Feel the burn

As someone who has completed a full marathon (and couldn't walk to prove it) and enough half marathons to loose count on occasion (7. I think 7), I know a few things about working out. I love yoga, dancing like a fool is so fun and runners high are great. Achieving fitness goals and working out are things to be proud of. I'm totally for being active, taking care of oneself and having a healthy lifestyle, especially now that I am a parent.

But god people, I so. don't. care. about your workouts.

You signed up for a race? Awesome! You can fit into a smaller size after working on that for months? Wonderful! Quit smoking 3 years ago? Rock on! Hell, even I've posted about getting stuck in my sports bra, because flailing around like a T-rex is hilarious.

But: Mention you got up at 4 am again to use your favorite treadmill at the gym? Ran 4.13 miles on run keeper? Announce you're 17 days into your wheat grass/acacia berries/organic unicorn hair-diet lunch? Instagramed the kettle bells that were "torture but OMG soooo worth it?" And posted some little workout quip along the lines of sweat is fat crying leaving your body- all within 12 hours?

STFU.

Nothing Kinda

coworker: Oh, we kinda match.
me: What? We're both wearing blue?
coworker: No, our hands, our rings.
me: Umm, sure, ok...

me in my head: No our rings definitely don't match. they don't even kinda match. Why? Because my rings are my wedding band and engagement ring from my 32 year old husband, and your ring, is a promise/class ring you wear on your ring finger from your 21 year old boyfriend of 2 months.
Soooo, no. Our rings don't match.

Cuts

Some other couple had a speedy wedding at my venue last weekend.  Which means I'm not the first wedding there anymore.  And surpisingly, I'm a little hurt by this.

By being the first wedding, I was a forgiving and knew that there was a learning curve with the venue.  Communication wasn't great at first and Mike wanted to forgo the deposit and find anyother venue he was so fed up. (We didn't since I was wasn't going to start weddin gplanning all over again. And our save the dates were already sent out). 

I didn't know I liked being the first wedding there so much. Now that it won't be mine.  I feel like I did all the legwork and was the learning curve.  Like I was practice, and this couple just swooped in and took a cut in line.

The bright side is that hopefully things will run a little smoother for us since the venue will have a better idea of what to do wedding day.  Not as many first time jitters for them.  And I know my wedding will still be special and wonderful no matter what, because it's my wedding.  No matter if I'm the 1st or 1000th bride there. It's still my wedding. And there's nothing I can do to change this so I'll have to get over it.  But I'm still pouting just a little. 

Logic

I look young.  I'm used to peoples' initial shock, but most people don't care that much and move on to other more important things.  Other people, it blows thier 'effing mind.  So they keep harping on how young I look.  And that's when I tend to get a little annoyed and/or snarky.
Like I was to one of my coworkers. He sits across for me during a break and opens with:

dude: So, I'm, like, still trying to figure out how you're 29.
me: I was born in 1982. That's how.

Shocking

Fall finally arrived! Which means one thing:

The season of every time I get in or out of my car a bolt of static electricity runs through my fingers and up my arm.

I mean, what gives? It doesn't mater if I touch the plastic or metal of the door, if I'm wearing cotton or wool, I'm with or without gloves, if it's raining, snowing or perfectly pleasant out side. I open the door and zap! That telltale crack sounds and I get shocked.

Does anyone else have this problem? No? Just me? Ok then.

Quirky

You know how everyone has at least a few little habits that may annoy you? Nothing deal breaking, but stuff like leaving your shoes in front of the door, humming while getting ready, drumming your fingers on the counter top, just little things here and there.

I know I do a few things that annoy my darling dr soc. Like never remembering to lock the doors behind me. Or how I refuse to shop at Walmart but call Target my happy place. And he absolutely hates when I say "whatev," oh my god that drives him batty!

And yeah, he has own little quirks that are distinctly him, but none of those annoy me!

Well, that, that annoys me. So there's that.

Boys are Easy

I used to be really good at getting boys. Some, all it took was a smile and they fell in my lap. Others I had to lay a little ground work and play hard to get. But eventually, 85% of them fell under my spell.

When you are a pretty 22 year old college student with a personality, getting a boyfriend is not super hard. And you would think a pretty 27 year old college student with a personality and no kids, it wouldn't be that hard to get another one. But umm, this really isn't the case now.

(I know, I know, bitching about it is not going to make anything happen. Also, it's annoying)

I was lamenting to a friend: sigh, I used to be really good at this boy thing. She responded, boys are easy. And then I figured out:

Boys are easy. It's when you grow up and want a man it starts getting harder.

