Another Top Ten? 'Eff it.

Since it's the end of another calender year, everyone (including me, see below) feels the need to do a top ten whatever (unless you are Vh-1 who always ups the ante with their 40 most awesomely best/worst something or other)

There is a countdown for everything. Top ten apps of the year, top 10 newcomers to movies/tv/music, top ten new gadgets, the best meltdowns, best comebacks, the news moments, bla bla bla. Sometimes the top ten is actually a worst ten, which can be interesting, so there's that. And I admit, these list are a little guilty pleasure of mine.

But since were entering the year 2010, there seems to be this urge to do not only a top ten of the year, but a top ten of the decade. Decade, as in the past 10 years. ::insert groan of unwilling participant::

I can do the end of the year thing. It requires little memory space and invests little long term interest. But the decade? Yeah, I stopped trying to remember things July 14 2003. Something about margaritas and my 21st birthday....

Top Post 2009

Since everyone and their mom seems to be doing a top ten whatever of 2009, I want to play too.

These are my favorite post from the previous years. Some were happy/huge/remarkable points of my life, some felt empowering to tell, some were random thoughts that even I can't believe I came up with, or I just had fun writing them. So, without further ado and in no particular order: my favorite blogs of the past year:

1. Yay times 1000! January 23, when I "announce" I get to keep Bailey. Way, way, way happy


2. Are You Ready for Some Football? August 22, how our league came about and why it's fun


3. Let's Go to the Fair! July 26, Fair Bingo! Fun and judging for all!


4. I did it (again)! April 26, the completion of my 2nd half marathon. Wah-hoo!


5. Epiphany March 17, when I fully realized I made the right choice in leaving the fiance. Another wah-hoo!


6. Baby! not mine March 18, total squeeee! moment in congratulating my friends on their baby


7. Funny (but Slightly Inappropriate) story May 7, the title alone says giggle worthy.
   


8. Trust me January 10, the list of people/things I don't trust. List are fun.


9. Help October 1, this was an empowering one


10. Boyfriend checklist August 21, I really like list, and it's a helpful to have the criteria out there

Those are my faves. Happy Reading!

Stocking Stuffers

I had lunch with some of my bestest girlfriends yesterday and we were discussing our Christmases. I pulled out a bottle of lotion from my purse and said:

Santa used to bring us these Bath and Body Works things in our stockings. Now, I get chocolate and booze.

Lb: Nice.

Jeanne (nodding in agreement): way better Christmas.

I whole heartedly agree.

HO HO HO!

Santa! Are you missing a reindeer?

Cute reindeer huh!

Nah, that's just my Bailey thinking how much she hates me this moment.

Seriously momma, where you hiding my Christmas presents?
Me smell them and you owe me.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Well Played

Remember how I wanted to pounce my friend's hot younger brother? And then when I saw him over Christmas last year I fully indulged a high school crush on him? *

*if I ever did get a steamy tryst with him (and oh yes, it would be steamy), I would never ever ever be able to look his sister in the eye again. She however, finds the situation highly amusing (because what friend of hers hasn't crushed on him? He's a freaking pilot in the air force and he's hot! I'm telling you, steamy) and would point and laugh at me while I hung my head in shame. (Worth it though? I think yes)

Anyway, I lust him and everyone knows it. But we all live far away from each other, so we only see each other on holidays and special occasions. Like last night.

T: We're going to trivia at 9 w/my two** brothers
Me: I'm in! See you soon
**the other brother is 18, so legal, but not in my cougar range

----later that evening after a few trivia rounds----

Me: you totally knew that when you said two brothers, I was coming right?
T: Oh yeah.
Me: Ha!

You know me well my friend. Well played. Well played. And thanks for the eye candy, Merry Christmas to me!

Battle Newbery

I have always been an avid reader. I don't know, I guess I've just always liked reading, being read to as a kid and reading as an adult. There was at least one birthday, (maybe more), where all my friends got me books, becasue no one knew what else to do. And I remember the first two words that I learned to read in kindergarten: I and go. I was so proud of myself when I learned to read. I think I knew even then that reading was going to lead me to something bigger.

