My friend asked me what is my obsession with weight? Umm good question.
It's not so much my weight that I'm super obsessed with, more so my overall body image. Somewhere in that overall image, I made this connection: that if I weigh less, I'm a smaller, littler me. And little me equals pretty, right? Right?
Ok, I know how messed up that is. I'm blaming this severe lack of confidence completely on my ex, when he stopped looking at me. You may think I'm over exaggerating and I should be over it by now, but, it's a hard blow to recover from. There were other issues that lead to our demise and my confidence issues, but this where the bulk of my insecurities stem from. I won't bore you with the details, because well, they depress me. But yeah, he stopped looking, I got insecure and poof here we are.
I'm not doing all this fitness stuff with the goal to loose weight. Honestly. Scouts honor I'm not trying to loose weight. It's just, I know I can be a few (10) pounds lighter because I have been 10 lbs lighter and it was somewhat recently. So I'm not trying to get my 17 year-old self back (because that would be 15 lbs lighter w/no curves. I'll pass). But when I was 10 lbs lighter, well, there was at least some interest from the opposite sex.
I know how whiny this sounds and if I don't keep it myself in check I could very easily wind up down a scary path. So I'm really trying to not focus solely on the number on the scale. I'm focusing on cutting time off my halves, building my endurance, improving my flexibility, and toning up. Other overall health stuff, which will bolster some of my confidence issues as well. But even with all the fitness stuff, the weight is not coming off. I do think it's at least muscle that I'm building and well, that's ok weight. But I don't think I'm slimming down this training. And I need to be ok with that.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Nice Guys
Before the Bachelor became Soup fodder, there were high hopes (hell, hopes) for the final rose couple. Now, well, it's soup fodder and the new/next bachelor is introduced as his predecessor is breaking up with the person he picked in the most shocking rose ceremony ever.
But back in the day, there were hopes for happily ever after. By the 5th or 6th one though, the luster had worn of. But before them, there was a rumor floating around that there was an ongoing bet between the bachelors of who could sleep with the most contestants. Yeah, which I totally believe, and I bet someone will get to all 25 at one point. Oh come on, 25 hot (or not in some cases) women, who no matter how many times they look for answers for their daddy issues or why do I always date losers problem at the bottom of a champagne flute (that never seems to go empty), are throwing themselves at the one available guy in the hopes of a rose. And to that I say, it's stupid to put out for a flower. You put out for jewelry, not flowers.
Anyway, when this rumor was floating around, I actually met one of the former Bachelors at a club, Bob (I sh*t you not). He had just gotten married (of course not to the girl who got the final rose), but he was still a little bit of a reality star at that point. And the friend I was with had just gotten engaged herself. And this is a friend who if she's in a relationship, then she thinks everyone else should be in one too (she's also apparently an expert at all things relationship wise as well when she's in one too). Seeing as she was in a perma-relationship, she now felt it was her duty to get me a boyfriend, and one who would propose.
But anyway, we meet Bob the Bachelor and of course I ask him what's the whole thing like. I had looked at the application form for shits and giggles once, and ultimately decided school was a more viable option rather than being at ABC's beck and call for 2 months of filming plus the additional 6 months of promo shoots, photo ops and re-shoots of the totally candid moments. And of course, I tell this to him. Bob the Bachelor confirmed that whole thing is pretty much nuts and that it was the right choice. My friend, not wanting to be left out of the conversation, points out to Bob the Bachelor that I'm single hot and nice, and I need "a nice guy."
Without loosing a beat, Bob the Bachelor throws back his head and laughs: "you won't find one of those that on the bachelor!"
HA!
But back in the day, there were hopes for happily ever after. By the 5th or 6th one though, the luster had worn of. But before them, there was a rumor floating around that there was an ongoing bet between the bachelors of who could sleep with the most contestants. Yeah, which I totally believe, and I bet someone will get to all 25 at one point. Oh come on, 25 hot (or not in some cases) women, who no matter how many times they look for answers for their daddy issues or why do I always date losers problem at the bottom of a champagne flute (that never seems to go empty), are throwing themselves at the one available guy in the hopes of a rose. And to that I say, it's stupid to put out for a flower. You put out for jewelry, not flowers.
Anyway, when this rumor was floating around, I actually met one of the former Bachelors at a club, Bob (I sh*t you not). He had just gotten married (of course not to the girl who got the final rose), but he was still a little bit of a reality star at that point. And the friend I was with had just gotten engaged herself. And this is a friend who if she's in a relationship, then she thinks everyone else should be in one too (she's also apparently an expert at all things relationship wise as well when she's in one too). Seeing as she was in a perma-relationship, she now felt it was her duty to get me a boyfriend, and one who would propose.
But anyway, we meet Bob the Bachelor and of course I ask him what's the whole thing like. I had looked at the application form for shits and giggles once, and ultimately decided school was a more viable option rather than being at ABC's beck and call for 2 months of filming plus the additional 6 months of promo shoots, photo ops and re-shoots of the totally candid moments. And of course, I tell this to him. Bob the Bachelor confirmed that whole thing is pretty much nuts and that it was the right choice. My friend, not wanting to be left out of the conversation, points out to Bob the Bachelor that I'm single hot and nice, and I need "a nice guy."
