What if...

What if things work with dr soc? Really work, like happily ever after work? Awesome right? He does and says all the right things. He makes me laugh. We're both falling in love with each other (Oh lets just admit that I am, I just haven't said anything yet for fear of not hearing it back), we have the same mindset on a lot of things, and it's like we have the same future picture painted in our heads. Sometimes I wonder holy crap, could this be any more aligned?

However, he isn't in his dream job (to say the least), and he wants to be in in a different field. Which I support because I see how frustrated he is currently and it sucks. And I want him to be happy and content with his position. So he's looking around like everyone else in the country is looking. (I'm poking around for full time positions as well because school won't last forever and I need some sort of income.) But his new position wherever and whenever it ends up being is going to relocate him.

So where do I stand in that? Do I even get one and if so when? Even though we're a couple, we're not a joined entity. He knows he could do a switch nowish because he doesn't have the family obligation or solid ties to Lexington. But I do. I'm not saying I'll never leave here, but I'm also not ready to think about the possibility of leaving either.

There are so many "what ifs" right now. I know I should be having this conversation with him and not the blogosphere. But it's too soon for that. Where's he going to go? Am I a factor in this choice? What if he asks me to go with him? Can I move again for another guy? What if he doesn't ask me? How bad would that heartache be? So many what ifs. Breaking my engagement completely changed my outlook on things. All things. And I can't help but wonder about that "if" and how big an impact things will or will not have.

I have the possibility of my dreams coming true. I've also got the possibility of getting my heart broken again. I can't rush either, no mater the outcome. (though if it's the latter, I would like it to happen sooner rather than later in order to heal sooner) But patience has never been my strong suit, so I start wondering what if and every possible situation to go along with it. And there's really not enough room in my head all of this.