With-

Ten years ago I emailed my girlfriends I had a date that night with this guy named Mike I had been emailing with for 2 weeks.   

And guess happened? 

I married him and had his babies! And tag him on facebook because that makes it official. 

With my favorite person

Love you dr soc!

The One

For the record: I do not believe in "the one." Neither does my husband. And as of today he has been my husband for 6 years, and we're still counting. But anyway, I still had a pretty good feeling about dr soc pretty early into our relationship. We just...worked.

But there are two distinct instances when I was pretty much: this is my husband.

The first one was when were texting a lot (and we still do - only now it's more "we're out of milk" and "has the toddler pooped yet?" and fewer flirty "forget your pants" but those still exist) and I realized he really didn't use text talk, one of my biggest pet peeves. (omg I h8 the u 4 u with the 🔥 of 1000 ☼s) My heart skipped a beat I thought: oooo I'm keeping him.

And the second is when he said he had absolutely no desire to go camping.
I was done. I knew: I'm going to marry him!

Happy Anniversary my dearest!

Good Cars

I'm not a "car person." see: just how "helpful" I can be and why I lost my car rights if you need further clarification. But in my defense, wait, no, scratch that. I really just don't care. Whatever. And dr soc isn't a car person either, but he is a hard core researcher. So when he studies or looks further into something I pretty much listen to what he says (unless it's navigation or spacial planning, that's my wheelhouse). When I test drove my corolla in 2010 and told him about it, I didn't think much of anything when he said "corollas are good cars."

And they are, Consumer Reports just rated it the best compact car. Anyway fast forward a year and a half later right after we see his ex-girlfriend in Kentucky, newly engaged and in town to look at wedding venues. We sit down for lunch and I'm still being super supportive and giggling at his discomfort.

me: So that was K huh?
dr soc: (sigh) Yeah, that silver corolla with the UGA plate.
me: Wait - she drove a corolla?
dr soc: Yeah (cringe) And, um, D also drove a silver corolla too.
me: That's how you knew they were good cars!
   

Music to My Ears

For valentines day dr soc gave me tickets to for "Music of the Beatles with the Charlotte Symphony." The event was on Saint Patrick's Day and it was amazing! It was so much fun, so entertaining, people were dancing in their seats (and waving their phones like lighters) and so many songs gave me the feels/goosebumps. I spent the entire song "Good Night" clutching my heart knowing I need to learn that for the baby (and her hopefully one day sibling).  If this amazing group comes back in the area I would buy tickets in a heartbeat

You know, I'd forgotten how much I love live music. I've said before I'm not really a "music person," but that's not really true. I was in choir from fifth grade until high school graduation. I was in color guard/marching band for 3 years of high school, and in elementary school I played the (bigger than me) cello and the clarinet (that was also too big for me since my hands weren't big enough to reach the bottom holes) a year each. I could sight read sheet music. I loved going to the philharmonic with my parents and have a true appreciation for the skill and dedication professional musicians have. I recognize classical pieces and can sometimes give you the name of the composer. I mostly listen to NPR in my car now, but I sing along to the radio if I know the song.

But my music education fell by the wayside in college and "music" at that time became more along the lines of going to a rock concert. And I pretty much only went and to John Mayer before-he-became-a-total-douche concerts. In my 20's I stopped singing along with the radio because my ex would always ask if I was singing about him no matter the song or was an ass and changed the station in my car. (after I very pointedly said I didn't touch his radio he stopped that). And the only live shows we went to were in smokey bars where his heavy metal band was playing. So because I didn't like his music, I probably said I wasn't a "music person" to get him off my case at some point and believed that after a while. So I didn't go to any type of concert for a while and turns out I missed it.

So I'm so glad we went to this concert. We had babysitters so dr soc and I had date night and it was wonderful. We went to dinner, heard some of the best music ever written live and I remembered how much I enjoy live music. What a great night!    

Young Love

When I saw the cover for the Hunter Hayes's album, I thought, oh look how young he is! Yes, I know I don't look like I'm in my early thirties, but he's 21 so he really is young, whereas I just look young. (I just realized I'm 10 years older than him).

Anyway, he's adorable. But he is definitely young, and his lyrics reflect that.
One of the lines from his new (catchy, if you ask me) single is:    

Hunter Hayes: I don't want easy, I want crazy.

