Natural Disaster

So Texas drowned, and Florida isn't far behind them.
The Pacific Northwest is on fire, while the North Great Plains are in a drought.

Is there like, a big hose available to connect those places? Send all the extra water from one place to the another place that needs it. Simple right? And if you want an even crazier idea about a natural disasters, maybe we could find a way to harness the hurricane winds for energy and reduce our utter dependence on fossil fuels. Or is humanity just a silly lady idea?

I guess I could just pray* for everything and not actually do anything. And deny**** climate change.****** Because that's what's really helpful.

*and/or claim this is god's punishment for the "gay agenda**" ***
**existing
***devastate everyone for the "sins" of a few? Way to be an asshole there God.  
****at least the human involvement part*****
*****all of it
******it's legit according to science

Heathens are Us

I don't go to church. I'm not religious either. With the exception of a few months senior year of high school and the occasional holiday, I haven't attended a religious ceremony that wasn't a wedding or baptism of my own free will either. But I live in the bible belt and there's some sort of church/temple/synagogue/parish/mosque/something everywhere you look. I pass at least one each way I leave my neighborhood. So a lot of non religious affiliated events happen at these places of worship simply because it's a space that can host an event.        
So one Sunday morning I'm running an errand and notice the church parking lot is full as I drove past. I think to myself:

Huh, wonder what's going on at the church?
--pause--
Oh. Church.  

Area Codes

me: I have a friends on the west coast. Actually, I have a decent amount of friends out there. Really I have friends all over the country. It's sorta like "hoes in different area codes." Only none of my friends are hoes.
Cearra::laughing:: okay, I actually did think that exact though but I wasn't going to say it out loud.
me: haha! I did though!

Deliver us

So after my sister got me into running, after watching a few of our races my mom got into it as well. And she's really annoying about it. Don't get me wrong, I am so glad she takes care of herself (because the longer she takes care of herself the less I'll have to take care of her) and as a sorta runner I get the rush and love for it. But she's still really really annoying in bragging about it and not realizing how much of a production running (race day and as regular exercise) really is.

By this point I've pretty much accepted it and I just let her go on and on, smile and nod at appropriate intervals and do what I can behind the scenes to make things go as smoothly as possible. But sometimes, I can find a way to quiet her down for a while.
 
In 2012 she and I both ran the Savannah half marathon and she wanted to dissect every. single. part. of the race with me. But every race, runner and experience is different and she just couldn't understand why I couldn't recall some thing or provide any insight to her experience. She was going on and on about the sights on the course so surely I must have seen them and experienced them the same way she did too.

mom: Oh that's that really pretty historical church! Do you remember that?    
me: No not really.
mom: You must have! It was between miles 8 and 9 and there were all these pretty branches leading up to it. You must have seen it on your run.
me: I'm sure it was there, but I don't really remember seeing it mom.
mom: But it was there between...
me: Hey, mom, do you remember that one church that looked like a boarded up gas station around mile one? Real creepy looking and it's name was the deliverance church of something or other.  
mom: Oh yeah! That was really creepy looking.
me: Yup. Well that's the church that I remember.

She was quiet for a little while after that.

Unicorns

Conversation on the State of the Union in a post twitter world:
dr funtimes: Are all female lawmakers required to notify us about what's come out of their uteri at the beginning of every speech? #JoniErnst
me: yes. Otherwise we won't know how much of a woman she is and what ratio we can not take her seriously.
dr funtimes: how many of the male rebuttals to the #SOTU started out with "I am a father?" 0? Exactly.
me: -20% seriousness -15% dedication to job 1 child -5% for each addition child +2% adversity for non-white race -5% relatablity
dr funtimes: isn't that a lot of maths for a girl?
me: well yeah. why do you think there's an algorithm in the first place? girl + math = magical creature

Karma

Yesterday I broke down and picked up chickfila on my way home from work. I say broke down because while I wasn't making an effort to boycott them, I also wasn't going out of my way to give them my business.  I was more so surprised at the recent media frenzy everything turned into more so than what the media frenzy was about. I mean, the company closes on Sundays so everyone can go to church, I figured their stance on homosexuality was the pink elephant in the room.

Anyway. I was tired after work, it was on my way home, and I didn't want to make lunch for myself. So I stopped in for a quick and easy lunch.  I got my usual nuggets, but what I really wanted was the lemonade for some reason. No one made any kind of scene, I ordered, it was processed in a timely fashion and I was on my way.  

Well. The homophobic chicken was almost strait from the hate fryer so I ended up burning my mouth.  And then the lemonade mixed with something and tasted way off.