Without loosing a beat, Bob the Bachelor throws back his head and laughs: "you won't find one of those that on the bachelor!"
HA!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Gel It
Have y'all ever heard of energy gels? Don't worry, most people have no idea what you're talking about unless you somewhat live in the world of endurance athleticism or know someone who does. I had never heard of them until my sister ran her first marathon and used them to train. She swears by the things.
They are literally a 1-oz pouch of gel full of carbohydrates and other stuff that keep you going. It's not like the Popeye/spinach effect and you don't take off like Speedy Gonzales either. But they give you a little oomph. If the thought of sucking down something that has the opacity of jelly and the constancy of something not quite like pudding skeeves you out, there are other options. They come in jelly bean form, gel blocks (more chewy than then pure gel), or powders to mix in your water.
You should take them about every hour of activity or every 6-7 miles, depending on your pace. And today was my first 6 mile long run, so I decided to gel it. I've only used them on race days and they are a god send during the race, but they absolutely tear my stomach up later in day. But maybe it's because my body isn't used to them so once a year is too much a shock to my intestinal system.
So, I'll train with the gels this time and see how it goes. Maybe my system will accept it and this won't be a problem post race. Because my 6 mile run today with gel blocks? Took me 61.5 minutes. It was boring until the eye candy got there, but I ran a 10 minute mile the entire time, and I felt GOOD the entire time. (the extra 1.5 is from the few moments I slowed down to walk in order to drink. I'm not coordinated enough to run and drink from my Nalgene bottle. Not to mention the puddles would be huge around me!) Yeah, the blocks are making me paying right now, but it's been months since my system had one. This probably just takes time.
So, let's gel it!
added 2/14/10: I stocked up on different gels and had one yesterday. Six miles in 61 minutes, no major tummy problems the rest of the day. I think I'm on the right path with these things. The texture though- still not pudding.
They are literally a 1-oz pouch of gel full of carbohydrates and other stuff that keep you going. It's not like the Popeye/spinach effect and you don't take off like Speedy Gonzales either. But they give you a little oomph. If the thought of sucking down something that has the opacity of jelly and the constancy of something not quite like pudding skeeves you out, there are other options. They come in jelly bean form, gel blocks (more chewy than then pure gel), or powders to mix in your water.
You should take them about every hour of activity or every 6-7 miles, depending on your pace. And today was my first 6 mile long run, so I decided to gel it. I've only used them on race days and they are a god send during the race, but they absolutely tear my stomach up later in day. But maybe it's because my body isn't used to them so once a year is too much a shock to my intestinal system.
So, I'll train with the gels this time and see how it goes. Maybe my system will accept it and this won't be a problem post race. Because my 6 mile run today with gel blocks? Took me 61.5 minutes. It was boring until the eye candy got there, but I ran a 10 minute mile the entire time, and I felt GOOD the entire time. (the extra 1.5 is from the few moments I slowed down to walk in order to drink. I'm not coordinated enough to run and drink from my Nalgene bottle. Not to mention the puddles would be huge around me!) Yeah, the blocks are making me paying right now, but it's been months since my system had one. This probably just takes time.
So, let's gel it!
added 2/14/10: I stocked up on different gels and had one yesterday. Six miles in 61 minutes, no major tummy problems the rest of the day. I think I'm on the right path with these things. The texture though- still not pudding.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Baby Names
Remember my plan of two kids who are Rhodes scholars and all that? Yeah, well it probably shouldn't surprise you, but they have names too. As I said to my hairdresser the other day: I am the creepy girl who has already named her babies. The names have changed over time, for different reasons. Some were just stupid (Cleopatra. Shut up, I was 12), others I dated someone by that name and that would be awkward, or I just lost interest.
Somehow, the whole notion of me pre-picking baby names did not scare my ex. We even agreed on them. Though my girl's name was Ella, but then his niece got herself named Bella and well, you know. In theory, I could still use this name seeing as we're no longer together, but now there's that stupid pathetic 17 year old girl from that insipid teen saga known as Twilight. People will automatically assume I named her after a character who's one and only reason to live is a spend eternity with a boy who glitters and drinks blood. (have I mentioned I think Twilight is bull shit?) And clearly, there can be no ties to this waste of 1000 pages and to my Rhodes scholar.
Ahem, sorry, tangent there. We really had no issue when it came to naming our kids. Then we started arguing about who was getting "fixed," (for goodness sake it's just a little snip and an out patient procedure for you. You get an ice pack and go home. It's actual surgery for me, I go to the operating room and get narcotics. Doesn't the thought of me that way scare you even a little bit? (I attempted to use the don't you love me enough to fear for my safety card in this argument)) then I snapped back to my senses and said how about we actually have the kids before we figure out how to not have any more.
With Ella out, we agreed on Madeline and Jacob. But I've fallen out of love with those names since everyone else seems to like them too. And they were also "our" names, and well, if I'm not going to name a son after an ex boyfriend, it doesn't feel right to still name him something I had planed on with someone else.