Aww, that silly young boy in love. Because only young love wants crazy. Or at least is willing to deal with it. Because after you hit a certain age, "crazy" becomes: so not putting up with that sh*t.

Plain Jane

me: (reading the title of an "article") can 'plain' women have a chance with guys? --snort-- of course they do. Guys will eventually marry them, but they just won't date them.
mike: What?
me: It's just along the same lines as guys date blonds, but marry brunettes
mike: What?
me: Yeah, when you men folk are dating, you don't want anything serious. So you go for the blonds because they're prettier aren't serious have more fun. Then when you want to get married and settle down, you go for the brunettes who are boring and clearly not as pretty, but stable. Better for the long term.
mike: I see.
me: I don't know where redheads fit into that though. They get left out of everything I guess.     

It's All In Who You Know

So, I have a BA in sociology. (I really do! The fancy piece of paper came!) Dr soc has his PhD in sociology. (And a BA and MA while I'm lauding his accomplishments.) Did I mention that we both got those aforementioned degrees from the same school?

Yeah. Like that doesn't look scandalous..

But it's actually not. He received the PhD August 2009 and was out of the graduate program by the time I switched to sociology in around October 2009. There was never a teacher/student relationship, and it's not like he would have crossed the line if there was anyway, since he still won't make out with me in his office.

Well, anyway, we may have never crossed paths while at UK, but we knew a lot of the same people. And that would be due to him knowing who all my teachers were since they were grad students of sociology and he was in grad school with them for 5 years. And not that it came up, but we felt it best to just not mention "us" in the department.
But once, just once, I let one of my teachers know who I was dating. I had needed help on a few problems and had gone to office hours. We were just chatting about things and thus the following conversation:

teach: When do you graduate?
me: December!
teach: Cool! What are you going to do after graduation?
me: I'm moving to Charlotte and there I'll try to find a job and then get into grad school there.
teach: Are you going to go in into library science? And why Charlotte?
me: Yeah, I am and my boyfriend accepted a job there this summer. So I'm joining him after graduation.
teach: Oh cool. What does he do?
me: He teaches at a community college.
teach: Does he have his PhD?
me: He does.
teach: Where did he get it from?
me: Here....from UK
teach: Really? Cool. What does he teach?
me: Sociology...
teach: And he got his PhD here?
By this point I know if I keep evading it's just going to look worse and worse. So I figure letting one person know isn't the end of the world, and we're adults about this.
me: Yeah...yeah, it's Mike soc.
teach: NO way! (his face face lit up with recognition.) That's awesome! Tell him I said Hi!
me: Will do.

Of course I told dr soc about it and him and my teacher were friends so it wasn't that big of a deal. But it was still funny.

What I Talk About with My Girlfriends.

Girls talk. A snippet from an email chain post 3rd date with dr soc:

me: He owns his house, has a very cute and friendly dog and well, ya know. He's a grown up and I like him.
J: owns own home and has a dog are good indicators of keeperness.
me: and his furniture matches.

A year and a shared address later, plus the whole "death is the only acceptable reason we will accept for leaving the other" reasoning, I'd say his keeperness is in good form!

The Date That Changed My Life

A year ago, I tried on four(teen thousand) different outfits, carefully planned my makeup, checked my nerves and finally met the guy I had been emailing for 2 weeks.

Best first date ever.

Happy anniversary my love!

Out of Your League

Ok, so even though I know I'm cute and funny and smart and charming and nice and all that other stuff that makes me out of many guys' league (did I mention I'm snotty too?), I didn't really know what caliber of guy I would get on a dating site. Turns out, when you are serious about finding someone (aka: pay $), the dating site ups their ante and sends actual possible contenders. Since I had listed education being important to me, many of my prospects were or had been in grad and/or professional school.

And school is important to me, but it's also a very sensitive subject as well. Remember at the time I had just changed my major to sociology and I was a year away from my bachelor, so to me I had nothing. (I worked my ass off and I have a degree now, and I have every right to be proud of that. But by no means has all been forgiven and forgotten with uc.) So here I am "communicating" with these guys who could see my lack of a degree a deal breaker. (Yes, I realize that someone who would immediately discount me based on my education status is a douche and I didn't want to be with them anyway. But still, I worried.)