Though it wasn't until middle school I realized that I didn't have to like every book that I read (though I fully understood once I read The Grapes Of Wrath). And I also didn't fully grasp until recently the concept that if I didn't like a book, I didn't have to finish it either. (This is all reading for fun. Books for class you do have to finish no matter how much you dislike the book. Seriously, I hated The Grapes of Wrath and I had to finish it becasue it was for English class junior year of high school)

So working in the public library is awesome for me. I have tons of reading material at my fingertips, from the classics to the new releases, not to mention all of the non fiction too. I work in the kids department and I admit I thought I wouldn't be reading a lot of the material in my department at first. But there are so many books that I remember reading as a kid and so many that I saw and thought, "oh I wish I had read that." And it occurred to me, umm, why can't I read it now?

Especially all the Newbery Winners. "The Newbery Medal is awarded annually by the American Library Association for the most distinguished American children's book published the previous year." In my mind that means: the best book of the year. So I set a goal for myself: in my lifetime, I would at some point read all the winners.

I have 5 checked out right now, including the most recent and the very first one. The first winner looks really boring though. So boring I don't even want to start it. So I amended my goal slightly. I will at least make an honest effort to read the Newbery Winners, but if I don't like it, I'm not going to feel bad about not finishing it. And I can read an honoree book in it's place if I so choose.

Battle Newbery has begun!

Well, it's not really a battle, this is more of a quest type thing. But I don't know, I like Battle Newberry better then Newberry Quest.

Old School

I don't cook in the microwave. Save for a convenience meals like a soup-at-hand or lean-cuisine, I generally use the microwave to reheat and thaw stuff. I do think the microwave is faster and super handy and I definitely could not live without one. But when it comes to cooking, actually cooking, I really prefer to do things old school and use the stove and/or oven.

For example, when I make chex mix, I bake the batch in the oven. I opt to stick my head in the oven (Sylvia Plath style w/out the suicide intention) and stir every 15-20 minutes instead of popping it in the microwave for 20 minutes and walking away. Yes, it takes for-ev-er. And for all I know, it taste the same. But you just can't get the right crunchy/crispy texture from the microwave.

Also, when I was "martha stewarting it up" and made peppermint bark (the same bark I scolded my dad for eating) I did everything stove top. Every recipe tells you pop the chocolate in the microwave and stir to evenly melt. But I prefer to baby it and watch it melt over a double boiler. And get this, I don't even have a double broiler (because I honesty don't need it except this time of year), so I do it super old school and put a bowl (metal or glass) over pot of boiling water. Though microwave process would probably take 15 minutes max from start to finish, and taste exactly the same as the old fashioned way, I prefer to spend the better part of an hour at the stove playing with melted chocolate.

I've made 2 Chex mix batches and 4 batches of bark this holiday season (2 peppermint, a rocky road and now cranberry almond. Jealous? You should be). And I've done it oven/stove style every time. Because the microwave feels like cheating.

American Girl

As a young girl, I had my fair share of dolls. Lots of Barbies, of course, but I also had an American Girl Doll. And before I even had the doll, I read the books. All of 6 stories of each girl. (I'm referring strictly to the historical dolls by the way- there's a lot of other "dolls like me" the company offers that I never cared about)

There were three original dolls when the dolls debuted, Kristen, Molly and Samantha. Felicity came a little later and then Addy. After Addy, I was a little too old to be reading the American Girl books and was probably being forced to read whatever we were reading in Language Arts class (did I mention my middle school was a little pretentious? It wasn't english class, it was language arts. What's the difference anyway?)

Anyway, even though I haven't read those books in a long time, I remember them and encourage other readers to read them. And I shelve them quite often at work, so I know they are still adored like I did when I was in 3rd and 4th grade.

But I just found out that the Samantha and Kristen dolls have been retired. I know these dolls are not cheap, but I wanted Samantha because she was my favorite of the books that I read. What if another little girl wants her for that same reason? I mean, is there not enough room in the world of little girl's hearts to have another doll?

From a marketing standpoint I get it, if they aren't selling like the others, a doll that is expensive to buy and produce will be taken off the market.

But my sulky inner child is thinking: thanks you assholes for taking away that part of my childhood.

Bluuuue Christmas Without You

I get why they say it's tough being single during the holidays.

Ever since I started dating, I've always managed to have a boyfriend (or someone I was seeing regularly) around the holidays. (I always seemed to be dating them over their birthday too, but no one was ever around my birthday it seemed) Since I never seemed to be in the single position at Christmas, I never fully grasped how difficult the holidays can be for some.

Even the one Christmas I didn't have a boyfriend, the year before my ex wasn't that bad. It was a sort of reprieve. After years of racking my brain for the just right gift that says everything but at the same time not too much, only to break up a few months later, well, that was a welcome break.

