Over share time:
As much as my friends and I talk about everything and anything, there's one area that we rarely, if ever talk about: the intimate part. As much as I love the rush of a new relationship, I'm always nervous about taking that step with someone new. I'm not blow your mind fantastic behind closed doors (I'm sorry if I just ruined your fantasy and/or scarred you for life). I don't think I'm horrible, but I'm better when confident, and that takes time for me, once I get a comfort level with the person. Because the one (practically only) thing my ex and I did have with each other was chemistry. But it's not that either of us were absolute rock stars in the bedroom, to quote Jennifer Weiner's Good In Bed, "It was that we'd loved each other, once. We'd been good in bed together."
I've had very little physical contact for a while (the ex and I started drifting apart in all areas of our lives almost a year ago), and it's frustrating. Not in that sense (well somewhat in that sense), but it's the feeling of not being loved and cared about. From someone you would have stopped the world for. And even though he claimed he still found me attractive, I couldn't believe him. When you go from getting dressed in a different room because you know that if you ask him to zip up your dress that the only place his hands will not go is the zipper, to walking right in front of of him in a notice-me-bikini while in the best shape of your life and he doesn't bat an eye, I don't think you would believe you were attractive either.
It took years and several boyfriends for me to believe I was even halfway pretty. And it only takes one person to shatter your self confidence. So how do I get it back for my own sake?
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