High Road Be Dammed

Good news is that default crush put out! Bad news, I told him I liked him and may have killed the friendship.

So now I can't stop thinking about him (even more than before), and he's probably trying to figure out how to tell me acting on our physical attraction was a bad idea w/out hurting me. At least I hope he's trying not to hurt me. If he's thinking of me at all that is.

But when you invite someone to your place for a drink, talk and laugh for hours, admit you've shamelessly checked each other out, the tension has been building for months, not to mention you're both hard up and a bottle and a half of wine has been consumed (3/4 of a bottle is in my bloodstream alone), well, what do you think is going to happen?

I'm pretty sure I instigated, but it's not like he resisted. At all. He may have pulled me closer for all I know. At one point he did say he wanted to take the high road and stopped. Which bummed me out, but I drunkenly understood. And then a few hours later, he's kissing me frantically and the high road was long forgotten.

So now I'm left with the questions: what's going on in his mind? Does he not remember? Does he think I don't remember? Is he happy or regretful that it happened? Is he wary of hurting me or does he want more? And am I making this more complicated then it needs to be?

I've assumed worst case scenario, that he thinks it was a huge mistake and we awkwardly avoid each other from now on. And I'm a big girl, if that's what he thinks, then I accept it and say his loss. But I was hoping for that cliche friendship turns into a passionate love affair maybe could last thing again. Would have brightened things a bit.