

*I did not apply the same logic in 2018 and carried 3 month old Girl 2 like a fool but almost 3 year old Girl 1 still walked when we were My Little Pony

This year we were Mario World:

Rosalina, *Power-up, Peach and Luigi
*people asked if they could punch dr soc a lot and he said yes if he could punch them back

One of my favorite Halloween *group costume stories of all time is from my early 20's and I wasn't even a part of the costume.

*favorite group costume in my early 20's was the sins. Yours truly strutted around the party in lingerie* as lust and totally got the boy I wanted.

*once again: early 20's     

Anyway, favorite story: I was getting drinks with some friends who had gotten married in September (I had been a bridesmaid btw). 

Newlywed girl (dreamy sappy voice of smug newlywed): It's our first married Halloween! We have to do something together! 

Newlywed boy (enthusiastically): Let's go as a horse!

Me and everyone else: (laughs)

Newlywed girl: (purses lips, glares at all of us)

They aren't married to each other anymore 🤷

OMG

So, my 40th birthday came and went with a blown tire, a rapid pickup of the children and a broken air conditioner. Oh well, that’s life.  **shrugs**   The next day I shifted focus to Girl 2’s 4th birthday party in 9 days and another mini- vacation with all the extended family and all the hostessing that includes. Somewhere in that time frame dr soc had a nose job (okay, it was sinus surgery. But calling it a nose job is better for teasing because I love him), we set up a new big girl bed for girl 2, and somehow had to clean the house for all the company coming in because omg there are going to be 11 people in my house at the same time. 

Friday before the party I text dr soc with the last minute party/grocery shopping and come home to a clean house too. God I love that man. But something was slightly off. No one was downstairs like usual when I come home from work, and the sofa tables are cleaned off with the exception of a purse I didn’t recognize.

me: I’m home! Hey who’s here?
dr soc: What do you mean?

me: Whose purse is this? (I’m not too concerned, and if even if it was his mistress if she cleans my house she can stay)

dr soc: - realizes the jig is up - Oh. As for who’s here…

My bestest buddie from when we were 11 and lives in Portland and haven’t seen in 6 years runs down the stairs.

MY BESTEST BUDDIE FROM WHEN WE WERE 11 AND LIVES IN PORTLAND AND HAVEN'T SEEN IN 6 YEARS RUNS DOWN THE STAIRS.

OMFG.

I’m in shock to say the least. I'm in disbelief and hugging her so tight because all the feels! I mean now I have to figure out dinner but that’s okay because omg my bestest buddie who I haven’t seen in 6 years has flown across the country to surprise me for my/our 40th birthday! 

But wait, there’s more! Dr soc has ordered food for tonight too so I don’t need to worry about dinner either. And speak of the devil, the doorbell rings. I open the door and it's sorta food but not really because  

It’s 4 of my best friends from college who live in 4 different parts of the country and haven’t seen in at least 2 years because of the pandemic standing on my front porch (to take me out for dinner).

IT’S 4 OF MY BEST FRIENDS FROM COLLEGE WHO LIVE IN 4 DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE COUNTRY AND HAVENT SEEN IN AT LEAST 2 YEARS BECAUSE OF THE PANDEMIC STANDING ON MY FRONT PORCH (TO TAKE ME TO DINNER).

Well now I'm crying tears of joy, my friends are crying tears of joy too and dr soc is welling up as well because he arranged for all of them to surprise me for my birthday on this particular weekend. That night we went out for Mexican food with margaritas college style but better because we're all 40 now and have disposable income.

And Saturday they came to girl 2's birthday party and then we had a night on the town. I had a girls' weekend and it was the absolute best.  

clockwise from bottom left: Jeanne - Cleveland, me -Charlotte, Priya -Portland, Nancy - NYC, Michele - DC/Maryland and LB - Orlando

SO MANY MILES 

Some of my favorite ladies

And my shoe exploded. It didn't just break, it exploded and ceased to function

Funtimes is an understatement. Amazing isn't a strong enough word to describe my friends. I was completely surprised and overwhelmed at how much I am loved.  A huge thank you to dr soc for making it happen, and another billion thank yous to my best friends for all the miles traveled!    

SURPRISE!

For my parents' 10 year anniversary, my dad gave my mom a pearl necklace and showed it to my sister and I beforehand and told us "don't tell mommy."

My sister just flat out snitched, "it's a necklace." 
But I did not tell. I just dropped very subtle hints. Like, "you're gonna like it!" "It's really pretty!" And the most cryptic clue of them all "you wear it here," and patted my collarbone. 

