Upstairs/Downstairs

Girl 1 loves football. Ok she doesn't really love it. But it's pretty much the only tv we've put on in the house when she's awake so by default all tv is football to her.

Anyway, Sunday is football. Dr soc cheers for the Browns, I cheer for the Panthers and our teams usually play at the same time. So when they do, dr soc suffers through watches the Browns game on the downstairs tv, and I multitask while the game is on in the background watch the Panthers game upstairs. When dr soc watches "daddy's team" he is locked in and doesn't want to answer the litany of questions from the toddler (my kid talks a lot, to the surprise of no one), so girl 1 typically watches "mommy's team" upstairs with me since I'm not paying that much* attention. And mommy's team scores, so there's more cheering.

*see: multitasking while the game is on in the background

Anyway
 
Last Sunday girl 1 came downstairs before halftime, probably trying to avoid her nap tbh, saw Mike and excitedly said:
girl 1: Touchdown daddy! Touchdown upstairs. Not touchdown downstairs. 

Bwahahahaha!

Football Dreams

I had this dream a while ago I thought I would share now* since it's football season.

Luke Kuechly, Colin Kaepernick, and some other well known player were all staying at our house during training camp. They all really wanted me to pack them their lunches for camp, like a mother hen. So for some reason I took them all grocery shopping with me. I would push the cart and send them all off into the store aisles to fetch whatever ingredient I needed to make the lunch they wanted.

They did pretty well but one of them (I think it was Luke) wasn't sure what kind of eggs to get, so he put a dozen free range and a dozen brown eggs in the cart hoping those were right. I asked if  he had checked to make sure none of them were cracked, but he sheepishly shook his head because he didn't know he was supposed to do that. I think I gently reminded him and sent him to another aisle. After that it gets a little hazy but I suppose I packed their lunches and sent them all off to camp.

I have the best football dreams.

*okay, full disclosure, I started this post in the summer right after I had the dream but totally forgot to post it because, well, life, and now and it just happens to be football season.

 

Football Words

My husband is a die-hard Cleveland Browns fan. So watching football with him (and the rest of the men in the family) is amusing because it's peppered with colorful phrases and curse words. It just comes with the territory. I don't really bat an eye because I don't have the most pristine vocabulary either, so really it's only a matter of time before our future children hear something we would rather have them not repeat. But rather than us be adults and try to change our behavior and make an attempt to curb the ingrained language of football season, we'll probably just tell them those are "football words" that we only say during football games.*

Anyway, twenty minutes before the second day of the 2014 NFL draft, the story of Josh Gordon's failed drug test/suspension breaks and dr soc was pissed. Actually, pissed is really an understatement, because the regular "football words" were replaced with some really bad ones even for him. And because I am an awesome wife, after I picked up my mouth from dropping in surprise, I just pointed and laughed. 

*This is a flawless plan brought to you from my childless parenting skills. 

Den Mom

So I never saw this coming, but I really love NFL football. Growing up in Kentucky we only have one sport, (UK basketball), and even when I lived in Cincinnati I really just didn't care about the bengals. But when I moved to Charlotte, I decided I would be become a Panthers superfan, because I figured my (eventual-to-be) husband is a die hard Browns fan so I would be watching football anyway, I may as well cheer for the local team.
Turns out, I love the Panthers. Even when I first moved here we weren't that great (we had first pick in the draft! Wait.), I decided to be loyal. And I just adore our first round pick from last year, the young man Luke Kuechly. After Luke had a monster game, I decided I just loved him.  

However, the way I love him is like a momma lioness loves her cubs. He can stay in my spare bedroom, I'd tuck him in at night, and I'd make all his favorite foods (his NFL salary can cover the grocery bill it takes to feed a linebacker). And then I realized I had crossed yet another threshold into adulthood. Because my first thought was not: "I could be his girlfriend," it was: "I want to take care of him and make lunch." 

I Dreamed a Dream

My dream last night was so incredibly awesome that I just have to share.
I was drafted in the first round for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers as their offensive coordinator. It was a complete surprise for several reasons.

1. I was the only female selected in the entire draft.
2. The offensive coordinator is not a drafted position and once again, I was the only offensive coordinator selected.
3. I clearly have no experience in this position at all yet here I was being thrust into a high level executive position.

Anyway, I excelled at this job. Like, kicked some serious ass. So somehow I was working with my Panthers in the same executive position. And the Panthers', the entire team, adored me like I was their den mom. They treated me as a cool female cousin but yet they still all wanted to protect me and did everything I said with a "yes ma'am." I was still married to Mike and we had gotten married in the Panther's press box and all the guys were lining up to take their picture with me on that spot because they loved me that much.

