Chips

Over Thanksgiving I said that while the show Friends is funny, it's very homophobic and hasn't aged well. The religious side of the family didn't know what homophobic meant (it means you're an ass btw), which then brought up their shock and dismay at the same sex kiss the Macy's parade broadcasted. Their opinion didn't surprise me, but I do not agree with them and didn't want them to think I did, especially in my own home. So I stared them dead in the eye and said: SO?
They start trying to back pedal a little bit, saying it's a sign of the times, they're a different generation, excuses/justifications for their general homophobia.
And once again I said: So what?

Someone else quickly redirected the confrontation and shut down the conversation. I understand why, hot button issue, black and white opinions, lots of people and small impressionable children around. But later I was chafing a bit that my small impressionable kids even heard excuses for homophobia initially.

It was pointed out to me that one conversation isn't "going to change hearts and minds"
Which is true. BUT.
Later that night the same family used a term I find derogatory and outdated. I had one of my kids in my lap, and without much thought I blurted "that's not a nice word." And when they tried to sweep it away I simply said "it's not a nice word" again and it was done.

And then I thought, what if...what if the way to dismantle systemic injustices was to simply call out the microaggressions and behaviors with an undertone of misogyny, racism, homophobia, unkindness, etc, that bolster them? Rather than wait for the acceptance light to go on whilst scrapping in opposite corners, you keep chipping away at the roots that have allowed them to go on for so long in the first place? Make those accepted microaggressions unacceptable, would we see how deep the problem is and make strides to change?

I think it's at the very least, it's worth a shot.

Color Scheme

My friends bought a thing, aka a new house, so they're selling their old one. To actually sell the old house they have to repaint the entire place gray because people would rather buy that than their meticulously-thought-out-color-schemed-by-actual-designers one. Because people like to think they are creative and original when 80% of people's favorite color is blue and they're just going to put in whatever's trendy (and ultimately dated) anyway. 

  

Whatever. While discussing this with my girlfriends I suggested the color "Monterrey Bisque" because: "it's beige as fuck." My mom painted the entire house that due to her lack of imagination (which she admits) and is afraid of color which I can prove because she told me the neutral tiles I suggested for the back splash had "too much color." 🙄 

Anyway. We came up with our own designer-educated-suburban-color-pallet. Including: 

"Beige as Fuck" 

"Fuckit. Just paint it white"

"Suburban Sunkiss" (pale yellow)  

"Just a bit of green for pizzazz"

Happy painting!

Wrong

What the ever loving hell is WRONG with the president? That man-child is:

• Stupid
• Ignorant
• Ugly (auto-disqualification for women-attack on looks) 
• Fat (another auto disqualification)
• Has absolutely zero empathy
• Insensitive
• Unaware
• Entitled
• Notoriously thin skinned
• An aggressive bully
• Xenophobe (that's a big word for racist so he might understand)
• Misogynist (another big word for women-hating*)  
• A sexual assaulter**
• A total creepster***
• Narcissistic
• Impulsive 
• Reckless
• Shallow
• A hypocrite

That cheeto is bat. shit. crazy. and has the nuclear codes. We're so fucked.

*except the daughter he'd date****
**but only models
***he called his daughter a piece of ass and would date her. 
****fucking creepster

Words Matter 2.0

Last week Cheeto-in-Chief read from a teleprompter and acted like an adult for about an hour.  He quickly received pats on the back, praise from the media (which he has previously vilified), stayed remarkable quiet on Twitter for the next 24 hours and the republican party was tickled pink red that he gave an unremarkable politician-type speech. Yay!

Really? You want to give him a sticker for that?  Don't "yay" him for acting presidential- that's his job. Which he has had for over a month now and flooded the swamp with dimwits just like himself btw. Don't praise him for reading the teleprompter and simply not yelling. Don't laud him for not being an asshole for a moment in time. He's still the tiny-handed puppet for the aforementioned replenished swamp of über rich racist sexist ignorant fools that is his administration.

