Buckle up

Doomsday. The apocalypse. Tribunal of penance.
Inauguration day is here. GULP.

Okay, so, as much as I want to see that misogynistic asshole fail spectacularly, that would mean the country we all live in would suffer the same fate. Okay, fine, don't fail spectacularly.
But if he's removed from office, we get villain-face Pence...and that's pretty scary. Scarier than the inexperienced clown in office, because this guy has experience and it pretty much anti-everything. So no villain face in power either.
Which leaves us the Speaker of the House: Ryan. Also scary, but in a prettier/younger package to make him more palatable for the general public.

Well these options suck. I guess the best thing I can hope is Congress stays on the obstructionist path and nothing gets done the next 4 years (please, please, please 4 years).  So while we're no better off-at least we're not back in 1954.  

God help us all.

2016 Election Thoughts

I am pretty horrified by the 2016 election results. Actually, scared shit-less is a better description.
I know my husband and I will be okay. We're a white/Asian heterosexual legally recognized married college educated couple. We both have careers and insurance through our employers. But what about my LGBTQ friends? What about my extended family who is uninsured? What about the disabled and all the other same groups of people I don't know? What about my daughter? What the hell kind of world are we leaving her?

A demagogue. A racist. A xenophobe. A misogynist. That. That scares the hell out of me. And it should scare the hell out you too.

And I'm angry. I get that people just hate Clinton, whether it's she's establishment, not your party, don't agree with her record, etc. But you couldn't accept this devil you know is far better (and safer choice) than the devil you don't? And though I vehemently disagree with you, I accept that you have a reason for your choice. But don't defend the demagogue president-elect's rhetoric and behavior. Defending is accepting and allows the stance that anyone who isn't a rich-white-man is less than and doesn't matter as much. And that should be unacceptable behavior for a human being.

And to those of you who assuaged your conscious and voted for a 3rd party or write-in I hope you feel at least some sort of shame too. Because even though you may be happy you didn't didn't vote for either evil, your protest vote was not a vote for Clinton and she needed numbers. And while I know her supporters needed to show up at the polls too, splitting the vote is simple math and helped put that orange asshole into power.  

I proudly voted for Clinton, so I'm dismayed at the election results. And for a small bit of levity for this terrified post, I'm also pretty disappointed there won't be a taco truck on every corner either.  

Overwhelmed

I don't know how and even if I'm handling everything. Between the two jobs (almost full time work), and full time grad school, I'm tired. A lot. And I'm just getting more and more tired as the semester continues.

First let me say I love what I'm doing. I love both my library jobs. I can even get a little bit (I do mean little) of reading done for school at one of them, which is awesome. I mean, I'm getting paid while doing my school work, not to mention I just like being in the library in general. I love what I'm going to grad school, and the career that I'll have. I like my classes, everything is really applicable so I understand things, and part of me wishes I could be in classes forever if it meant that I would always be learning. (minus the debt and no free time thing)

But it's still a balancing act.  Keeping up with my reading and due dates. Trying (and quite honestly failing) to fit a run in (god this half* is going to hurt). Walking the dogs so they loose the extra weight (the good news though is that Jules is down almost a full lb, so the walks are working). I've realized that there is always something to be done, some reading, some project, and I'm just going to have to push past the tiredness and work my ass off for the next 2 years.

But the overwhelmed feeling comes pretty quickly. An upcoming deadline and getting little work done before it stresses me out. Knowing I have to work ahead when I'm already behind. And what used to be a simple task, such as starting a load of laundry before I head off to work, or even what to make for dinner, throws me into a complete tail spin of stress and woe. And whenever someone mentions anything fun that I want to do, my first thought is sadly, I won't have the time for that. But oh well, that's life for me this moment. I just have to get over being overwhelmed and just soldier through like every other person trying to make it through life.

*I dropped to the half marathon in Savannah instead of the full marathon since I wasn't getting in the runs for a full.  But I still have to train for the half regardless.

Hidden Meanings

My facebook status today: there are 32 days until the wedding. Yes. I'm counting.
What I meant: there are 32 days until the wedding. rsv fcking p bitches.

I did get 14 likes. And then an rsvp later in the evening.  But of those 14 likes, 5 of those punks haven't officially rsvped. Sigh 

Grey or Gray? Either Way, It's Not My Favorite Color

Apparently being too terrified to get the mail and doing nothing but worrying about getting into grad school was too much for Mike to handle.  So he made me call the grad school for my admission status this morning since classes start in a month.

I was right to be worried.

Someone in the grad school office looked up my name and the reason the decision was taking so long.  And then I talked to her supervisor to explain things. I was told that a decision has been made, but there are still some questions about my gpa.  So my application has been forwarded to the department head's attention.  Who is in Dallas the rest of this week and not looking at my application. So as of this moment, my admission status is still in a "gray area."

