Fact Check

Apparently, facebook flagged this:

 as false and decided to shame me by labeling it so. This. A post a few people liked about a custom of women...wearing (1920s) bathing suits...eating pizza to annoy men. I mean I may not don a bathing suit* but eating pizza and as a bonus annoying men? YES. YES PLEASE. But this, this isn't factual? How disappointing. And also, I'm calling bullshit.

*restrictive clothing, duh, no thank you. Also how am I going to control men to not rape in a bathing suit? 

It's not like, a post on the popular custom of, say, racism. 
Or a post on a nonexistent pedophilia ring in a basement (also nonexistent) of a pizza parlor and a white male shot a gun into said pizza parlor. 

Or that the 2020 election was rigged. 

Or something from f*x news that always tells, informs yells, screams the truth vitriol, lies, misogyny, lies, animated, hateful rhetoric, lies, opinions of the fragile white privileged males people. Nothing that harmed or killed people.

No. A post about women eating pizza to annoy men must be fact checked and deemed as false. Because that is the real danger here.

But I suppose if these giant companies are now going to make a valiant effort hold everyone* accountable for their posts they have to start somewhere. 

*Except males, especially the old white powerful *ones. Males will never be accountable for anything.

*Especially them.  

Shame shame on me for not fact checking something that supports my ever growing desire to fuck the patriarchy.

With-

Ten years ago I emailed my girlfriends I had a date that night with this guy named Mike I had been emailing with for 2 weeks.   

And guess happened? 

I married him and had his babies! And tag him on facebook because that makes it official. 

With my favorite person

Love you dr soc!

Mother Russia

I went viral in my own way with the last blog post telling Facebook (and the world in general) to fuck off with the diet ads/products body shaming on my feed.

I checked my feed an hour or so later (because I'm on social media all the time and always close to my phone) and the targeted body shaming ads were (almost)* gone! Now the targeted ads were how to organize/take charge/fail less at my messy/chaotic family life. Body shaming ads to mom shaming ads.

*lets face it, there will always be a degree of body shaming even after the ashes of the patriarchy are scattered across the desert of men's tears

So hey, even though we know that Russia is totally messing around with us (though the chumps Russia fooled typically staunchly refuse to believe that) at least they are paying attention!
 

Go Viral

It's a not so secret dream of mine to have one of my social media posts go viral. Or make it onto the huffington post funniest parents and/or women lists. However nowadays people go viral for the wrong reasons (major embarrassment, social gaffe, racist/sexist/idiotic/etc behavior followed by (hopefully) public outrage), so "going viral" probably shouldn't be on my life's accomplishment's list.
  
Anyway, I'm on my social media a lot right now (I'm on leave, newborns are pretty boring, the toddler is every bit a 2.5 year old so I have to vent and daytime tv sucks). All of those platforms have ads which I normally gloss over and dismiss. But this time I noticed all the ads were for diet products, workout routines, waist trainers, supplements etc, all these...things in an effort to motivate me to become an even "better" me.

And I'm like, I just had a baby. She's not even a week old, we're talking days. I housed a tiny human in me and literally pushed them out of my lady parts. Some might even consider that the epitome of what a lady's body can do. Here I am, sleep deprived, mentally exhausted, sore everywhere, ice packs on my raw nipples, wearing diapers (postpartum life is disgusting y'all), super hormonal, in addition to raising two very needy small humans to not be assholes and I'm supposed to be pretty too? WTF?
   
So I posted this on facebook: 

All the diet ads/products on my feed imply I should be getting back to societal set beauty standards and be ashamed of my current body for producing a healthy baby. 

Guess what world? Fuck off!

Us ladies giving a middle finger to that mindset
I also like the prominence of my double chin and how I don't give a rat's ass 

I tagged my husband (because when it involves the kids that's pretty much what we do), and got a respectable amount of likes and comments applauding my fuck off. In fact, one of dr soc's friends copied and pasted my status and gave me credit on her own wall and she got lots of likes too! So in my own way, I'm going to count that as going viral.

Achievement unlocked!

Mischief

Dr soc and I were driving and the 2 year old randomly yelled "mischief!" from the backseat. Clear as a bell like she knew what she was talking about. First: we were impressed at her vocabulary and started laughing. Then we paused and thought, umm, should we be concerned?

