matter

Yesterday I tried to enroll in a health care plan through work, but my employee number and name didn't bring up any records.  Which is odd and I talked to HR about it since my window for enrollment is still open.  But at the time, I felt like I didn't count with them I guess, and that the last few months have been nothing to them.  Because that was an unproductive portion of my day, in a cart before the horse move, I started to fill out my fasfa just in case I start school next semester. (Hey, wouldn't it be hysterical if I receive financial aid but don't get into grad school? A fcking laugh riot I bet!), but before I could file it, there was a discrepancy between the number of dependents and members living in my house hold.  I claimed that I am single/never married, because I am, but there are 2 of us living in my household.  Which is true, it's dr soc's house and I just live there.  But I guess the government doesn't understand that an "independent student" can still be dependent on other people.  So I had to list that there was no one else in my household.  

And that for some reason, really stung.  My ego was already bruised from applying for a job earlier in the day that I know I'm not really qualified for. My employee info not coming up for health insurance made me feel like I don't belong.  And now I have to say I don't have anyone at home with me.

I just felt like I really don't matter.  And that's a depressing place to go.