Best Acronym Ever

I'm on the knot reading etiquette message boards. And because some brides take all their time debating god knows what, they don't have time to use their words, so they abbreviate or use an acronym for every single fcking thing.

So idk wth ppl r saying.

There is however, one that cracks me up. Someone posted to the message boards asking if her wedding date was a bad date. And the general consensus was check w/the key members of who you want there, and if the date works for them to go for it. Just be sure to send out stds.

Now I don't know which std is more wedding related, or how well something like the clap travels via mail.  But I'm just going to say that if I received a std from someone I probably don't want to go to their wedding!

Happy Hore-o-ween

I think the following disclaimer should be on all slutty (ie: woman's) costumes:
This is a "costume." Not a miracle worker.

Because really?

a sexy plumber. including crack.

or this:

a sexy remote control. Sigh.

Hey why are they all blond btw? Because brunettes don't get told enough they aren't enough fun or anything.

But this:

sexy sesame street. Gee, perv much?

crosses a line.
Sesame Street? Whore up your own wardrobe one night of the year fine, but keep iconic children's figures out of it.

So. Happy Halloween!

Boobies

Me: you got boob our first date.
Dr soc: I did? When?
Me: Yep. When you pulled away after the kiss, your thumb sorta brushed against right here (I point out the area as a visual aid). So it was just a little bit, but yeah.
Dr soc: Oh. Well, that's awesome, way to go me!

Fast forward a few months to my birthday and we're back at the place we had our second date. I realize that I/we hadn't been to Mellow Mushroom since then and point this out to dr soc. It was a much more passionate kiss that night, but he definitely did not get boob then. Which I point out to him as well.

Me: You did not get boob on our 2nd date.
Dr soc: Nope. But I did on the third. ::smirk::
Me: You certainly did. Well played sir.

Last Rule of Buddha

For about 10 seconds my roommate Ali thought she needed a religion, but really didn't know where to start. And another friend said they pictured her as a Buddhist. Why? I don't know, this was a drunk conversation I was not privy too and it seemed like a logical connection.

Beyond knowing that it exists in general (and that Richard Gere is one), Buddhism is an enigma to us all. So with some google searching, someone learns there are 10 (or maybe 12?) basic principles of buddism of things you do/do not do.

Well, Ali was known as the heathen of our group, and she had broken all the rules at some point in her life. Buddhism was out. However, she didn't steal, (one of Buddha's no-no's) so it was her saving grace.

This was at the same time all those obnoxious magnetic ribbons were on cars. (While the ribbon magnets were better then bumper stickers on principle, the inundation of them was still obnoxious). There were
Yellow for the soldiers







Pink for breast cancer,







and white with paw prints for spay/neuter pets... (by that point let's admit they were just drawing at straws)

amongst many others, everywhere. Well the pink one's center cut-out was a heart (at the time) with the words "Think pink!" And clearly, that makes people think of moi. So one day Ali swiped one off someone's car and put it on mine.

I loved it! And I told her so and "I'm so glad you stole that for me!"
She laughed but then her face completely crumpled! She wailed out " I just broke the last rule of Buddha!"

Good Day

OK this is highly inappropriate, but every time I remember this conversation I start to giggle, so I have to share.

My former roommate and I were talking and we got on the subject of sex (of course we did). We were discussing what we liked, what we didn't like, what we liked to do and what we liked done to us....ya know.

Well, for reasons I don't understand, she really likes giving a certain kind of job.
I don't. And I told her so to which she replied:
"god, I love it."
Me: "ugh, I hate it. In fact, any day that I don't have to, makes my day that much better."

She laughed really really hard at that.

Knocked Up

When I got engaged, a lot people asked if I was pregnant. I'm serious. Well, let me rephrase that. None of my friends asked that, but most of my ex's did. Our coworkers asked (we worked together at the time) as well, but I group those people as "his people."

But yeah, they (coworkers) were all excited and asked to see the ring, but then they pulled my ex aside and asked him in hushed tones, so... is Sarah pregnant? Because 1st, that's their business. And 2nd, the only reason anyone gets married nowadays is because of a pregnancy, clearly.

And that's bull shit by the way, what's the stat/percentage of single motherhood? High. Harley anyone does the antiquated honorable thing and gets married before the baby is born. (I do know of some couples that do marry after the child is born, therefore unbastadizing the child. Better late then never I suppose?)

Everyone figured out I wasn't pregnant because I was still a skinny bitch and drinking like a fish. But since we were having a somewhat long engagement, (it would have been close to 18 months) there was still plenty of time for me to get pregnant. I mean what? How does wearing a ring suddenly make me an idiot about my birth control? But it wasn't that I wasn't pregnant and nowhere near on the verge of announcing it that threw them the most off. Nope, what threw people for a loop was that I wanted to (gasp!) be married for a few years (years!) before starting a family. WHAT?? I was planning on kids? In a few years? And they were going to be legitimate? What the hell kind of person was I?