So I did what any parent in the age of social media does: posted it.
"She just randomly yelled "mischief!" Should I be concerned?'" 

It got the likes, 'reactions' and comments I figured it would, because it's random, funny and involves a n adorable toddler which is the content of liked, "reacted" and commented posts. But about half of the comments referenced Harry Potter.

Which I see the connection, with the "mischief managed" thing from the marauder's map debuted in the Prisoner of Azkaban. And I'm a book nerd and most people just assume a Harry Potter obsession is a requirement for working in the library.

But I'm not obsessed with Harry Potter. I own the books and I've seen the movies and I like them well enough. But that's it, I just like them. And if we're being honest I had to look up which book the marauders' map debuted in the first place. 

So sorry if I disappointed all you die hard Potter fans, but it wasn't a Potter reference. It was just my delightful toddler yelling an impressive word.

Feel the burn

As someone who has completed a full marathon (and couldn't walk to prove it) and enough half marathons to loose count on occasion (7. I think 7), I know a few things about working out. I love yoga, dancing like a fool is so fun and runners high are great. Achieving fitness goals and working out are things to be proud of. I'm totally for being active, taking care of oneself and having a healthy lifestyle, especially now that I am a parent.

But god people, I so. don't. care. about your workouts.

You signed up for a race? Awesome! You can fit into a smaller size after working on that for months? Wonderful! Quit smoking 3 years ago? Rock on! Hell, even I've posted about getting stuck in my sports bra, because flailing around like a T-rex is hilarious.

But: Mention you got up at 4 am again to use your favorite treadmill at the gym? Ran 4.13 miles on run keeper? Announce you're 17 days into your wheat grass/acacia berries/organic unicorn hair-diet lunch? Instagramed the kettle bells that were "torture but OMG soooo worth it?" And posted some little workout quip along the lines of sweat is fat crying leaving your body- all within 12 hours?

STFU.

think it through

dr soc (on facebook): I'd be all about a moat if we didn't have to worry about snakes.........or the HOA. 
me (on fbk): Actually per our hoa, as long as the moat is within a 3' radius of the perimeter of the house, we can landscape how we see fit. The snakes though....I got nothing.
facebook friend: Snakes are why you have outdoor cats.
me (in head): Outdoor cats* are feral and disgusting creatures. No fcking way. 
me (on fbk): Nope, per the hoa, no outdoor animals either.

Anyway. I was reiterating this conversation at work to my coworker who is just fabulous. She and I have similar thought processes so when I mentioned I had no idea how to get rid of the snakes (which she is also terrified of), her response was:

coworker: That's what the alligators are for! Duh!
me: Of course! Clearly you have thought this though!
coworker: Well, kinda. I had this conversation with my kids when they were little, and they gave me the alligator solution when they wanted a moat for our yard.  
me: Your kids are a little brilliant. 

*Indoor cats aren't my cup of tea either, but in my defense I am allergic to them. I'm not going to hold it against someone for having them and I take the good behind the counter allergy pills when vising feline homes. But as far as me ever owning on? No fcking way.  

Memory Lane Monday

So there's this thing called Throwback Thursday/#tbt where you post old pictures of yourself on some social media site. I only recently started playing along (seriously, maybe a month ago) and posted a few old photos here and there on the facebooks on a Thursday in proper throwback form. 

So far I don't think I have anything exciting to throwback this Thursday (a class picture while I'm in class maybe? meh), and it's Monday so I've declared it Memory Lane Monday because I have something way better than any little kid picture to throw back to from 2 years ago:

 my favorite wedding picture

We said I do!
Happy year 2 honey!

Got it? Flaunt it

My husband put the sweetest valentine in my lunch box today! We are obnoxiously happy newlyweds and I don't care if I'm flaunting that today.

I don't. And honestly I'm a little tired of all the single bitching I see on facebook. Yes, I know Valentine's day celebrates couples, everything is covered in hearts and sweet sentiments adorn everything.  If you're single all that sap is hard to swallow. But it's one day and a boatload of chocolate goes on sale the next day. And while Valentine's Day primary focus is about romantic love, it's also about love in general.

