Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Beggars can't be Choosers

I was in the bathroom at work and the person in the stall next to me sighed heavily and made a comment about how nice it would be to have toilet seat covers.
I did not respond because:
  1. I don't want to talk when I am in a public restroom.
  2. I don't want to hear anyone else's commentary in the bathroom either.   
And my response to the comment wouldn't have been much help. See there are 20 branches in the system I work for, but my branch is one of the smallest and not affluent.  So if I had commented, which I wouldn't have because I don't want to talk or listen to anyone when using the bathroom, I would have said:

You want toilet seat covers? We don't even have a plunger 75% of the time.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Life truths

In honor of my 35th birthday, I present the life truths I stand by.

  • A good pen will make or break your day.
  • There is no such thing as a "quick trip to Ikea."
  • You can never have too many coats.
  • Never trust a female without female friends.
  • Generic applesauce and oatmeal taste exactly like cardboard.
  • Don't buy generic toilet paper. Ever.
  • Always smell the milk first.
  • Removing that stay hair bothering the crap out of you from your clothes is one of life's greatest victories.
  • A person's use of spell check is a determining factor in friendship levels.
  • Don't trust someone who doesn't have nice shoes.
  • Pandas are assholes.
  • White clothes are the ultimate stain magnet.
  • Tupperware cannot be organized.
  • Socks the dryer eats reincarnate as random Tupperware pieces.
  • Wearing a dress or skirt with pockets automatically defaults to a good day.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Character Driven

Dr soc and I have watched football, the news, special events and such while the baby was in the room. We made an effort to not put the tv on for her though, so her not being interested in the tv/iPad when it was on gave me a tiny bit of mommy smugness, like that effort had paid off.

But she is noticing it now. Which, I knew was inevitable. At least right now she's more into Sesame Street characters than Disney characters. Which I know is also inevitable. And don't get me wrong, I love Disney. I'm just not ready to bemoan Cinderella Ate My Daughter (great read btw).

My girl already knows Sesame Street characters names (probably from the same 12 books we read her 83 time a day), about loses her damn mind when any Sesame Street song plays on toddler radio (yeah, that's a thing) and locks in on any video (but not enough to let me trim her talons nails). But I can't blame her on that last one - to be honest I've probably watched this video more times than my daughter...

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Pampers Points

On occasion my toddler will say "poop-poop" after she has done just that. (Other times she'll say it and grunt with a huge grin because it's hilarious.)
So the fist time she legit (not the bullsh*t-pun intended-version) did this, my mom-sense immediately recognized this as a sign she's could be ready to potty train. Mommy however, is not ready.  Nope.
Do I want my kid to be in diapers forever? No, of course not. Diapers are expensive and environmentally toxic and gross in general. But...I'm just not mentally there.
She's only 19 months old, still a baby. My small helpless baby is a legit toddler and she's growing into a strong, chatty opinionated little girl right on schedule. But she's still a tiny little girl - the 1st percentile. She would fall in! The stool to reach the potty and sink would probably be bigger and heavier than her. I mean... how could such a tiny little girl be ready?
At least she's not really showing any other signs. So the mom-guilt isn't flaring up at this particular moment over this. I'm sure it will soon enough over something just as developmentally important, but meh, for now I'll change my baby's diapers.      

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

High Road / Low Road

When they go low, we go high. Yes, yes, lovely sentiment.
I get that there is dignity in the high road...

But who's getting elected for the most part?
Who's writing healthcare laws for everyone behind the no girls allowed secret clubhouse Senate doors? (hint: no one suffering from the pre-existing condition "women" or "not-white")
And look who's in the Oval Office. That ass did not get there via the high road. He didn't even try a nicety shortcut here and there. He frolicked on the low road and is now lapping up the flattery of the deplorables.      

So yeah, the low road won, and took out most of the high road too. The low road gang gets the chance to do something, anything, because they are the majority.  A lot of good dignity does when you aren't even allowed on the playing field.

So f*ck going high. Go low. Fight dirty. Be UGLY. And stop time going backwards.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Dirty Words

My toddler mimics everything she hears. The words, the inflection, any sound effects (and we do a lot of sound effects), everything. All it takes is for one dirty word to slip out and next thing you know the kid's dropping F-bombs and calling people assholes (but if I'm being honest I will probably lose it because that would be hilarious). In other words, we have to watch our language now.  

You know what isn't a dirty word though? Compromise.

I'm tired of this zero sum game politics have become and scared the omnipresent vitriol will continue to hurt more and more people like yesterday. One of these days the people hurt could be me, my loved ones, even you. You honestly never, ever know.  When did everything become so black and white? How did disagreement become the insurmountable divide?

And one more thing sorta related to sides: when you don't say anything because you know it's not politically correct. That? Is not correct. "It" is politically correct now because at some point "it" was racist, or sexist, or any other outdated way of speech. Stop those dirty words too.