Like I said, it was so incredibly awesome.

2012 Recap

Ok, I know it's a cliche to do a best of/year in review, but I had some big life events (with pictures!) so i feel the need to share. The cliff notes version of my 2012:

Went to the Kentucky Derby:

best bachelorette party ever!

Married the love of my life

the date, the venue and the happiest couple in the world all in one picture

with the best bridal party possible

the people that mean the most to us

and the coolest groom's cake ever

it was the talk of the reception!

I turned 30

Yep. 30. 

 Then we went to Costa Rica on our honeymoon: 

my favorite honeymoon picture

I started graduate school:

My first 1st day of school photo. Look how adorable I am! 

Became an aunt

Look how beautiful she is!

Went to a Panthers' game

too bad the Panthers didn't show up that night

and started 2 new library jobs:

We mean it when we ask "please don't re-shelve the books." Seriously,  don't put them back.

All in all, a very big and happy year for me! It was definitely busy, but overall wonderful. Hopefully 2013 is just as wonderful!

Here's one last picture for the year: 

Happiest day of my life

Happy New Years!

Next Year

My husband is a die hard (long suffering) Browns fan.  And since I love my husband, I cheer right along side of him, unless they are playing Panthers. All bets are off when they are playing my Panthers, but that is   unlikely since they are in different conferences.

Anyway, one of the first things I learned as a Browns fan is the phrase "there's always next year." After watching my husband cringe and shake his head while watching games, I've used it a decent amount. But it can only go so far as to comforting, especially if it is the beginning of the season..

The other day were watching a game and the Browns were, well, the Browns. 

me: It's ok honey, there's always next year.
mike: It IS next year!

So it looks like I have a few more things to lean as a Browns fan. Like, that "there's always next year" is a 2nd half of the season phrase. Duly noted.

Fatten Up

Mike and I were watching the Panthers/Falcons game at a sports bar with some friends, and the Panthers made a play that the whole place started cheering and clapping, ourselves included. Then I hear this loud "PING" of some kind of metal hitting the floor, and out of the corner of my eye I see that that ping was Mike's wedding band FLYING OFF HIS HAND.

I see my husband leap up, his ring land under a bar stool, so I stand there and be helpful by pointing at it my mouth agape and clutching my chest. Within a matter of 30 seconds he has his ring back on his finger and he's back to sitting down, meanwhile, I'm still clutching my chest and nearly hyperventilating breathing a billion sighs of relief.

If this happens again we'll have to get his ring re-sized. Or I could just try to fatten him up by using more butter.  Either way it better not come off again!

Oil spill

Last night I was cooking dinner like I normally do and as I was getting the olive oil out of the cupboard, the cap came off on my hand (it must not have been on very tight) and the bottle slipped from my grasp.  The bottle hit the counter top then the floor, where the glass, almost full bottle broke and emptied it's contents all over my kitchen floor.

The first thing I tell Mike to do is keep the dogs away, there's broken glass on the floor but we also don't want them to investigate and get their paws coated in oil and track it through the house.  Eventually we end up crating them just because we just couldn't keep them away.

Well, neither one of us knows how to clean up a spill this big, so I gingerly walk over to the computer (I have oil spattered on my feet too) and google search how to clean an olive oil spill. I clicked on this really wordy solution that was way more like to hear themselves talk than actually tell me how to clean. But I was able to pick out the key word corn starch and could figure out what to do from there without having to read the rest of the jabbering.

By now Mike has picked up the large glass chunks and the shards have been swept up as well, but we've also been sweeping the oil around too. I gingerly walk around the kitchen island, awkwardly grab the corn starch, and proceed to dump it all over my kitchen floor, much to the complete and utter glee of my inner child. I stepped right in the cornstarch puddle to soak up the oil from my feet, and resumed cooking while we waited for the rest oil to soak up. (it was draft night for both my fantasy teams, there was a schedule to keep!)

Then 5 minutes later must have I decided the mess wasn't big enough so I fumbled and emptied the box of spaghetti over the kitchen floor too! I mean, what the hell? How on earth did I manage to make not one, but two epic messes in the span of 5 minutes?  I look at the spaghetti strewn around my floor on top of the cornstartch layer with my mouth agape, and I look up to see my husband with the exact same look.

And with that, he says: "you are NOT allowed to drink during the draft tonight."
Agreed.

