Parenting truth: Poop is a part of your daily conversation pieces.
If we're being honest, this sh*t (pun intended) starts even before the baby arrives. Because one of the unfun things about your body creating a human is that pretty much every other system in your body goes apesh*t in one way or another. And so you talk about it. Because you're pregnant and grumpy and out of f*cks to give.
Anyway. Here's some of our exchanges since becoming parents.
Baby is 3 days old-
me: Baby pooped on me. Parenting achievement unlocked.
Baby is 5 days old:
me: I have been pooped on twice today. That is all.
Baby is 4 months old-ish:
me: Blowout today was through her onesie and up her back, but her pants stayed clean.
dr soc: Impressive.
me: I know right?
After daycare drop off:
me: We're on outfit number 2 already.
dr soc: Already?
me: Yeah. If we're being honest we hadn't even left the house yet.
dr soc: Ouch.
me: And stinky.
After a particularly toxic diaper change:
dr soc: How bad?
Two weeks ago:
dr soc: Ever seen a purple-looking nugget in baby girl's diapers?
me: Yup. Was there a gray tinge to it as well?
dr soc: Not sure, it's in the pail now. I was just surprised.
me: It probably did. Gray and nugget like from the yogurt and purple from the prunes.
me: If you do nothing else today please for the love of god give our daughter a bath. There was poop on the wall.