Dr soc had listed he had made it through grad school on his profile, but I figured he meant masters (which he has as well) because most of the guys who were in a PhD program said they were in a PhD program. Clearly I was wrong. Because this is how I found out he had his PhD and this is how I reacted:

me: (via eharmony pre-written in depth questions): what are you most proud of in life?
dr soc: (via eharmony response) I received my PhD in sociology in August.
me: uuuuh, f*ck. He better not quiz me if he asks me out...

--2 weeks later on our first date (because he did ask me out and I of course said yes) as we discussed our families--

dr soc: my brother has his PhD in psychology. So between us we have the social sciences covered.
me (smiling and laughing because we are on a date and that is what you do when you really like someone and want them to kiss you at the end of the evening): Nice!
me (in head): F*CK!

B & B

A while ago I suggested to dr soc that we take a little weekend trip for our anniversary. He thought it was a good idea (because all of my ideas are good ideas-though he has yet to agree to this fully), so I started google searching romantic trips for the area I suggested.

Oh la la! So many lovely romantic packages. The services/amenities range from drinks upon check in, flowers in your room, sparking wines, chocolates, massages, gourmet meals, late check out (wink wink), all things that make you feel a little or lot pampered, depending on how much you want to shell out. I noticed though that most of these packages are at an inn, and upon further research (google clicks) I find these are b&bs, not hotels.

I've never stayed at or even looked into a b&b, though I don't know why. Do I have an aversion to them that I don't know about? I remember there must have been some reason I never looked into one, because they all look really cute and feed me breakfast, so why would I not stay there?

So I pose this question to dr soc, because I'm sort of sitting on the fence on this. And maybe he has an aversion to B&B's too and then it would be a moot point. But turns out he's stayed in one and said it was pretty cool. Which I was less than thrilled to learn because I know that means he went with a previous girlfriend. I know this because no strait guy, A: suggests a b&b in the first place, and B: goes alone and without a woman to do dirty things to. (I know everyone has a past as do I. I'm sure dr soc isn't tickled that I was engaged before. But I don't like the thought of my boyfriend being "romantic" with someone else, no mater what the statue of limitations are. And honestly, I don't have any romantic getaways or even stories for anyone to be jealous over anyway. (Is it just me or have I dated some clueless guys?)) I didn't want to know anymore about that rendezvous, but I can't just leave the (texting) conversation hanging. So I come up with some lame: "maybe I don't like b&b's because you have to share a bathroom" excuse and hope I can revisit the idea later (after I get over my jealousy that is). But then he offers up the info that the one he stayed at (w/the ex-girlfriend. Yeah, grr) had a private bathroom as well. (Really, SO glad to know that, grrrr.)

Now fully engaged in competitive mode, I make the choice right then that we are going and I will kick that old girlfriend memory's ass. So there and nanny-nanny-boo-boo. Yes, because that is what the original intention of our romantic anniversary trip was. But as for an explanation of to why I'm not all wishy-washy on the b&b idea anymore I give him this reason: for an in-room massage, I think I can get over my scruples. (Also, I love the word scruples)

Which is true. But I don't have a job so a trip, let alone a romantic one, or anything else that requires funds, isn't in the cards right now. So I completely scraped the idea of a trip and any other plans I may have had for a celebration. So all that research I did in competitive and jealousy mode became the moot point. (To add insult to injury, I found out later that the romantic trip I'm no longer planning was the same place he went with the old girlfriend for their romantic trip. I'm sure you can guess how I reacted to that). Which is too bad because I did find some places/spas that would have been nice. With private bathrooms, promises of waffles and enough Queen Anne decor just so there's no doubt it's an inn. There's always next year I guess. But I still don't know why I didn't like b&b's in the first place.

I just wanted a dog

I just wanted a dog. I'd never had one before but I wanted one as an adult. A dog who I could walk and play with, who would protect me if I needed it and would be my companion. I wanted to take care of something and it would love me in return for it. So we got Bailey and I had what I wanted. I expected to have to deal with some accidents during the house breaking, her eating a few things she shouldn't and some frustration, but normal puppy stuff.

