Friday, July 14, 2017

Life truths

In honor of my 35th birthday, I present the life truths I stand by.

  • A good pen will make or break your day.
  • There is no such thing as a "quick trip to Ikea."
  • You can never have too many coats.
  • Never trust a female without female friends.
  • Generic applesauce and oatmeal taste exactly like cardboard.
  • Don't buy generic toilet paper. Ever.
  • Always smell the milk first.
  • Removing that stay hair bothering the crap out of you from your clothes is one of life's greatest victories.
  • A person's use of spell check is a determining factor in friendship levels.
  • Don't trust someone who doesn't have nice shoes.
  • Pandas are assholes.
  • White clothes are the ultimate stain magnet.
  • Tupperware cannot be organized.
  • Socks the dryer eats reincarnate as random Tupperware pieces.
  • Wearing a dress or skirt with pockets automatically defaults to a good day.

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