Not to be deterred though, I have several other names I like. That I will keep to myself for the time being because they may change once again by the time I have children. So now, I just need the kids to give them to.
Somehow, the whole notion of me pre-picking baby names did not scare my ex. We even agreed on them. Though my girl's name was Ella, but then his niece got herself named Bella and well, you know. In theory, I could still use this name seeing as we're no longer together, but now there's that stupid pathetic 17 year old girl from that insipid teen saga known as Twilight. People will automatically assume I named her after a character who's one and only reason to live is a spend eternity with a boy who glitters and drinks blood. (have I mentioned I think Twilight is bull shit?) And clearly, there can be no ties to this waste of 1000 pages and to my Rhodes scholar.
Ahem, sorry, tangent there. We really had no issue when it came to naming our kids. Then we started arguing about who was getting "fixed," (for goodness sake it's just a little snip and an out patient procedure for you. You get an ice pack and go home. It's actual surgery for me, I go to the operating room and get narcotics. Doesn't the thought of me that way scare you even a little bit? (I attempted to use the don't you love me enough to fear for my safety card in this argument)) then I snapped back to my senses and said how about we actually have the kids before we figure out how to not have any more.
With Ella out, we agreed on Madeline and Jacob. But I've fallen out of love with those names since everyone else seems to like them too. And they were also "our" names, and well, if I'm not going to name a son after an ex boyfriend, it doesn't feel right to still name him something I had planed on with someone else.
Not to be deterred though, I have several other names I like. That I will keep to myself for the time being because they may change once again by the time I have children. So now, I just need the kids to give them to.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Brown Bagging It
I bring my lunch to school because, well, that's what I do. But I also don't want to be at the mercy of what food places are open, what's available, who has the shortest line, or how much cash I have (I only have a few $ on my uk id for printing,). Most places (I think all actually) take credit cards, but that's a temptation I don't want to indulge, because I know how quick that stuff adds up.
My first co-op, I realized how much money I blew on just my lunch. So I started bringing it most days. It takes a little planning, but hey, I like to plan. When I worked at the hospital (in cinci), I always brought it. And while a lot of other people did too, it was surprising that someone as young as me did so (I was a little on the younger side of my coworkers, but not too much).
But yeah, those bought lunches really add up.
So I brown bag it. Well, my lunch bag is one of those reusable-soft-sided insulating ones, but you know what I mean. Brown bag lunches have come a long way from a sandwich, a piece of fruit and a cookie. Nope, not in my lunch box, it's a small matter of pride for me. Where can you get homemade shepherds pie on campus? Or pumpkin soup? Or peanut butter oreos? Yeah, that's right kids, us grown ups bring good stuff in their lunch bags.
But I admit, I'm not above not wanting what I brought that day. Sometimes as I'm studying/eating in the white noise of students' conversations, I look up at the Chic-fil-et or Sabaros, and think, I really, really want that right now.
added 2/4/10: less than 12 hours after this post, guess who bought her lunch and her morning coffee? Yeah, shame. And irony, apparently I'm your bitch
My first co-op, I realized how much money I blew on just my lunch. So I started bringing it most days. It takes a little planning, but hey, I like to plan. When I worked at the hospital (in cinci), I always brought it. And while a lot of other people did too, it was surprising that someone as young as me did so (I was a little on the younger side of my coworkers, but not too much).
But yeah, those bought lunches really add up.
So I brown bag it. Well, my lunch bag is one of those reusable-soft-sided insulating ones, but you know what I mean. Brown bag lunches have come a long way from a sandwich, a piece of fruit and a cookie. Nope, not in my lunch box, it's a small matter of pride for me. Where can you get homemade shepherds pie on campus? Or pumpkin soup? Or peanut butter oreos? Yeah, that's right kids, us grown ups bring good stuff in their lunch bags.
But I admit, I'm not above not wanting what I brought that day. Sometimes as I'm studying/eating in the white noise of students' conversations, I look up at the Chic-fil-et or Sabaros, and think, I really, really want that right now.
added 2/4/10: less than 12 hours after this post, guess who bought her lunch and her morning coffee? Yeah, shame. And irony, apparently I'm your bitch
Monday, February 1, 2010
Piggy Tails
Pigtails are my preferred workout hair style. For several reasons:
Now if only the guys would stop giving me skeevy looks at the gym...
I don't get checked out/noticed unless I wear pigtails. Despite what my hairstyle makes you think boy, s'aint happening. Move along and lets finish out work outs like adults (says the girl with the childish hairstyle).
- My hair is not quite long enough to fit into one ponytail.
- When I do put it in a ponytail, my hair doesn't stay in the band.
- So if I'm doing any sort of floor work, pilates, yoga, and always stretching, no matter where the ponytail that is not holding all of my hair is, gets in the way because it's awkward to lay on.
- My hair stays in the bands.
- They don't get in the way of floor work.
- And they're super cute.
Now if only the guys would stop giving me skeevy looks at the gym...
I don't get checked out/noticed unless I wear pigtails. Despite what my hairstyle makes you think boy, s'aint happening. Move along and lets finish out work outs like adults (says the girl with the childish hairstyle).
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