So he didn't yell gave a stump speech. In it he said he condemns the hate crimes flourishing under his tenure, and judge him on what he said. But he also judge him on what he doesn't say. His tolerance and downplaying the sheer volume of hate crimes matters too. The lack of those words matter just as much, maybe even more.  

Cat House

I try to run a tight leash when it comes to the dog. I watched enough dog whisperer pre-Bailey to know my dog had to respect me if I wanted to have any type of control over it. Then we paid a hefty penny for hard core training when Bailey and Jules were fighting, and the respect thing was highly enforced. So when I go on a walk with the dog I keep her on a short leash and don't let her lead or mark along the way. Except for one place, the lawn that belongs to the cat that attacked her.
Yeah. You read that right.  My leashed dog got attacked by a cat.

Back when the baby was about a month old the four of us (me pushing the stroller, Mike walking the dog) were taking a w-a-l-k when out of nowhere this streak of orange comes from behind and animal fight noises start. The baby starts to wail so I snap into mama bear mode and run a few steps to protect her. Meanwhile Mike has managed to pick up the dog by her leash while kicking at the streak of orange attacking her, which then retreats to a tree trunk and hisses at us. While in fight mode something has bled on mike's pants and the dog nipped or scratched him along the jaw so he's bleeding too and all we can do for a moment is stare in disbelief at this hissing streak of orange that we have just realized is a cat. But it gets even more ridiculous.

All the commotion brought the cat's owner outside who asks what just happened. The dog is still wriggling so we have no idea if she's okay but we know at least one animal is bleeding, my husband is bleeding, the baby's crying and this cat is hissing at us. So still in a bit of shock we tell them this cat just attacked our dog. And their response? "But he doesn't even have claws!"

Excuse me? This cat we have seen around the neighborhood before that just attacked our dog is declawed?  WHAT? And the owner, who didn't see a damn thing and leaves the garage door open a crack so this declawed cat can roam around, keeps insisting the cat doesn't have claws and doesn't believe us, and they don't even ask if anyone, human or animal is okay.

By this point the hissing cat has run back into the open garage, Jules has stopped wriggling enough that we can tell at the very least she's and dr soc's jaw isn't gushing blood, but the baby is still wailing at the top of her lungs, our nerves are on edge and the cat owner keeps reiterating the cat doesn't have claws. We need first aid and we're going to get absolutely nowhere with this person, so we curtly restate the cat attacked our dog, and we are leaving to take care of ourselves and hightail it home.

The whole walk home we're making sure we're not crazy and that we both saw/heard the same thing. A streak of orange that roams around the neighborhood whenever it wants because the garage is left open is a motherf*cking declawed cat and it attacked our dog. That sounds made up but it totally happened! At home we clean the shallow scratches on Jules' legs and the nip along dr soc's jaw, but thankfully everyone is okay enough. In disbelief, but okay.

A motherf*cking declawed cat attacked my dog. Mark all you want at that cat house Jules. Mark all you motherf*cking want.

Bragging Rights

It's March Madness baby! (Of course I'm cheering my Kentucky Wildcats for a perfect 40-0 season, so we'll see soon enough!)

Anyway, I hate Duke. I don't understand why anyone's a fan unless you're alumni. I mean, I'm not going to fault you for cheering your alma mater, even if it's duke.. But if you're a fair weather fan "just because" and you only want to brag on duke to annoy me, you're an asshole.  Also? You better make sure that you even have the bragging rights to begin with.

At some point during the season Duke was ranked number 2. My coworker is a "just because" fan was trying to be superior and taunt me about it.

coworker: ~smugly~ Did you see the rankings? Duke's number two! Na-na-na-nana!
me: ~snort~  Yeah, you know what that's not though? Number one. Because that's Kentucky.

