Tween Trash

Sometimes, rarely, I flip through a teen magazine before I put it back on the magazine rack at work. Number one, when did teenager-hood become the proper age for skank? (actually there's no proper age). I remember reading Seventeen and learning what to expect my first period, or taking a quiz to find out if I was a good kisser/what type of romantic I was (classic, in case you cared) or do I know how to juggle friendship and a relationship at the same time (I do by the way, I am an awesome friend according to these quizzes). Well now they have things like what kind of birth control do you use, high end fashion that a part time job won't won't help you afford, and diet and exercise plans to look your hottest ever in the clothes you can't afford.

Ok, I admit, I hate teenagers (most of them). They annoy the crap out of me. But I also remember it's a pretty tough age spot to be, and yet they have no idea how care free their life really is. Isn't being a teenager hard enough? Not only are your hormones out of control, you have to look awesome and be sexy at the same time when you have no idea what the hell is going on in the first place? Can this insecurity stuff wait? Though, maybe it's better to get the typical teen problems worked out when you're an actual teenager. Because what's worse: a typical insecure 14-year-old who whines they've never been kissed, or the insecure 23-year-old who whines because they've never been kissed? (The 23-year-old. Because then when you work with them you develop a chronic headache from trying to not roll your eyes every time they speak, you say "I'll tell you when you're older" when every joke goes over their head, and you develop a twitch from constant refrain of kicking them in the shins for saying/doing something so incredibly naive. Trust me on this one)

Another teen mag is Teen Beat, or j14U. Something like that, whatever. And it's always the same teen stars gracing the cover. That's because there are only 3 things that exist in the teen super star world: Twilight, Miley Cyrus, and the Jonas Brothers. And they are only so many actual teen super stars. Everyone else playing teens are in their 20's pretending to be 16 (Robert Pattinson, I'm looking at you-you glittering freak of nature). Every cover promises "kissing details on set," who's hooking up with which Jonas brother, or continuing drama over the Twilight saga (then again, everything about teen angst is a saga). But every 2 months or so, some starlet (usually the most recently dumped by a Jonas brother) inevitably claims, "I'm actually painfully shy."

Now does this annoy anyone else? If nothing else, I want to shake them and say, well, if you don't like the spotlight, get out. Leave it for the person who wants to be a diva (like J-lo. Woman s'aint exactly a teen, but she's a genuine triple threat, and knows how to get her way).