Love for family. Love for friends. Love in the shape of two spaztastic dogs curled up for cuddles. And while I've had my fair share of single valentines days, I can honestly say I have never had a single day of being unloved.

So you know what? I'm flaunting it!

Reasons

The morning after the wedding dr soc and I made our marriage facebook official by changing our relationship status and I changed my last name.  'Cause you know, the vows, the judge, 120 witnesses and party afterwards was nice and all, but it's not official until you put it on facebook.

Anyway, we both got beaucoup amounts of likes and well wishes, from lots of people, including some people who were not invited or able to come to the wedding.

Except for one comment (tacked onto a plea for rsvps, a month after the fact) which I deleted.  And it was:

I didn't rsvp because I wasn't invited

^^That?^^ Is why you weren't invited.

Ultimatum

I was on facebook and I saw that on one of my (peripheral) friend's wall, his girlfriend had posted a picture of a diamond ring and announced that she was "officially the last single one. It's your (his) turn."

Yeah. Like that's going to work.  It'll probably work just as well as that propose by new years or get out ultimatum she gave him almost 4 years ago.  He ended up just ignoring it and doing nothing, and she didn't push the issue or make him get out either. So...yeah. 

Oh well, like I said he's a peripheral friend and I barely knew the girlfriend.  Maybe she's just teasing and this time it'll work.  But I also don't really care to find out one way or the other. 

Tough Enough

I'm trolling the facebooks and the ad on the side is for once is not wedding related.  Instead, it's for some mud race.  Now I get this type of race isn't just splashing through some mud puddles and hoping over a few fallen logs here and there.  But the ad for it pissed me off, because it was presented like this:

Are you too tough for marathon running? How about 10+ miles of running through mud fire and obstacles?

Excuse me, but marathon running is not for the weak.  (Look at me, I haven't even done one yet and I'm already defensive of it.)  Getting dirty while running doesn't make you any tougher, it just means you get dirty.  So my reaction to the ad was: hey asshole, running a marathon is dedication and discipline. Running through fire is stupidity.

Stylin'

So, I found this story via facebook, saying Kentucky is the most fashionable state according to Esquire magazine.
Really?  Well, ok, cool.  So that's right, you should be taking your fashion advice from someone like me.  Says the person who practically lives in her yoga pants.  That's right. I'm stylin'.

Sparkly!

When I was being helpful I discovered this website called ring envy.  There people post pictures of their rings and their proposal stories, and you can collect "envies" on it.  (I guess that's comparable to collecting likes on your facebook status).  And you can also list the stats of your ring, such as the band metal, the color, clarity, and cut grades, and oh yeah, the price. (figuratively that is.  But I think I'm safe to assume that a $$ ring is less than a $$$$$$ ring.).  I got 1 page into it and said 'holy narcissism batman!" and vowed to myself (and dr soc) I would not be like that.

Now that I have a beautiful, beautiful ring, I love love love wearing it and showing it off.  And it's fairly unique too, I don't know of anyone else who has my stone shape and setting, or the two combined.  Which is another reason I love love love it.  But it doesn't feel right to snap a picture of it and post it to the interwebs for all the world to see.  I don't need to collect envies on it to love it more.  It came from dr soc, and yes it totally ROCKS, and that's what matters to me.

But if you do want to see a picture, just ask.  I have plenty to show!

Status Update

First, skim this.
The gist is that some politician said uterus on the senate floor and the clinical term is a (gasp!) dirty word.
So I snarked:
me: I refer to my uterus as "the baby oven."  I should give it a facebook page and say it's status is "empty"
Nancy: And then I can "like" it......
LB: Can we ask it to join mafia wars?  Or is that inappropriate? 
me: oh it's already too busy playing farmville.