Unicorns

Conversation on the State of the Union in a post twitter world:
dr funtimes: Are all female lawmakers required to notify us about what's come out of their uteri at the beginning of every speech? #JoniErnst
me: yes. Otherwise we won't know how much of a woman she is and what ratio we can not take her seriously.
dr funtimes: how many of the male rebuttals to the #SOTU started out with "I am a father?" 0? Exactly.
me: -20% seriousness -15% dedication to job 1 child -5% for each addition child +2% adversity for non-white race -5% relatablity
dr funtimes: isn't that a lot of maths for a girl?
me: well yeah. why do you think there's an algorithm in the first place? girl + math = magical creature

Derby Pie

Last week was the first Saturday of May and that means one thing and one thing only for this Kentucky lady: The DERBY!!!!!!
I try not to pick a horse because that pretty much hexes them, but that doesn't mean I don't secretly hope one will win. (This year my secret pick showed (3rd place), so at least I didn't completely take away it's mojo. But the one horse/jockey that I really wanted to win...last place. :( sorry!). I've only been to the Derby once (best bachelorette party ever), but at least since college I have always, always made sure to watch it on, this year being no exception. I had some (a lot of) thoughts this year:

• I get that they need filler pre-race but what the hell is this simulated race analysis nonsense they are trying to do? Seriously WTF?? Don't they know there is no simulating the most exciting two minutes in sports?
• At least do another one of those "human/horse" interest stories if you need filler.
• Oh wait, nbc has the Derby and that means the human/horse interest story will most likely be done by... 
• Damit. I hate Bob Costas. 
• I wish the pinkeye that sidelined him in Sochi had stuck around to do the same for the Derby.
• Speaking of Sochi, under things that I do wish had stayed there: Tara Lipinski and Johny Weir. I just...yeah, no, I just don't care. I guess they were a hoot in Russia and with the color commentary and they have that Will and Grace thing going for them and all, and yeah the Derby is somewhat about fashion...But they should stick to ice skating.
• And by fashion, I mean HATS. It's mostly about the hats. The fashion is the accessory to the hat, Not the other way around.
• My Old Kentucky Home! I love that every year the whole nation sings my state song.
• Thoroughbreds are such amazingly beautiful animals.
• In the gate! In the gate! In the gate! Hold my breath...
• AND THEY'RE OFF!!!! Go baby go!
• I can't tear my eyes away for one second...oh there goes the favorite into the lead!
• More lead! more lead! go baby go!
• 2014 has a Derby Champion, way to go California Chrome!!!
• Seriously, you can't simulate the most two exciting minutes in sports. Don't ever do that again. 

  

Ren Fest

Y'all I went to my first Renaissance Festival 2 weeks ago, and I was ridiculously exited about it. I mean, epic people watching, all kinds of food on sticks, , crap crafts and jousting?! What's not to like? We had a buy one get one free admission ticket, so I figured what the hell, lets go check it out.  And I'm glad we had the coupon because $44 for 2 people to drive a half hour to pretty much people watch is a bit much for my preferences, but $22 for the both of us to do the same thing and call each other wench in public is more justifiable. You pretty much have to pay if you want to actually do anything. I expected to pay for food and any sort of artisan crap you want to buy, but $3-$5 to toss an axe at a target, shoot a cross bow with no fabulous prizes or for your kid ride the barfing boat? Nah.

But it was fun walking around outside and people watching. We skipped most of the food since it was a pretty hot afternoon and a flask of hot cider or gnawing a roasted turkey leg didn't have the same appeal as fair food usually does for me. There was way too much incense wafting from every artisan booth for my olfactory sense, but if we're being honest, pretty much any incense is too much for my tastes. And when did pirates become a Ren-Fest thing? I figured there would be a lot of corsets and leather wearing for those die hard fans, but Johnny Depp style pirates are not one of the first things that come to mind when I hear ren fest. But I guess with all the bawdy jokes, the amount of cleavage on display and the possibility of a nip slip at every turn, the pirates figured they wouldn't raise too many eyebrows. 

