Words Matter 2.0

Last week Cheeto-in-Chief read from a teleprompter and acted like an adult for about an hour.  He quickly received pats on the back, praise from the media (which he has previously vilified), stayed remarkable quiet on Twitter for the next 24 hours and the republican party was tickled pink red that he gave an unremarkable politician-type speech. Yay!

Really? You want to give him a sticker for that?  Don't "yay" him for acting presidential- that's his job. Which he has had for over a month now and flooded the swamp with dimwits just like himself btw. Don't praise him for reading the teleprompter and simply not yelling. Don't laud him for not being an asshole for a moment in time. He's still the tiny-handed puppet for the aforementioned replenished swamp of über rich racist sexist ignorant fools that is his administration.

So he didn't yell gave a stump speech. In it he said he condemns the hate crimes flourishing under his tenure, and judge him on what he said. But he also judge him on what he doesn't say. His tolerance and downplaying the sheer volume of hate crimes matters too. The lack of those words matter just as much, maybe even more.  

Voter fraud

Three weeks plus post doomsday the election the governorship of North Carolina has yet to be decided. Because not only is the loser incumbent governor refusing to concede, he's stalling like hell challenging the validity of all the votes before even officially requesting the recount. And the validity of the votes is in question because you know, all the voter fraud. ←Insert eye roll here.

I mean really. First, let me tell you how easy it was to vote early in NC. Since I'm registered to vote I went to whatever county voting location I wanted and told a complete stranger poll worker my name, verified my address and was given a ballot. That was it. But if I hadn't been registered to vote I would  have to do an extra step of registering and voting the same day.  Seriously.*

*as an aside I don't understand how anyone doesn't vote with easy access like that. Yet half of the population eligible to vote doesn't (PS: cork it if you didn't, you have no right to complain).

So let's hint to the possibility of fraud, not enough to have to prove anything but enough to stall, because you don't have to show any proof of who you are. Because by insisting you don't have to show ID (I was told several times to put mine away) means the state is not completely laced with bigotry the "surgical precision" gerrymandering and HB2 makes us out to be. All because the white lady with her baby wasn't offended by being asked to show ID.

And now to add insult to injury to this horrible, terrible, no good, rotten election season, the aforementioned bigotry laced tactics means NC has to redraw the lines again, and then have a special election in those new districts in 2017 and go through all of this again. ← Insert face palm here.

2016 Election Thoughts

I am pretty horrified by the 2016 election results. Actually, scared shit-less is a better description.
I know my husband and I will be okay. We're a white/Asian heterosexual legally recognized married college educated couple. We both have careers and insurance through our employers. But what about my LGBTQ friends? What about my extended family who is uninsured? What about the disabled and all the other same groups of people I don't know? What about my daughter? What the hell kind of world are we leaving her?

A demagogue. A racist. A xenophobe. A misogynist. That. That scares the hell out of me. And it should scare the hell out you too.

And I'm angry. I get that people just hate Clinton, whether it's she's establishment, not your party, don't agree with her record, etc. But you couldn't accept this devil you know is far better (and safer choice) than the devil you don't? And though I vehemently disagree with you, I accept that you have a reason for your choice. But don't defend the demagogue president-elect's rhetoric and behavior. Defending is accepting and allows the stance that anyone who isn't a rich-white-man is less than and doesn't matter as much. And that should be unacceptable behavior for a human being.

And to those of you who assuaged your conscious and voted for a 3rd party or write-in I hope you feel at least some sort of shame too. Because even though you may be happy you didn't didn't vote for either evil, your protest vote was not a vote for Clinton and she needed numbers. And while I know her supporters needed to show up at the polls too, splitting the vote is simple math and helped put that orange asshole into power.  

I proudly voted for Clinton, so I'm dismayed at the election results. And for a small bit of levity for this terrified post, I'm also pretty disappointed there won't be a taco truck on every corner either.  

Cat House

I try to run a tight leash when it comes to the dog. I watched enough dog whisperer pre-Bailey to know my dog had to respect me if I wanted to have any type of control over it. Then we paid a hefty penny for hard core training when Bailey and Jules were fighting, and the respect thing was highly enforced. So when I go on a walk with the dog I keep her on a short leash and don't let her lead or mark along the way. Except for one place, the lawn that belongs to the cat that attacked her.
Yeah. You read that right.  My leashed dog got attacked by a cat.