Seriously, I Just Don't Care

Part of my lab homework was to write a procedure for the experiment we did. Which at first sounded a bit daunting. But my TA said this will be one of the only times we write our own procedures. This is just a welcome to chemistry lab get your feet wet sort of thing.

So, no biggie really. I plot out a few steps, (Do a, b, c, voila I'm done), I write it so a first grader could do it and type it up. And we can edit them after we get them reviewed, so everything's fine.
Before we got to leave though, we had to each talk to our TA. Once again, fine. We lined up like good boys and girls, moving along swiftly. Until the girl in front of me. She's all riled up about something. I only caught snippets (because I wasn't paying attention), but she was getting her short shorts in a twist. Something about how no one's explained how to do this, the lab book didn't give any examples, and how was she supposed to get this right if she didn't know how to do it? So now she's going to have a bad grade and it's the entire chemistry department's fault. OK.

• First: it's not worth that many points, this will barely be a blip on your over all score.
• Two: the rest of us in this lab received the same amount of instruction as you did (not much) and managed to complete the assignment panties untwisted.
• Three, suck it up honey, this is college and no one's going to hold your hand through it.
• And four: is that a purple feather in your hair? What the hell? Like I'll ever take you seriously now.

I'm still annoyed at her as I get on the bus to go home 15 minutes later. And to add insult to annoyance, there was this old biddy was yelling conversationally to the driver. I had my i-pod turned up all the way and could still hear her clear as a bell. I wanted to yell at her: "SHUT your word hole! Shut it!"

So you know what I learned today? The combination of heat, humidity, hormones and age have contributed to the destruction of my tolerance level. Fortunately, when I came home Bailey attacked me with kisses, and that seemed to make things right.

Curse of the Math Class

I must have some sort of curse when it comes to math classmates.

Spring semester was the loud mouth breather. It annoyed and skived me out. And another slightly (slightly because mouth breathing on my neck is the trump card) annoying habit was that he would extend his legs way past his desk; clearly encroaching my personal area. (though mouth breathing clearly violates that bubble already)

This math class the guy behind me isn't a huge step up. While he doesn't skive me out with the moth breathing, he still somewhat annoys me. Dude sends at least 5 text a class so I can hear the click-click-clacking of the keypad directly behind me (probably because he's using my back as a visual shield), and he does the leg stretching thing too. And when he's super bored in class (and I'm assuming that's often because of all the text he sends) he heaves these sighs of exasperation. Not super loud to be rude, but I can feel those on my back. And it's summer and occasionally I will wear a tank top.

How do I pick the seats that put these people behind me?

I could move to the back of the class, but I'm a nerd and I sit closer to the front. And plus, I don't care for the back row of desks, ever since I was a kid. Since we were arranged alphabetically I was typically in the back row of the class. And being a very small kid, this was problematic, because I had to stand up to see the chalk board. And your tush is supposed to stay in your seat, so I was torn between my compulsion to follow the rules or being able to see around the ginormous kids in the front row. This probably is one of the main reasons I want my married name in the top half of the alphabet.

Stupid questions

You know that saying there is no such thing as a stupid question? That's a LIE. There are totally stupid questions, and a lot of them too.

I've mentioned I get math. Yay me. But there are a lot of people who do not get it quite as inherently as I do, and need to ask questions. That's fine, ask if you don't understand. Those questions are not stupid. What is though, is that these people who ask, 9 times out of 10 it's because they were too busy texting during class to pay attention. So the question's usually something the teacher just went over.

If you need to learn this stuff, pay 'effing attention! You should try to do that anyway, but even more so if you have a hard time with the concept to begin with. And honestly, how important can you be 19-year-old that your bff cant wait another hour for your response to their "what r u doing 2nite" text (I've mentioned I hate text speak too, yes?). You are wasting my class time with your personal life. And that is not what my tuition covers.

PS people, putting your phone on vibrate sometimes is even more annoying then a ring. It's not exactly silent either when it vibrates and thumps everything around it. Plus the clicky clacky noises coming from the keypad, people can hear that too. So it's not even like you're doing anything on the sly.

Eww

I got out of class a few minutes early today (btw, math teachers in general, amuse me) so I was flip-flopping as fast as I could to the bus stop, hoping I could catch it. Yesterday I literally missed it by seconds, I was on the wrong side of the street and saw it go by. Obviously, I have to cross the street, and I need to cross 2 to get to this particular stop (UK steps for those of you that know campus). These are not streets you mosey across, you wait at the cross walk or risk being hit. There were 2 guys, one of them much older than me, in a golf cart right next to crosswalk button. Since I didn't see the been-pressed-light on, I assumed I had to press the button**. But in order to do so, I had to stand about 12" from the older guy.