Smack talk

My neighbor had some friends over the weekend and they all brought their dogs over as well. Which, whatever, we have dogs, the neighbor has dogs and there's a fence to give boundaries and keep everyone with 4 legs and a wagging tail safe. 

When we let the dogs out after they ate, both Bailey and Jules ran to the fence to investigate the new people and dogs.  And Bailey's way of greeting (both dogs and humans) is a "bark head off first think later" approach.  Which riles up her sister, and now we have two spazztastic dogs who can't be distracted and won't come back to the house when called, even with the lure of tasty treats.   And two spazztastic dogs in full spazztastic mode can be somewhat dangerous because it has lead to fights and someone inevitably ends up hurt. So Mike and I navigate the minefield known as the backyard to pull the girls back from the fence and into the house.
So here we are, trying to get our dogs back under our control and we toss a hello to the people in that I would stop and talk to you but you can clearly see that I've got something else going on and you understand why we're not stopping to shoot the breeze sort of way.  When one of the guys sees that Mike is wearing a Browns T-shirt (which is the status quo here since that's 80% of his t-shirt collection), his way of greeting us over the barking and spazzing is to announce that he was going to invite us over to have a beer until he saw the Browns shirt.

Which, really? It's not that I don't get sports rivalries and that I've never teased someone based on their sports affection (case in point, my husband is a Browns fan, teasing is nothing knew here). But really, that's the way you say hello to people you haven't actually even met, sports ball busting? We don't know you, and he's a guest at our neighbors home with no real invite rights to begin with in the first place.

And while I know really nothing to get my panties in a twist about, I still thought that this guy using a sports jab in place of a hello made him an asshole.

football wife

me: Hey, isn't he (the kicker) franchised?
mike: Yeah. He's been there since '99, when the team started.
me: Hey, aren't you proud of me for knowing that?
mike: Yes!

Mike couldn't have asked for a better football wife! 

know your audience

Last night
mike (excitedly): do you know what tomorrow is?
my first thought was: holy crap 1 month from the wedding! 
Then I realized who my audience was. And said out loud:
me: NFL draft day!
mike: YES!!!!

Oh yeah, he knows I'm a keeper!

Elves

Because I work retail, I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to get much time off for Christmas.  At least, enough time to travel to Kentucky.  So it's a quiet Christmas of just me and Mike and our girls this year.  Well, quiet enough when Mike isn't cursing at his video game.  However, I did get Christmas Eve off.  And that happened to be the last home game of my Carolina Panthers, so Mike got me tickets to the game for Christmas.

If you had told me 5 years ago, maybe even 3, that I would receive, let alone be the one asking for football tickets I would have laughed at you.  And had you told me that I would be so excited and have a blast at the game I would have laughed even harder.  And yes, Mike knows how lucky he is that he found a woman who likes football.  And to make the Christmas gift even better, he got us seats 9 rows from the field. I know! 

And, because what kind of holiday would it be if I didn't put my dogs in some sort of costume, I clearly ignored my rational side and made each of them wear the Santa suit. And snapped pictures. So without further ado, I give you my helper elves:   

Naughty list: Bailey still hates the Santa suit.
(and is way protective of her stocking)

And:

Nice list: Jules was much more willing to don the suit.
(there were treat bribes involved)

A grad school letter, a super duper fun football game, and my two elves.  Christmas 2011 has been pretty good!

Merry Christmas! 

Football boyfriends

This year I'm in 3 fantasy football leagues, which includes my ladies league that's in it's 5th year. In two of those leagues, I have Aaron Rodgers, who has been bad ass this year and I looooooove him. But in my other league I have Drew Brees, who I have always loved.  Not that I've ever had him until this year, mind you. But I have loved him since our first year of fantasy football. And here's why.

In our first year it was a tight game between me and Jeanne. By Monday afternoon I was winning by 5 points, but all my players had played.  Jeanne has Drew Brees (pre Saints maybe?) in the Monday night game.  Not being that into football yet, I figured I had this game lost and went to bed.  Jeanne however, stayed up to watch the game and to watch her victory.

That particular game Brees had one of his worst games, getting sacked a few times and throwing a few interceptions, and he only scored Jeanne 3 something points in fantasy football, thus gaining me another win.

The next days smack talk:
jeanne: Drew Brees is dead to me.
me: I love Drew Brees! 