Somehow my mom figured something was up. *shrugs* 

In my defense, this was 1987 and I was five (a young one at that). And, my mom didn't know it was a pearl necklace, so she was still surprised. And then 25 years later she let me borrow that necklace for my wedding, so it all worked out.  

Now lets fast forward to 2022, and my 10 year anniversary with dr soc was coming up. As you can see from yesterday's post he got me some bling bling* and I loves it. Beforehand he enlisted girl 1's help and she took her duty incredibly serious and as enthusiastically as she could. Girl 1 is 6. 

*yes I know I'm dating myself with that vernacular term

And so, the 2022 scene played like this:   

dr soc: yeah, my (wedding) ring is a bit tight and I may get it resized, but I don't remember what size I am

6: mommy, I need a tracing of your hand. 

me: yeah I had to get remeasured when I got my (wedding) ring resized last year. 

dr soc: ah-

6: mommy, what I really need a tracing of the finger you wear your rings 

dr soc: -

me: oh okay after dinner-

6: no lets do it now, here let me get a piece of paper and a pen for you. 

--7 seconds later ---

6: here, put your hand here (points to the paper she had slapped in front of me), and trace like this (starts tracing my hand) no spread your fingers out .

dr soc: rubs the bridge of his nose

6: okay that looks good I'm just going to cut this out. 

me: that's great honey -

6: now I can always have a high five from you! 

dr soc: sigh

me: That makes perfect sense kiddo.

--- 3 minutes later ---

6: daddy! -whispers- I got it! (slips him the cutout of my hand in front of me and giggles hard core* proud of the mission accomplished)

*also dating myself with this term and I don't care  

Somehow I figured something was up. *shrugs* But hey, at least she didn't flat out snitch!   

 

 

Yup, that's ________

dr soc: I was trying to leave and girl 2 peed in the pull-up. Now is naked and playing in waterless tub

me: Yup that's girl 2

dr soc: Girl 1 partially being helpful and partially driving me crazy

me: Yup that's girl 1

dr soc: Tug of war match over toy

me: Yup that's sisters

dr soc: Just look for me later rocking in a chair hugging myself all day

me: Yup that's parenting! 

Happy Mother's day!

Talk Bubbles

To the surprise of no one, my girls are talkers. Ironically when they were born they both were so quiet the medical staff was concerned, even though they were perfectly healthy. Yeah, it was odd...

But after that, as soon as they figured out they could vocalize in some way they did. Girl 1 makes articulate affirmations (e.g. mischief, actually, memorized all said clear as a bell and used correctly) and Girl 2 has entire conversations and spouts platitudes in babble. 

And they are both savage AF. 

4.5: Mommy have you shrunk yet?

me: umm, no. I'm not that old* just yet.

4.5: Has daddy? Because he's kind old.*

*Chinese ladies are ageless forever and -poof- look 120 and start shrinking. True fact.

*He turned 40 in February and hehehehe. 

And also:

-sees pregnant mannequin at the store and says very loudly-

4.5: Mommy! That belly is really big - like yours!

me: no honey, there's supposed to be a baby i-

4.5: just like yours!  

SAVAGE.

As for girl 2, I don't know what my 2 year old was actually trying to say, but that had to be the cutest little "bitch bitch bitch" I've ever heard!

 

Pause

Last month my mom went to Paris. Oo La La! Before she left:

Her response: 😆

Because if there was anyone who would end up in a French prison, it would be my mom.

Anyway. She goes to France. She texts her daily adventure pictures at 3 am (which is the most she has kept in contact with me since I lived with my parents in Kentucky) to my sister and I. One of them was this exchange:

I find it hysterical that my sister and I both pause at the possibility of mom winding up in jail.  

Girl Math

When the baby wakes up in the middle of the night I nurse her back to sleep. Being the middle of the night, I end up falling asleep in the chair in the nursery with her. So I don't get the best night's rest.

The dog has been having stomach issues recently and will whine to go out in the middle of the night, and with me sleeping in aforementioned nursery chair, dr soc has to be the one to get out of bed and let her out. So he doesn't get the best night's rest either.

