Once upon a time (about 5 years ago), in a land far far away (across the river) I lived in a big big house with lots of friends. I woke up the first Saturday of fall quarter like a typical college kid: late and hung over (I was 21 at the time). By late I mean before 11 am, and by hung over I mean, hung over. But I also woke up with a surprise. There was a boy, who was just a friend, in my bed. I vaguely remembered kissing him the night before, but he had tucked me into bed alone then continued to party with the rest of our friends who could hold their booze. But here he was, snoring, arms around me, reeking of sweat and Jack Daniels, a pungent combination. It was way too much for my olfactory sense that morning. Actually, ever. I do not find sweaty guy smell attractive at all, pheromones be damned. It makes me want to throw a up a little. You better smell clean if you want to get in my pants. Anyway, there's a smelly boy who I made out with the night before snoring in my bed. And it wasn't like he was on his side and I was on mine. My bed was small, it didn't have sides. What a way to start a morning. (ps, only kissing happened the night before. He left with his virtue still in tact)
Later that day, one of my roomies and I went to buy materials for our studio projects. But upon returning, there was someone blocking my way into my parking lot (plus all the other cars arleady there). Since rock star parking was available, I decided to snag it and not waste the gas idling while waiting for the ass-hat to move (didn't stop me from shooting death glares though). As we're gathering our things from the trunk, a generic frat boy turns into the driveway next to my lot in his generic frat boy (Gfb) suv. Normally I wouldn't have seen him because a tall fence separated the two places. But I'm in rock star parking, and the spot I'm in has clear vision lines of both our lot and that driveway. And they can see you just as well. The Gfb is walking up the driveway, and he's calling my name. Upon closer inspection, he's walking directly toward me, I realize Gfb is my ex boyfriend. And not just any ex. First gay boyfriend ex, Mike (couldn't remember what I had renamed him there for a second).
A bit of post break-up story. He tried to go back in the closet, denying he ever (halfway) came out. And he thought we were friends too. About every 6-7 weeks, he called 4 days in a row. It was always right around midterms or project week, so I lived in studio and was never there to answer the phone myself (I lived in the dorms at this point). My roommates took the messages, and no mater how many times he left his number, I lost it every time. But one day I actually answered the phone. I nipped his pseudo stalking then. I was never going to return his phone calls, see him again, and I never wasted my time thinking about him in the first place. He hung up in a snit and never called again. I was done with him for real. Yay!
Apparently not. Because he's now 3 feet in front of me, and he's looking pleasantly surprised (which I guess is way better then murderous rage). And of course I look like ass; I'm rocking the bed head, yoga pants, no makeup and sunglasses. (but at least I had showered before going out in public). And he wants to catch up, goody. He gave me his life so-far story (becasue I totally wanted to hear it). He's at a different school, rushed and actually joined a different fraternity (no bawling wimp-out this time). That driveway he pulled into, belongs to my school's chapter of his fraternity (they didn't have a house on his campus, and brothers share). And he lives there. He's my effin' next-door neighbor. Double goody.
Later that night, when I was doing the homework I had used as an excuse to get me out of the conversation with Mike as well as turn down the party invite he extended me (for the party next door in the house that he lives in), my phone rang. It's Ryan (I renamed him too) calling to make me break up with him. Let's review my day: I woke up with a boy I had kissed in my bed. I find out my ex lives next door. And now this weenie is calling to make sure there's an "official," break up so he can date his new girl with a clear conscious. Mother trucker that was weeks ago. You should have just assumed we had broken up when we stopped talking to each other like I already had, and avoided this confrontation all together. Because we were done, I had no scruples about making out with someone the night before. What was up with the universe that day? It was the day of boyfriend's past. I was not in the mood to play nice. So if Ryan wanted some sort of confirmation of a break up, he was going to have to grow a pair and ask for it. I flip open my phone to deal with him, and I'm thinking, bring it on universe. Bring. It. ON!
Later that day, one of my roomies and I went to buy materials for our studio projects. But upon returning, there was someone blocking my way into my parking lot (plus all the other cars arleady there). Since rock star parking was available, I decided to snag it and not waste the gas idling while waiting for the ass-hat to move (didn't stop me from shooting death glares though). As we're gathering our things from the trunk, a generic frat boy turns into the driveway next to my lot in his generic frat boy (Gfb) suv. Normally I wouldn't have seen him because a tall fence separated the two places. But I'm in rock star parking, and the spot I'm in has clear vision lines of both our lot and that driveway. And they can see you just as well. The Gfb is walking up the driveway, and he's calling my name. Upon closer inspection, he's walking directly toward me, I realize Gfb is my ex boyfriend. And not just any ex. First gay boyfriend ex, Mike (couldn't remember what I had renamed him there for a second).
A bit of post break-up story. He tried to go back in the closet, denying he ever (halfway) came out. And he thought we were friends too. About every 6-7 weeks, he called 4 days in a row. It was always right around midterms or project week, so I lived in studio and was never there to answer the phone myself (I lived in the dorms at this point). My roommates took the messages, and no mater how many times he left his number, I lost it every time. But one day I actually answered the phone. I nipped his pseudo stalking then. I was never going to return his phone calls, see him again, and I never wasted my time thinking about him in the first place. He hung up in a snit and never called again. I was done with him for real. Yay!
Apparently not. Because he's now 3 feet in front of me, and he's looking pleasantly surprised (which I guess is way better then murderous rage). And of course I look like ass; I'm rocking the bed head, yoga pants, no makeup and sunglasses. (but at least I had showered before going out in public). And he wants to catch up, goody. He gave me his life so-far story (becasue I totally wanted to hear it). He's at a different school, rushed and actually joined a different fraternity (no bawling wimp-out this time). That driveway he pulled into, belongs to my school's chapter of his fraternity (they didn't have a house on his campus, and brothers share). And he lives there. He's my effin' next-door neighbor. Double goody.
Later that night, when I was doing the homework I had used as an excuse to get me out of the conversation with Mike as well as turn down the party invite he extended me (for the party next door in the house that he lives in), my phone rang. It's Ryan (I renamed him too) calling to make me break up with him. Let's review my day: I woke up with a boy I had kissed in my bed. I find out my ex lives next door. And now this weenie is calling to make sure there's an "official," break up so he can date his new girl with a clear conscious. Mother trucker that was weeks ago. You should have just assumed we had broken up when we stopped talking to each other like I already had, and avoided this confrontation all together. Because we were done, I had no scruples about making out with someone the night before. What was up with the universe that day? It was the day of boyfriend's past. I was not in the mood to play nice. So if Ryan wanted some sort of confirmation of a break up, he was going to have to grow a pair and ask for it. I flip open my phone to deal with him, and I'm thinking, bring it on universe. Bring. It. ON!
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