Dream Woman

me: Hey there's a thanksgiving cooking class this weekend as the groupon. Do you want to do it with me?
mike: Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. When is it?
me: There's one Saturday and Sunday, at 2 pm.
mike: Which of those days work better for you?
me: I'm off (work) both those days, so either or.
mike: What time was the one on Sunday?
me: 2 pm
mike: Ok. Lets d---
me: Wait, lets do the Saturday one. Cause 2 pm Sunday is football.
mike: Yes! I was just going to say that!
me: I know what's important baby.
   

But Then We Wouldn't Get Quiche

This year, I'm in 3 different fantasy football leagues.  I know, right?  I don't play sports with balls or teams and here I am now with three different teams.  It's crazy.  The two new ones this year are in leagues with Mike, but my original ladies only league is in it's 5th year and still going strong.

There are only two rules that have been in place since the beginning.  One: all women. And 2: no asking the boyfriend/husband for help. We've never traded, we can remember some of our guys from years past, but rarely do we remember if they were actually any good or not, and our picking "strategy," is sometimes based on critical factors such as hotness levels and names. My first year I picked Trent Green as a backup QB solely because I think he's soooo good looking.* I didn't even know (care) what team he played for at the time (and still don't).    

Since fantasy football is such an ingrained part of football culture now, many bars/restaurants offer special deals to groups that have their your draft there.  However, one thing we've always had at our live drafts, is brunch.  Seriously.  One year everyone seemed to bring some sort of bread, another was fruit-type things, and another was egg/quiche dishes.  The topic of moving the draft location to a restaurant was broached last year, but Jeanne voiced what we were all thinking: But then we wouldn't get quiche.

This is the first year we didn't do an in person draft though. There's so many schedules to work with and not all of us live close, so it's actually pretty amazing that we have been able to coordinate an in-person the years before. And while we still did a live draft online, it just wasn't the same.  Mainly because it was a Tuesday night, Mike made pizza for dinner, and the draft was done in a little over an hour.  It was just funny how the part we missed the most was the brunch.

*My fiance looks a little like Trent Green.  It works for both of us. He loves football so he doesn't mind me having a few** football crushes (too much).
** Aaron Rodgers received the coveted football husband spot.  Boyfriends are: Cam Newton, DeAngelo Williams, (Panther love), Ray Rice if he keeps putting up awesome numbers, and that Deion Sanders kid circa the 1990's.

First Round

Happy NFL draft day!  Ok, so I'm not as excited about that as say, dr soc is, but at least my Panthers have first pick! Wait. 

I don't really care about the draft at all.  But dr soc really really does.  He can't live without NFL football and since he's a long suffering Browns fan, his team usually has one of the first few picks in the draft.  This is their moment!  (Because I love my boyfriend I also cheer for the Browns now too.  I've already learned the most important phrase of being a Browns fan: there's always next year.)  So when I say he's excited, he's super excited.  You know how I took off running down the bubble of tulle path?  It's something like that for him, only with less squealing and no need for deposits.   

Anyway, he's cleaning up after dinner last night and talking all excited about draft day and I'm just uh-huhing like you do.  But he made some joke about how awesome it would be if he had the connections to select me in the draft as his wife.  Which, hell yeah!  I actually want that moment to be fairly private and really just between us (and maybe the dogs), but how freaking awesome would that be?  With the 6th pick of the nfl draft dr soc picks Sarah to be his wife.  Total awesomesauce. 

Because the ring hasn't come in yet and I know there are too many strings that have to be pulled for that to even be possible, it definitely got me thinking: I better be a first round pick!

Draft day!

It's fantasy football time baby! Woot!

Since it's all women in this league, sometimes we wonder how/if our draft is different then our guys' drafts. I imagine there are some differences. Like how someone picked Tom Brady the first year solely because he was "dirty hot" and not because he's a good quarterback. Or that we used the message boards to say "thanks for hosting Jeanne!" Or to post the recipe for someone's breakfast tart as well.

Maybe the fact that we have brunch with draft day is probably a big difference too huh? The first year we drafted, I made muffins the night before I drove up and my ex (who I was living with at the time) could not comprehend why I was doing so.

me: What do you mean why am I making muffins for draft day? We're doing brunch too.
x: Yeah, but why?
me: You told me these things last hours! We'll need food. What, do you guys not eat?
x: Well, maybe a guy will bring a bag of chips or something. We'll order pizza if we can get so-and-so to chip in.
me: Lame. My draft already sounds better.
x: Yeah...but how do you do have brunch and draft?
me: Really? It's not that hard to coordinate, you tell everyone to bring a brunch thing when you send the invite out.
x: You do invites?
me: Oh god.

