Life truths

In honor of my 35th birthday, I present the life truths I stand by.

• A good pen will make or break your day.
• There is no such thing as a "quick trip to Ikea."
• You can never have too many coats.
• Never trust a female without female friends.
• Generic applesauce and oatmeal taste exactly like cardboard.
• Don't buy generic toilet paper. Ever.
• Always smell the milk first.
• Removing that stay hair bothering the crap out of you from your clothes is one of life's greatest victories.
• A person's use of spell check is a determining factor in friendship levels.
• Don't trust someone who doesn't have nice shoes.
• Pandas are assholes.
• White clothes are the ultimate stain magnet.
• Tupperware cannot be organized.
• Socks the dryer eats reincarnate as random Tupperware pieces.
• Wearing a dress or skirt with pockets automatically defaults to a good day.