Football Dreams

I had this dream a while ago I thought I would share now* since it's football season.

Luke Kuechly, Colin Kaepernick, and some other well known player were all staying at our house during training camp. They all really wanted me to pack them their lunches for camp, like a mother hen. So for some reason I took them all grocery shopping with me. I would push the cart and send them all off into the store aisles to fetch whatever ingredient I needed to make the lunch they wanted.

They did pretty well but one of them (I think it was Luke) wasn't sure what kind of eggs to get, so he put a dozen free range and a dozen brown eggs in the cart hoping those were right. I asked if  he had checked to make sure none of them were cracked, but he sheepishly shook his head because he didn't know he was supposed to do that. I think I gently reminded him and sent him to another aisle. After that it gets a little hazy but I suppose I packed their lunches and sent them all off to camp.

I have the best football dreams.

*okay, full disclosure, I started this post in the summer right after I had the dream but totally forgot to post it because, well, life, and now and it just happens to be football season.

 

Bragging Rights

It's March Madness baby! (Of course I'm cheering my Kentucky Wildcats for a perfect 40-0 season, so we'll see soon enough!)

Anyway, I hate Duke. I don't understand why anyone's a fan unless you're alumni. I mean, I'm not going to fault you for cheering your alma mater, even if it's duke.. But if you're a fair weather fan "just because" and you only want to brag on duke to annoy me, you're an asshole.  Also? You better make sure that you even have the bragging rights to begin with.

At some point during the season Duke was ranked number 2. My coworker is a "just because" fan was trying to be superior and taunt me about it.

coworker: ~smugly~ Did you see the rankings? Duke's number two! Na-na-na-nana!
me: ~snort~  Yeah, you know what that's not though? Number one. Because that's Kentucky.

Mystery Date

With all the Buzz Is Back excitement in Charlotte, one of the fun things offered was a Hugo bobble head to every ticket holder. And since I love stuff, I suggested we go to that game since I had the night off. The hornets didn't win, it was a lot of sloppy play (at least that's what dr soc and my neighbor said, hell if I know what sloppy play actually looks like), but it was still a lot of fun. 

Well anyway, we got to the game well before tip-off for the bobble head so we had a decent amount of time to look at the court and how the arena was laid out for basketball. It made dr soc think of another time at the arena.

dr soc: Wasn't this how it was set up for when we saw the Trans-Siberian Orchestra?

me: Um, I don't really know, since I've never seen them.

dr soc: Wait, what? Didn't we come here for that?

me: Nope. We were here for Circ Du Soleil, but I've never seen the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. 

dr soc: ~starts blushing~ Oh. Um...I..yeah.

me: ~lovingly patting his shoulder~ Must be thinking of some other date dear.

dr soc: oh...

me: ~cackling~ Bet you enjoyed that date more than the awkward tent you're in now!    

Football Words

My husband is a die-hard Cleveland Browns fan. So watching football with him (and the rest of the men in the family) is amusing because it's peppered with colorful phrases and curse words. It just comes with the territory. I don't really bat an eye because I don't have the most pristine vocabulary either, so really it's only a matter of time before our future children hear something we would rather have them not repeat. But rather than us be adults and try to change our behavior and make an attempt to curb the ingrained language of football season, we'll probably just tell them those are "football words" that we only say during football games.*

Anyway, twenty minutes before the second day of the 2014 NFL draft, the story of Josh Gordon's failed drug test/suspension breaks and dr soc was pissed. Actually, pissed is really an understatement, because the regular "football words" were replaced with some really bad ones even for him. And because I am an awesome wife, after I picked up my mouth from dropping in surprise, I just pointed and laughed. 

*This is a flawless plan brought to you from my childless parenting skills. 

Derby Pie

Last week was the first Saturday of May and that means one thing and one thing only for this Kentucky lady: The DERBY!!!!!!
I try not to pick a horse because that pretty much hexes them, but that doesn't mean I don't secretly hope one will win. (This year my secret pick showed (3rd place), so at least I didn't completely take away it's mojo. But the one horse/jockey that I really wanted to win...last place. :( sorry!). I've only been to the Derby once (best bachelorette party ever), but at least since college I have always, always made sure to watch it on, this year being no exception. I had some (a lot of) thoughts this year:

• I get that they need filler pre-race but what the hell is this simulated race analysis nonsense they are trying to do? Seriously WTF?? Don't they know there is no simulating the most exciting two minutes in sports?
• At least do another one of those "human/horse" interest stories if you need filler.
• Oh wait, nbc has the Derby and that means the human/horse interest story will most likely be done by... 
• Damit. I hate Bob Costas. 
• I wish the pinkeye that sidelined him in Sochi had stuck around to do the same for the Derby.
• Speaking of Sochi, under things that I do wish had stayed there: Tara Lipinski and Johny Weir. I just...yeah, no, I just don't care. I guess they were a hoot in Russia and with the color commentary and they have that Will and Grace thing going for them and all, and yeah the Derby is somewhat about fashion...But they should stick to ice skating.
• And by fashion, I mean HATS. It's mostly about the hats. The fashion is the accessory to the hat, Not the other way around.
• My Old Kentucky Home! I love that every year the whole nation sings my state song.
• Thoroughbreds are such amazingly beautiful animals.
• In the gate! In the gate! In the gate! Hold my breath...
• AND THEY'RE OFF!!!! Go baby go!
• I can't tear my eyes away for one second...oh there goes the favorite into the lead!
• More lead! more lead! go baby go!
• 2014 has a Derby Champion, way to go California Chrome!!!
• Seriously, you can't simulate the most two exciting minutes in sports. Don't ever do that again. 

  

2012 Recap

Ok, I know it's a cliche to do a best of/year in review, but I had some big life events (with pictures!) so i feel the need to share. The cliff notes version of my 2012:

Went to the Kentucky Derby:

best bachelorette party ever!

Married the love of my life

the date, the venue and the happiest couple in the world all in one picture

with the best bridal party possible

the people that mean the most to us

and the coolest groom's cake ever

it was the talk of the reception!

I turned 30

Yep. 30. 

 Then we went to Costa Rica on our honeymoon: 

my favorite honeymoon picture

I started graduate school:

My first 1st day of school photo. Look how adorable I am! 

Became an aunt

Look how beautiful she is!

Went to a Panthers' game

too bad the Panthers didn't show up that night

and started 2 new library jobs:

We mean it when we ask "please don't re-shelve the books." Seriously,  don't put them back.

All in all, a very big and happy year for me! It was definitely busy, but overall wonderful. Hopefully 2013 is just as wonderful!

Here's one last picture for the year: 

Happiest day of my life

Happy New Years!

Fatten Up

Mike and I were watching the Panthers/Falcons game at a sports bar with some friends, and the Panthers made a play that the whole place started cheering and clapping, ourselves included. Then I hear this loud "PING" of some kind of metal hitting the floor, and out of the corner of my eye I see that that ping was Mike's wedding band FLYING OFF HIS HAND.

I see my husband leap up, his ring land under a bar stool, so I stand there and be helpful by pointing at it my mouth agape and clutching my chest. Within a matter of 30 seconds he has his ring back on his finger and he's back to sitting down, meanwhile, I'm still clutching my chest and nearly hyperventilating breathing a billion sighs of relief.

If this happens again we'll have to get his ring re-sized. Or I could just try to fatten him up by using more butter.  Either way it better not come off again!

Smack talk

My neighbor had some friends over the weekend and they all brought their dogs over as well. Which, whatever, we have dogs, the neighbor has dogs and there's a fence to give boundaries and keep everyone with 4 legs and a wagging tail safe. 

When we let the dogs out after they ate, both Bailey and Jules ran to the fence to investigate the new people and dogs.  And Bailey's way of greeting (both dogs and humans) is a "bark head off first think later" approach.  Which riles up her sister, and now we have two spazztastic dogs who can't be distracted and won't come back to the house when called, even with the lure of tasty treats.   And two spazztastic dogs in full spazztastic mode can be somewhat dangerous because it has lead to fights and someone inevitably ends up hurt. So Mike and I navigate the minefield known as the backyard to pull the girls back from the fence and into the house.
So here we are, trying to get our dogs back under our control and we toss a hello to the people in that I would stop and talk to you but you can clearly see that I've got something else going on and you understand why we're not stopping to shoot the breeze sort of way.  When one of the guys sees that Mike is wearing a Browns T-shirt (which is the status quo here since that's 80% of his t-shirt collection), his way of greeting us over the barking and spazzing is to announce that he was going to invite us over to have a beer until he saw the Browns shirt.

Which, really? It's not that I don't get sports rivalries and that I've never teased someone based on their sports affection (case in point, my husband is a Browns fan, teasing is nothing knew here). But really, that's the way you say hello to people you haven't actually even met, sports ball busting? We don't know you, and he's a guest at our neighbors home with no real invite rights to begin with in the first place.

