Annoy Me

A few things that have annoyed me the past few weeks and the actions to fix these egregious offenses:

• The kid who sits directly behind me in math class is a mouth breather. And it's not like it's the only seat available. No he sits directly behind me. Mouth breathing. On my neck. Solution: punch him in the throat. (I'm not changing seats, I was there first (and getting better grades so there))
  
• The clumsy guy behind me in biology keeps shifting in his seat and kicking my chair. Solution: amputate his foot with my pen (I just moved down a couple chairs the next class)
  
• The kid who keeps getting 5 calls during a lecture and will not turn off the ringer despite getting 5 calls a class. Solution: shove phone up nose and then keep calling it (it's just funny to shove things up people's noses).
  
• Anyone who uses the word like more then 5 times in a sentence. Also uses text messaging lingo in real speaking. "OMG"- NO. Solution: DUCT TAPE (or throat punch)
  
• Tonya Harding's sausage-link she thinks are bangs. Solution: a flat iron and stylist who doesn't work out of a trailer.
• Kentucky weather. (14 degrees, 55 degrees, 20 degrees in 3 days. That ain't cool.) I know it's sporadic, that's just how it is. But it still annoys me. No solution really, just felt like bitching