Denial: Check. Done thinking nothing was wrong. Have admitted everything was wrong
Anger: All the time. Bitter flag is waving high. But I think I've stopped telling random people "f*ck you and your happiness" (under my breath)
Bargaining: No longer saying if he does A then I'll do B and so forth. No longer wishing on every star. As much.
Depression: All the time. I don't go a day without crying, even if it is just a little tear up.
Acceptance: I thought I was getting there.
I'll shut the vent soon. I promise. I've got 2 of the 5 taken care of. I've gotten this far, even if it isn't by leaps and bounds. I've gotten this unfar with a lot of people's love and support, and I don't know how to show my gratitude for it. But until then, the only thing that I feel that helps me is to just vent. I think when our wedding day arrives, and it hits me, wow, this really isn't happening... I'll be able accept the failure for real. I'll realize there were two of us in that relationship, and two of us to cause so much pain (though I still want to blame him for everything). So there's a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak, even if it is aways off. The vent will close, the door will shut and I won't look back. And that's a good feeling to know.
No comments:
Post a Comment