That? Is not a yes. It's not a no either, but... it's not a yes.

This has to be based on my uc gpa. Because my uk cumulative gpa was a 2.9.  I have nothing to show for my 6 years at uc except a low gpa.  And there is nothing I can do to change that.  So now I'm just wishing and hoping and praying that cincinnati hasn't kept me from something I want once again.  Last year when I walked at my graduation, I believed I had finally triumphed over that school.  I had nothing to be embarrassed about anymore. I could hold my head high and say I earned this, and cinci couldn't take anything away from me anymore.  I should have known better.

Needless to say, I'm even more anxious now.  I've said that I would apply again and look into other programs if it didn't happen this year.  But if my gpa is the reason for their hesitancy, there's nothing I can do to change that and this is just going to keep coming up, no matter what school I apply to.  I'm still at the mercy of other people's acceptance.  

Gray sucks.

Paper

I? Am seriously going nuts waiting to hear about my admission status from grad school. My nerves are litteraly shot to hell just waiting.
Yeah I knew I would have to wait and I have to be patient.  And school starts in just over a month.  But what really sent me over the edge into crazy-wait was when I received an email from financial aid saying I needed to update something.  I had sent in my fafsa the day before in a move to be prudent (though I really didn't want to because I'm terrified I jinxed something by doing so).  I can check my financial status by using my university id which they gave me in the email, and then find out my pin once I logged in with my university id. 

An university id! You shouldn't get one of those if you're not a student, right?  RIGHT???  I log on, get my pin, and then proceed to clink link after link to become even more confused and a babbling mess about my status.  Because while I can be found in the university directory, when I tried to see what classes were available to me, I was told in bold print I am not listed as a student for any terms. Wha? On top of that, a few days before the financial aid email, I received the graduate school newsletter in the mail.  who do they send that to?  The graduate students? Anyone who applied?  Way to tease.  

And as crazy as I'm going, (just ask mike, I'm a bundle of anxiety) I'm too terrified to call the admissions office to find out my status.  I can't handle them telling me no.  I can't handle hearing you aren't good enough. Because I have heard it before, and it traumatized me. I got stuck spinning my wheels for 3 years because I didn't get a piece of paper.  And now another piece of paper seems to be the key in deciding my fate.

I really hope that I'm completely over reacting and that it's my impatience getting the best of me.   That really is the best case senario that I'm working myself into a tizzy for nothing. I'll apply again if I have to, and I'm poking around of another (accredited) program North Carolina.  All I need is that piece of paper.  But I'm still anxious as hell all the same.

Brick wall

I expected thing to be hard with my dad.  And they are.  But you deal with it.  You adjust to a new lifestyle and you keep going.  But it is what it is.  My dad is mentally in a place that he can't take care of himself, and his reality isn't exactly the same plane as mine and the rest of us. But, oh well.  He's still my daddy, I will always love him, and I will enjoy the time I have left with him.

What I didn't expect, was the problems in dealing with my mother.  It's now been a year since the official diagnosis and she's still throwing herself a big 'ol pity party, feeling sorry for herself  that her husband isn't what he used to be. I know it's hard.  But she needs to put on her big girl pants and get over it.  Dealing with her and trying to get her to do things, I'm throwing myself against a brick wall.  But I can't let up or else my dad is the one that suffers the consequences of her (in)actions.

Yeah it's tough, my dad's disease and watching someone you love decline.  I expected that.  But I didn't expect mom to make things harder.  And that's what makes this whole situation even worse.

Marathon Reality

I just signed up to run my first Marathon. November 5, 2011, Savannah, Ga.  It's a Rock and Roll series race, so it should be a lot of fun.
Umm, yeah, I'm nervous.  But hey, I'm going to do it!
So. Savannah, here I run!

Away We Go!

I've already oozed some of my kitchen and memento things to my Charlotte house via previous visits there or the dr soc express. So now all I need to take with me are:

Clothes? Check.
Girly bathroom stuff? Check.
School stuff that I may need in the future? Check
Dog stuff? Check?
Dog: Sedated and motion sickness pilled? Check!
Nerves? Check!

Well ok then. Charlotte here we come!

Higher Education

I just confirmed my appointment to take the GRE. ::eep::

Yep, I want to go to grad school. I wasn't sure if I would want to go back to school again after doing the same thing almost 2 years ago. But after working in a library it's pretty much only a matter a time that you want to be a librarian yourself.

However, to be a librarian you need to have a Masters in Library Science (sometimes it's masters of library and information science depending on the program). Masters means grad school. Which means I need to take the GRE (among many other things).

I found an accredited library school program in Charlotte which is what spurred the decision to at least try for it. I'm putting all my eggs in one basket since this is the only program I'll be applying to. But I have to try. And taking the GRE is one of the first steps in doing so.

Holy crap. I'm doing this.