The Worst Thing I EVER Ate

Two nights ago, I didn't get much sleep (the Olympics keep me up), so I was dragging for some of the day. I was anticipating not a great run, so I grabbed these energy pellets I had gotten as a free sample from one of my races on my way out the door. The brand was "Life Fitness" or something like that, coffee flavored, and it had "great new taste!" So I figured may as well, we'll see how I feel running time.

They were the worse thing I have ever put in my mouth. Seriously.

First: they were nearly impossible to open. I gnawed my way through the plastic before something tore. It's difficult to run and drink water for me, imagine how hard it was to open this palm size pouch. I had run over a half mile by that point.

Second: the texture was disgusting. The second the pellet touched my tongue, it broke into chunky grainy parts and coated my mouth with a chalky texture. But then I had to chew it up because it didn't break down any more after the initial break apart one.

And third: they had the most REVOLTING taste. "Great new taste" my ass. Taste like ass is better description.

I'm dying to spit these out, but I didn't want to stop my run since I was on a limited schedule. So I choked them down and gargled some water, hoping to wash some of the bitter out. At some point (still running btw), I spat out "it's like acid rain in my mouth! Chalky, acid rain!" (not that I know what acid rain taste like, but I'm sure this is not far off.

The taste never went away the entire run. I ended up drinking 20 oz of water that run, making me feel really sloshy. And the worst part, they made me seriously nauseous the rest of the day. Not in the tear my stomach up way the gels/sport beans did. I felt like I wanted throw up more that 6 hours later. (throwing up may have tasted better I bet)

Obviously, I should have not taken them, especially as I struggled to even open them. I think the running gods were mad at me for skipping my Tuesday run and then shortening it the next day. (I ran 4 today to make up for that missed mile) Or they were trying to intervene and save me. Either way, running gods, I'm sorry. For disappointing you or not heeding your warning.

Please don't let me put any more bad things in my mouth!

Caught Red Handed

I snoop. Not very often, (because it's a dangerous dangerous rabbit hole to fall down) and not in a you shouldn't leave me alone in your house kind of way. But yeah, I'm at least scanning my surroundings. Trust me, I notice a lot. But when presented with a golden opportunity, well.... it's a golden opportunity.

For example, my ex had one of those fireproof lock box things and we had just moved into together. He told me he kept his finances in there and kept the key on his massive janitorial style key* ring. I really didn't think anything about it, but one day he left the key in the lock, and well, I was home alone. I knew he had my engagement ring by that point, but it wasn't in our apartment. He was smart enough to know I would have found it if he hid it there (if there are diamonds, I find them. It's like a 6th sense). But my birthday was coming up and he had hinted heavily I was getting a shiny present for that, so maybe that was in the box! And maybe, just maybe, there would be a picture or a description of my engagement ring in there too! Yes! Of course! This makes perfect sense! Golden opportunity!

Without a second thought, I pull the box down from his closet shelf and open it up. I swear to god, 60 seconds later, he walks through our front door. Knowing I have no time, I decide to distract him and greet him enthusiastically by literally jumping on him while trying to guide him to the living room. But he was not to be deterred, and headed strait to the bedroom to take his tie off, only to see the open box on the bed. (meanwhile, I've slunk off to the kitchen)

x: "Hey babe? Were you snooping?"
me: (knowing I have no way out of this) "Yup"
x: (laughing) "wow, you didn't even try to hide that."
me: (indigent)"well, you caught me red handed." I throw up my (caught and red) hands. "Besides, you left the key in there. And I didn't have enough time to see if there was anything good in there anyway."
x: "well, do you want to see what's in there?"
me: "Oh! Sure."
Old checkbooks and absolutely nothing of shiny sparkly interest.
me: "Hrmphf. Waste of a snoop."

*What he had so many keys for I don't know. He even had the our apartment complex's "fitness center" (snort- an elliptical, treadmill and busted weight machines hardly count as a fitness center. And there were always dirty little kids playing on the equipment or a puffy phlegmy man sitting on the bike watching tv) key on there. Which was pointless because he never went to the gym whereas and I did and needed that key. The one time he went to the center I had to go with him and then he spent the entire time staring at me and then kept trying to touch me while I stretched out. I'm trying to get my muscles to go a certain way and you're attempting to bend me the exact the opposite way. NO touchy when I'm working out!

