Half Tiger

I just finished the Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua:

After all the press about this book a 2 years ago, when it came through my library I figured what the hell I'll read it. At the very least it could be an interesting read.   

I was absolutely fascinated. But not in an OMG-this-is-the-way-to-do-things way. More in an... OMFG this woman is insane. I just didn't understand the mindset and culture of the tiger mom and Chinese-style parenting. I thought maybe being half-Chinese I may have some frame of reference, but nope. Before reading this I also thought being half-Chinese, maybe I would go half tiger-mom on my kids when the time comes for me to parent. But the more I read, I realized, there is no half-ing anything when it comes to tiger mom-ing. 

Oh well. so much for that plan.   

No Shame

In light of Robin Williams' untimely death, I'm going to "come clean" about my mental health.
I have been taking an anti-depressant for a full year now. The past 10 years I have struggled on and off with depression, and since the spring of 2013 I developed anxiety in addition to my depression.

I caught some breaks here and there in that life calmed down enough that I could breath. I've learned coping methods that weren't alcohol, berating others or thoughts of ways to harm myself. I was incredibly lucky to have support everywhere I turned. And I'm incredibly lucky that I was strong enough for at least one moment to reach out for help, and start fighting the fear, loneliness and emptiness that was my mental health. It took a combination of counseling, support, love, medication and work,  to become healthy again.

Suicide is not selfish, it is tragic.  It is not a ploy for attention, because all I wanted to do was become invisible. I was so ashamed of my mental health. My weakness. The fear my entire world would crash into oblivion and not take me with it, leaving me alone to...I don't even know. At some point, I had to be brave and change the scary landscape I lived in. There wasn't a specific catalyst, but something pushed me to do so. Because it doesn't just "get better." It takes time, and a lot of work to heal.

There will always be moments and triggers that may upset me and set me off, but I cannot control those. I can only control myself. And I will not be shamed, I will not hide from this.

Get. HELP. There is no shame.    

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Today is my daddy's 70th birthday!
For the past 7-8 months I collected memories, pictures and kind words from family and friends and created a photo book through Shutterfly. But I wanted to do more than just give him memories, so my sister and I threw him a party!

It was a huge success, we held it at a restaurant so we didn't have to setup or take down which made for a stress-free party on my part. There was enough space for all the guests and enough food without having too many leftovers, all the guests and my mom loved the book, and I was delighted to perform my party trick of cutting the cake with floss. I very rarely take pictures, so I pretty much have to rely on other people to take pictures and hope they share with me. But my favorite moment was this:

Reenacting this picture from my 2nd birthday with my mom and my dad's mom:

happy birthday to me!

With my daddy 30 years later on his 70th!

Happy 70th birthday to my daddy!

Happy birthday Daddy!

Going Postal

We don't have a peephole at the back door at work. So whenever someone knocks we ask "who is it?" so not to open the door to a mass murderer or super creepster. While this method is not completely flawless, it works for the most part. (and there's always the option of looking out the window as a fail safe)
Anyway, when the mailman delivers the mail every morning, he knocks on the back door and answers the "who goes there?" question with a cheerful "mailman!" Because I love getting mail* and that the mailman is cheerful, I like to match his enthusiasm with a "yay! and/or thank you!" when I'm the one who opens the door.

Anyway, the mailman is at the very least amused by my reaction and always smiles. One day after our typical exchange, my boss asked me why I did that. I don't really remember the why and how it all started, but I figured I would keep it up. That way, if the postman happened to go postal and started taking people out, my hopes are that he'll remember that "nice girl from the library who was always happy to see him," and thus spare me. My boss thought that was stupid, but she's going to feel mighty foolish if my plan works.

*Just fun mail though. Junk, bills, and tree wasting catalogs I will forgo. But stuff like cards, packages, coupons and glossy magazines I love getting. And we get a ton of fun mail at work.

Let There Be Light

One night I woke up and had to go to the bathroom. As a fairly heavy sleeper, I knew that even in a sleep fog if I was waking up in the middle of the night I must really have to go and better get to it. So I did and returned to bed like you do. But as I was climbing back into bed dr soc stirred and was slightly confused to find me getting back into bed since me getting up in the middle of the night is a rarity in the first place.

--Note: this entire conversation occurred with us both in half-sleep-mode and was done with sleepy slurs and hazy logic in it's entirety--


dr soc: did you just go to the bathroom?
me: Yeah. Go back to sleep honey.
dr soc: Ok. Wait..did you turn on the light?
me: No. Turning on the light can wake you up more and I want to go back to sleep.
dr soc: Oh ok. ~pause~ You can go to the bathroom without a light? How?
me: I don't have to aim honey.
dr soc: Oh. Right. Goodnight.
 --A while later.--
We had gotten back from the gym or were getting ready in the morning or something that required a shower. I flipped on the shower light, turned on the water and Mike put our towels on the hook while we waited for the water to warm up to the (my) preferred scalding temperature.
mike: I turned off the shower light.
me: Why? I like the shower light.
mike: You do? What exactly do you do in the shower that you need light for? Do you need it to aim or something?
me: No...But I do need it if I'm shaving.  Or something.
mike: Ok, but are you going to shave this shower? 
me: I don't think so, but I still like the light.
--Mike gives me a look--
me: So I can pee the dark but not shower in it. Okay maybe that's a little weird but so what?
mike: Nothing.... Would you like me to turn the light back on then?
me: Yes. Yes I would.
mike: Ok. ~flips the light back on, smiling~ You weirdo.
me: Thank you. And yes, yes I am.
 --We went on vacation last week and we were checking out the bathroom of the rental house--
mike: Oh, and you will be happy to know there is a shower light in our bathroom. A very bright one too.
me: Yes!

Synonyms

On our anniversary Mike and I went to the Cheesecake Factory for dessert and sat at an outside table since it was a nice night. The patio was quieter than the restaurant so we could have a conversation with each other without shouting, and we could also hear the pop music playing through their sound system. Which is what a decent chunk of our conversation was about, the music. We would hear a song, reminisce about the last time we heard it or what it reminds us of, wonder whatever happened to the artist, yadda yadda yadda.

Anyway, a song by Seal comes on and Mike posed this question:
mike: What's Seal's real name anyway? Otter??
me: hahahahaha!