I did not expect to have to make the try-to-save or euthanize choice within the first week of being a pet owner. I did not expect to make that choice again 9 months later when knee gate occurred. I didn't expect to sink $2000 into her (now bionic due to the $2000) knees. I certainly didn't expect to leave my fiance and leave the dog with him after all that. I didn't expect (though I wasn't surprised) to have to find a new home for her when he couldn't take care of her. And I didn't expect my dad and mom to cave and let me have Bailey even though I pleaded, begged and cried for 5 days strait as I was trying to find a new home for her. So then I got Bailey for real again and then I had what I wanted.

So after all that, I'm a little lax and forgiving when it comes to Bailey. Because I'm just grateful that she's A: alive and B: all mine. But dr soc isn't as lax a pet owner as me and Bailey makes him nervous. And even though our dogs like each other, he's always going to be worried about Bailey and her behavior. So I'm in this awful place of feeling that one day I may have to choose between him and my dog. He makes me happy and with him I can have everything I've ever wanted. Bailey makes me happy because I've fought tooth and nail for her and she loves me unconditionally.

::whimper::. I just wanted a dog.

Long Distance

In my dating past, I have a few distance relationships (or had a portion that was distance). The distance always had reason to explain it (co-op, different schools, moved home to a rent free place while someone else finished their associates) and eventually they all ran their course. Bonus there was that when we did go our separate ways I didn't have to see the other person around. (I'm a firm believer in leaving the scene of the crime after a break up. Unless there is a reason to stay in touch, like you have children together, wash your hands and be done).

My ex and I were distance for a while, before we got engaged. He didn't take it well to say the least. Whenever he got sulky (which was often) and jealous (also often) his excuse was always he'd never done distance before so he didn't know how to deal with it. But I was afraid to rock the realtionship boat and cajoled his hurt ego, told him everything would be ok, moved back 3 months earlier then I intended and pushed for the engagement to pacify myself. Instead telling him to suck it up and 75 ran 2 ways. (A year after that I got my spine back, phew.)

Now as you faithful readers know, I'm currently in a distance relationship with dr soc. Obviously, I'm less than thrilled about it, but it's temporary. But this time around, I'm the whiny one wishing he was here or I was there, or we were at least in the same zip code. To add to the stress of the situation, he's trying to buy a house with me in mind and that's not exactly a sunshine and unicorns process when it's 2 different opinions. And if we wanted to get into a pissing war, he wins because I'm in a city I know with a social circle, and he doesn't really know Charlotte or anyone else there for the moment. So I'm being a whiny pants about this. And I know this, so I'm just trying to balance everything (lots going on over here with school and family and life, you know) and telling myself to suck it up.

Single Ladies

My second cousin is getting married and we received the save the date in the mail. We're not in touch so I had no idea she was even seeing anyone, let alone engaged. But I'm happy for her and her parents (my mother's cousin). The save the date is addressed to Mr and Mrs my parents and Sara (don't get me started how much it annoys me when people misspell my name). My sister and her husband got their own save the date. Like grown ups.

Sigh. I think I can say I've never felt more unmarried than right then.

And no, I am not going to assume I can bring dr soc nor will I even ask if I can. I'm not going to be that asshole who brings a date when not invited with one (does the invite say "and guest?" No? Then just you buttercup), and I'm also not on comfortable enough terms with the bride to ask if I can bring a date. Like I said, I haven't been in touch and the only reason I'm invited is because I'm family. I may not even be able to go either, so this could be a moot point. But still, little ouch.

Timing

It took dr soc almost 2 weeks after we started talking to ask me out. And I was getting mighty impatient too.

The time of year had a lot to do with it though. We started talking a few days before valentines day. Yeah, light bulb of recognition just went off of you too right? So, not the most ideal time to ask someone for a first date. No pressure or anything right? So that was fine, and I didn't want that much pressure on a first date either. I figured/hoped he would ask me out after that. But avast, his birthday is 5 days after valentines day. Not to mention it was the big 3-0 last year, and once again, not the best time to ask someone for a first date.

And while the timing is perfectly, reasonably, and chronological acceptable, I was still wondering if he was ever going to ask me out the whole time we're exchanging emails and getting to know each other through a computer screen. The longer communication* process ended up working out for the best though (obviously), because he said those emails are what got him interested in me (score!). There is the argument that I could have asked him out, which he pointed out to me as well, but I just laughed at that. But I won't deny I was getting restless because I really wanted to meet this guy as we bantered back and forth. I understood the timing, but I was thinking he better ask me out soon after that birthday.