Pretty sure that was god's way of telling me to not eat homophobic chicken anymore. Duly noted.

Happy Easter

me: Apparently today is Good Friday.
mike: Um yeah, I guess it is isn't it? The day that Jesus went streaking.
me: What?
mike: The apostles or whatever go and check on the body and only find the sheets they wrapped him in and no body. So Jesus was running around naked.
me: Ha! Hey wait, I thought Easter was the day he woke up. The whole 'he has risen' thing.
mike: Oh, good point. 
me: So Good Friday must be the day they put him in the cave. 
mike: Yeah, that sounds right. Then they go to check on him and he's risen from the dead. Just like a zombie!
me: --snort-- Hey, Easter just got a whole lot cooler now that I realize it's about a streaking zombie.

Happy Easter everyone!

Gyspsy

Last night a few people we've had issues with at work came in again for the first time in a long time. I heard the tell-tale bratty cry and outwardly groaned in defeat. Fortunately they didn't stay too long, but they were there long enough to cause some serious angst and me to judge them.

Because this is what I thought to myself when I saw them sit down:

You know, I would not sell these kids to the gypsies. Not because that's supposedly wrong and frowned upon.
No, I wouldn't sell these kids because they are such wretched little cretins that they wouldn't even get me a good price.

Ortho Try Again

When it was time for the annual woman's appointment, I wanted to switch birth controls. For a few reasons but mainly, it was making my skin worse so most of my reasons were vain. (I have fairly good skin, and you can't blame a girl for playing up her attributes.)

So I went back on ortho-tri something, even though that was I was on a year ago and I hated it with the fire of a 1000 suns. I was apprehensive about it and I told the dr that, but since it was a much lower dose of the original I was on, it was worth a shot.

Yeah. No. I forgot I know my body better then a dr I've seen once. Because I fucking. hate. ortho-whatever it is. Hate hate hate. Flames hate. Hate. You see my point?

My dr friend told me there are basically 2 types of pills, ones that abate your normal cycle, and others mimic and intensify. Ortho is one of the latter, so crap. I've always been a little (snort) moody to go with the ebbs and flows of a woman's reproductive system. But the kind of moody I am right now is ridonkulous.

For example, I was in a chatty good mood when I got home from school. Half an hour later, I snapped over something petty and my father hid due to my wrath. I calmed down and made us lunch, but then in another 2 hours when my firewall settings wouldn't let me pay a bill online, I screamed at the computer screen and then burst into tears.

This? That right there? Is NOT. GOOD.

I've called the dr and hopefully I can switch by the end of the week. Because seriously, these mood swings are exhausting and unnessecary. Not to mention they just don't make a nice person because they make me feel worthless. But the the weirdest part is that I turn into bitchy hot girl. I know I'm completely unattractive due to my attitude, so the only thing I seem to think I'm good for is arm candy. That's just effed up.

Strays

I know helping people is a good thing, the same goes for charity. And I believe that empathy is the lost art of human nature at times. But...

A lot of homeless gather in the park right next to my work, which is smack dab in the middle of downtown. And the city wants to move them to a less conspicuous part of town, so as not to give the wrong impression to the fancy Europeans when the WEG start. They want to hide the underbelly of society like every other city wants to hide its' underbelly.

But you know what might make them stop gathering in such droves in that park? If you didn't feed them there. They're just like stray cats you know? You feed them once and they never leave. And then they bring their friends with them the next time too.

Just saying...

One of the (many) reasons I'm going to hell

Someone's facebook status announced they had completed their first 5k. And they're feeling pretty good about themselves, and people are giving them props for such a huge accomplishment
And while this person's been a little on the heavy side and yes I'm sure this is a big deal to them....

But 90% of me wants to pop the bubble and say: 3 miles? That's my warm up.

We'll just add that to the list of reasons I'm going to hell.

Mean, Party of 1

Last weekend when I was working there was baby banging it's fat little paws on a metal book shelf. So you can imagine the amount of noise that is coming from the area (lots). When I got a look at the annoying thing, I saw that it was probably around 10-11 months, so telling it to stop wasn't going to do any good. It's mom was looking a little haggard, but she wasn't doing anything to stop it. But this baby was not cute enough to make up for it's annoying factor.

I leaned in really close to my coworker and murmured, that is not a cute baby over there.
She smirked and said: "It's amazing how judgy you are."
Is it wrong that I was oddly flattered? and then said, "yes. Yes, I really am"
And then I tacked on: "but I am not wrong about that" (inclined my head towards not-cute-baby).
And her snarky response: oh, no, "I'm not disagreeing with you at all"

We're going to hell.