Back when the baby was about a month old the four of us (me pushing the stroller, Mike walking the dog) were taking a w-a-l-k when out of nowhere this streak of orange comes from behind and animal fight noises start. The baby starts to wail so I snap into mama bear mode and run a few steps to protect her. Meanwhile Mike has managed to pick up the dog by her leash while kicking at the streak of orange attacking her, which then retreats to a tree trunk and hisses at us. While in fight mode something has bled on mike's pants and the dog nipped or scratched him along the jaw so he's bleeding too and all we can do for a moment is stare in disbelief at this hissing streak of orange that we have just realized is a cat. But it gets even more ridiculous.

All the commotion brought the cat's owner outside who asks what just happened. The dog is still wriggling so we have no idea if she's okay but we know at least one animal is bleeding, my husband is bleeding, the baby's crying and this cat is hissing at us. So still in a bit of shock we tell them this cat just attacked our dog. And their response? "But he doesn't even have claws!"

Excuse me? This cat we have seen around the neighborhood before that just attacked our dog is declawed?  WHAT? And the owner, who didn't see a damn thing and leaves the garage door open a crack so this declawed cat can roam around, keeps insisting the cat doesn't have claws and doesn't believe us, and they don't even ask if anyone, human or animal is okay.

By this point the hissing cat has run back into the open garage, Jules has stopped wriggling enough that we can tell at the very least she's and dr soc's jaw isn't gushing blood, but the baby is still wailing at the top of her lungs, our nerves are on edge and the cat owner keeps reiterating the cat doesn't have claws. We need first aid and we're going to get absolutely nowhere with this person, so we curtly restate the cat attacked our dog, and we are leaving to take care of ourselves and hightail it home.

The whole walk home we're making sure we're not crazy and that we both saw/heard the same thing. A streak of orange that roams around the neighborhood whenever it wants because the garage is left open is a motherf*cking declawed cat and it attacked our dog. That sounds made up but it totally happened! At home we clean the shallow scratches on Jules' legs and the nip along dr soc's jaw, but thankfully everyone is okay enough. In disbelief, but okay.

A motherf*cking declawed cat attacked my dog. Mark all you want at that cat house Jules. Mark all you motherf*cking want.

Make Believe

I grew up in Kentucky where we have all 4 seasons, spring, summer, fall, and winter (or: March Madness, basketball camp, big blue madness, and regular season). While I definitely prefer the summer and hotter temperatures to the winter and colder temperatures, it's not like I haven't dealt with the cold before.

Except.

Now I live in North Carolina, and my blood has thinned to accommodate my new habitat. So I like the blistering summers and mild winters. But now there's this thing called a cold front or whatever sweeping through, and actually winter here. I keep hearing of this thing called "wind chill" and these low ridiculous numbers that think they are temperatures! I mean really, 25 degrees? That is clearly a made up number!  

Pot Calling the Kettle Black

I was in my happy place Target the other night when I saw a woman breastfeeding. Which I have no problem with and after reading enough reddit stories of some passerby being upset by a boob sighting, the nursing mom defending her choice and having a nurse-ins, declaring anyone offended by breastfeeding anti-family, etc, I know that the law is pretty much on woman's side (for once) and that she can breastfeed whenever and wherever she see fit. Personally, I would prefer that a little discretion and some sort of cover is used, but I think a little discretion is a good thing in most cases in general.

Anyway, this woman was walking down the aisle, the baby strapped into some sort of carrier nursing away. While there wasn't a nip-slip due to the her shirt covering one and the baby's mouth covering the other, there was a lot of her shirt pulled up in general. I was a little startled and may have raised my eyebrows by the copious amount of stomach/top/and side boob exposed at first glance, but whatever. The nursing girl had a few other people shopping with her, 2 other women and a girl toddler no more than 18 months old. The toddler is trying to keep up as fast as her little legs can carry her and playing with the hem of her shirt at the same time. But they all passed by, rounded the corner and I continued shopping.

Then I hear from the next aisle over (directed at the toddler): "Pull your shirt down!

Which, wasn't that a little pot calling the kettle black? Oh well. 

Some Rules Are Meant to be Broken

I don't pretend to have a green thumb, but I thought about trying my hand at a small little vegetable garden this spring. Just a little 3'x6' raised bed garden to grow peppers and a few herbs, and maybe a zucchini plant if I'm feeling particularly daring. Just so I don't have to spend a small fortune on fresh produce all the time (basil is expensive yo!).  I looked at a few gardening websites, learned the basic how-to's, and mentioned the idea to Mike. He was down for it. But then, recalling how bitchy the HOA was about the position our non-existent basketball hoop, he figured we should check the guidelines of the neighborhood just in case.

Section 2.12 Additional landscaping:
"Additional landscaping must be approved in writing by the MC (management company) using the application of exterior modification prior to the change unless it is within a 3 foot radius on the home. Gardens are not permitted."