An old fashioned one. No wonder I called these people "those people."

Loot and Pillage

Remember how I dropped my wallet a few weeks ago but someone picked it up and handed it back to me? And I was relived I didn't loose my monetary life? And I considered it good karma for everyone involved? Yeah, that's kinda moot now.

My wallet was stolen yesterday. Not misplaced, or dropped or lost. STOLEN.

I went for my long run yesterday (10 miles, 101:28 minutes) and I was feeling pretty good after it. My weekend was going well, I just started spring break, I got to spend time with my sister, I got a pretty new dress and I had a great date with dr soc. I had a good run (I was tired don't get me wrong, but still, good run), and I had just watched UK squeak by with the SEC championship. Good mood.

So when I get to the locker room to put on dry clothes and go home, I see right way that I had forgotten to close the lock on my locker. I searched my gym bag to make sure everything was still there. Obviously not. My bag wasn't that full, and my wallet is, err, was, bright teal, so it's easy to spot. The thief who I know was a girl because it was stolen from the women's locker room, left my cell and car keys, and there was no cash in there. I had my ipod on me at the time, but still. MY WALLET WAS STOLEN.

I searched the bathroom stalls and I told the front desk. I knew they couldn't really do anything about it though since it was my own carelessness. I canceled my credit cards and suspended my plus account (uk money) w/in 2 hours of it happening, and I can get a new licence today. I lost my bus pass but I can get a new/different type of pass and work will reimburse me, so I'm not out that much money. Basically, the only thing this girl got from me is my bus pass that's valid for another 2 1/2 months and a fake id if she looks like me.

I'm mostly pissed about it being essentially my own fault. The steeling part sucks and it's still steeling which is illegal, but I was the one who forgot to lock my locker. I presented the opportunity. And I so rarely do shit like that. I feel violated, a complete stranger went through my stuff. But I acted quickly and I can replace everything. It's mostly a huge inconvenience on my part.

Lesson learned I guess. Still sucks though.

The Lines of Friendship

As a med/peds doctor, my doctor friend treats kids and grown ups. Anyway, she can and has delivered babies, and she tells me it's a pretty great moment. And as long as everything is normal, when the time comes, she could deliver my kids.

But instead of thinking, oh wow, one of my best friends would be there at seemingly the happiest moment of my life, I asked her:

Me: Umm, would you have to look at my hoo?
P: Well, yes. That's where I would have to be if I'm delivering your kids.
Me: Then no, I do not want you delivering my children. We're friends and all, but I'm fine if we never cross that line.
P: Phew, cool.
Me: You can totally be my kids' doctor after they come out though.
P: I better be.

I've been told there's a remarkable lax of privacy when you're having a baby, with doctors, nurses, med students (if you're at a teaching hospital), and invasive family (Seriously, stay out almost mother in-law!*) all entering the room when you are in that state. Maybe at that point you don't care if a friends sees that because she's a medical professional and it's just another day in the office for her. But I for one, still think it's a little icky. And I'm glad that she agrees.

*Oh yes, I *actually* had to have that conversation with the almost mother-in-law. She was in the delivery room for her daughter's first born. Held back a leg and everything. So she assumed the same for the ex and I. I flat out said no (not that it matters anymore, she can invade another girl's private moment now). She was a little hurt, until I explained I don't even want my own mom in there. When I relayed this story back to my mom, her response to I don't want her in there was: "oh thank god! I don't want to be there either!"

Inappropriate

Not to be all bah humbug, but I can't say I'm feeling the Christmas/holiday spirit yet, even though it's popping up everywhere in the form of commercials. Mainly it's because I get annoyed at the jewelry commercials, and some of them are inappropriate. Such as two I saw today:

The Gap cheer holiday seasons for girls. Girls, as in kids. Now I know Gap goes with a theme every year. This year it's cheer leading. Sure, ok, cheer leading isn't my thing, but I won't deny it's athleticism. But the 7-8 year olds are doing some how cute am I buy me stuff cheer, and well, I think, inappropriate. These girls, and I mean girls, are being a little too shake your thing sassy mc-princess for my moral judgment stick. And frankly, I don't think an 8 year old should know how to jut out a hip like a sassy drag queen.

And the other was for a game shop or something. The mom hears her kid come home and is trying to find a place to hide this burly warrior in a loin cloth (btw, not the inappropriate part). She runs through the home but alas! Every place is full with other characters. (the shower? like that doesn't get used every day (we should hope)). So she pulls down the attic stairs, and the character at the top of the stairs is this Elvin warrior female in a few fabric strips and glitter spills out. From her hoo. Why is there glitter coming out of anyone's hoo? I guess it's a treasure trove of sorts, but really? The herpes of crafts in the herpes home? Inappropriate.