But that was a different single, I knew it was a blip. Now it's oh crap is this status quo? Do I have to give X amount of single holiday's to make up for the coupled ones? That doesn't seem fair. (such is life though) What about the people that have had single Christmases for years, is it their turn now? Are there even turns?

I'll be frank, last year's Christmas sucked. Beyond all sorts of reason, it sucked. Because I was single and two months out of breaking the engagement. So while this year's single isn't nearly as bad (or raw and gaping and painful), it isn't exactly doing anything to bolster my holiday spirit either.

So as much as rolled my eyes, racked my brain for the right gift and carped about the whole ordeal in general, I miss it. I miss it a lot. And I want it back.

I wish Santa was working on that boyfriend from my wish list.

Well....

I was musing into my empty wine glass reflecting on the last year, comparing myself to where I was a year ago. December was a really bad month last year. Really, really really bad. I was bitterly lonely, I hadn't started school, and I didn't like my hospital job becasue I was so isolated. In addition to trying to find the dog a new home, my wedding gown arrived and my mom wanted to rehash every single detail of my sister's wedding. I was arguing with my ex via email about the dog, her vet bills, the cell plan in a-let's-twist-the-knife-deeper-shall-we manner. I was miserable to say the least.

Well, I'm definitely some steps up this December. I'm still hankering for a boyfriend, but I'm not as lonely. I did really bad in school this semester, which sucked, but I think I can turn it around in the spring. My wedding gown is in the closet and I haven't looked at save the one moment of weakness when it was first brought home. But I got to keep my dog (!), I like my library job, and I can look at my sister's wedding pictures and smile, instead of jealousy ripping through me like a serrated knife. I haven't had an email from the ex in months and if I never talk to him again that suits me just fine.

It's just... I left him to be a better me essentially, but I don't feel as if I've bettered much. Some, but not by leaps and bounds and flying colors. And there's a thin film of hurt still that he loved the possibility of heavy metal band more than a future with me.

It broke my heart to leave and to be where I was last year. I don't love him, and definitely not in the same would give your life for him love that I felt before. But I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I don't exactly want anything good to happen to him either, but hey, I'm still bitter.

Because honestly, how happy can you want someone to be when they broke your heart? Maybe that means not enought time has passed. Or maybe that means letting go compleatly and growing up.

Stringing Along

Once I went to a happy hour thing with friends and I met a few of their coworkers. It was a fun time and I was my personable self, chatting and laughing with people. But I sparked a flicker of interest in one of the guys it seemed, because he asked my friend if I was seeing anyone. And I had literally just had the exclusive talk with my boyfriend the week before and was off the market. The coworker sagely said, "girls like her born with boyfriends."

Except that we're not. At least, I'm not. And what's a girl like me anyway? Is that even a good thing?

But that brought back a memory of when I was around 10. A neighbor told me that when I was older, I would have a line of boys waiting for me. I rolled my eyes like any 10 year old would, but in my head I was thinking yippee! I'm going to have a string of admirers and that will be awesome!

Yeah. I'm older. Where's that stupid string?

Popular

I would like to mention how much people like me (because that's not conceited or anything). But I think this one moment in time does a pretty good job at showing that.

I was co-oping winter and I had come back to Cincinnati for my chapter's initiation. Or formal. Whatever, something. It was the one year I was an officer, and my primary job was rule keeper and keeper of the pledges. I was close with a lot of people that year and I was looking forward to seeing everyone.

I was pretty tired when I walked in the door of my college house though. I was exhausted by a full day of work, a 5 hour drive in winter weather conditions and a time-zone change. I entered the main room where everyone was drinking hanging out, people naturally turned to see who had walked in the door. 'Cause that what's you do. And then someone excitedly cries out: Sarah's here! And lots of people rush to get up and hug me.

And I'm happy to see everyone, but I'm tired and the truth is I don't want to go down the line that was literally forming to hug me hello. (I don't think my bf at the time pulled bf rights to hug me first). Yep, a line. To hug me hello. How awesome would that make you feel? Uh huh. So instead I throw open my arms and yell at the top of my lungs, "everyone hug me!" And I'm quickly enclosed in the center of one giant brother group hug.

And when the hug broke up, someone handed me a drink. Great night. Though that could have been the night that a drunk wrestling match went horribly horribly wrong and it resulted in me taking out my belly button ring permanently. Or maybe that was the formal. Whatever, something.