Which he did. The day or 2 after it actually. We had our first date later that week (on a weeknight which miffed my friend to no end but it's safe to say it worked out), and the rest is history.

* since both of our memberships to eharmony have expired (having served it's purpose of getting us a significant other we both felt no need to extend the service, aka: pony up more money), neither one of us can access any of our previous cutesy communications. Which is sad, because now our email courtship is forever** lost to the interwebs.

** unless it is a free communication weekend. I guess since everyone (ie: non-paying members) can talk to everyone and anyone, they allow those they've already done their job for (ie: those of us who paid and got what they did/did not want) to access to their cutesy communication stuff.

Matchmaker

In the beginning of February I paid just under $180 for a 6 month membership to eharmony. *
It was worth every penny.

Yep, that's how dr soc and I met. And actually, he was my first date from it. He wasn't the only one to ask me out and I did have another date with someone I met on there (which was fine and we played the who do you know game since we went to different high schools in town). But once I was talking to dr soc and he finally asked me out, (I tease him about that but I actually understand the timing) and when we met and eventually ya know...
It was him. Just him.

I admit I was a little apprehensive to be going on an online dating site to find someone at first. What would people think? (plus, what if no one liked me?) But I wasn't meeting anyone new, let alone someone I would want to date. I needed some new venues. But I don't care how we met. I'm just glad that we did.
Because here I am, we are, six months later on the path to happily ever after.

Worth. Every. Penny.

*No. We are going on the commercials.** My friend has told me she will mock me relentlessly if we do.
** That is unless they pay us handsomely of course. Money always drowns out mocking.

Far Far Away

Dr soc started his new job today in Charlotte. Or as I call it, far far away.

To say that I miss him is an understatement. I know it's only a few months of being apart and there will be visits so it's not like we're completely sequestered from each other. This far far away isn't unmanageable either, and I'm not worried about our relationship in the slightest either. But I feel lonely without him in town.

Ever since his brother's wedding in early July, I've spent every night with him or at his house (which is now on the market if anyone wants to buy a house in Lexington). There were a few nights he had to go to Charlotte (one for the interview and others for orientation), but I house/dog sat when he was gone. And even though we just got back from a vacation together and spent a ton of time together (and I don't think he got too sick of me, so phew), and he left only 2 days ago, it's just tough knowing he's a 7 hour drive away and I won't see him a half hour after I get off work. I've gotten used to sleeping next to him, or at the very least in his bed, curled up on my side of the bed but with my head on his pillow.

I know this is just a short period of time, and as dr soc put it: we spend 4 months of not sleeping next to each other, but we get to sleep together every night after that. I know I'm just being whiny right now and in the grand scheme of things it's a tiny blip. And this is by far not the worse thing I've ever gone through and the outcome is more than worth it.

But far far away is still far far away. And I just miss him. It's as simple as that.

Boobies

Me: you got boob our first date.
Dr soc: I did? When?
Me: Yep. When you pulled away after the kiss, your thumb sorta brushed against right here (I point out the area as a visual aid). So it was just a little bit, but yeah.
Dr soc: Oh. Well, that's awesome, way to go me!

Fast forward a few months to my birthday and we're back at the place we had our second date. I realize that I/we hadn't been to Mellow Mushroom since then and point this out to dr soc. It was a much more passionate kiss that night, but he definitely did not get boob then. Which I point out to him as well.

Me: You did not get boob on our 2nd date.
Dr soc: Nope. But I did on the third. ::smirk::
Me: You certainly did. Well played sir.

"Lucky" Number

me: I was going to wait until the 4th date.
dr soc: What? And why?
me: Did you watch scrubs? The character Elliot reasoned it like this: three is cliche, 5 is prude. Four is just right. So, the 4th date was it. And 4 is my lucky number.
dr soc: Ok fine. But we did on the 3rd. What changed?
me: Umm...yeah...you convinced me otherwise. Just be glad my lucky number isn't something like 16.
dr soc: Yeah. Though it looks like that didn't matter anyway. ::smirk::
me: ::blush::

Upgrade

I refer to Dr soc as my upgrade.

He's honestly everything I've ever wanted in a man. And he's all around leaps and bounds better then any other guy I've dated.

But the really nice thing is that he said I'm a upgrade too.