Maybe

Six months ago there was an ultimatum. I originally gave him 6 months to decide between me and (what I think is) a future in Lexington, or life as is in Cincinnati-without me. And that was just to decide, he wanted at least another 6 months after the choice to tie up loose ends (aka, get 300 "last shows" in) if he picked me. I honestly don't know who/what he would have chosen. And it makes me sad I don't know. Not the decision itself, but that I was unsure of what he would do. To save us both a lot of wish-washing, I took the ultimatum off the table and ended the relationship for good, just shy a month the start of the "break." He probably hadn't even thought about anything yet. And since I told him he didn't have to make a choice anymore, I know he never thought about it again.

And while I say I don't know what he would have picked, I think I do know, and it wouldn't have been me. I think he knows that too. Of course I could be over estimating him there. I think he wants to believe that he would have picked me and I didn't give him a chance to prove it. But even if he had moved here, as my friend point out, the relationship was going to be full of resentfulness from one side or the other. Mine if we were in Cincinnati, his if we were in Lexington.

Even though I know the end result, I wonder if I made that final call too quickly. Maybe we could have lived happily ever after together. I do know he's never going to leave Cincinnati. I know he's never going to be the rock star he thinks he'll be. And I hope he never gets someone as good as me ever again. I still love him, but not as much, and maybe a part of me always will. Maybe one day I'll truly wish him well (because I so don't right now). But I don't think I made the wrong call, even if it was a bit fast. There were just too many maybes for my comfort. Maybe, just maybe, he'll never get another girlfriend or marry and pine for me forever. It's petty, but that's a maybe I'm willing to hold on to.