But hey, you can't deny that a line of people to hug you hello isn't popularity.

Love Me Please

I want to be loved again. Not in the family or friends way, because I have that and it never went away. And it's wonderful and I know how extremely lucky that is. But I want to be loved in a romantic way again. From someone that I love back and want to marry.

I know my ex loved me. I believe he wanted to marry me and to spend the rest of our lives together. But we wanted different lives and I left because it his love wasn't enough. And while I can't give a list of what is and what will make me happy, I know what I had wasn't right.

Honestly, I know we were not very compatible. People really didn't get why we were even together. His friends thought he lucked out, while my friends weren't super impressed to say the least. And even though I was constantly trying to tweak things and break what I deemed as bad habits, when it comes down to it, I loved him too. Faults and all, I loved him. And I wanted to marry him too.

But woe is me, no one's ring shopping and planning how to spend our forever. And I don't have have anyone serious on my wish list either. And so while my heart is mended and I love my people, part of it still feels empty.

Dog Fight

Bailey got in a fight this morning.
First: she's ok. I'm honestly more shaken up than she was.

I was taking her for a walk this morning and we were crossing paths with another dog walker.
I don't know which dog growled at the other one first. I don't care either. Because they start fighting and as both humans try to yank our dogs away from each other, the other dog gets an iron grip on Bailey's cheek and she starts screeching.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to get in the middle of it because that's dangerous for me. But I can't let my dog get hurt like this. I know there's a way and a place to push or pull to get a dog's mouth to open up, I do this all the time when I give Bailey pills. But I'm not thinking like a rational person at the moment, becasue my dog is crying in pain and I can't stop it. Plus I don't want to stick my hands around a stranger dog's mouth that was clamped to Bailey's cheek, who knows what it would do to my hand.

So I'm just holding onto her for deal life, because by now I've dropped her leash, knees covered in mud from as I was trying to pull her away. Meanwhile, I'm hitting the other dog's face, practically crying, actually begging and yelling at the dog like a human: "just let go! Let go! stop hurting her!"
The other owner eventually shook the dog enough that the jaw loosened and we could pull them apart. He had two dogs with him and I guess it was lucky that other one just looked on and didn't do anything. There was enough noise coming from the dogs and my panicked cries that the neighbors came out to see if they could do anything. As we got them apart and I clutched my dog and checked her face, there was no blood so I figured she was ok enough. The guy asked me if we were ok and apologized. I said I think so, I'm just really scared right now.

It was just her cheek. It wasn't an eye or a tooth or her neck or bionic knees and any combination of those. Just her cheek.
But it's still fucking terrifying.

And here's another thing I hate about the whole thing, besides being scared to death and my dog yelping in pain. The other dog was a pit bull. I'm not against pit bulls, I think they are intense dogs, but I don't think they are bad dogs. It's the owners that encourage them to fight and bring out the malice in them that should be shot, not the dog. I was probably never going to get one myself, but if I adopted another dog at some point I wouldn't have discounted one solely on the fact that it had pit in it. But now, I'm a little scared of them I probably will do that now.

I Don't Read Your Christmas Newsletter

There are a few reasons I don't read your Christmas letter:

• I don't care that much.
• If we're good enough friends to be sending Christmas cards (or pretending we're grown ups, whatever), I would know this stuff already and this is just a repeat.
• Didn't you post everything on facebook when it happened anyway? See above.
• There are certain things that do and do not belong in newsletter. Do: big events, a birth, death, marriage or huge break up, graduating, ect. Don't: everyone who visited you when, every weekend trip you took, what you did on all those visits and how many new favorite restaurants within walking distance you found the past year.
• And we can't be that great of friends because I don't know the fluff you went on and on about and plus I never bothered to read about it on facebook in the first place. Why?
• Which brings us back to the first reason: I don't care that much.

And I especially don't want to read it when it's a size 10 font single spaced month by month breakdown full of the dont's from the previous year. Seriously, no one wants to read that.

I know how this sounds coming from someone who twitters. I'm well aware the narcissistic image that Twitter implies. It's chock full of the fluff of my life that I don't want to read about in other people's Christmas letters.

To be fair, I will judge read your letter once and try to evoke that fireside chat feeling. But you have multiple paragraphs of mwa mwa mwa with no kids to brag talk about, you don't have a "news letter" anymore. It's just you pretending to be a journalist.