We're a really cute couple that checks in with each other throughout the day with a text here and there. Stuff like: how's it going? dinner ideas? the status of the girls' potty doings, with some of our most recent check ins being trying to one up each other on who is more tired.

me: 90% of parenting is finding reasons to claim you are more tired

dr soc: truth. And busy

me: 76% is talking about poop

dr soc: 24% is for talking about the other 24%

me (not be outdone): 7% is scheduling sanctimommy activities, 93% is rearranging the schedule to accommodate those activities, and 78% of that is attempting to find a way out of it completely. And 100% of this math will be questioned due to my sex.

dr soc: math is HARD

  

Specialty Tupperware

A recent tweet thread of mine:

Like I said, it was from the dollar store, super bendy and wasn't all that great. It wasn't my good one.* But still. It's the principle of it. 

*which now I definitely won't bring in

Seriously. YOU. DON'T. TAKE. SOMEONE'S. SPECIALTY. TUPPERWARE.

Hard Day

Today is the 4th anniversary of my dad's death, but this year it's weighing on me a lot since having to explain that to my 3 year old.

I was telling her that Grandma C (my mom) lives in Kentucky. She asked if Grandpa Steve lived there too, because Grandma S and Papa live together in Ohio. I told her he used to live there, but now he's in heaven. And because she's 3-
3: Can he come visit us?
me: No honey, he can't. And we won't see him right now, at least for a while.
3: Can we see him?
me: No sweetheart. No, not for a long time.
3: Why?
me: Well, um, he died a few years ago, before you were born.
3: Why did he die?
me: -deep breath- he was very, very sick.
3: Did he take any medicine?
me: He did, but he was so sick medicine couldn't help.
3: Why?
me: Sometimes people get so sick medicine won't work anymore.
3: Oh. Will he come back? Will he wake up?
me: No honey, that's not how death is. When someone dies, their spirit is gone.
3: What's that?
me: umm, a spirit is... Well, you know how you can see and hear things? And you talk, breath, and laugh? All those things?
3: yes!
me: well, all that together, that's a spirit. So my daddy's spirit is...is...it's gone sweetie.
3: oh.

By then I was pretty drained and I was starting to well up, so dr soc quickly changed the conversation and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

--later that night as we were tucking her into bed--

3: Mommy? Were you sad when your daddy died?
me: Yes sweetie. Very very sad. 

I still am. Miss you daddy.

Chips

Over Thanksgiving I said that while the show Friends is funny, it's very homophobic and hasn't aged well. The religious side of the family didn't know what homophobic meant (it means you're an ass btw), which then brought up their shock and dismay at the same sex kiss the Macy's parade broadcasted. Their opinion didn't surprise me, but I do not agree with them and didn't want them to think I did, especially in my own home. So I stared them dead in the eye and said: SO?
They start trying to back pedal a little bit, saying it's a sign of the times, they're a different generation, excuses/justifications for their general homophobia.
And once again I said: So what?

Someone else quickly redirected the confrontation and shut down the conversation. I understand why, hot button issue, black and white opinions, lots of people and small impressionable children around. But later I was chafing a bit that my small impressionable kids even heard excuses for homophobia initially.

It was pointed out to me that one conversation isn't "going to change hearts and minds"
Which is true. BUT.
Later that night the same family used a term I find derogatory and outdated. I had one of my kids in my lap, and without much thought I blurted "that's not a nice word." And when they tried to sweep it away I simply said "it's not a nice word" again and it was done.

And then I thought, what if...what if the way to dismantle systemic injustices was to simply call out the microaggressions and behaviors with an undertone of misogyny, racism, homophobia, unkindness, etc, that bolster them? Rather than wait for the acceptance light to go on whilst scrapping in opposite corners, you keep chipping away at the roots that have allowed them to go on for so long in the first place? Make those accepted microaggressions unacceptable, would we see how deep the problem is and make strides to change?

I think it's at the very least, it's worth a shot.

My Little Pony

So girl 1 is all about My Little Pony at the moment. In the spirit of full disclosure I totally love watching it with her and we sing the whole theme song together. Plus Pinkie Pie is my spirit pony - true fact. Anyway. I was zipping her into her purple jacket and asked:

me: Honey do you want to be Twilight Sparkle for Halloween this year?
girl 1: YES!!!!!
me: Okay sweetie, mommy will make your costume.
girl 1: Oh thank you mommy! You will be Pinkie Pie. And Daddy Apple Jack!
me:  Okay darling.
--I think of the baby's wardrobe and know we have all white for her--
me: Your sister can be Rarity. 
girl 1: Okay! And Jules can be Rainbow Dash!