I would go back with friends to judge people, and only if we had a coupon. But all in all, it was a fun time. Huzzah!

Teachable Moment

I can get annoyed like anyone else. And like most people, there are things that annoy me more so than others. Like: college students and people who think music is the end all be all are two things that annoy me easily. So the other day when a college student felt the need to enlighten me about his music preference superiority, my annoyance tolerance was shot to hell from the second the kid opens his mouth.

student: I would like to donate a book to you guys that I have because you don't have it.
me: Well we have a policy actually of not accepting book donations. But someone at the center desk over there can tell you who to talk to about collection development.
student: It's a biography. You guys have several other books on this subject, several copies of a few of them, but you don't have this particular one. This one is really important and you guys should have it.

I was only slightly annoyed that he didn't listen to me, but that's pretty much what happens all the time with the college students I see at work, so I wasn't going to get all bent out of shape over this. He was more offend that I didn't want his book than I was by him not listening. But then he kept talking and tried to explain to me why we needed to have this book

student: It's a biography on Duke Ellington. Like the most important jazz musician of all time. You guys really need this book, and I want to to give it to you because it's so important. Music is life, you know? It's my passion, the most important thing.

So here's where I went from slightly annoyed to completely annoyed. Because as we all know, I have heard, dealt with, and left the music is my passion and most important thing ever dude. I probably heard those words verbatim or close enough before. And music? Not the most important thing ever. I was in choir and marching band, I used to know how to read music and I definitely think music classes should remain in schools, but "having a passion" for music is a far cry from "making a living" off this nonsense. While I know there are professional musicians who do make a living from music, and I respect the time and talent it takes to get to that tier, it's still not the most important thing ever. And besides, just because you think something is the most important thing, doesn't make the rest of the world agree with you. And you certainly shouldn't be foisting your opinions on me or anyone for that matter. (Impartiality is part of being a librarian, and the ability to providing equal access to all sides of something. (OK, well a public library, I guess if I worked in a special library I could be a lot more judicious in what kind of access people get to particular subjects))

I know this student had no idea what he stepped into with that comment or that my particular background with another "music is my passion" would annoy the crap out of me. But I still wanted him to just go away and to take his opinions with him. But I realized I could make this a teachable moment and said:

me: Well, I think unicorns are important. And we don't have a lot of books on those here either.
student: Uh....but this is Duke Ellington. You know who he is right? That this is important!?
me: I've heard of him. Now, the center desk over there can tell you who to discuss collection development with. Have a good day.

OK, not the best teachable moment and the kid probably thinks I'm a kook. But at least it was a little snarky. I count that as a win.

Pregnancy in a Post Pinterst World

First: I am not pregnant.

But everyone I know* and in the popular pins section of pintrest is. That or putting their bridal party in cowboy boots and/or holding assault riffles for a "cute/country/rustic" look. Which, stop it people. It's stupid.
Anyway, everyone on pintrest is either pinning tacky cowboy boots or cute pregnancy related things. Because now, to be pregnant in this post pintrest world you:

• Need a creative pregnancy announcement. (It typically involves a sibling (or pet) holding a sign saying they are going to be a big sibling or a tummy shot with a bow and a due date. Though my favorite announcement is when the sonogram is imposed on the tummy picture for a creepy effect.) 
• Throw an elaborate gender reveal party. (It's actually a sex reveal party, since gender is a social construction and sex is biological. You're discovering what parts the baby has, but "sex reveal party" doesn't have the same ring to it and sounds highly inappropriate when referring to babies.)    
• Take a sexy but still classy maternity photo shoot. If you aren't feeling up for that you can do a family photo with everyone showing off their tummy while in awe of yours. Either one, you (or someone) must lovingly caress your belly. (I admit I want to do a weekly progression series myself, but there will be no touching of my tummy. Seriously, hands off.)
• Have a tricked out themed nursery. Chevron seems to be the hot thing right now. Chevron is a fancy word for zig-zag pattern.
• Put rubber duckies in the punch at the baby shower. (Seriously, why are there so many rubber duckies in the punch? It just blocks the way to the punch and that's a waste.)
• Announce the baby's birth in either the same theme you announced the pregnancy and maternity shoot, or in a completely different cute and original way.
• Once the baby arrives everyone is taking an artistic, beautiful black and white family photo. Or a funny black and white family photo. It's always black and white though.   