Besides, can't we just facebook each other a "Merry Christmas!" and call it a holiday season?

Nutcracker

Not to rain on anyone's Christmas parade, but you know what I've never really been a fan of? The Nutcracker.

The ballet and the score. I just don't get all the hoopla about it. I don't think the music is anything moving, and the only piece I even recognize is the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies. But that's probably the only one a lot of people know. And what exactly is a sugar plum anyway?

The story line never captured me either. The whole thing seems like a bad dream set to interpretive dance. I tried watching the ballet on tv as a kid once and when I got bored a few minutes later, I left the room. When I wandered back in there was a huge rat dancing/fighting with a huge nutcracker. I don't know, I guess I couldn't suspend my imagination enough to find this entertaining.

I'm sure if I ever see it live it would make a differnce. But I'm in no hurry to do that.

Something Else

So the pharmacy thing. Not going to happen for me. Yes, it's a tough pill to swallow (oh hardy har-har there). But it's best to cut my losses now and stop struggling. My back up plan if pharmacy didn't happen was to be a chemist. And that's not going to happen either. Also a tough pill to swallow. But they are being swallowed. Albeit roughly, but still, I'm accepting it.

What I need to remember is that I made two huge decisions last year. To leave my fiance and go to school for pharmacy. Both were good choices. Both were smart choices. And both were right choices. But by making them at the same time, I bit off a lot more than I could chew. Not the going back to school in general, but I should have waited on what career to pick.

And honestly, I can't tell you why I picked pharmacy in the first place. I mean, there were reasons: the prestige, the money and the flexibility of it for my hypothetical family. Ok, all great reasons. It seemed like a really good choice. It still seems like a really good choice. But I can't tell you that it was always my dream and I couldn't imagine doing anything else. Was it ultimately what I wanted to do? I couldn't tell you one way or the other.

So what now? Sociology. What will I do with it? I'm not sure yet. But I was working on a minor in it at uc, so this isn't too out of left field for me. But please don't ask questions or give sugestions right now. Because I've thought this through. I've thought everything in the past year and a half through. Absolutely everything. More than you could ever imagine. How to juggle a career and a family. How to get both of those. I've thought about going to grad school, I've thought about quiting school. I've thought about what races I want to run in the next few years to what gym clothes I'm wearing the rest of the week (I only have so many sports bras). I've thought of homes in Lexington or where I could move if I don't stay here. I've thought of every possiblity, long and short term, with every possible family situation, hypothetical and not hypothetical. I've thought. I've thought a lot. And this blog, is maybe 15% of what goes on in my head on a daily basis. But the one thing I was tired of thinking while struggling in class was this: I want to do something else. I just want to do something I'm good at.

Food Wars

My sister was always yelling at my dad for finishing her drinks that she left out. I found it hilarious when we were growing up. Amy, I'm sorry for laughing becasue I completely feel your pain now.

I made peppermint bark and chex mix over the weekend. The peppermint bark is/was going into multiple gift boxes for work and not meant to be eaten by my house. I had one of those disposable 48 oz container things full and ready to give away.

I say was because my dad was left alone all day and ate the top layer of the bark. I have no idea how much that actually is, but there's a noticeably visible difference in the amount I started with and the amount I have. And even though I told him, several times when I was prepping it, making it and storing it, and that it was not for us and to leave it alone, he didn't listen. So I ended up making another batch this morning, pre-shower/pre-coffee because someone is incapable of listening to their neurotic and ridiculously high strung daughter. And while I was going to make another batch for the family later in the week, I had to make it on the fly because I no longer had enough to give away.

Fortunately, I had the supplies to do so, I had saved some chocolate to do just that, make a batch for home. So as I'm crushing the candy canes this morning, my dad comes up and ask if I want him to do that part since that's what he did to help last time. I shot him a look and said, "you've done enough." So he walks away, and opens the peppermint bark that was going to be given as gifts! I screech (and yes, screech) "STILL NOT FOR YOU!!!"

In other cooking news I made a batch of chex mix so we (and yes, this was for the family) could have snacks. I was hoping it would last a few days so I could at least take it to school. Yeah, that's gone too. This whole not your food thing happens a lot though. Pretty much whenever I cook, it's gone soon after.

So on one hand it is a complement that whenever I make something, it's gone in a day or two.
But it's also really annoying, and honestly, this whole bark thing just pissed me off.