Quarters

My friend and I had finished with yoga class and I had just shown off my mad jumping skills to her. We were walking back to the locker room and I tell her that with my narrow focus on my weight, I didn't notice my stomach was shaping up some too. And that's good, because I want the line. And I also want an ass you can bounce quarters off of.

Her response to this was the bestest ever:

"If had quarters, I would not throw them at your ass. I would probably do something much more useful like buy myself a soda."

Bestest. Ever.

Pet people

I get that not everyone is a pet person. I wasn't growing up. Over time, I had 2 hamsters, a guinea pig and a fish or two, but nothing that could walk around the house free range. Nothing I could leash. I didn't hate animals, I just didn't have one, and I didn't mind or know if I ever would have a pet in my adult life.

But when we adopted Bailey, I became a dog person. My favorite animal in the whole wide world is Bailey (monkeys and most dogs are tied for 2nd). I instantaneously understood how people get so attached to their pets. Why they consider them family and give them presents.The instant Mark placed all squiggly squirmy 12 lbs of Bailey in my arms, it was love. She looked at me with her pretty brown kohl rimmed eyes, gave me a kiss on the chin and everyone in the shelter knew she was mine. And it wasn't just that I adored her in an instant, it was that I knew she loved me too, unconditionally and with out judgment.

So I know both sides, pet people and non pet people. I know that not everyone thinks my dog is the bestest ever. I admit she's naughty and ornery, strong willed beyond reason and I don't think she's the smartest dog in the world (she's not dumb, but she's not smart). If you don't like pets, that's fine I understand. But even if you do think those things about my dog, and you don't like her because of it, that doesn't give you the right to say so. Especially in front of me. Because it hurts my feelings. Yes, talking smack about my dog, hurts my feelings. Because to me, naughty or not, she is most definitely, the bestest ever.

Happy New Year!

Yep. Chinese New Year, but hey, still, happy one!
There are many customs and traditions when it comes to Chinese New Year which I will share with you now. You should:

• Wear red and gold to symbol good luck and wealth.
• There is no use of knives or cutting, something about it cutting your luck. So all the food is made the day before and it's dim sum, tiny yummy treats. I love me some finger food.
• There's also something about not washing your hair. Which I won't adhere to becasue I'm a wash my hair every day kind of girl, and besides, I'm only half Chinese.
• Children (especially the unmarried ones) are given little red envelopes with money. Pay up mom!
• It is bad luck to cry on new years, therefore, be naughty and your parent's can't yell at you.
• However, it is bad luck to be naughty anyway, so this one isn't a win for any one.
• You should at least wash your feet the night before that way you walk into the new year with clean soles. New shoes are even better.

So clearly, to honor my Asian side, I need new shoes!

This is a flawless plan. Flawless.

The OLYMPICS

So, I'm ridiculously excited about the Olympics. Ridiculously pee in my pants excited, stupid giddy at the mere thought of them.

Summer and Winter, I can't get enough. I want to know who won what, what the medal count is up to, I will watch all 4 hours of Olympic coverage every single night, and I will switch to another station if and only if there is different coverage going on.

One of my life goals is to go to both a summer and winter Olympic games. I know it will cost a ridiculous amount of money, but it's totally worth it. I have a feeling that at some point in my life, the games will be in the USA or Canada again, and I will be able to go. And they announce these things 6 years in advance, that's plenty of time to plan and save and get my tush to see the worlds most elite athletes.

I absolutely believe in the integrity and the fairness of the games. So don't anyone go being an asshole and tell me you think all the athletes are on something. The IOC tests and retests and they keep sample for years. If a new drug test is discovered, they will perform it, and they will strip you of your medal(s) years later. You may have gotten away with it at the time, but if you cheat, you will get caught and you will be punished.

But since I am not going to the games this year, I am content to watch with bright eyes and excitement in my dad's man cave. And, if that's not enough (though it totally totally is), I just play my own games alongside of them. I mean, my games are more of the drinking variety, but that doesn't make them any less fun for me!