Oh good god. Being pregnant sound exhausting enough as it is. I told you pintrest was bananas.
*Seriously, everyone. 4 friends, my sister (!) and my next door neighbor. Everyone.

Fair Trade

Dr soc had is PhD in sociology and is the best sociologist ever. His wife has her undergraduate in sociology, but she is the worst sociologist ever.*

I am a librarian in the making and love to read. My dream job is to get paid lucratively to read all day and to judge it.  But my husband, the academic, actually hates to read. So that puts him on the opposite end of my career spectrum.

It's a fair trade really.

*I pronounce Max Weber (who he used heavily in his dissertation) as Web-er, not Vay-ber just to drive him a little batty.** See Go Team  and Animal Instinct for more affirmation.
**Worst wife ever

Decipher

student: So, like, my, like, can, um you, like, um, wait.
me (totally confused): Ok...
student: Ok, like, my teacher, like um someone, like, told like me you can um like, um order a like book, like like and um like um someone, like like um they'll like send it some-um-where like um here and like you I mean me can like, pick it, like up here like? Um, yeah
--15 seconds pass while I stare at him even more confused--
me: I have no idea what you just asked me.
student: oh, oh ok, like,
me: Ok, if you are asking if you can request a book or material online, the answer is yes. And if the material is available someone from our staff will pull it for you and we'll put it on our hold shelf for you to pick up. At least, that's what I think you were asking?
student: Yes! And like, where um do you pick it up? Like, right here? This desk? 
me: Yes, right here.
student: Oh my god, that is like so awesome! I'm going to go um request like so much right now. Thanks!
--walks away smiling ear to ear--
me: God help us.  

Ummm, No

A couple gems from work:

scene: A student was checking out the English Patient dvd.
me: I tried to read this, but I just didn't have the time to do so.
student: Oh? They made a book after the movie?*
me: Umm, no.

Another student a few hours later, checking out a the dvd on Lolita:

student 2: I really like Kubrick's movies. Especially Eyes wide shut. It's about a married couple and their problems. I thought it must be really true to life, marriages and their troubles. You know, because all marriages have some sort of problem.
(I decided to ignore both those quips since I am a newlywed and married life is perfect. And I also thought Eyes Wide Shut was a stupid movie )
me: I'm fairly indifferent to his work. But this book (Lolita) is really good.**
student 2: Did you read it? I think I know what it's about It's about a man and a woman, and they're like, really crazy about each other and in love, right?
me: Umm, no. No. Not at all.

*Made a book. Not wrote a book. Made.
**It is, it's a beautifully written novel. But you certainly don't go around telling people that you enjoyed a fiction book told from the perspective of a pedophile.

Late Night Phone Calls

My home phone rang at 11:50 pm last night. And at my age you answer the call form a number you don't recognize because you just hope that it's not an emergency.

It was not an emergency. It was giggly, sloppy drunk dial from the Raleigh/Chapel Hill area, jabbering something about frank and an order.

Relief that it' not an emergency quickly transitions into annoyance. But I told them they had the wrong number and got ready to hang up. But drunk and disorderly on the line doesn't understand and tries to dispute that with a "are you shhhhuuul you're not Frank? Like, really sure?"

Yeah. I'm sure. So that I responded with a groan and a why am even I talking to you you idiot? and hung up.

My guess is they were probably going to call back and tell me off, but then they passed out since my phone didn't ring again. I just hope that kid's hangover tomorrow is hell.