Four years later, we're still doing brunch, it's still all women, and the number one rule is still no asking the SO for help/input. I came in second place last year (woot!), even though my quarterback was a joke last year. Oh, and I still have no idea what off-sides is. Nor do i really care to find out. Who cares?

Bring it ladies!

The Football

Guess who was undefeated and ranked number one in her league? That's right. My boys, aka, Spazzy's Bitches. (What? I love my team name)

I don't have the highest amount of points, but I have the most wins. I'm actually 3rd overall in terms of points. But even though I got my ass kicked this week (grrrr), I'm still at 5-1-0, and the next highest wins would be 4-2-0 (does anyone ever tie in football?). So I think I've got this lead for another week. Woo-HOO!

Of course, now that I'm all boastful, and my winning streak has been ruined, I'm sure I'm going to have a litany of sissy injuries, suspensions and arrests and I'll be scrambling to find back-ups for my back ups. And it's not like I've actually watched a game or anything though. I just check the rankings, know who's playing and post some smack talk.

Here's a snippet of my smack talk for your snarking pleasure:

• (when I was playing against Romo) "Hey Romo! how 'bout you break that pinky again?"
• "Bye weeks can blow me" (damn me for picking 3 Bears. Same team = same bye week = lot's 'o backups (or as I call them, the not good enoughs))
• (Chad Ocho Cinco didn't score super high so I benched him one week). "That's right Ocho, I benched you. When you score higher I'll consider putting you back on the big boys team."
• (then he had a great week I put him back in) "Fine chad, you can play, but let's put your money where your mouth is shall we?"
• (during a reeealy close game): I'm up by .43 points, my defense against her wide receiver. I want her guy out and I want BLOOD!
• Yo, injuries, you're on notice. I don't want "possible."
• Chad! you constantly get our performed by a guy on the bench. why do I continuously put my fait in you?
• Hey bitches, I really like my lead. Let's keep in there m'kay?
  

Admit it, you're snickering the thought of me being sassy/screechy/bitchy and demanding violence. I'm having a freaking blast so far. Football is fun!

Weekend Fun

I have a new love. And it's in the form of a pill.

I partied a bit more that I was use to this weekend. I went to Cleveland for my fantasy football draft. And boy did we have a rip roaring good time. We had dinner on a patio then did a little bar hopping. I started with bourbon and coke (which, waaay more expensive in Ohio), then moved onto to 2 pomegranate martinis, and then back to a manhattan. So, also, waaaay more then my two drink happy as well.

When we got to the second place, I kept hearing about how beautiful the bathroom was. And I had to go anyway, so I teeter on down in my heels (which were sparkly and fabulous btw). Upon walking in, I realize it really is the prettiest bathroom I've ever been in. So I do a full 360 turn in my sparkly shoes and say/squeal out loud:

"Oh this is a pretty place!" Failing to realize there were other people in the stalls hearing me talk to myself. (Meh, what do I care, I'm in Cleveland, three drink happy and wearing fabulous shoes.) It was so pretty that I had to take a picture of it:

blurry picture taken with my cell phone.

(blurry due to quality of cell phone camera and also intoxication level of the picture taker)

In case you can't tell what you're looking at, that's a unicorn! The other color blobs are fairies. And then due to my level of inebriation I sent this text to a friend: Im in the prettiest bathroom ive dver sfen. Also im drunkk (misspellings and all). (Sorry dude- apparently I drunk text now. This has FAIL written all over it).

So anyway, the rest of the night was fuzzy except for the puking. Yeah, I was totally parting like it was 2007. I ended up puking by the side of my friend's garage. Meanwhile, as I was doing so, there was a debate if my hair was long enough to hold back so as not to get in my way. Turns out, it's too short to really hold back, but just long enough to still get caught in the crossfire.

Then next day was draft day. I woke up with dragon breath, a sloshy stomach and felt like an elephant was sitting on my forehead. And I did not take this well, so I was whining. My friend Michele asked if I had taken anything for my woes. I'm laying prone on the couch, hand draped over my eyes and say, I would take something, but it has to come to me. (aka, hell no I'm not moving). She leaned over the 3 inches toward the coffee table and places the Excedrin migraine bottle in my hand. Yes, I really was that princessy.

Fifteen minutes, one pill, 4 glasses of water, a cup of coffee and a few (hundred) donut holes later, I was moving around, headache almost gone and ready to draft up a storm. I was about 80% by that point. Though I picked my two running backs and quarter back with the exact same bye week, so, oops. My guess is that I stayed at 80%.

But no matter, I decided the new love is Excedrin migraine. Yes, I'm in love with a pill.

Don't judge