Caught Red Handed

I snoop. Not very often, (because it's a dangerous dangerous rabbit hole to fall down) and not in a you shouldn't leave me alone in your house kind of way. But yeah, I'm at least scanning my surroundings. Trust me, I notice a lot. But when presented with a golden opportunity, well.... it's a golden opportunity.

For example, my ex had one of those fireproof lock box things and we had just moved into together. He told me he kept his finances in there and kept the key on his massive janitorial style key* ring. I really didn't think anything about it, but one day he left the key in the lock, and well, I was home alone. I knew he had my engagement ring by that point, but it wasn't in our apartment. He was smart enough to know I would have found it if he hid it there (if there are diamonds, I find them. It's like a 6th sense). But my birthday was coming up and he had hinted heavily I was getting a shiny present for that, so maybe that was in the box! And maybe, just maybe, there would be a picture or a description of my engagement ring in there too! Yes! Of course! This makes perfect sense! Golden opportunity!

Without a second thought, I pull the box down from his closet shelf and open it up. I swear to god, 60 seconds later, he walks through our front door. Knowing I have no time, I decide to distract him and greet him enthusiastically by literally jumping on him while trying to guide him to the living room. But he was not to be deterred, and headed strait to the bedroom to take his tie off, only to see the open box on the bed. (meanwhile, I've slunk off to the kitchen)

x: "Hey babe? Were you snooping?"
me: (knowing I have no way out of this) "Yup"
x: (laughing) "wow, you didn't even try to hide that."
me: (indigent)"well, you caught me red handed." I throw up my (caught and red) hands. "Besides, you left the key in there. And I didn't have enough time to see if there was anything good in there anyway."
x: "well, do you want to see what's in there?"
me: "Oh! Sure."
Old checkbooks and absolutely nothing of shiny sparkly interest.
me: "Hrmphf. Waste of a snoop."

*What he had so many keys for I don't know. He even had the our apartment complex's "fitness center" (snort- an elliptical, treadmill and busted weight machines hardly count as a fitness center. And there were always dirty little kids playing on the equipment or a puffy phlegmy man sitting on the bike watching tv) key on there. Which was pointless because he never went to the gym whereas and I did and needed that key. The one time he went to the center I had to go with him and then he spent the entire time staring at me and then kept trying to touch me while I stretched out. I'm trying to get my muscles to go a certain way and you're attempting to bend me the exact the opposite way. NO touchy when I'm working out!