Mom worry

 

This one’s peanut allergy has gone down!! Girl 2 is still allergic, but her reaction was significantly less than the last time we tested her. Such wonderful news, but even more so after yesterday’s diagnosis.

There will always be part of me that that worries about my kids. It’s impossible to turn off the mom worry. But not having to worry as much about her allergy is a relief. Getting the test was no picnic, she threw a massive tantrum when getting tested. Not that I blame her, your back got all pricked up and it itches like hell and the only thing you want to do is put your princess shirt back on but you can’t figure it out yourself and mommy isn’t helping that bitch. I totally get it. And as far as her speech delay goes, even though she’s not saying * as many words as she should at this age, I know she knows things. She can count 1 - 10, but she can recognize some of those the numbers* and point them out. 

*how’s me, the most talkative person in the world, having a speech delayed kid for irony? 

*she just correctly pointed to ‘for fucks’ on a number puzzle. Four frogs in the number four. See? She knows!

Oh darling girl, you are who you are and mommy loves you so much no matter what. 

Process

Girl 2 is speech delayed. We’ll be starting speech therapy for her in the near future and work on getting her caught up.  So what does that mean exactly? 

It means...I’m processing it.  I mean...it’s not a bad thing. She’s healthy and happy and a joyful little girl. But it’s unexpected, so it still hurts a little you know? And no parent wants this, an additional difficulty. Kids are who they are and you love them fiercely regardless. But being a parent is hard and worrisome enough on it's own, so another challenge, no matter how manageable, is something to deal with.

I think deep down she’s going to be fine.  Being able to socialize safely again and being around kids her own age will probably help her development as well. Parenting is just...a loooooooong game and here’s something else to wrestle.

So. I’m processing. 

Pick your battles

Dr soc has been on this eating healthy salad kick so ultimately I don't have to kill him for dying on me. Seeing as we've been together* for 11 years as of today I need him to stick around as my partner in crime, parenting hijinks coconspirator but mostly someone I can occasionally talk shit about when I'm deflecting from my own shortcomings. 

*as well as put a ring on it and let him get me pregnant twice 

Anyway, back to the salads, he eats a lot and prefers a larger bowl for his rabbit food. The largest bowls that we have are the mixing bowls, but I have a hard line that you do not eat from the mixing bowls. See I almost killed someone for always eating out of the mixing bowls and I could never use them for cooking when I needed* them. To save my future relationships and myself from heartbreak, I drew that line and decreed it a rule. Dr soc is awesome and obeys and I tweeted how glad I am for that because divorce is a lot of paperwork.  

*that same someone never did the dishes either 

I'm explaining the origins of that rule and a coworker who's been married for longer than I've been alive, and they decide to impart the following wisdom about marriage: pick your battles.

My response: I have! This is one. DO. NOT. EAT. FROM. THE. MIXING. BOWLS! 

Love you honey! Thanks for not making die on that* hill!

*I'm sure there will be others. I just don't have to die on that particular one.

Irony 2.0

The irony of  Girl 1 fighting me tooth and nail on her teeth* and nails is not lost on me.

*you may recall the teeth fight of 2020. Currently that war is at a lull but her checkup in December involved crying so her upcoming June appointment I don't know.

Now that she is a mature 5 year old the irony is this: The hill my child will die on is anything health related. 

• She will not take medicine, topical or internal. 
• She will not listen to her body for the bathroom.
• She will not blow her nose despite being unable to breath due to snot blockage or a river flowing from her nose 
• Refuses band aids and screams about any blood getting on anything and everything from refusing to cover it
• When she found out she had to go to the doctor because she mentioned to daddy her ear hurt, she said "I wish I hadn't said anything."*
• *This one actually worries me because I know she had to be hurting long and hard enough for her to even mentioned it. I don't want her to be afraid to say anything, ever. 
• Going to the doctor or dentist with her requires an iron will, Olympic sized bribes that never ever work which result to physically restraining her*
• *because that doesn't traumatize her at all and won't lead directly to the aforementioned fear of her being afraid to tell me anything.*
• *and that leads me to sobbing into my drink because OMG I hate that struggle so much and I do not know what to do so I cope by drinking and sobbing and questioning my entire ability of being a mom.

Uhhh, yeah. The irony here is that my child is willing to literally die on the health hill. Yeah.      

White privilege

So. Yesterday.

• White people took selfies while they terrorized the capital to keep the incompetent authoritarian regime in place. 
• Black Lives Mater supporters were told to leave their phones at home so info could not be used to be arrested later while they asked for people of color to not be killed for being black.
• An orange con man used his global platform to incite violence and encourage a riot.
• A black football player used his platform to direct attention to systemic injustices and was fired.

In general white people can:  

• go jogging (#AmaudArbery).
• relax in the comfort of my own home (#BothemSean and #AtatianaJefferson).
• ask for help after being in a car crash (#JonathanFerrell and #RenishaMcBride).
• have a cellphone (#StephonClark).
• leave a party to get to safety (#JordanEdwards).
• play loud music (#JordanDavis).
• sell CD's (#AltonSterling).
• sleep (#AiyanaJones)
• walk from the corner store (#MikeBrown).
• play cops and robbers (#TamirRice).
• go to church (#Charleston9).
• walk home with Skittles (#TrayvonMartin).
• hold a hair brush while leaving my own bachelor party (#SeanBell).
• party on New Years (#OscarGrant).
• get a normal traffic ticket (#SandraBland).
• lawfully carry a weapon (#PhilandoCastile).
• break down on a public road with car problems (#CoreyJones).
• shop at Walmart (#JohnCrawford) .
• have a disabled vehicle (#TerrenceCrutcher).
• read a book in my own car (#KeithScott).
• be a 10yr old walking with our grandfather (#CliffordGlover).
• decorate for a party (#ClaudeReese).
• ask a cop a question (#RandyEvans).
• cash a check in peace (#YvonneSmallwood).
• take out my wallet (#AmadouDiallo).
• run (#WalterScott).
• breathe (#EricGarner).
• live (#FreddieGray).
• ask someone to put a required leash on their dog in the public park we are in (#ChristianCooper).
• BE ARRESTED WITHOUT THE FEAR OF BEING MURDERED. (#GeorgeFloyd)

White people don't become hashtags. And if you refuse to see the issue with this... Look, I'm not calling you a racist. But after yesterday's failed coup d'état and you still won't admit to your own white privilege and accept and/or support ingrained racist policies that villainize a black person's existence... Well, your racism is showing. 

A documentary

Living with a little turkey and lion, it was only a matter of time before we found ourselves in a nature documentary. Presenting:

The toddler stalks her prey...

Successful attack! ‘YUMMY!’ is screamed in victory

The toddler enjoys her spoils