Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Husband checklist

  • Last name must be in top half of alphabet (will accept down to P if love for man outweighs name change)
  • Must be between 5"-10" and 6'-4"
  • Does not smoke, and friends do not smoke either (guilt by association)
  • Likes bourbon, but not in a alcoholic kind of way. Appreciates a good Manhattan
  • Has a "smart" job, or better yet, a career (rock stars need not apply). College degree highly encouraged
  • Must make fabulous pancakes, waffles are also welcome
  • Must know how (and love) to grill -no preference of charcoal or gas really
  • Does not mock the following: my love of dancing movies, monster ballads/music taste or my pink rain boots
  • Does not own ugly shoes. If they were before my time, they are to be burned and he vows to never get another pair. Also wears clothing that fits-understands what "tents are for camping, not wearing" means
  • Takes me on real dates (wine and dine me beyotch)
  • Is not a picky eater, willing to try anything at least once
  • Can parallel park (I can't and see no reason to learn now when my husband can for me)
  • Must have one signature meal, made from mostly scratch if possible. Four or more is preferable
  • Knows that if it comes in pink, I want it and he should let me have it. KitchenAid mixer and matching pink blender? Check!
  • Sorts laundry into appropriate baskets/bins (white, dark, colors, sheets, towels etc)
  • Understands what a cliche is and is not a complete walking one
  • Owns at least one piece of fine art. Van Gogh's Starry Night doesn't count (see above for reason)
  • Can fix things and is handy - owning power tools is major plus
  • Reach tall things, open jars and kill spiders (but that's just standard husband material)
  • Never makes me wish for anything more (except chocolate, I always want more of that)
  • Magazine cover good looks and charming personality are highly recommend, but not required.
If you know of a single gentleman who has all of these qualities; more is of course acceptable, please forward resume and Polaroid. Thank you!

3 comments:

Sourire11 said...

Good list! Except for the "doesn't mock" one... I'd say a good 10% of my marriage is based on mocking and I'm fine with it. Matt can mock me because I have lost the ability to tie my shoes without bitching but then I can mock him when he wears his headset to play Xbox. It's a win/win relationship, really.

Spazzella said...

Oh there can be mocking, just not those 3 particular things.

mouthy_broad said...

oh, that is a pretty good list, but i agree with jeanne about some mocking. i mock shayne's bowling approach. (it is hysterical to watch btw) this list makes me glad i have shayne. he pretty much fulfills all those things for me!