So it was decreed. Halloween 2018 we were My Little Ponies. I made the costumes while on leave and while the kids were at the sitter, and girl 1 was SO EXCITED she wanted to wear and show her costume off the whole week before Halloween.

Twilight Sparkle (pre-princess w/wings mainly because I didn't feel like it), Pinkie Pie carrying Rarity, & Apple Jack walking Rainbow Dash (our Fluttershy was sick) 

And you want to know who got the most attention trick or treating? The dog!😆

Color Scheme

My friends bought a thing, aka a new house, so they're selling their old one. To actually sell the old house they have to repaint the entire place gray because people would rather buy that than their meticulously-thought-out-color-schemed-by-actual-designers one. Because people like to think they are creative and original when 80% of people's favorite color is blue and they're just going to put in whatever's trendy (and ultimately dated) anyway. 

  

Whatever. While discussing this with my girlfriends I suggested the color "Monterrey Bisque" because: "it's beige as fuck." My mom painted the entire house that due to her lack of imagination (which she admits) and is afraid of color which I can prove because she told me the neutral tiles I suggested for the back splash had "too much color." 🙄 

Anyway. We came up with our own designer-educated-suburban-color-pallet. Including: 

"Beige as Fuck" 

"Fuckit. Just paint it white"

"Suburban Sunkiss" (pale yellow)  

"Just a bit of green for pizzazz"

Happy painting!

Good Cars

I'm not a "car person." see: just how "helpful" I can be and why I lost my car rights if you need further clarification. But in my defense, wait, no, scratch that. I really just don't care. Whatever. And dr soc isn't a car person either, but he is a hard core researcher. So when he studies or looks further into something I pretty much listen to what he says (unless it's navigation or spacial planning, that's my wheelhouse). When I test drove my corolla in 2010 and told him about it, I didn't think much of anything when he said "corollas are good cars."

And they are, Consumer Reports just rated it the best compact car. Anyway fast forward a year and a half later right after we see his ex-girlfriend in Kentucky, newly engaged and in town to look at wedding venues. We sit down for lunch and I'm still being super supportive and giggling at his discomfort.

me: So that was K huh?
dr soc: (sigh) Yeah, that silver corolla with the UGA plate.
me: Wait - she drove a corolla?
dr soc: Yeah (cringe) And, um, D also drove a silver corolla too.
me: That's how you knew they were good cars!
   

Thanksgiving Play, Act 2, Scene 3

Since we've been in North Carolina, dr soc and I have hosted Thanksgiving. Neither one of us really has the time from work and now with Little Turkey's birthday, hosting has been what works best for us. We know what works as far as the food, guests sleeping arrangements and things to do, so the weekend runs well, is a lot of fun and we look forward to it.  
But in the issue of full disclosure: it did not start that way. It started like this:

--SCENE SET UP--   

I cook. Dr soc cleans kitchen behind me, including stuff still being used. I use another spoon/dish/pan since I can't find anything. Dr soc washes new dirtied item. We continue to get in each other's way throughout the day. Tempers shorten at 1:1 ratio of missing:dirty items.

--BEGIN SCENE--

me: (pour olive oil in pan. decide to forgo whatever meal that was. look for clear space and place pan on top of drying rack to left of the sink)
dr soc: (sees pan with liquid. grab dish towel. start wiping oil)
me: (blurt across kitchen) Oh no honey! That's not water, that's olive oil!
dr soc: (exasperated) Then why was it on the clean side?
me: (completely frazzled. look at dr soc)
dr soc: (eyes widen. throw up hands) Sorry! I'm sorry! (backs out of kitchen-fearful) 

--the next hour--

dr soc: (slink* into the kitchen to clean)
me: (see slinking. screech) I'm not done! (flail hands) Still using that! (strangled incoherent gargle) 
dr soc: (leave kitchen)

(repeat 2-3 more times at random intervals throughout flurry of holiday activity)
--END SCENE--

At the time it was just ridiculous but now it's one of my favorite memories and I crack up whenever I tell it (seriously I'm giggling hard core right now). But needless to say, we've gotten a lot better.

*this is very hard to do with an open plan like we have

Age is Only a Number

A few months after I got married, my sister mentioned I had just done so, and the person she was talking to asked how old I was. I had turned 30 in July and that person said "Ha! I bet she got married in May so she would still be 29."
My sister, bless her heart, said no, she didn't think my age was a factor on my wedding date.
But when she relayed this conversation to me my response was:

me:  No she's right. That was totally a reason I we picked May.
Amy: really?
me: Yup. I mean if it (getting married) didn't happen before 30 I wasn't going to stress it, but since it could happen while still in my 20's...well why not? And I got to be dr soc's wife sooner and all that other romantic stuff. 
Amy: well. okay then.