Smack talk

My neighbor had some friends over the weekend and they all brought their dogs over as well. Which, whatever, we have dogs, the neighbor has dogs and there's a fence to give boundaries and keep everyone with 4 legs and a wagging tail safe. 

When we let the dogs out after they ate, both Bailey and Jules ran to the fence to investigate the new people and dogs.  And Bailey's way of greeting (both dogs and humans) is a "bark head off first think later" approach.  Which riles up her sister, and now we have two spazztastic dogs who can't be distracted and won't come back to the house when called, even with the lure of tasty treats.   And two spazztastic dogs in full spazztastic mode can be somewhat dangerous because it has lead to fights and someone inevitably ends up hurt. So Mike and I navigate the minefield known as the backyard to pull the girls back from the fence and into the house.
So here we are, trying to get our dogs back under our control and we toss a hello to the people in that I would stop and talk to you but you can clearly see that I've got something else going on and you understand why we're not stopping to shoot the breeze sort of way.  When one of the guys sees that Mike is wearing a Browns T-shirt (which is the status quo here since that's 80% of his t-shirt collection), his way of greeting us over the barking and spazzing is to announce that he was going to invite us over to have a beer until he saw the Browns shirt.

Which, really? It's not that I don't get sports rivalries and that I've never teased someone based on their sports affection (case in point, my husband is a Browns fan, teasing is nothing knew here). But really, that's the way you say hello to people you haven't actually even met, sports ball busting? We don't know you, and he's a guest at our neighbors home with no real invite rights to begin with in the first place.

And while I know really nothing to get my panties in a twist about, I still thought that this guy using a sports jab in place of a hello made him an asshole.

adults only

To all the couples that do want an adults only reception, know that it's ok to want that.*  It is your day and you can celebrate how you want to. But be forewarned that everyone will have an opinion one way or another and you will probably ruffle some feathers in doing so. It's a common thread on the knot: My cousin/friend/mom's friend's daughter's old college roommate** wants to bring their kid and we're doing an adults only reception. My cousin/friend/mom's friend's daughter's old college roommate is super pissed we're not inviting jr and threatening to not come/is going to bring them anyway no matter what I want. Help!

Right now I side with the bride's side and tell her to stick to her guns. Don't kowtow to those people who become offended you didn't invite their precious children. And I know I don't have kids yet so I can't say how I'll feel about leaving them at home to these events in the future.***

But I have a little tidbit for all the brides who want an adults only reception.  You don't want kids there? Invite them.
That's how it seemed to work for us at least. Mike and I invited about 20 kids (all under the age of 14), and a grand total of 5 of them are coming.  Of course, we didn't intended to have an adults only reception anyway and our invitations were genuine.  It's just most of the guests with kids:
A) Can't make it anyway. And/or
B) Have opted to leave the kids at home for their own adult night.

Which was a choice we were fine with either way.  And I'm not saying what we did was a right or wrong way to do things, it was the best way for us.  I just think it's a little funny.

*Just don't be an asshole about it. Getting married is not a excuse to make ridiculous demands and then pitching a hissy fit because you didn't get every single ridiculous thing you demanded.
**honestly, if you're extending the invite this far out, you may as well invite kids.
***though if I do become one of those moms that thinks her children should be included in everything, do me a favor and please refer me back to this post.

Out of State

Last weekend Mike and I took a weekend trip to Columbia, SC for our anniversary.  Columbia happens to be where USC is, and being the academics that we are, (and, that our hotel was close) we walked around campus some.  At some point I joked who would have thought we would be going on college visits so soon. To which Mike replied that our children would not be going to USC because it's out of state. 

Which I agree with since there are plenty of schools in North Carolina they can go* to, and that are far enough away for them to feel like they are going away to college. (Hell, even if they go to UNC Charlotte, they're living in the dorms to get out of the house.)  Unless they are going for a very specific reason/program, the kids shouldn't need to go out of state.**  And they certainly aren't going to do out of state like I did*** either, and hour and half away. If they go out of state, I want a 5 hour drive and a state**** in between us to make it worth it!