Media firestorm

This was my twitter feed Friday/Saturday:
Spazzella: though not officially engaged, Mike and I are starting to look at wedding dates, venues and set up a joint email account for registering.
--2 seconds later--
I'm squeeing like you wouldn't believe!
-- The next morning as I continue to squee--
I've been released me down the bubble of tulle path. I have already priced 4 different venues. he has no idea what he's unleashed!
And thus the twitter/facebook firestorm of "are you engaged?!?! questions. Which is a very fair question. The short, and official for the moment answer is: no, we are not engaged . Dr soc has not proposed, we are still calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and I have booked nothing and/or put money down for the happiest day of our lives. YET.
As a way of calming everyone, including myself, down, I offer up this explanation tweet: not officially. but we were looking at time frames, budget calculations and how much $ to save, and I took off to the bot w/out looking back!
Which I did. I just got really, really excited and thus took off running into "plan" mode. And a dear dear friend got just as excited as I did and added fuel to the excited fire.
So while I created my own little hurricane of crazy and had to do some damage control, I'm still completely excited about it. I was never this excited about my other engagement or wedding. I have no hesitations and I can't wait. And as a final thought, I leave you my last tweet of the firestorm: don't worry my dears, when mike pops the question, we'll inform ya'll in a much more personal way than announcing it via facebook or twitter! this was my

Loyalties

This was Mike's facebook status update yesterday: A year ago today Sarah and I went on our first date. My life has been better ever since :)

First: squeeeee! And yes I cried. (And then my response was to "like" his status, comment that I double super like it, and updated my status to: check out mike's status, it's super awesome and I love him more than ever!) (We express our deepest emotions and feeelings via facebook and never face to face. We prefer to share our intimacy with the world and not each other)

While he got more "likes" on facebook, we each got a few happy comments on our status updates. But one of the comments on his status was from, get this, his ex-girlfriend's mom.

I know, right? She's happy for him and she hopes things continue to be happy for him, so that's nice. I'm amused and I'm happy she's happy for him (and me in a little way). But I do find it a little odd and wonder, where exactly do her loyalties lie?

Marking My Territory

I woke up the other day and the first thing I asked dr soc was "can I rearrange your kitchen?" Hey, I cook there a fair amount and I found the place arranged inefficiently. Cooking utensils belong close to the stove where they are easy to grab and not in the corner behind the sugar. I'm just saying.

Besides wondering if I had been dreaming about it since it was the first thing I asked, he didn't ask questions and said ok. And he knew I would probably do it anyway. However, he updated his facebook status to: "dr soc has lost control of his kitchen."

No implication of how or who or even what, but the comment that followed were as such:

"That can be a good thing ;-)"
"I need someone to reorganize my kitchen!"
"Let her have full control. Believe me it is well worth it."
"She's just preparing you for marriage when you lose control of the entire house."

So. I guess it's pretty obvious who's doing this was huh?

There were two other comments btw:

"If you hadn't had 3 bags, BAGS, of moldy fruit in your crisper drawer, the intervention would not have been necessary." <-- that one was me. (yes, he did. there were puddles of sticky in there and I bemoaned: "you are such a boy!")

"ummmm.......I was fermenting fruit to make you some wine :)" <-- dr soc himself (nice try honey)

Compatible

Disclaimer: another brag about my boyfriend blog (quell suprise!).
A list of nuances of why dr soc and I get along really well:

• We think soccer is boring (sorry world cup)
• We like pulp in our orange juice.
• Our degrees are both in sociology. (well, mine will be soon enough).
• We think home schooled kids turn out a little (lot) left of center.
• Neither one of us want to go camping.
• We hate text talk.
• One of us is always responding with "that's what she said."
• It's really easy to share food. It's not hard to split something since we seem to always agree on a flavor/entree/topping ect.
  
• We're fascinated by the same kinds of tv shows. (River Monsters).
• We think first that putting our realtionship status on facebook is a bad idea, and then linking to each other is an even worse idea.

Yeah, these things are a little silly, some more so then others. But all those little things just make me like him more each time.

Official

I got keyed last night.
But a good keyed! Dr soc gave me a key to his place. (squee! I know!) It's pink. And has a skull and crossbones on it. It's totally awesome.

Also? He friended me on facebook last night. (I accepted) He had to do a little sleuthing to find me (apparently my privacy settings make me unsearchable through normal means), but he found me. Though neither of us have a current realtionship status listed or have plans of putting that up on facebook either. We're on the same page there, but being friends is ok.

So, yeah, we're like super official now, key giving and facebook friends. Squeee!