So before I even had kids, I read somewhere/heard something that rather than saying 'stop xyz," use directive language in place. The reasoning that was the kid will hear stop xyz, and possibly stop mid whatever, but then they have to figure out what to do next in a split second and that can be overwhelming and big scary things and then meltdown. Something to that effect.
Anyway, I liked that and tried to start thinking that way so it would be second nature when I had children who would listen to my every word and comply almost *85% of the time.
* I say 85% because my 30-year old childless self was realistic and knew no one, let alone a child, would comply 100% of the time. Because I know my future kids would never**
**my real children never all the time.
Anyway. It was harder than I thought, but I can do that on occasion. Some examples:
- Stop running! -> Walk please!
- For the hundredth time stop touching your sister's whatever -> For the hundredth time lets keep our hands to ourselves.
- Oh god stop stripping we are in public -> Oh god keep your clothes on for this moment please lord.
- Don't feed the dog your oatmeal I know it's hilarious but it's making both of you sticky and gross-> Oatmeal goes in just your belly and it's so funny how you get sticky and gross.
It doesn't have to be complicated either, 43 year old me tells my real kids "take a deep breath" all the damn time instead of "calm the fuck down child" like I want to all the time.
But it could work in other circumstances too. Like telling people to be kind, instead of stop being an asshole! Or like, how we should tell all men to understand consent instead of the simplistic "don't get raped" trope we tell women.