Guy does a full body check of me. How do I know? Because he moved his entire head, and then stared at my chest (full coverage tshirt today people). Oh, and dude, I'm the one w/the sunglasses on, I can still see where your eyes are going.

I curled my lip in my snotty way and stepped away (there may have been a dismissive snort in there too). And there's the saying boys will be boys, and I know people will always laugh at dirty old men. But you know what? It's still gross and disrespectful.

**side note: pressing the button over and over does not make the light change any faster you ass clowns. The only thing it does is annoy the fck out of me and makes you look like a douche.

Gossipy gossipy

I've been wanting to take down my relationship status on facebook for a while now. I just want to leave the field blank, this has nothing to do with my crush for the record (how uber-creepy would it be if it did?). But facebook, being the gossipy 14 year old girl that it is, lets everyone you know anything you change.

Get a new friend: Sarah is now friends with so and so
Sarah updated her music preferences/contact information/schools, bla bla bla
Sarah has taken the what personality quiz are you

You get the point. Annoying. So if you change anything, even changing it to nothing, everyone will know. And just to add insult to injury, you know what facebook does when you change your relationship status? It puts a mthr fcking heart next to it (broken or intact depending which way you change).

Example: take down your engaged status and "Sarah is no longer listed as "engaged"" pops up with a broken heart next to it. Which helped my emotional turmoil, so, so, so much. Then when I listed myself as single: Sarah is listed as "single" with an intact heart. (because I was so hopeful about that?) If I change it to a non-existent status (which is what I want to do now), it will say: Sarah is no longer listed as single with a full heart next to it (just assume there facebook, just assume)

You know what it doesn't announce to the world though? If the person you're in a relationship with changed their status to single, or if someone un-friends you (which I have done to people-they had 300+ friends I don't think they noticed they were less 1. And also I didn't care about their stupid updates). It will "tell" everyone who person A is friends with that person A is no longer listed as in a relationship with person B. Except person B that is (they might get the status update if person A still has you as a "friend." So not only does facebook rub your face in your status, it also makes you look like a chump.

I learned my lesson, so I'm never changing anything ever again on it. My real friends know what's going on with me and that's what matters.

Leave a Message

Number one: I don't answer my phone if I don't know the number.

Two: my voice mail clearly says: "leave a message" (though nowhere do I say I'll get back to you)

So leave one if you want me to call you back, not that hard. And I'm not calling you back unless you do either.

I have 4 missed calls from a number I don't recognize. One at 5:45-ish, and then other 3 are around 7-ish, 7:40-ish and 7:55-ish. And of course no message to even tell me who they are. Part of me wants to call them back and say, who are you? And also ask, why they hell did you call 4 times? Did you think at some point that maybe just once you would get the person you actually wanted to reach? This had to be their thought process: Gee, I've dialed this number 3 times, and I keep getting this Sarah person. Nah, I can't have the wrong number, the connection is just getting messed up somehow. I'm going to try again. Damn it! Sarah again!

When I first got my (old) new number, for a few weeks I kept getting calls for a Mikensy. And boy was she a party girl. I was not happy getting woken up at 3 am by drunk dial, and the slurring voice mail in the morning is not enjoyable either. One message leaver was all pissy because "I'm tryun to reash Mm'knseey, and yoorr Sharah." It was a crappy way to start my day. But I guess they left a message, so they got it partway right. I slurry "sorry for waking you up' would have been appreciated though.

I must have missed that day in a$$h0le school

Scene: blue Prius, 6:00 pm on a Friday night, rush hour traffic. Have been driving to Norfolk, VA for almost 9 hours by this point. Approaching bridge/tunnel/bridge combo to get into Norfolk. NPR is staticy and have already heard all the stories. Just want to reach destination 15 miles away (according to gps)

Gridlock isn't fun, but it's not something worth getting super mad about. It annoys me yes, but it's not like anyone is going to get anywhere any faster then the people around them stuck in traffic too. Well, I wasn't paying the closet of attention and the lane next to me was about to end. A car merged in front of me, not that big of a deal really.

But the car behind me thought differently, because they lay their horn, seriously pissed that I (gasp!) let some in, in this 5 mph traffic. I glanced back in my rear view mirror and they are flicking me off on top of the asshole honking.

So being the mature person that I am, I let another car (a full size Yucon no less) in. And when the asshat laid on their horn (like I knew they would), I flicked them off in return. And then creeped along the bridge along side everyone else.

You know, I think I'm a fairly nice person, but I'm pretty sure I was justified in being an asshole in that case.