* except Duke. Not only because I'm a UK alum, but also because it's private and if we're not about to pay out of state tuition then we sure as hell don't want to pay private tuition.
**personal example: my parent's told me they wouldn't pay out of state tuition for an in state education. Interior design at one of the top schools in the country? That's an out of state education.  A Ba in sociology? In state all the way.
***and they are not doing undergrad like I did either.  I am proud of my BA because I earned it, but I don't want my kids to struggle like I did for so long and be as miserable as I was in doing so.
****the exception for that is West Virgina. While Virgina is directly between North Carolina and West Virgina, I think we all know that West Virgina is a driving through in the daytime state and never a stay for any reason state.

And Guest

Our invites are in the mail and on their happy way, so now I'm just excitedly waiting for the rsvp's to come pouring in.  (yes I know, if I keep watching the rsvps, it will never boil).

To be able to invite all of our friends to the wedding, we decided to eschew the blanket "and guest."  Everyone invited will know at least a few people there besides us, and of course those with a significant other will be invited with the SO.  Old school etiquette says this is unacceptable, but new school says this is ok. While there are some etiquette rules that I totally said "blow me" to, like, hand addressing the invites, or spending a boatload of money on a professional calligrapher as an almost* acceptable substitute for hand written,** there were other things I do care about. Like who to address the invite to.  

Not to say that the generic "and guest" is a bad thing.  I've been and brought the and guest before, which is fine.  It is not fine however, to be addresses as an "and guest" when you are engaged to the person who is actually invited.  I was actually super pissed when I saw that invite.***.  And then, to add insult to injury, not only did they not bother to find out my name, neither mine or my ex's name was even on the seating chart****.

*Martha Stewart can be such a bitch!
** Calligraphy is acceptable but printing on a computer is tacky.  And using any sort of label in general is a cardinal sin.*
***though I shouldn't have been all that surprised really. This couple had a Friday night wedding and scheduled a smoke break in between the ceremony and the reception.
****That however, was mainly my ex's fault, seeing as he thought rsvp* meant saying "dude, you know I'll be there right?" a day before the wedding.
*We went the whole hog blasphemous route and not only printed computer, we printed from a computer onto a label.
* NO. That is definitely NOT an rsvp. 

Romeo and Juliet

I was looking for ideas for some ceremony music.  We're not going to do any of that stupid bridal party shaking it down the aisle that seems to be so popular on you tube.  For so, so many reasons, some of them being that this is my wedding and not a frat party, I'm so over the auto-tuning thing, and nowhere does someone with a name like T-pain belong at a wedding in general.

So I think it's no surprise that we're opting to go the traditional route and looking at classic pieces. The only song that I don't care to be played is the Wedding March by Wagner.  Mainly because when I hear it, I start to sing "here comes the bride, all fat and wide!" in my head, which, no.  And also, when I hear it played on a on a horn, my mind jumps to the fanfare played at the start of a horse race and want to excitedly scream "and they're off!" while jumping up and down, which, also, no. (well, not for the wedding at least. This is perfectly acceptable at an actual horse racing event.)

So I searched for a few of the alternatives pieces, and one the knot suggested tunes is the love theme from the ballet Romeo and Juliet by Tchaikovsky.  It is quite pretty, and it does have a very classic feel to it. And honestly, if I just heard it without any prior knowledge of what it was from I might even say sure.  But it's Romeo and Juliet.  And the thought of having Romeo and Juliet as a part of my wedding music seems...no.

Yes I know it's supposed to be one of the most romantic stories of all times, but really, not so much.  When you break it down as such, it's just 2 horny teenagers (though, "horny teen" is a bit redundant), who kill themselves over because ohmygod they can't be together.   So I remember reading the play in high school like you do in freshman english.  And while most of the girls are swooning over the romantics of it all, I thought: really? She killed herself over a boy she's known for what, a week? God, what a waste!