Arrrgh

It's like he finally understands. For Christ sake, now he starts to understand! Not two months ago when we were at the make it or break it point. Not while I was looking at apartments, or packing my things. Not before I quit my job and uprooted my life. Not even giving back the ring made him understand the gravity of the situation.

No, it has to be now, when I was starting to think I was moving forward. Too little too late like always. No, it's now he's realizing what a fool he is. Maybe one day he'll truly want the same things I want. Maybe he'll even want them with me. He might be a real husband and a devoted dad one of these days. He's going to be all the things I want for somebody else. And the only reason he ever got there in the first place is because I was the practice. And that sucks. It's not fair it's not fair it's not fair! Some days I want to wring his neck and pop off his over inflated head. Other days I want him to come flying back to me and starting over. I want him to see every single dream fall apart in front of him. But most days I just want to not feel anything.

I'm a firm believer in karma. And I can't remember doing anything that particularly naughty. So I better be in for the most wonderful time of my life. Because nothing is worth this much conflict. Nothing.