Friday, November 6, 2009

How Fairy Tales Have Ruined My Relationships

Quick Pic: Disney Princesses - Feminism? What Feminism?
I blame fairy tales for giving me unrealistic expectations on men.

Where are these single princes in their enchanted castles who need a gentle loving pure hearted woman to break the spell a wicked witch put them under? Dudes, I'd break the spell if I could find you! (could be it be that I am not gentle nor pure hearted?) But how am I supposed to meet a handsome prince nowadays anyway? The security around them is unreal. 'Eff.

While I agree with the link, I still love fairy tales. Beauty and the Beast is my favorite I think. Though I might have a hard time falling in love with a beast myself, since I don't like my men too hairy (except for facial hair, but that's a whole Oedipus/Electra complex thing). And there are a ton of other fairly tales besides the ones Disney Disney-fied. (Apparently there's a whole jewelry line based on the Disney princesses. Sleeping Beauty is the only one I kinda like, but I would prefer my beloved to design my engagement ring for me and not a cartoon character thankyouverymuch). (FYI, I have the fingers for a princess or marquis cut diamond, but I'm also liking the cushion cut as of late. All of those are acceptable with a pavé setting) But most fairy tales have a similar sort of plot: there's a little bit of trouble, shenanigans ensue, but someone comes and saves the day and they all live happily ever after. Though I like the ones that end with the evil do-ers getting some sort of comeuppance better. (I'm a little vindictive)

And while some are more beloved than others, Grimm's brother's Snow White does absolutely nothing for woman's empowerment. Girl is dum. Seriously, the dwarfs shut her in the house, say don't talk to strangers, and Snow White's all "'okay!" And then two minutes later the wicked queen comes by and Snow White's tells the queen "I can't talk to you!" But the queen counteracts with "I have shiny things" and Snow White gets all excited and squeals "okay!" and proceeds to let the queen in. You know, the person trying to kill her. The dwarfs save her dumb ass twice (thus keeping their maid), until the fateful apple that somehow outsmarts them all. The dwarfs go back to being slobs, I mean, mourn, prince charming comes by, sees the pretty dead girl and totally has to make out with her (umm, eww). And somehow this kiss removes the apple and she wakes up bright eyed and bushy tailed, and they go live happily ever after. But I want to know a few more things:
A: why didn't the dwarfs think to remove it first?
B: how come it didn't kill charming when he removed it?
C: if that kiss is what dislodged the apple in the first place, how far is his tongue going down her throat?

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I don't remember the Disney movie of Snow White, but I remember hearing the story as a child with a different ending. See, the dwarves did not KNOW that she had an apple in there, and set out to bury her. The prince sees them and asks them to stop so that he can see the fair maiden within the glass coffin. As the dwarves set her down, she gets jostled and the apple gets dislodged. Once she wakes up is when the making out happens.