Yeah. I own it though. I totally own it.
 

Smoking Kills

me texting my girlfriends:

me: god I am so tired today. A stupid spider set off a smoke alarm which triggered the rest of the alarms. It was AWFUL. But somehow the baby slept through the whole thing. So she got a good night's rest.
lb: don't spider's know not to smoke?
me: apparently not
michele: smoking kills
jeanne: spiders are stupid
lb: seriously though, explain the smoking spider

Call Me!

These are the phone numbers that I can rattle off no problem:

• mine
• dr soc
• my parents' house
• work's public line if i think about it for a second  

And:

• my ex fiancé's

And here's why. A friend had left her cell in my pool bag and neither one of us realized it until she and my ex were at work. She couldn't call her fiancé to get it from me because she didn't know his number. (I ended up dropping it off at work-which was not on the way- before I went out of town. ie: I'm a good friend) My ex was astounded she didn't know her fiancé's number, but I came to her defense. Ever since cell phones became the norm no one's really had to memorize a phone number since it's stored in your contact list. After all I didn't know his number off the top of my head.

He was gobsmacked (and pissed). How could I not know his number? After all, he knew my number! (but not the exact date of my birthday) And his phone number was so easy too! It was one number different than the area code and then 2 other numbers! How could his fiancé not know his number!?

Well I once heard you have to repeat something (at least) 21 times before it's committed to memory. Being the mature young 20-something I was at the time to shut him up I started reciting his phone number. Twenty-one times.

me: 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx...
::while following him around the apartment:: After the 10th time or so-
ex: okay, okay, I get it!
me: nope, it's gotta be 21 times before I remember. Great now I've lost count and have to start over.
me:-sigh-: 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx. 513-xxx-xxx....

Yup. But, hey, I learned his phone number. Which came in handy when I drunk texted him the holidays after we broke up.  

Context is Key

When my kid says fork she does so w/out the R, so it sounds like f*ck with an accent of sort. Kinda like "fook." I'm totally encouraging it because I'm not about to discourage her language development, but mostly because it's hilarious.
But she's not using fook as a cuss word, she is actually referring to a fork. So she isn't cussing on purpose. Though when she does start cussing in the correct context I will die laughing, because omg the funny.

Anyway, poor baby just had a rough Sunday.
First she slipped on the cutting board she was playing with on the floor while I cleaned the cabinet it was in. Her little feet flew out from under her, landed flat on her back onto the kitchen floor and burst into tears. About an hour later she shut a drawer on her fingers and started screaming. And 20 minutes after that she ran face first into a door frame.

She could have really used some forks.

Beggars can't be Choosers

I was in the bathroom at work and the person in the stall next to me sighed heavily and made a comment about how nice it would be to have toilet seat covers.
I did not respond because:

1. I don't want to talk when I am in a public restroom.
2. I don't want to hear anyone else's commentary in the bathroom either.   

And my response to the comment wouldn't have been much help. See there are 20 branches in the system I work for, but my branch is one of the smallest and not affluent.  So if I had commented, which I wouldn't have because I don't want to talk or listen to anyone when using the bathroom, I would have said:

You want toilet seat covers? We don't even have a plunger 75% of the time.

It's What I Do

For the longest time dr soc wanted a bench for shoe storage in our foyer-ish area for the 4 times a year people use the front door, and for the longest time I resisted. But with 16 people coming for Thanksgiving I finally acquiesced to it, but since I can be very particular when it comes to furniture, it was on me to find one we both liked.
So I found one on Amazon I liked and two days later (love Prime) it was on our doorstep. Dr soc assembled it, we put it in place and...it didn't look right.
Dr soc was indifferent on it but I liked it just enough to think about keeping it. So dr soc found another spot for it in the house because he loves me. But that spot made me indifferent on the bench. And then this conversation happened:

me: I'm fine with where that bench is. But you know that it's just going to become another spot I put stuff* on and clutter.
dr soc: But you don't have to put stuff there...
me: Yeah but I will. It's what I do.
dr soc: Yeah but you don't ...
me: It's what I do.
dr soc::sigh of resignation:: Can we send the bench back?
me: Yes. (once again, love Prime)
dr soc: Ok. Do it.

* he loves me decidedly less when the sprawl gets extra sprawly.