Dependant

I may joke about getting used to rejection letters from jobs, but I'm never going to get used to it.  As more and more time passes between the time I recieved my degree and full time employment, I become more and more unhirable.  Yes, I have a part time job and I'm glad I have something and am making some money, but I'm still compleatly dependant on my fiance and my parents. How does that make a person feel good about themselves?

And as much as Mike tries to make me feel better about everything, he doesn't understand.  Even when he wasn't in a career, he was still in school working towards something.  He resigned a job with a horrible boss to start his shiny new teaching carreer in a shiny new city right away.  I don't begrudge him for having these good things because he's worked very hard and deserves them.  But he's not stuck in the shiny new house, in our shiny new city, continiously searching for a shiny new job to start my shiny new career, all while being at the mercy of other people's acceptance. 

But he just doesn't understand how hurtful it is to feel like that you don't matter.  The lump I get my chest as the rejection emails pile up.  To continiuosly come up empty on jobs that I am qualified for. To apply for jobs I'm only partialy qualified for, and then to not even be surprised when I am ignored. 
And even if things just snaped into place that I land a full time job, by the time I'd be on my feet I'll be married, and then dependant on my husband.  I'm never going to be a grown up.