Annoy Me

A few things that have annoyed me the past few weeks and the actions to fix these egregious offenses:

• The kid who sits directly behind me in math class is a mouth breather. And it's not like it's the only seat available. No he sits directly behind me. Mouth breathing. On my neck. Solution: punch him in the throat. (I'm not changing seats, I was there first (and getting better grades so there))
  
• The clumsy guy behind me in biology keeps shifting in his seat and kicking my chair. Solution: amputate his foot with my pen (I just moved down a couple chairs the next class)
  
• The kid who keeps getting 5 calls during a lecture and will not turn off the ringer despite getting 5 calls a class. Solution: shove phone up nose and then keep calling it (it's just funny to shove things up people's noses).
  
• Anyone who uses the word like more then 5 times in a sentence. Also uses text messaging lingo in real speaking. "OMG"- NO. Solution: DUCT TAPE (or throat punch)
  
• Tonya Harding's sausage-link she thinks are bangs. Solution: a flat iron and stylist who doesn't work out of a trailer.
• Kentucky weather. (14 degrees, 55 degrees, 20 degrees in 3 days. That ain't cool.) I know it's sporadic, that's just how it is. But it still annoys me. No solution really, just felt like bitching

Umm, no

I'm calling bull sh*t on her/this. I'm not denying that she's unfairly gorgeous now. But having braces and head gear for 3 years does not count as an "ugly duckling phase." Was there bad skin involved? How about baby fat that refused to come off? An ill advised haircut? And you know she was always tall and skinny and then one summer got boobs.

Because braces for 3 years? Does not make you an ugly duckling. It makes you a middle schooler. No one looked good in middle school. (and if you were one of those freaks who was, I hope you peaked in high school and you look like hell now. I am VERY bitter about my middle school looks)

Seriously, they were asking for it

I'm walking behind the slowest group ever today and I noticed something. The little twit in the middle was sagging their skinny jeans. Wtf mate? Because they are skinny jeans, the top part is straining to hold on across the bony thing's hips (and I don't know if it was a boy or girl either), the bottom of the pockets are half way down their thighs, and there's all sorts of unflattering business going on with the bunching. Skinny jeans are not supposed to bunch you idiot. And then to top it off, it's puffyish coat stops right at the small of it's back, so there's a good 8" of boxers (maybe a long t-shirt tucked in?) exposed (meh, don't know don't care).

I have never wanted to pants someone so bad in my life.

Focus people, focus

A bunch of us went to Cleveland this weekend for our good friend's baby shower. And one day I'll give more details on how it as a really fun and everything went off with out a hitch. (also why I've been MIA for a while, good times with friends scattered across the country take precedence over blogging. Oh and school started, so I have a hard time being all writey and witty when I have to do homework.)

But a quick note: this was a baby shower for the mom to be. Can you unfocus on yourself for a few hours and remember who you are celebrating? And that for once, it's really not about you. And while it wasn't really that bad, it just annoyed me that a few people couldn't do that.

Beyonce Annoys Me

"If you like it then shoulda put a ring on it." Shut up Beyonce. I had the ring. And it ruined everything.

That bitter aside, I don't think she's a bad singer. I don't think she's that great though. I think she's a bit all over the place voice range. Also, her fierce stage personality Sasha becasue she's shy herself is complete and utter bull poop. If you're shy and don't want the spotlight, stay out of it. Give it to someone who at least admits they're an attention whore. And why the hell is she soooo sexy? I admit she has a rocking body. But one thing I'll never get is her "dancing." Personally I think she looks like a fish flopping on dry land. And I think her robot glove is stupid also. I don't even want to know how much she spent on that useless "glove."

Why am I ripping on her? I'm crippled with envy of her success.

Suck It Clariol

I am a brunette. Which is a fancy word for plain brown. It's not dark brown, light brown, or auburn. Not walnut, not chocolate, chestnut, honey brown, copper brown, or mahogany. I don't have golden highlights or espresso low lights. I'm just plain brown.

I don't dye my hair, and I've been told my color is beautiful. I smile and say thank you, but I don't feel that way. I feel plain and unnoticed most of the time, unable to stand out or ever able to achieve bombshell status. And even if I did start dying my hair, I don't even know which direction to go, nor do I care paying for a professional or the upkeep either.

I guess what irks me is that I hardly ever hear anyone dying their hair brown (unless trying to cover the gray that is). It's always more blond or more red. Rarely is it more brown. I've heard of enhancing with hazelnut highlight and/or sable low lights. And when a blond star dyes their hair brown, it's always "for a role." Never because she wants to be brunette. And the press is overjoyed when she goes back to blond. You never hear "she's a bottle brunette." So does anyone willingly dye brunette? Not really, I think they just do that because they bitterly can't go blond or red. So they do the lightest brown they can find and then highlight the hell out of it.

Don't even get me started on eyes. Damn things are plain brown too.