Let's Make a Deal

My dishwasher decided to stop working. Um, I'm going to go out on a domestic limb and admit that my past relationships have not been strong enough to withstand this. This relationship with dr soc is because I know we'll both take care of the dishes for the moment and I don't keep score. I just know from previous experience that when I am the only one who does the dishes I get resentful.

Some back story: I have lived with a boy before. And I stress the boy part. We moved from a tiny apartment with a loud dishwasher to a huge apartment with no dishwasher. Well, the huge apartment had one, but it was still in it's box and sat there in the kitchen for 3 months before the landlord came through and finally sent someone to install the gdmn thing. Because I don't mind doing the dishes and I hated taking out the trash more, I struck this deal with my ex: I'll do the dishes in the new place if you take out the trash. He agreed no problem since he hated to do the dishes as much as I hated to take out the trash. We may have even shook on it and it worked. For about a week.

Because someone took the trash for dishes deal as a licence to leave a collection of dirty dishes throughout the apartment, damaging whatever cookware he wanted, sometimes stacking the damaged cookware on the counter and in the sink, and then telling me I needed to do the dishes soon, especially since he was nice enough to get them started by squirting a glob of dish washing liquid on them. However, if I asked him to take out the trash because it was over flowing, it went in one ear and out the other, plus I was nagging and deserved to be ignored. The arrangement stayed in place even after the dishwasher was installed which made things even more volatile. The rational there was that he was doing the dishes every time he put something in the dishwater, and therefore was helping me out on my portion of the deal. Since I was supposed to do all the dishes, taking out the trash was a job he could do if he remembered or felt like it.

So I learned several important lessons there. First: that he was a disrespectful peter pan and not leaving neverland anytime soon. Second: I require a dishwasher wherever I live from now on to keep the peace. And third: making deals and keeping score are not what a healthy relationship and love are about. Dr soc and I help each other out not because we struck a deal or because we feel obligated to do so, but because we love each other and appreciate what the other person does. He makes a living and supports us, and I take care of a fair chunk of the housework while he's at work. So while my current lack of a dishwasher is an inconvenience, it's not going to be a chink in the armor or the straw that breaks the camel's back.