However, I can totally have a trampoline as long as I apply for the application of exterior modification and place it in the center rear of the back yard. Which I learned from section 2.2 Backyard Play Equipment, Trampolines and Basketball Goals (the same place with the rules we so blatantly ignored with our non existent basketball hoop).

I'm so mad at the ridiculousness of it all I could spit. I can't have a small garden to grow food, but I can have a death trap (albeit, a super fun one) as long as I get the right papers in? I mean, really? WTF? Of course, now that I can't have one I want one really bad if only to piss the HOA off. I can do this one of several ways.

1. Carry on with my original plan which was to build and plant the thing, and see how long it takes to get another nasty-gram. (If they are going to send another nasty-gram we better as hell deserve it this time.)
2. Plant the garden along the entire back side of my house but only extend it 2'-9" from the house as to not violate the 3' radius clause. Of course, shade from the house isn't optimal for growing, but it's for the principle of it!
3. Painstakingly detail the garden plans to the point of absurdity (for example: will be so many feet by feet, which is so many centimeters by centimeters and will be placed x feet and y centimeters from the house, top soil consisting of 10% this, 20% that and 70% so-and-so will raise no higher than 24" off the ground, etc.) Then apply for the exterior modification permit and have them approve the ridiculous. 
4. Plant everything in flower pots and containers and cover my entire yard with those. Just don't move more than 2 to the front yard if they are dead. No ugly and/or dead plants in the front yard per hoa orders.
5. Or, forget the garden and just bitch.

Options 2, 3 and 4 are more work that I intend to actually do. Option 1 is a viable possibility because I don't think any neighbors would actually complain over a vegetable garden, especially if we give them some of the results from it. And we could always go with a mea culpa and apply for the exterior modification after the nasty-gram. But it will more than likely be option 5, because it's just a small garden. But that doesn't make the situation any less ridiculous and me less bitchy about it.

Required reading

I'm in grad school. There is a lot of reading in grad school. A LOT.  I knew this going into it. 
My co worker (from the library) in a MLIS program a few years ago did not.

coworker (seeing her reading list): Oh my god! Do they really expect me to real all of this?
me and another (library) co-worker: Yes!

And with that, I leave you to finish a few more chapters!

Smack talk

My neighbor had some friends over the weekend and they all brought their dogs over as well. Which, whatever, we have dogs, the neighbor has dogs and there's a fence to give boundaries and keep everyone with 4 legs and a wagging tail safe. 

When we let the dogs out after they ate, both Bailey and Jules ran to the fence to investigate the new people and dogs.  And Bailey's way of greeting (both dogs and humans) is a "bark head off first think later" approach.  Which riles up her sister, and now we have two spazztastic dogs who can't be distracted and won't come back to the house when called, even with the lure of tasty treats.   And two spazztastic dogs in full spazztastic mode can be somewhat dangerous because it has lead to fights and someone inevitably ends up hurt. So Mike and I navigate the minefield known as the backyard to pull the girls back from the fence and into the house.
So here we are, trying to get our dogs back under our control and we toss a hello to the people in that I would stop and talk to you but you can clearly see that I've got something else going on and you understand why we're not stopping to shoot the breeze sort of way.  When one of the guys sees that Mike is wearing a Browns T-shirt (which is the status quo here since that's 80% of his t-shirt collection), his way of greeting us over the barking and spazzing is to announce that he was going to invite us over to have a beer until he saw the Browns shirt.

Which, really? It's not that I don't get sports rivalries and that I've never teased someone based on their sports affection (case in point, my husband is a Browns fan, teasing is nothing knew here). But really, that's the way you say hello to people you haven't actually even met, sports ball busting? We don't know you, and he's a guest at our neighbors home with no real invite rights to begin with in the first place.

And while I know really nothing to get my panties in a twist about, I still thought that this guy using a sports jab in place of a hello made him an asshole.

HOA

The other day we received a violation letter from our HOA notifying us that our portable basketball hoop was in the wrong position, ie: the hoop must be perpendicular to the driveway and not facing the street.

Two things:
One: you're going to threaten to fine us for the wrong position of the moveable hoop?  Is a 90 degree turn really that egregious to warrant a fine?
And two, the much more pressing matter in my opinion: is that we don't have a basketball hoop.

Yeah.

Needless to say, my husband was none too pleased. So he called the company, wrote a letter and they called back saying "our bad" and the violation was erased and never happened.  But maybe as a good bussiness practice they should double check the address before they start slapping fines on people. Just saying.