And while I know really nothing to get my panties in a twist about, I still thought that this guy using a sports jab in place of a hello made him an asshole.

football wife

me: Hey, isn't he (the kicker) franchised?
mike: Yeah. He's been there since '99, when the team started.
me: Hey, aren't you proud of me for knowing that?
mike: Yes!

Mike couldn't have asked for a better football wife! 

My Olympic Score Card

Things I am over/confused about this Olympics:

• Phelps and Lochte. (Yes, they're good swimmers. But there are other athletes in the Olympics.  And dude has a shoe with his name on it and a diamond grill. Him and everybody eles know he's arrived)
• Ryan secrest there. What the fck is he doing at the Olympics anyway? Does he know the kardashians aren't there?
• The exhorbanant amount of human interest stories they show during prime time.
• Prime time Olympics
• bob costas.
• The obligatory Wills/Kate/Harry shot if they are at an event, (wonder if Harry feels like a 3rd wheel) and the subsequent kate fashion report card. (she always looks good in public, lets move on)
• that it's a surprise the granddaughter of the queen, who owns the host country is on the Olympic team.  
• The Walmart commercials that are a total rip off of the Ford commercials.
• Volleyball, both beach and indoor. I find the amount of coverage it gets (at least an hour of prime time) far out weighs my interest it (10 minutes every 10 years). 
• Referring to a silver or bronze medal as "loosing." Um no, it's still a medal, and whatever happened to the honor and dignity of just being able to compete in the first place?

Things I can't get enough of this Olympics:

• the actual sporting
• Adorable Missy Franklin
• Seeing family members reactions when their people win.
• The medal winners reaction to when their anthem is played.
• Watching the slightly more obsure sports. Who knew I liked water polo? And kayaking? And the road race? I was riveted!
• Synchronized diving
• Being impressed by all the athletes athletic prowess.
• Randomly cheering  USA! USA! while pumping my arms
• My dvr. god bless dvr
• Samuel L Jackson's twitter feed
• The google doodles! Seriously, the Olympics and a new google doodle every day? It's two of my most favorite things ever!

USA!!! USA!!!

So I'm glued to the tv for the next 17 days.  (seriously, I'm even typing during commercial breaks.)
Poor husband, my random outburst of USA! USA! and singing along to the Olympic fanfare made him turn around in surprise at first, but he's gotten used to my random cheers by now.

Anyway, one of my life goals is to go to a summer and winter Olympic games. I figure they'll be on American (or Canadian) soil again at some point in my life time, so this is a reasonable goal. (and since they announce these things 6-7 years in advance, we'll have plenty of time to save and plan)

Now I know it's too late for me to go as an athlete, I have no disillusions there. However, it is not too late for Sharktopus and Dinocroc to have a chance to go. So, I'm going to go tiger mom on my kids and they will become an Olympic athlete! That way Mike and I HAVE to go to the Olympics to support them!   Mike's totally behind me on this, he's even asked what obscure sport we could get them into at an early age to increase their chances.  This is a flawless plan.

USA!!! USA!!!

Brackets

So. Did you see my Wildcats just won their eighth national championship?!?!?!?! Woohoo!!!

I was pulling for Kentucky* the whole time, but if you looked at my paper bracket, (the one I actually filled out and put on the fridge like a piece of kindergarten artwork) you'll see I had someone else slated to win the national championship. 

Now, before anyone doubts my Kentucky faith/love, you must understand that I set my paper bracket up that way in order to help them win!

Because I cannot, for the life of me, pick a winner. Brackets, a horse race, even a blind draw, I never pick the winner. So my paper bracket is always total crap and never right. And if I had put Kentucky down to go all the way, they most certainly wouldn't have. So by putting someone else to win the national championship, I therefore cursed that team** and left the path open for Kentucky to take it all.

You're welcome.

However, I did pick them to win the whole thing on what I like to call, my "mental bracket." And that's a bracket that I fill out in my head and I just put Kentucky as the winner and don't really bother to fill in the teams they play against.

So my paper bracket this year, was wrong which was expected. But my mental bracket was golden!

*If you don't cheer for Kentucky they kick you out of school or take away your degree. I'm pretty sure that's in the by-laws
**Once again, the exception here is Duke. I cannot bring myself to put them in the national champion spot even if it is a means of cursing them. However, I did have them going to the elite 8 and they were out the first round, so I like to think I helped some.